We got up at 7:30 with Mags, made her scrambled eggs and played hide-and-go-seek. Then she washed her hands for fifteen minutes while I took a shower. She said she'd like to go to the mall playground today (not many options aside from that when it's so damn cold out and we are staying at my parents' house); I guiltily informed her that Gramma will have to take her since we'll be in New York playing music. We really wanted to bring her to the show, but realized this was for a selfish reason: to show off that we have a child to these people who don't know us. This sounds weird, but for some reason, people are nicer to you when they know you are parents. Whether I'm trying to cross the street or eating at a restaurant, people are more frequently rude to me when I don't have Magnolia.
Speaking of rude, I just read this New York Times article that a certain judgmental, conservative guy wrote about "hipster parents." His argument is that these parents, like "the rock mom that writes blogs on Babble.com," are trying to make their kids just like themselves instead of letting them be normal. Here's what the rock mom has to say to him:
We are normal people. We happen to like music that you actually might have to go to record stores to find. Getting into music is a great hobby — it's more fulfilling for us than, say, getting into sports — but we also take Magnolia to museums and concerts, basketball games and parks. Our friends knit her things and give her designer clothing occasionally, but we also buy her Elmo toys and Old Navy T-shirts and let her watch the Wiggles daily. I don't think singing Bob Dylan's "Blowing in the Wind" with my two-year-old or buying her a great pair of headphones so she can see bands play should really bug anyone. And furthermore, I see my more mainstream parent friends dressing their kids just like they dress, in J. Crew sweaters and khakis. So if my kid wearing a Beatles T-shirt (that you can buy at Target, by the way) means that she is being forced into some horrible, hip lifestyle, then so be it. Actually, by choice, she wears a bathing suit over her clothes right now. And I know that she didn't get that idea from me; she's not a bathing-suit-over-clothes-wearing, mini-version of me. I let her have the freedom to choose how she looks and what she does with her free time, and it's not always what I like.
Reading the article and discussing it with friends led to an entirely different conversation about how no matter what subculture you identify with, there will be backlash. The Mates of State are considered among the rock community to be a sweet, wholesome family band, and many times people assume that we must be inexperienced, cheesy lovebirds: 
Mate-sters Jason and Magnolia build a snowman; above, rocking out at Lincoln Center with Ira Glass. un-opinionated, conservative and Christian. We can't seem to shake the "too normal for rock" image in our own "hipster" genre. And now, as you can see, in the other subculture we fit into, the one of parents, we bug people, like this man, because we actually like our jobs and we pursue our dreams and our kids think that's normal. It seems we can't make the rockers happy because we are happily married, and we can't make the normal family people happy because our kids might know what a soundcheck is.
We would officially like to invite others who don't fit into to either side of the pendulum into our new genre. The one called "Mate-sters." Yep, that's it. It's a horribly appropriate title for our kind of peeps. We've met them all over. In fact, on this tour, we've seen parents bringing their kids to shows, kids making T-shirts for bands, and next month we're going to see a couple family bands that play for other families. In this subculture, you are allowed to put your kids in Chuck-Ts, hand knit ear muffs and ironic skull T-shirts. You are also allowed to take your kids to McDonalds, even if it's just to go on the playground. We won't give up the rock, and we'll keep our kids safe and happy.
But tonight, Magnolia will be happier making snowmen with her favorite person, Gramma, instead of backstage (although the green room at Lincoln Center is nicer than our living room at home). And we'll be better off knowing she is tucked into bed while we walk onto one of the biggest stages we've ever played, nerves in full form.
Next time: Playing the famous Chicago Theater with our new friends from "This American Life"!
©2007 Mates of State and Nerve Media
About the Author
|
|
Related Articles
|
 |
Kori Gardner is the organ-playing half of the band Mates of State; her husband, Jason Hammel, plays drums. Known for their vocal harmonies and euphoric melodies, Mates of State has been described by critics as "unabashed joy", "honesty at its best", a "two piece with balls", and "a band that you must see live." Their daughter, Magnolia, was born in 2004 and started touring with the band at 10 weeks. Hear their latest album, Bring it Back, at www.matesofstate.com. |
|
|
-
by Mates of State
In Dallas, our two-year-old does her best Bob Dylan.
-
by Mates of State
From a packed concert hall to a sudden funeral, we keep singing.
-
by Mates of State
Magnolia magically transforms into "friendly airport kid."
-
by Mates of State
With our Seattle tour approaching, our daughter fights her binky addiction.
|
