Notes From A Non-Breeder: The Climb
How a friendly hike with my friend and her baby sent me over the edge.
by Rachel Odell Walker
May 26, 2009
In retrospect, I was right, but her assertiveness should have been focused on me, not on Hannah. I knew the baby wanted to stop. Amanda wanted to stop. This had been their routine since Hannah's birth. Life was good; then it wasn't. Then Amanda made it better.
But this unwelcome delay would ruin my day, I thought. And with the cars so close . . . well, don't some parents even let their kids just cry themselves to sleep for hours? The car was three minutes away.
I barely remember the final stretch. We made it to the parking lot as the clock struck, and I helped Amanda load up her dogs before handing her the backpack with her tear-stained baby. I kissed them both on the cheeks and jetted, wondering if I had done
more damage or benefit to my initial cause. As I rolled into the coffee shop fifteen minutes late, I knew the answer. I had violated some of my own mother's best advice: Don't be a jerk. I'd let the blinders of my enthusiasm and my unspoken judgment turn
what could have been a fun day spent outside with Amanda and Hannah into a mini ordeal. A park would have been a lovely place to pass a few hours outside, endorphins be damned.
Amanda answered my call in a hushed voice.
I wondered if I had done
more damage or benefit to my initial cause."How did it go?" I asked.
"Well," she whispered, "I tried to nurse her, but she was too upset, and she wouldn't eat anything. So I finally calmed her down, gave her a bottle, and now she's sleeping in the backseat." Ever the optimist, I enthused, "That's
great! A hike and a nap. What a fun afternoon."
"Kind of," said Amanda.
I caved.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I misjudged that."
"Yep, it was too much."
"Babies are hard," I offered.
She agreed.
It might have been the only right thing I'd said all day. We made a date to see one another again in a few days. In a coffee shop. I planned to work there all afternoon, so Amanda wouldn't feel rushed by my schedule. Before hanging up, I almost offered to
babysit while she went on so she could go on a run. Then I decided against it. After all, I concluded, I was the one with the compulsive need to just do it. She's just getting it done.
About the Author
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Rachel Walker is a freelance writer based in Boulder, CO., where she covers adventure sports, environmental issues, and more for a variety of publications. She and Mandy remain good friends.
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