10 Pieces of Parenting Advice That No One Wants to Hear
Katie
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Last week I wrote about the 10 pieces of parenting advice I’m tired of hearing, and it turns out, I am not alone. Based on the comments and emails I’ve gotten since then, it seems that the unsolicited, even rude, parenting advice isn’t just coming my way, but that it might be a bit of an epidemic. So I decided that since I’m not alone in this misery that it might be interesting to see what advice other parents were tired of hearing. I know that since my child is only 8 months old, I’ve only just begun experiencing this delightful phenomenon, and well, now I know what to expect.
I asked other Babble writers what their least favorite piece of parenting advice was, and what follows is a harrowing look into my future, and perhaps a cautionary tale for those of you who like to dish out the unsolicited advice…
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"Nap when they nap."
"Hel-lo, reality! There was no laundry fairy to clean all the onesies or a cooking genie to get dinner on the table! That said, I was all for otherwise making life easier. I gladly accepted help from relatives, split night-time shifts with my husband and either delayed or ditched niceties like thank-you cards for gifts."
— Ellen Seidman, Babble Blogger, Love That Max -
"Let them cry it out."
"While this strategy works for many babies, individual temperament matters. I tried everything to soothe my colicky baby, and hearing the advice to just let my son cry himself to sleep smacked of mommy guilt. It took me a long time to realize that I needed to listen to my own instincts."
— Mary Lauren Weimer, Babble Blogger, Sweet Bitter -
"Use cloth diapers."
"The 'advisor' was a raving lunatic, who preached about how kids potty trained earlier because they could feel their pee, which is absorbed by a normal diaper. Flash forward 5 years and her son, immediately upon sliding down the playground slide, announces he has to pee, whips it out and GOES RIGHT THERE. Slide abandoned for the day..."
— Elizabeth Beller, Babble Blogger, Mr. Beller's Neighborhood -
"Quit your job."
"When my son was 11 months old, he was sleeping like crap, which meant my husband and I were also sleeping like crap. I went on a parenting message board for advice on sleep training. Some serious attachment parents with bullying tendencies tried to talk me out of sleep training and suggested other options to deal with my fatigue such as quitting my job. Yeah. Because being up all night with a baby is better when you're living in a cardboard box after losing 50% of your household income and being unable to pay for housing."
— Rebekah Kuschmider, Babble Blogger, Mom-in-a-Million -
"Your baby needs a haircut."
"I hate when people try to dictate what my son's appearance should be."
— Nicole Presley, Babble Blogger, Presley's Pantry -
"Rub some whiskey on the baby's gums."
"My mother-in-law told me to rub some whiskey on my infant son's gums when he was teething. I responded, 'Are you kidding? I'm saving the whiskey for myself so I can deal with the crying!' Then I made a mental note to never, ever let my mother-in-law babysit."
— Dawn Meehan, Babble Blogger, Because I Said So -
"Sleep while you can."
"Before I had my first baby every parent smugly told me to 'sleep while you can.' As if. Did they expect me to store up on sleep or something? Collect it in a box in my closet so I could break it out after the kid was born? Shut up already with the sleep while you can business. Everyone who is about to have a baby knows by now that babies are up a lot at night. Yeah, they may not grasp just how horrifying the lack of sleep is but they'll find out soon enough, just like you did, so your little warning is for naught."
— Monica Bielanko, Babble Blogger, The Girl Who -
"Lock your child up until they can behave."
"Someone actually told me punish my 17-month-old son for throwing a plush toy by locking him in his room until he decided to stop misbehaving and 'act like a member of the family.'"
— Charlie Capen, Babble Blogger, How To Be A Dad -
"Use onions to break a fever."
"When my son Jax was two years old, he had a very high fever. I was told to put onions in his socks to get it to break. To this day he refuses to eat onions and it reminds me that I put onions in his socks. Plus it didn't work!"
— Natalie Klein, Babble Blogger, Hot Mom's Club/Hollywood Hot Moms -
"It's freezing; why isn't Mazzy wearing any mittens?'"
"Because I don't care about her. No, because I put them on twenty times and Mazzy pulls them right off."
— Ilana Wiles, Babble Blogger, Mommy Shorts
What are YOUR least favorite pieces of parenting advice?
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More from Katie:
10 Pieces of Parenting Advice I’m Tired of Hearing
8 (Tear-Free) Ways We Improved Elijah’s Nighttime Sleep
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What’s wrong with saying to sleep when the baby sleeps?
When you have a newborn, you NEED to sleep when the baby sleeps. If you don’t then when will you sleep? What else is SO important that it can’t wait? You’re sanity is worth having dirty dishes.
Also, there’s nothing wrong with cloth diapers. I know some people are overly crazy about them, but that doesn’t mean you should be turned off from them. I thought it was weird and gross until I spent my entire pregnancy researching it. We love it and think it’s SO much better/easier than using disposables. Plus it’s a TON cheaper.
Ashley, I think you missed the point. It’s not that (some of) these aren’t actually good advice, it’s that they’re not things that we want to hear. When you have a newborn and also need to eat and do laundry so that you have a clean shirt (especially immediately post baby when about 4 articles of clothing fit), hearing that you should sleep when the baby sleeps is frustrating. If you sleep whenever the baby sleeps, you won’t be able to do anything but spend every waking moment with a baby. When I tried the sleep when the baby sleeps, it meant losing all of my alone time, and I think that for some people, that too, is important.
And nooooo one said that there was anything wrong with cloth diapers, it’s telling someone else to use them that’s the problem.
I know women who could nap when their baby napped. I was not one of them. By the time I finished changing her, nursing her, changing her again, and pumping, I had maybe 15 minutes before the cycle would start again.
It’s not annoying advice because it’s bad advice, it’s annoying because for a lot of us it just isn’t possible, and the person saying it doesn’t seem to be considering that maybe their circumstances and ours are different.
I think every parent clearly has his / her own preferences, and that’s why I say parenting methodologies is not one size fits all… so what one person says may not work for another. You as a parent needs to decide what works for you because you parent with your heart and that’s all that matters. There’s no right or wrong, so sometimes even blanket statements like “what no parent wants to hear” can cause some strong reactions. I say let’s empower one another to find what’s best for each parent, and for parents on the receiving end, to try and remember that outsiders may say things that you may not agree with but they have good intentions… just trying to help – though sometimes their delivery methods is like them putting a foot in their mouths
P.S. Wanted to clarify that I didn’t mean anyone here is putting their foot in their mouths! Interesting post and comment thread for sure. Thanks for sharing everyone.
I can’t believe someone told you to lock up a not even 2 year old child thats nuts!
I can relate to every single one of these. Love it. Thank You for sharing this. It made me laugh. Especially the one about the haircut. My son is a little over 2 and he FINALLY got some hair after he turned 1 and now everyone says he needs a haircut. WHATEVER. I love his curls and I will cut his hair when I am ready. Its not like it is obstructing his vision.