Are We Really Such Monsters?
Everything today is "child abuse."
by Lakis Polycarpou
August 18, 2008
The idea of religion-as-child-abuse can be traced to evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins, who has argued in his most recent book, The God Delusion, that the teaching of religion to children is a form of mental abuse. But however traumatic some religious indoctrination may be, there are also any number of studies showing a greater degree of psychological wellbeing among religious or spiritually minded people. That doesn't make their beliefs necessarily true, nor does it validate any particular creed or theology. But maybe it should make us hesitate before labeling the teaching of religious belief systems "abusive."
In the end, my son finally did sleep. He's now a precocious six-year-old in a gifted and talented program. Our friend's sleep-trained boy is equally bright.
Two more children later, my wife still fervently considers herself to be an attachment parent, by which she means nursing on demand, holding the baby as much as possible and co-sleeping — until it's time to move on. Our youngest, now five months old, cries in his crib occasionally to fall sleep, but usually only when he's overtired; otherwise he falls asleep by himself quickly. (As my wife puts it, "With this many people in the family, someone's always crying; now it's his turn.")
The sheer number of choices we are confronted with could overwhelm anyone.One of the most frequent arguments attachment parents use to justify their philosophy is that the practice of making an infant go to sleep alone in his or her crib is a cultural and historical anomaly — something done only in the developed countries of the modern world. It seems to me, though, that there is also something uniquely modern about the anxiety, guilt and fear that goes along with child rearing by almost everyone in today's society.
Long-gone are the days when parents could confidently raise their children just as their own parents and their parents' parents had. Whether it's the question of breastfeeding, sleep-training, television-watching or education (public, private or home schooled? religious or secular? highly structured or totally open?), the sheer number of choices we are confronted with could overwhelm anyone. When these choices are coupled with a culture-wide, psychotherapeutic assumption that anything less than perfect parenting could damage a child for life, is it any wonder that parents are quick to take sides — and quick to vilify anyone who does things differently? Maybe the obsession with finding child abuse everywhere is less about protecting children and more about our own anxieties.
Article photo: C.Y. Lee
©2008 Lakis Polycarpou and Nerve Media
About the Author
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Lakis Polycarpou is a freelance writer, husband, and father of three. He has written for The Washington Post, The Believer and Next American City, among other publications. He also blogs regularly about energy and urban planning at City of the Future. Lakis lives in Washington Heights, New York City. |
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