Bad Parent: Guilt-Free Speed Cleaning
Why a messy house makes for a happy family.
by Tracy Hahn-Burkett
November 19, 2009
One afternoon back when now seven-year-old Jack was five, he walked past our downstairs bathroom and noticed that his father was cleaning the toilet. Jack came to a halt in front of the door.
"What are you doing?" Jack asked.
"I’m cleaning the bathroom," my husband replied.
Jack twisted his face into a look of concern, "What happened?"
Like any child confronted by an unusual event in a familiar environment, Jack didn’t know what to make of what he saw. The truth is that both of my kids witness housecleaning so infrequently that they consider the very activity evidence that some unfortunate event has occurred.
I rarely clean my house. Walk through my front door on any given day and you are almost certain to find dust collected on the coffee table and book shelves. You’ll spot books and magazines semi-stacked on floors and you might trip over those tiny, goody-bag toys kids gather like treasure. The windowsills between the inside glass panes and outer screens bear dirt deposited by seasonal storms and breezes, the wood floors do not gleam and there are blemishes pockmarking the bathroom mirrors — not to mention traces of toothpaste on the walls of the sink from kids who still haven’t learned to aim their spit in the center of the basin. In short, you will find dirt.
And I don’t care.
When I sat down to write this essay, the first thing I did was open my internet browser. It’s no secret to any parent that time is limited.I thought that I could perform a couple of Google searches, find a list — or several — of reasons why people thought it was so important to maintain a clean house when you have kids, and then refute those reasons one-by-one.
I was, however, surprised by the results of my searches. Site after site offered tips for how to keep a clean house when you have young children, how to get the kids to help you clean, even how to find cleaning inspiration when you have trouble mustering it on your own. But on no site — that I could find — did anyone bother to address the reasons why keeping my house clean should be one of my top maternal priorities in the first place. That’s probably because most people think the point is obvious. But it’s not at all obvious to me.
It’s no secret to any parent that time is limited. Once I’ve devoted six or seven hours of each day to sleeping, I’ve got about thirty hours of goals to squeeze into what’s left of any given day. I need to get the kids to school with all of their accoutrements, shepherd them to their activities, cook their meals, wash, dry, fold and redistribute their clothes, help with their homework, schedule doctors’ appointments and play dates, and so on. As soon as I get the kids out the door, I need to write and do all of the other things this business requires as well as fulfill my volunteer commitments at school, temple and around town. I need to shower and eat. I need to find the cat so I can take her to the vet. The last thing I want to do with any moments I have left over when all of these requirements are complete is clean.
©2009 Tracy Hahn-Burkett and Babble.com
About the Author
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Tracy Hahn-Burkett is a writer who often focuses on adoption and other topics inspired by her multicultural, interfaith family. She lives in New Hampshire with her husband and two children, and she blogs at www.UnchartedParent.com
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