Bad Parent: Let's Make a Deal
I bribe my kids to do everything.
by Keri Fisher
April 3, 2008
"Why shouldn't your child have a goal?" asks Rhea Lee, a Philadelphia mom to Jazzy, seven, and Sophia, four. "We work so we get paid. We work harder so we get a bonus. Those who say the accomplishment itself should be the reward are really full of themselves. Then why not work pro-bono all the time and feel great that you helped without any monetary or material rewards?"
"Incentives, for certain children, work wonders," Rhea argues. "Last spring, Sophia worked very hard to learn her ABCs so that she could get Licorice, the American Girl cat. I provide incentives until the goal is achieved. After all, Sophia no longer gets an M&M every time she goes potty and no longer expects it. But what she has learned is that for certain things, there are rewards to be had and she enjoys reaching her goal and the reward."
But many parents feel that providing a reward for doing something that a child is supposed to do is a slippery slope.
Many parents feel that providing a reward for doing something that a child is supposed to do is a slippery slope.
"I am no fan of bribing," says Bostonian Kathy Waugh, mom to seven-year-old Anya. "I expect her to be good, and mostly she is."
"I see kids all around me who get bribed a lot and it's kinda disgusting," Kathy continues. "This is already such a freaking mercenary, gimme-gimme-gimme culture and I hate seeing kids sucked into it."
And that's the greatest fear, isn't it? By bribing our kids now for short-term gains, are we teaching them in the long term that the only things worth doing are those with tangible rewards?
Jeremy Sauer, of Northborough, Mass., and father to Jack, two, and Martha, ten months, certainly thinks so. "Good behavior and manners, eating the food in front of you, giving one's best effort in school/sports/friendships/church/life, et cetera, aren't acts that necessitate compensation. They're inherent responsibilities of every child/kid/young adult on the planet. To bribe someone to perform their natural duty of contributing to a better life for themselves and everyone around them seems wrong."
©2008 Keri Fisher and Nerve Media
About the Author
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Keri Fisher has written for Saveur, Gastronomica, Cook's
Illustrated, and Boston Magazine, and is the author of One Cake, One
Hundred Desserts (William Morrow 2006). She and her sister blog about their communal household at whoelsewantstoliveinmyhouse.com. |
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