As an early childhood teacher in Denver, I have several comments in response to this article. I absolutely agree that using the phrase "child abuse" in reference to sleep training or any other slightly controversial but definitely untraumatic parenting choice is a big mistake.
First of all, the practice of letting the child cry in the crib until he falls asleep seems very appropriate to me because we actually have a very similar way of handling crying children when they come to school for the first time. Every year, at the beginning of ECE there are always a few children that cry on the first day of school. Although, it seems cruel, we ask the parents to bring the child into the classroom and then leave. Then, we allow the kids to cry their eyes out until they get over it. In most cases, it lasts less than 5 minutes and then the child is fine for the rest of the school year. However, in cases where the parent insists on sticking around until the child gets comfortable, talking the kid through it, etc., etc., the crying usually lasts a lot longer. In effect, the parent is training their kid to cry. The message the kid gets is the more I cry the more my mom or dad will stick around. This method in the long run does not help a child develop independence. Likewise, establishing a routine and teaching a little bit of independence and discipline, which are all essential to raising an emotionally healthy child, can start in some forms as early as infancy. Sleep training may be an example of this.
My second point is that as an Early Childhood Education teacher, I have come across my fair share of questionable parenting choices. However, in most of these cases, I choose to respect the parents' choices, give advice when appropriate, but also honor the fact that they have experience of their own to draw on and are doing the best that they can. No parent is perfect. I also have come across my fair share of true cases of child abuse. Real child abuse that results in an enormous amount of trauma, fear, and despair is unfortunately alive and well in our country. When I hear people joking around about things like abuse or using the term to refer to things like breast-feeding versus bottle-feeding or sleep-training versus attachment parenting, it makes me a little ill, because I've seen the effects of real child abuse and I don't think it's a term that should be tossed around lightly just to make a point.
It's true that modern parents face a lot of anxiety and insecurity about whether the choices they make are right. However, no matter how perfect a job one does (perfectionism can also have negative effects), there is going to come a time when your child will grow beyond what you've taught them and will question some of the choices that their parents have made. This is part of the natural cycle of events and is as it should be. I guess the real question might be, when this time comes, will your child look back and decide that all in all, what they got from you was more good than bad? In the end, have your choices done them more good than harm? If so, then you're probably on the right track.
