Bad Parent: They’re on Their Own
Why I'm not paying for my kids' college.
by Meagan Francis
July 13, 2009
One of the questions I get asked a lot as a mother of five kids, is "But how do you plan to pay for their college?"
The answer: I don't.
In some circles, this admission is tantamount to saying you lock your children in the closet as a form of discipline or let them eat nothing but Doritos for breakfast most days: not technically abuse, but a sure sign that you aren't really capable of meeting
their needs. These days, any self-respecting middle-class mom knows that part of her job includes providing the means necessary for, at the very least, a four-year degree at the best institution to which her child is able to gain admission, plus the costs
of room, board and books (and let's face it, beer).
I've even heard parents argue passionately against requiring college-going kids to hold part-time jobs to help defray costs, because twenty hours a week spent slinging burgers or answering the phone might prevent said young scholars from being able to "fully
immerse" themselves in the college experience.
Cue the violins!
It's not that I'm anti-college. I think higher education is great, particularly when the student is motivated to succeed (which I personally was not until I was in my twenties — after I'd wasted plenty of money). I'd love it if each of my kids finishes school,
whether pursuing a specific career goal or simply for the love of learning.
I've sacrificed my body, free time, career advancement, and much of my cash for them. It's just that I've never considered getting them through to be in my job description.
I spend most of my time caring for or working to provide for my children (often, I'm doing both at the same time). I've sacrificed my body, free time, career advancement, and much of my cash for them. I rejoice over their successes. I grieve their struggles.
I want nothing more than for them to grow up into happy, successful people.
But I have my limits.
I'm not saying my husband and I will kick them out the door the day after they graduate high school, saying, "Well, good luck with all that!" Our plan is to assist each of our children with lots of support (including living at home if necessary), encouragement,
and information; and as much financial support as we are able to — and that it makes sense to — give. Taking out a loan for an ultra-motivated kid to pursue his dream of attending Harvard? Sure. Reaching into my pockets to allow an unmotivated child to finish
a marginally useful degree without debt and make a nearly effortless introduction to adulthood — while I'm left paying the bill in middle age? I don't think so.
Paying our kids' ways through school has become such an integral part of "good" parenting that we feel pressured to do it even if footing the bill means mortgaging our own futures. Yet even Suze Orman warns that it doesn't make sense to tap into our retirement
funds or put our own finances at risk in order to subsidize the education of young, able-bodied people with lots of time ahead of them. By doing so, couldn't we in effect punish those adult children when they have to, one day, support our broke and aging butts?
About the Author
|
|
Related Articles
|
|
Meagan Francis is a mom of five and author in Michigan. She blogs about being a happier mom while keeping it real at thehappiestmom.com and about writing, life and other pursuits at meaganfrancis.com. |
|
|
-
by Babble Editors
Expert advice for panic-free saving.
-
by Brett Berk
Three families, three classes, one financial crisis.
-
by Susan Gregory Thomas
Did Generation X’s nesting mania spark the economic meltdown?
|
