The New Economics of Parenthood
We're saving less and spending more — much more.
by Melissa Rayworth
March 17, 2008
Maybe the hangover that people are beginning to speak about — the gnawing angst that can creep up on parents at night while the kids sleep in bedrooms brimming with toys — will be our saving grace. As discomfort over excess begins to outweigh minimal joy, maybe we'll get it together. Many of today's parents came to marriage later than our own parents did, and thus came to parenting later. Maybe we'll eventually come around to saving later, too.
For those seeking to reverse course, though, there's troubling news: Earning more may not be a remedy. The "Holy crap, I'm not saving any money" panic once associated with lower incomes is plaguing people earning serious cash. In two-income households, the costs of childcare and work-related expenses are constantly metastasizing. And more money begets larger levels of socially mandated spending. "My husband and I were just talking about this with friends. You can make $300,000 a year and you're just getting by. You're not saving anything," says Mazer, all traces of enthusiasm draining from her voice. "You're paying the bills, and it's not like you're living the highlife."
The bulk discount that once came with multiple kids doesn't help either. Tuition, childcare, sports, the birthday party circuit — you pay by the kid no matter how many you have. Even the sharing of hand-me-downs is impacted by the uneven and transitory quality of things some of us buy — bedroom furniture tied in with the latest animated movie and cheap plastic toys that won't survive one toddlerhood to be carried into the next. There are also fresh must-have "learning" gadgets every year.
Somehow, we've got to get smarter about our money.
What parents want to risk consigning their youngest to a minimum-wage job because he or she didn't learn to spell early enough?
The obvious answer is to stop spending. But that's something our culture, our economy — and, after 9/11, our president — literally beg us not to do. Widespread cutting of superfluous spending is the opposite of Bush's new stimulus package. And beyond economic and cultural pressure, it's awfully hard to lower the bar of kids' expectations once you've set it. "Every time someone comes over, you just get all this stuff," says Pascale. "This is what they're going to expect now."
Ideally, we'd collectively adjust what's deemed essential. But it's not likely that we'll all agree, as of April 15th, to keep our kid-related spending reasonable and restricted to special occasions, and to make sure our children's lives are filled with unstructured weekends spent daydreaming cost-free at home. If we couldn't pull off Hands Across America, there's no way we'd manage this.
Somehow, though, we've got to get smarter about our money. At this rate, some of us will literally arrive at retirement with no means of support. Kevin Brosious, president of a wealth management company in Pennsylvania, says, "I asked one client to have their children sign a contract acknowledging that their parents will not have enough money to retire and they [the kids] will provide support for them during their retirement years."
Maybe as our frustration with the current picture grows, more parents will decide to prioritize savings. The line between essentials and luxuries may once again get adjusted -- if not by choice, then by necessity.
Article photo: Alice Waudby
©2008 Melissa Rayworth and Nerve Media
About the Author
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Melissa Rayworth writes features stories each week for The Associated Press and other news outlets. Her work has appeared in magazines and newspapers across the globe, including The Washington Post and L.A. Times. She lives in Pittsburgh with her husband and two sons, but makes frequent trips to New York City for work and play. |
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