feedback for "Jabberwocky: Anarchy in the Pre-K"

1. I read Epstein's entire article a while back and I have to say I'm on the fence with this one. I agree that I'm sick of parents taking their children's developement too seriously - and moms losing themselves in parenting to the point they feel guilty taking a long bath or putting the kids to sleep in their own bed. But, I wouldn't say Epstein's parents were models either - it's the other extreme..and I don't know if we can expect parents (moms in particular) to be as laid back as generations past given the plethora of information we're bombarded with daily on the subject of child safety. There's different issues here: the safety issue, the materialistic issue, and the emotional issue. I guess what I'm most fed up with is the materialistic issue. When my first son was born, his grandfather joked that all babies really NEED is hugs and milk. I thought about that for a long time. Now, of course I provided much more than that - but aren't we sending the wrong message to new mothers when we push all these products on her? And label them as 'must haves' so that she feels guilty for not getting that wipe-warmer or suped-up stroller? I also get what he's saying about the emotional issue - when we become obsessed with the emotional backlash of miniscule actions like wiping their nose - are we not setting them up to be disappointed in others as they grow?
   
   http://heyyourememberme.blogspot.com

   posted by : that girl on 10/22/2008 at 1:31 PM Flag For Abuse

2. Terrific article. I'm discussing the piece with my readers over on Parent Talk Today: http://tinyurl.com/5pu836
   
   Thanks for the good food for thought.

   posted by : Kathy Sena on 10/22/2008 at 1:36 PM Flag For Abuse

3. Why is it always one way or another in parenting? Why is it Supermoms vs. Slacker Moms?
   
   Epstein is right that 21st century parenting has created a kindergarchy. Too many parents dote and overschedule and plan "teachable moments" when maybe it would be okay just to let the kiddies play with rocks in the backyard. (See "Do We Really Need to Teach Kids to Play? http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/mom-of-tweens-do-we-really-need-to-teach-kids-how-to-play-271195/)
   
   But not attending our kids' soccer games and effectively living with them like they're roommates and not family isn't the way to go, either. There's a sweet spot in between, where you can be happy and raise perfectly good kids. I've written about it in "You're a Good Mom (and Your Kids Aren't So Bad Either)."
   
   We don't have to swing the pendulum so far from the kindergarchy that we turn our kids into the Little Rascals, fending for themselves without supervision or praise. But we don't have to run birthday parties that look like a new attraction at Disney, either.

   posted by : jensinger on 10/22/2008 at 1:47 PM Flag For Abuse

4. my dh is a vice principal - and he sees this at the other end of the kid spectrum - the 16 year old princesses - with huge drinking problems - the 14 year old girls who are sent to hawaii with their boyfriend for a Christmas present (no parents go along, she has to work her minimum wage job to afford this), the 13 boy whose parents give him a tattoo for his birthday, children who at 14, 15, 16 are ruling the roost in their homes, in charge of how the money (that they don't earn) is spent, what they are allowed to do, hitting and punching their parents. Parents who buy drugs and alcohol for their children because it's "safer" than the kids buying it for themselves. I do think this is a whole 'nother sphere - but where does it come from? Where are the seeds for this miserable parenting/youth experience?
   I"m all for child friendly households - i put up little mirrors a few feet off the ground so babies can see themselves and pat their own faces, my children's favourite game is making "babynests" for the littler ones, where they are cushioned with pillows and blankets and brought every toy, book, stuffed animal or snack they might possibly want... But there is a line between child friendly and giving up all parental responsibility.

   posted by : momtoVP on 10/22/2008 at 2:13 PM Flag For Abuse

5. I recently spent a week in a kindergarchy and I'm still recovering from the experience. The kid in question spent the week running around the house, breaking things, screaming at the top of his lungs for no particular reason, hitting adults (no, I'm not exaggerating), pushing smaller children, pitching fits when things didn't go his way, and generally terrorizing the household. Meanwhile I had to listen to his well-meaning but clueless parents tell me that he required "constant entertainment" and "mom's attention all the time" in order to be happy, and nothing was more important than their kid's happiness! They're creating a monster, and certainly aren't doing their son any favors in raising him to think that he's always going to be Prince of the World. I honestly can't fathom what they're thinking; in my view, they're setting this kid up for a lifetime of unhappiness.

   posted by : MotherofThree on 10/22/2008 at 5:27 PM Flag For Abuse

6. I'm torn between being interested in lexical origins of "bling" words, and being upset by their over-simplification. Parents, yes even those in the old days, have struggled and continue to struggle with limit setting. Just read an old Parenting magazine and we will see this is nothing new. It's like saying kids' music is "too loud" these days.
   
   I wonder where these judgements are coming from regarding other people's parenting (OPP). Is it a true failure on their part, a true misstep, or does it make us feel good to not be "that parent." I see inflexibility in other's and I see it in myself. I judge those who turn on the television in order to do anything else but be with their children at that moment. What pop culture word describes that? If there isn't a word, does it make my judgements less trendy, and edgy?

   posted by : wordsalad on 10/22/2008 at 6:30 PM Flag For Abuse

7. Every morning, I pass a car on my way to work whose license plates say "KDS COM 1", and I gag a little.
   
   Of course my child comes first... I buy her clothes before I buy anything for myself. If we're hungry, she eats first. I stay up way too late cleaning the house, so that I can spend the evening hours playing with her. But I don't feel it necessary to advertise it to the world. I mean, come on, I'm her mom. No one is going to give me an award for doing what I should, no matter how much I shove it in everyone's face. It's almost as if they're trying to make me feel bad for NOT having it on my plates (it's not working!).
   
   But mostly, I kind of feel sorry for them for not being able to think of anything else for their plates. I image them going from soccer practice, to roller hockey, to youth cheerleading...and having no interests of their own. And I feel sorry for their kids, who are probably being smothered, and being set up for a whole lotta disappointment later in life, when they aren't the center of the universe anymore.
   
   The funniest part: I don't think I've ever seen the kids with them.

   posted by : Em1020 on 10/23/2008 at 10:35 PM Flag For Abuse

8. Mark!
   
   I'm wasting time at work, and thought I'd add to your list of parenthood-intensity phrases: the "curling parent," which refers to the parent who paves the child's path through life, aggressively sweeping debris and difficulty away before the child is exposed to it. The phrase is derived from the winter sport with a similar objective, of course.
   
   Looking forward to welcoming you to my kindergarchy for Thanksgiving.

   posted by : CBC Maximan on 11/21/2008 at 2:12 PM Flag For Abuse

9. I have met people who literally allow their little children to rule the house. One person's five year old insists that the parents cannot stay up past her own bedtime, and or if that won't work, that they can stay up but they cannot watch tv. And yeah, the mom at least gives into this rulings often.

   posted by : mchaos on 1/14/2009 at 12:46 PM Flag For Abuse