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I think it is very cool that you are able to discuss this so openly. My sister and I had babies within 3 month of each other last year. She had a very difficult time breastfeeding and was not able to make enough milk to satisfy her daughter…I on the other hand have WAY more milk than one baby could ever need. She struggled for three months and finally called my to ask for help. I gladly supplied her with frozen milk for 3 months until she was able to get her baby to start eating enough solids to make up the difference.
posted by : JanesMom on 1/25/2007 at 6:26 PM Flag For Abuse
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it's the way its been done for thousands of years, so awesome in my opinion...i have a two month old, and ive often thought "if only my boyfriend had lactating tits".... lol
posted by : Barbara on 1/26/2007 at 7:57 PM Flag For Abuse
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What a very sweet article, and probably a truly new intimate journey into your friendship. I'm so happy that it worked out in a normal way for you!
posted by : seasusanne on 1/27/2007 at 11:49 PM Flag For Abuse
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This may sound strange, but I would feel as if I were cheating on my baby. Not because I saw my breasts as sexual objects while I was nursing, but because they - and their contents - were intended for my child alone.
That said, my daughter's name is Anastasia, so I can't help but like your friend!
posted by : mothergoosemouse on 2/2/2007 at 9:39 PM Flag For Abuse
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In a sea of support, will I be the lone voice to say that I don't think this is "sweet," "awesome" or otherwise innocent? I don't dig this concept at all. And i think it's manipulative to suggest that cross-feeding each other's babies is simply a matter of female bonding, much less something connected to a long tradition established -- as one commenter put it -- "for thousands of years." Wet nurses have nothing to do with female bonding. If I am wrong I'd love to hear of any ancient culture where moms boob-swing purely for reasons of sisterly intimacy. As for the first commenter who mentioned her sister who didnt have a good milk supply: helping out with that is an entirely different matter in my opinion, with entirely different motivations...This piece is a risk, and that makes the writer bold. But it invites judgment which i dish in spades at
posted by : crabmommy on 2/16/2007 at 12:43 PM Flag For Abuse
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Yuck. You hang out with some hungry freaks.
posted by : GetOffMyLawn on 2/17/2007 at 1:13 PM Flag For Abuse
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Three cheers for being open and discussing it when you are certain to be flamed. By people like me.
I don't know if you people in the states use the word pash , but it would be like pashing your best friend's partner. In my humble opinion its something you do with your child as 1) provision of nutrition and 2) to bond with her/him. Someone bonding with my child in that way would feel wrong and I wouldn't allow it, its a special relationship that I have with (insert name of child I am breastfeeding at the time) and its an exclusive relationship. I had a friend suggest it once and then we sort of looked at each other and said "ewwww thats just off"
So good on you for talking about it, I can't imagine you would find a lot of people agreeing with it primarily because its a Mummy only role but I salute your bravery (you weirdo)
posted by : Chickibicki on 2/27/2007 at 11:24 PM Flag For Abuse
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Crabby- in Africa and other close knit communities whoever's closest to the baby that cries picks it up and nurses it. *shrug*
Cross-nursing actually gives the baby more access to antibodies.
I'm not close enough to anyone to allow them to nurse my baby, but I'd nurse another baby in a heartbeat if s/he needed it.
posted by : lilliberal on 3/2/2007 at 4:07 PM Flag For Abuse
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I totally love love love this article. Jennifer, you caught my eye with Manifesta and now you've sealed it with this one. I want to read all your stuff!
posted by : Loocy on 4/18/2007 at 5:38 PM Flag For Abuse
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My first reaction was also "eeww, that's just weird", but really I can also see that this would be a cool experience, and could be great for everyone involved - more antibodies for the babies, maybe even time off for the mommies, closeness for everyone. I'm going back and forth from "ew" to jealous of that sort of friendship even as I type. Either way, though, it's wonderful that you're confident enough to put this up here for anyone to read - it sets forth a viewpoint and an experience that not a lot of people have or are comfortable with and really makes the reader stop and think for a minute instead of rushing off to the next article or website.
posted by : superblondgirl on 7/25/2007 at 7:55 PM Flag For Abuse
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I hope Anastasia didn't have any diseases that could be passed through her milk. I'm sorry, I'm not at all down with this.
posted by : bboston88 on 8/1/2007 at 1:58 PM Flag For Abuse
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It's kind of late to respond to this..... and I guess I'm a hippie or something, but it wasn't that big of a deal when I was nursing my daughter. My two good friends and I nursed each others babies now and then; not all the time but it was nice getting to leave the baby (a few months old) and know she had breastmilk available to her. A few years later my sister and I had babies about a year apart. Her baby happily nursed with me; and my sister who definitely parented better with big breaks got to have them with a little less guilt than she would have had. I guess we were into the "takes a village" mentality. Anyway, it was pretty funny when at seven months or so a little guy who didn't belong to me latched on, started to nurse, then did a kind of double take and decided for himself that he'd rather have food. He still was very happy staying with me,etc. I think if it feels ok and you trust your friend, it's ok. And if it doesn't feel ok, it's not.
posted by : walksmom on 9/28/2007 at 1:11 AM Flag For Abuse
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Uhh, ever hear of boundaries? It strikes me as very odd. So odd in fact, that it took me so long to even read the article!
While it may be done in other communities in places like Africa (per a previous poster), other things are done in those communities that we wouldn't even dream of doing.
Eesh.
posted by : mommified on 12/5/2007 at 11:35 AM Flag For Abuse
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It won't hurt the kids until they google themselves later in life. For now *shrug* my grandmother and her sister had 4 nursing babies at once and my grandmother would pick up the first thing crying. Only one baby freaked out, though. Thanks for an interesting story.
posted by : youngshay112 on 12/8/2007 at 5:49 PM Flag For Abuse
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Part of me thought this was a little weird, part of me wished I had a friend or sister close enough to want to make their kid a milk-sibling to my daughter, and part of me is laughing over the zealotry expressed in the comments of those opposed to this. I guess that all adds up to this: well done!
posted by : bookmama on 1/8/2008 at 10:26 PM Flag For Abuse
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The whole "Breast Friends" subject aside - I found other things strange: The references you made to you and your friend as celebrities (She's the Angelina to your Gwyneth?). And the fact that you had to get other people's opinions -
"I worried about the milk-siblings offer for a few days, and then called a mutual friend, also a parent, named Amy. Amy is very logical. She'd know what to do in this situation."
Who care's what Amy would do? It's your body, your child and your life.
Man, don't you have your own principles, other than it (breast sharing) seems cool, non-normal and hip? This isn't grade school, it's parenting.
Is that how you want your kid to run her life, too, without any compass - unable to know what is good for herself? Do you want her unable to make decisions without a consensus?
posted by : MMG on 4/16/2008 at 2:26 AM Flag For Abuse
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My sister gave birth while I was nursing a 19-month-old, and her baby was a little jaundiced and also having trouble latching on to her engorged breast. She asked me to nurse him, hoping to alleviate the jaundice and to avoid having to give him formula. I did, just once, and it worked! It felt great to help her out, and I still feel especially close to my nephew, now 6.
posted by : auntie L on 5/12/2008 at 9:06 AM Flag For Abuse
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Deeeeeeeesgusting
posted by : armcp on 5/29/2008 at 2:28 PM Flag For Abuse
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This is a fantastic article. I also wish I had a friend who could nurse my baby on occasion to give me a break and vice versa. I wonder if the people who say nursing is bonding that should only happen between mom and baby would ever let someone else give their baby a bottle if they were formula feeding. Or do formula feeders not bond? To me nursing is just feeding the baby the most convenient and natural way. I wouldn't necessarily do it just for the sake of doing it like in the article, but I sure wish I could pop my friend's baby on my breast when she is fussy and I'm babysitting. It always seems so bizarre to have to give her a bottle of expressed milk when my breasts are right there, but I wouldn't have the courage to suggest it to her. Anyone who thinks it is gross must also think breastfeeding itself is kind of gross, even if they don't want to admit it.
posted by : allabouteve on 6/9/2008 at 9:20 PM Flag For Abuse
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Ew...I don't want other people's fluids touching me or my child. Communicable diseases aside, I think it's inappropriate to share such intimacy with someone else's child, unless of course it's necessary. I think the sister who helped out with frozen breast milk is a good example--give baby what she needs but leave the bonding to mom. I personally would choose formula over another womans milk--the latter would never be a consideration for me. How do you know what's going on in their body? Anyway, if any of my friends are reading this...don't even go there if you are pondering this with me!
posted by : grossed out on 6/22/2008 at 1:56 PM Flag For Abuse
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As another commenter said, this is common practice in some cultures of the world. I offered to pump breastmilk for a friend who adopted his grandson as a baby (obviously grandpa couldn't breastfeed), but his pediatrician was stodgy and got creeped out by the idea.
But when I offered, I also offered to get an HIV test. That's the only reason I would be reluctant to let someone else breastfeed my baby: I know my sexual behavior, and I might even be confident of my friend's sexual behavior, but I don't want to find out her husband is a skank with a secret life by my baby getting a horrible disease.
posted by : HIV test first on 7/5/2008 at 10:02 AM Flag For Abuse
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Okay, I'm not that close to anyone and I'm okay with that. I mean I love my mom to pieces but I would have a problem if she popped her breast into my baby's mouth. But then again I am openly territorial when it comes to by baby-no explanation needed.
Secondly, I'm paranoid about disease. Did you see her blood test results before getting in so deep or did you just take each other's word that you were disease-free? Sometimes people carry sicknesses they aren't aware of.
Now I did see an article about a woman in maybe China were there was a big storm or terrorist attack and a police woman breastfed all of the babies who's moms died or were injured. I thought that was cool and heroic. But it was life or death for those babies. My husband asked me if I would have done the same in that situation and all I could say was "I don't know." "Some serious adrenaline would have to kick in to go there." That's just one of those situations my instincts and God would have to lead me to. Nothing I'd plan as a girlfriend bonding activity.
I don't want to be judgmental- this is just where I stand.
posted by : erika on 7/21/2008 at 6:25 PM Flag For Abuse
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Jennifer,
You are so great. I love how you've sparked this discussion for over a year.
My girlfriend is 15 weeks pregnant. At her first ultrasound, we found out she was having twins. Since then, one of the twins didn't make it and that was a hard adjustment. But when we thought she was having twins, she said she wanted me to breast feed too. What a unique experience, right? A dad with mammaries.
I was talking to my friend Janet, who I love to talk to about parenting, and I said I was going to breast feed too. She said, "That's weird." I said, "There are two." And she said, "Two, yeah, you better get in the game."
I think I might try to get in the game even with one.
www.andreaaskowitz.com
posted by : andreaandrea on 7/22/2008 at 10:45 AM Flag For Abuse
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You cannot be serious. This story does not need to be told if the point is, "intimate friendship". You and your friend did not invent the idea of nursing another child. Find another topic.
posted by : boredboredbored on 8/14/2008 at 6:39 PM Flag For Abuse
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The author obviously has a pattern of bad decision making skills: she named her kid Skuli. Skuli!? HA! Will the next one be called Mulder?
posted by : Joy Filled Girl on 10/7/2008 at 1:20 AM Flag For Abuse
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love the name skuli - and i've nursed my nephew - my sister was having trouble nursing and wanted to see if it was *him* or *her milk* that was the trouble - she nursed my little one and i nursed hers - answered a question for her - then again, they are already *cousins* so we didn't even think about the milk sibling thing, but i think in an emergency, i would def. nurse someone else's baby if needed. and i'd be glad if someone else could nourish my little one in an emergency and i couldn't get there...
posted by : milkymama on 10/22/2008 at 2:20 PM Flag For Abuse
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Thanks so much for this article. Posters seem to have a wide range of opinions on the subject, so I wanted to add mine.
My best friend and I had babies 4 weeks apart. She left her baby with me to run an errand once, and simply said "He's not too used to the bottle yet, so just nurse him if he screams..." and I remember thinking, "Oh...WOW. Sure. Ok..." The immediate thought took me aback a tiny bit, but then I thought, of course I will! I did, and it was an nice, sweet, comfortable experience. It was interesting seeing how different his nursing was from my own baby's, and it felt very natural. We are not a bunch of hippies (Not that anything is wrong with hippies!! :) We are just two 20-something, normal mommies.
You put this experience into words so well! Thanks again for showing another side of this.
P.S... people who have "oh yuck breastmilk" comments CRACK me UP!! What do you think cows milk is? It's COWS BREASTMILK!!! Jeeez...
posted by : LovinBabble on 1/26/2009 at 2:16 AM Flag For Abuse
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I nursed my neighbour's baby yesterday, but not because I thought it was cool or because I wanted the kids to be "milk siblings" but out of necessity. My neighbour was rushed back to the hospital by ambulance with serious complications after being home with her 2-day-old son just one hour. The baby stayed behind with his grandmother because his mother (my neighbour) was too weak and sick to nurse or even have the baby with her. So with a less than 6-lb baby (born three weeks early and with jaundice) crying and no formula or expressed milk in sight, we decided that I would nurse the baby. I'm healthy and am exclusively nursing my 7-week-old daughter. I have lots of milk. I nursed the baby twice until I could arrange some care for my own three kids to go to the store and get some formula. The grandmother gave the baby formula during the night and I expressed milk with a pump to give him this morning. His mother now has the baby at her side, although I'm not sure if she's well enough to nurse (they are at the hospital). I don't know if I did the right thing or not but it seemed like a logical solution to an urgent problem at the time, especially for such a tiny, slightly pre-term baby with jaundice. I have told the family that I will continue to express milk every morning if they need me to and I will nurse the baby if necessary.
posted by : Mama C on 9/18/2009 at 12:54 PM Flag For Abuse
