Making It Work: The Comic
Now I'm up all night without getting paid for it.
by Laurie Kilmartin
June 18, 2009
It was 8:45 PM on a Saturday night and the babysitter was not here. I had to be onstage, telling jokes at a New York City comedy club, at 9:15. I'd already left her a voicemail in my high school Spanish.
"Hola, uh, es la mama de William. Donde?"
I would be late for my spot if I didn't leave immediately. I wrapped my one-year-old son in a blanket and ran for the car. The babysitter and I communicated via Babelfish.com. I would write an email in English and convert it to Spanish. She would do the same, in reverse. I thought we were good for sabado. Damn. Merde?
I had four fifteen-minute sets that night, at three different comedy clubs. My final set ended at about one a.m. In theory, William and I could hang out in the car between spots, but while I was onstage, I'd have to hand him to somebody. I pulled up to the club at 9:12. Five or six comedians were standing out front. Some I knew, some I didn't.
My last show as a non-mom was the night before I delivered.
"Hey!" I shouted, flipping on the hazard lights. "Can anyone sit with the baby? I'll pay you twenty-five bucks and I'll be back in twenty minutes." A comic named Maggie slid into the back seat.
"Thanks," I said, handing her the diaper bag. "Now, try not to kidnap him."
"You're no fun," she said. Maggie rode with us for the rest of the night, pocketing about a hundred dollars, which was not much less than me.
This wasn't supposed to be my life. I wasn't going to have kids. When I got pregnant by accident, I was forty and single. But also bored. I took a "Hey, why not?" approach to motherhood. My belly became a prop that I took on the road. We had a good time, the fetus and me. Indiana, Texas, Montreal. We flew to Alaska in my fourth month and L.A. in my eighth. My last show as a non-mom was the night before I delivered. When the baby came, I lost fifteen minutes of material.
And my lifestyle.
©2009 Laurie Kilmartin and Babble Media
About the Author
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Laurie has been seen on Jimmy Kimmel, Comedy Central and Showtime. She's also made appearances on The Rachel Maddow Show, Countdown with Keith Olbermann, VH1's Best Week Ever and Oprah. She lives with her accidental son in New York City. Visit Kilmartin.com. |
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