My close friend and our road nanny, Suzi, took a couple days away to fly to Seattle and babysit Magnolia for the night. All of us went to sound check. Magnolia met all of the This American Life folks: Ira Glass, David Rakoff, Chris Wilcha and her favorite, Jane Feltes, who seems to be running the show around here. At one point, David invited Magnolia onto the stage, front and center, to sing and dance. She got a little shy, although she loved standing up there. She loves performing even more. When she makes up songs or dances, she doesn't just sing and dance. She makes this intense face with her eyebrows creased and she holds her arms out as wide as she can. She gets into singing so much that if you interrupt her enough times she says, "Just a minute! I'm busy singing." I hope she never stops feeling it like this. I think we all felt it like that at some point in our lives. It's that meditative place that making and playing music can take you. I still feel it, most of the time, but we have so many other things floating around in our adult minds, we can't escape that easily while we sing.
I woke up the morning of the show with a migraine headache. Then my mom called to tell me that my Gramma had just passed away. I didn't cry. Something is wrong with me, surely. I cry at the thought of losing people. I even make up horrific stories imagining how my perfectly healthy family will die, and I cry about it. But I spent all morning trying to make these real, grief tears come out and they wouldn't. I was close to my Gramma. I am a lot like her and my mother, but I'd save the crying for later, I guess. I did feel different playing the show that night. I never played better actually. I hit every note perfectly, I sang on tune (I think), I didn't get nervous, and I nailed all of Ira's cues for the first time. I think my Gramma was watching us play. In fact, I think her and my Grandpa were dancing on the stage, or maybe up in the rafters while we played. I do believe in that kind of thing happening.
We had to change our flight plans. We were going to stay and extra day in Seattle to record a song. But, the funeral... So, we paid our 2,000 bucks (yes, 2,000 dollars) to change our flights plans from Seattle to Dallas (stopover) to Kansas City (funeral) to Dallas (to play a show) to New York (mom's house). We got up early, drank two coffees each, Magnolia had an organic chocolate milk and we split a Starbucks muffin. We lugged all of our suitcases and equipment (minus the organ which will be shipped to Dallas), pleaded with the cab driver to take us to the airport five minutes away even though we didn't have a carseat, and we convinced Mags that another plane ride would be fun since she's sooo friendly now.
This plane ride, broken into two separate plane rides, was a little harder for her. At one point we put every barrette we could find in her very fine hair and took pictures. She loooves taking pictures and looking at them. Who knew the digital camera age would be so helpful for parents trying to buy time on airplanes with their young children? On a side note, Magnolia now has a mullet of the variety that is usually seen on young babies. She is quite aware of the fact that now she has hair. In fact, she was fully aware when she was bald that she did not have hair. Although we convinced then her that bald is beautiful, we're happy to report the hair on the back of her head is growing strong. The hair on top is of the slow-growing variety. Throughout the flight she did continue to tell people hello, and then shout, "See how friendly I am! I'm such a big girl, everyone!" while wearing lipstick and ten to twenty sparkly barrettes in her wispy head of hair.
For the funeral service, my two sisters and I decided to talk about our grandmother. We put together stories and poems and lists of things she loved that will always remind us of her. I was torn on what to do with Magnolia when we got to the church. An aunt of mine volunteered to babysit. But Jason decided that there was nothing wrong with bringing her into the service. I was just worried about a two-and-a-half-year-old seeing all of her favorite people blubbering and sobbing. But she was totally entertained throughout the funeral. She sat on Jason's lap and loved hearing Mommy, her aunts and her grandparents get up and "tell stories on the microphone." And when a soloist sang "How Great Thou Art," my Gramma's favorite song, Magnolia sang with her (with her own unintelligible words, of course).
An old, dear friend of mine came to the funeral and luncheon. We were in a band together ten years ago. She doesn't play much music anymore because she has three kids. But I still think of her as one of my musical soul mates. When she unexpectedly walked into the service, I cried hard. It's amazing what an old friend can bring out in you. Then I hugged my mom, although not long enough after all she's been through this week, and we were off again.
Next time: Our Dallas show unexpectedly becomes Mates of State: Unplugged!