Bad Parent: Use Your Words — Please!
I regret teaching my child sign language.
by Elizabeth Heiselt
October 16, 2008
We "good sign"-ed until we didn't mean it any more, until what I really wanted to say was, "More? More what? More diaper changes? More naps? You don't even know what that word means!" Instead, I'd hand him a stray object. "You want more? Here's more. More socks. Good sign. Good sign for more." Fear of planting seeds of distrust in our relationship made us loose with praise.
And so, after the initial elation of success wore off, buyer's remorse settled in. I doubted his sincerity with every gesture. I wondered if I had been starving him, so frequent were his requests for food and more of it. I thought back on the good old days before he realized I took orders, back when he was grateful that I remembered to feed him at all.
But I had not forgotten the groaning, grunting, reaching machine that had so recently been replaced by this quieter, if more demanding model. I continued to compliment his every sign with the hope that the added confidence would keep communication strong.
Slowly, gradually, the confidence came. The boy can now reliably produce appropriate signs without prompting and he continues to use them even after requests are denied. Yes, we are subject to a round of "dog" signing each time our neighbor's dog barks, but instead of being scared into showering him with praise at a well-executed sign, we acknowledge that, yes, we heard the dog too. Good listening.
Wasn't signing a way of intervening early so he could communicate?
However, my son is now seventeen months old. He doesn't speak at all. No "Mama." No "Dada." Not even "No." It didn't occur to me to that he should be speaking until his pediatrician mentioned the words "early intervention" and "speech therapy" at his well-baby checkup. Funny. I thought I'd already done that. Wasn't signing a way of intervening early so he could communicate?
The doctor wasn't convinced that my son's signs constituted meaningful communication. "If he doesn't start speaking soon," the doctor said, "he'll get frustrated. That's when the terrible twos kick in. Best to get a speech therapist to help him out before the tantrums start."
Part of me wonders, did I do this to my son? Did my encouragement and enthusiasm for signing keep him from learning to talk? And although signing has defused many tantrums already, I'd love to hear him say "Mama" and mean it. So I've taken on the responsibility of reversing the damage myself.
"Can you make the 'Mmm' sound? Like Ma-ma-ma-ma-mama."
Dutifully, he'll point to his forehead — his interpretation of the sign for "Mom."
Sigh. Good sign, Son, good sign.
©2008 Elizabeth Heiselt and Nerve Media
About the Author
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Elizabeth Heiselt is a full-time mom, sometime-writer with an MA in Journalism from New York University. She and her husband live, work, play, and run with their two-year-old son in Brooklyn. |
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