feedback for "Bad Parent: Let's Make a Deal"

1. Just like potty training required rewards I think alot of things require rewards. Without rewards not many adults would go to work each morning. I don't know to many people who work for free. Should children be any different? After the task is completed my son stopped getting rewards and we moved on to the next step in his development which he was stubborn about. For him frozen fruit at dinnner was the best incentive ever. He thinks its a treat so he would eat worms to get his fruit. So I think more importantly is to find rewards that are healthy although the occasional cone from McD's has its sweetness. I actually use that not as a reward but more like when he was just so damn good all day I want to cry for joy. But mealtimes should be healthy for the most part.
   
   Regarding Potty training:For my son a jar of marbles was the key to potty training. Everytime he went he got to pick a marble and put it in the jar, once the jar was filled he got to pick a prize. 3 jars and at the age of 26 months we put that game behind us and haven't needed it for over a 1 1/2. He never asked for marbles after the last fill. I think he got bored of the whole rewards thing. Now my daughter who seems to be on her own potty training schedule at 19 months she does her own thing so she decides without my permission when she is going to disrobe and go on the floor or sometimes potty chair...I have found gummy bears work to make her sit on the potty and go rather then the floor. Maybe she will be addicted to gummy bears for the rest of her life maybe not. Either way at least we are both happy.

   posted by : carlie on 4/4/2008 at 2:01 PM Flag For Abuse

2. Although I don't use rewards for everyday things like eating, picking up etcetera, I have used them for potty training, various sleep issues and the like. Occasionally there's a surprise reward for being especially well-behaved for some non-age appropriate activity. The most recent one was a few weeks ago. We spent a few weeks talking with our three year old about sleeping on her own, she had a few all night successes which we praised and bragged on, and then told her that if she made it for a week either in her own bed or on a sleeping bag on our floor, she could pick out a new pair of crocs. I let her pick them out after 4 nights and then let her take the plastic and tags off after 7. Happy to say that it worked and she is increasingly making it all night in her own bed, not even on our floor. Her little brother sleeps like a dream- the text book put-him-down-awake thing worked perfectly with him.

   posted by : busywith2 on 4/5/2008 at 2:32 PM Flag For Abuse

3. Show me a mom who claims to never bribe her children and I'll show you a big, fat liar.

   posted by : Don Mills Diva on 4/7/2008 at 11:56 AM Flag For Abuse

4. I have to say, I do think "bribing" is a slippery slope. I have a 12-year-old sister, and when she was little we always offered little incentives for her cooperation. I didn't think that the lollipop here or the cookie there were going to make any difference, but she has grown into a young person who feels that she should be compensated for things that I was simply expected to do.
   
   Her sense of entitlement is grossly overblown. When she was about 10-years-old she broke down in a restaurant because my mother "owed" her a milkshake. She wanted it with breakfast, and when I told her there was no way she was having a milkshake with breakfast she lost it and started sobbing in the middle of the restaurant. To my humiliation, my mother got her the milkshake. My sister is a good kid, don't get me wrong. She's bright and talented and really sweet to my daughter. But she is obsessed with obtaining things and expects to be paid to do her own laundry.
   
   My daughter is a year-and-a-half now, and I do catch myself telling her that if she does or doesn't do "x" then she can have or do "y." I think all parents do this, certainly. But it is something that worries me and something I am going to try to be vigilant about, for her sake and mine. I owe my daughter many things: healthy food, weather-appropriate clothing, appropriate shelter, etc. But I'll be damned if I ever "owe" her a milkshake.

   posted by : mags on 4/8/2008 at 6:04 PM Flag For Abuse