The 33 Most Ridiculous Toys Ever
The what-were-they-thinking hall of fame.
by Cole Gamble
December 16, 2008
10. Shrinky Dinks
A child meticulously colors a piece of art. Then said art gets incinerated, the result leaving their hard work "shrunk," diminished, less significant and worse for wear. A fitting metaphor for the art world?
9. Slinky Dog
The Slinky: it walks downstairs. Wow. You know what else walks down stairs? Me. You don't see Pennsylvania offering to make ME their official state toy. (By the way, I am still available for the position, Idaho.) Additional toys from the Slinky family just take pointlessness to new heights. For instance: the Slinky Dog. Slinky Dog takes away the Slinky's one selling point, the whole walking-downstairs thing. So tell me, Slinky Dog, why do you exist?
8. Jacks
Here's how you play Jacks. Go to the park. Set your jacks on the ground and make like you are having fun (you won't really be having fun, but play along). When another boy comes along with a much cooler toy, throw the little ninja-star jacks in his face and take his toy.
7. BB Gun
Let your little one learn about Second Amendment rights by killing all the neighborhood cats.
6. Beads, of any sort.
Toys makers certainly think kids like beads, and kids do too -- at first. However, after five minutes and nine or ten swallowed, the novelty of beads wears and off and your kids dump them out onto the carpet, where they cease to be beads and become vacuum shrapnel. Run the vacuum over just one of these embedded rogues and your vacuum cleaner bag explodes into a cloud of noxious dust. You don't remember the package saying "Contain 1,000,000 beads," when your child opened the present from a sinister aunt, but somehow the beads have multiplied infinitely. You never really get rid of all the beads unless you move.
©2008 Babble
About the Author
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Cole Gamble is a writer living in Portland, Oregon. He's working on an evil self-help guide titled Improve Your Life or Die.
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