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What absolute bull. Total F'ing BS. While I usually don't usually believe in saying never, you should NEVER be stoned around you child. Those children count on you to be the parent in case of an emergency. What if there was an earthquake or a terrorist attack? Or even something as simple as falling down and breaking an arm? If being a parent has taught me anything, it is that you have to be able to spring into action at any moment in the need arises. It is exactly this kind of stupid behavior that can result in a simple trip to the mall ending in tragedy. Many parents often state "I only turned my back for a second" before something awful happened, you are only tempting fate to try and test you. If your kid gets on your nerves, GET OVER IT, just like the rest of us. You should be ashamed of yourself.
posted by : spartic99 on 8/9/2007 at 12:29 AM Flag For Abuse
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I feel like this was written just to promote controversy, but I have to say, it might have been smarter to have made up an example not involving getting stoned and driving a car with your toddler.
Also, considering the number of parents who lose custody over their kids over drugs, the implication that a certain class of people can get away with it scott-free is more than a little offensive.
posted by : Maujer on 8/9/2007 at 1:43 AM Flag For Abuse
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Hee hee... excellent fiction. One hit is going to mellow you out enough to deal with a kid you wanted to kill fifteen minutes earlier? One hit? Really? Where are you getting this magical pot?
Not bad for a fictional piece.
posted by : RachelZ on 8/9/2007 at 8:57 AM Flag For Abuse
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Ummmm what was it they used to call Valium? Oh yeah, "Mommy's Little Helper." This has been going on for years and you're freaking out about it now? Speaking of "getting over it"... get over it.
posted by : necroemoticon on 8/9/2007 at 11:22 AM Flag For Abuse
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Yeah - I quickly came to the opinion that this was a fictional essay written to get people's danders up. If so - good job. It's well-written... I just hope nobody takes it as advice and tries this at home. If it is not fiction, then I agree with the first poster. What a load of b.s. It is not OK to get high when you are taking care of your/anyone's child.
As for "Mommy's Little Helper"... whatever. My personal experience does not include any valium or other controlled substances (my childhood pals' moms, my own mom, my current life as a mom and my friend and neighbor-moms...) Nope, never saw it. Call me naive. I can speak for myself - no matter how awful the day is going, I would never go this route.
I am sorry for people who get so tense and angry that they "need" a joint or a shot or whatever... I think it is universally known that if you are reaching the boiling point, you need to put the kid in a safe place (play pen?) and chill. If you can't, you need to call your neighbor and beg her/him to watch Kid for a half hour because you are in crisis. You need to figure out why you are so angry. Toddlers are irrational... jelly on the shirt then the sheets - well, that's a huge bummer, but they can be washed! Mostly, though, I think this piece came from the writer's imagination.
posted by : BBBGMOM on 8/9/2007 at 11:49 AM Flag For Abuse
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I think many of the responses below are surprisingly righteous. A majority of American parents probably have a drink now and then in the evenings at home. Maybe two drinks, even three. Two or three drinks is far more impairing to ones abilities to care for a child than a hit of pot in my opinion.
Marijuana engages the cannaboid network in the brain, which has the effect of causing people to forget things. I believe it is activitated naturally after giving birth (all of this is in Michael Pollan's wonderful book Botony of Desire) so that women forget labor pain and are more inclined to have multiple children (this evolved before the wonders of modern anaesthesiology). So it makes perfect sense that when people get high they feel like they are having experiences for the first time. It feels like the first time you have had ice cream, seen a sunset, etc. etc.
It is therefore totally rational that a parent would feel more childlike high and feel more capable of relating to his or her young toddlers. I have heard this from multiple friends -- and these are all highly responsible, successful people.
I understand that people who have never tried marijuana think its like pcp or heroin other drugs that incapacitate people; in fact it is far more benign than most drugs including alcohol. There is no logical argument for making liquor legal and marijuana illegal accept that liquor makes people feel more confident and marijuana makes many people feel less confident. When it comes to funcitoning like a responsible parent, having a beer at the ball game is just as bad if not worse than having a hit.
posted by : chattydaddy on 8/9/2007 at 12:44 PM Flag For Abuse
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ChattyDaddy - In response to your "righteous" comment, I didn't see anyone saying that they thought pot was bad and alcohol was OK. I agree w/ you that it is not OK to get drunk on alcohol while one is responsible for a child, but the article was about marijuana. I found the info you wrote on the cannaboid effect pretty interesting, by the way. And I agree that marijuana should be legalized (and used responsibly like beer, wine, candy, whatever...) The only thing I think is alarming is the notion of being high (or drunk, now that you bring that up) while supervising children. Wait until someone else is caring for your kids - someone who is able to address any and all emergencies that might arise - before you partake!
posted by : BBBGMOM on 8/9/2007 at 1:16 PM Flag For Abuse
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i would just say, let's be realistic. Most parents have a couple glasses of wine now and then while caring for you kids. this is an 18 year job -- or perhaps more like a lifelong job. No one is never going to have a couple glasses of wine during their child's waking hours for 18 years. We are human ... let's allow this to be a place where we treat each other like humans. If this was a parent describing having 2 beers at a baseball game with his son, would everybody have the response they are having here? i seriously doubt it.
posted by : chattydaddy on 8/9/2007 at 2:18 PM Flag For Abuse
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With all the horrible things people do to their children in this world, someone taking a toke here and there doesn't really bother me a bit. All the high and mighty posters here I'm sure NEVER have a couple drinks, a sleeping pill, nothing! No one in their right mind condones being stoned all the time around your children, or getting so high that you can't cope (that would have to be pretty darn high) with an emergency, but come on folks...raising kids is hard. Provided we're keeping them alive and happy and interacting with them, we're doing more than a lot of deadbeats in this world.
So, keep those tokes to an absolute minimum, but hey, as someone above said, raising a kid is an 18 year job. A few here and there won't hurt anyone. Lighten up!
posted by : mrb on 8/9/2007 at 3:55 PM Flag For Abuse
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Wow, I'm still amazed at the fear around pot. I suffered pretty hard with PPD and was put on antidepressants. I also have a fellow new mommy friend who had really bad PP Anxiety. I agree that one little hit of pot (before going into the mall by the way - not while driving) is a life saver in some instances. My husband and I go to baseball games with our daughter almost every week and have a beer or two each. What is the difference?? Stop criminalizng pot. If pot is your anti-anxiety/depressant of choice then I say whatever makes you a better parent. Whatever makes you more patient and loving and present. Accidents happen whether parents are sober or not. I would think that abuse happens more often with parents at their breaking point without medicinal help (herbal or pharmacuetical).
posted by : iheartruby on 8/9/2007 at 4:07 PM Flag For Abuse
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I can relate. Although I have chosen not to partake as of yet, I often wonder if I someday might. I wonder if I will around my daughter, but then that panic mode of "what if something happens & I'm not reacting quick enough?" hits me because I know myself & I know weed slows down my reaction time a bit. And then I'm back to "doubt I'll ever smoke again". But that's me. Everybody reacts differently to different stimulants. So for me, pot is not the issue - I will not pass judgement on the fact that she smokes. My gripe is not that she's hitting a one hitter in the garage or in the trunk of her car (and yes, especially if you are not a regular smoker, one hit can last up to 2 hours- and you know if you're in the mall you're in there longer than 2 hours - besides, these ain't your mama's dime bag days.) I get it. The whole valium revolution, the cocktail hours, or what have you, if you're not endangering your child, or setting the worst example, then sobeit - I shall not throw stones.
What really upset me was her general annoyance with the CHILD. Yes, they're going to get on your nerves. That's to be expected. That's what children do. I don't condone her NEED to hit a joint just to cope with her CHILD - that's got rehab issues written all over it. Isn't being on the same level with your kid a perk of being a parent? Pot's not going to enhance the time you spend with your child. While you're rediscovering the color blue, you're missing the subtle nuances that are your child's firsts. You're there, but you're not *there*, you know? For that, I would be ashamed.
posted by : loresmom on 8/9/2007 at 4:18 PM Flag For Abuse
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Funny how the simple opinion that one should not be drunk or high when caring for a child is called "high and mighty." I agree with loresmom - the anger at the child is worrisome (as I wrote in my first post) - reaching that point seems a little out of control. Kids are messy, impudent, irrational and mind-boggling. Coping by reaching for a drink/hit strikes me as not so healthy. I drink in front of my children, but I don't "use" wine to get through the day.
posted by : BBBGMOM on 8/9/2007 at 4:36 PM Flag For Abuse
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Loresmom hits the nail on the head - the issue here isn't the drug use (because let's face it, Mama needs a drink or six some days), it's the fact that the writer appears to NEED the drugs to cope with her own kid. Someone else's bastard kid, sure, I can see needing to be high to deal with that, but your OWN kid? Poor kid. Smoke if you must, drink if you must, but maybe try doing it after the kid is in bed, then the Judgement Police might not be so harsh.
posted by : RachelZ on 8/9/2007 at 5:07 PM Flag For Abuse
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1. Okay, if this is real...did you REALLY just take "one toke" to mellow out that much...and if you were "high," even just a little, how long did you wait before driving home? Driving under the influence is just so very wrong...even if little kids aren't involved (because what about the people in the other cars???).
2. Pot is a drug that makes you think you are doing a better job at something than you are. Which doesn't mean you suddenly became incapable of caring for your child after one toke or anything extreme like that...but if you smoked up enough to become high, you may not have been doing as well as you thought you were. You may want a second, non-stoned, impartial opinion on that. When my grandfather was a young musician, he smoked up and thought he was playing the best he'd ever played before--and if felt like his fingers were barely even touching the keys. Turns out, his fingers were not in fact touching the keys and he was not giving the virtuoso performance he thought he was.
3. Whether it is right or not, pot use can land you in jail. Public pot use (like in the parking lot of the mall, with your kid in the car) seems more likely to attract police notice and raise the ire of a judge. Parenting is tough (though rewarding)...parenting from jail is tougher. Generally I would say that parents of young children have an extra obligation to try to avoid being thrown in jail.
This is not judging pot use...or even pot use by parents...just suggesting that this story sounds like unsafe use, if it is in fact real.
posted by : Cali on 8/9/2007 at 5:18 PM Flag For Abuse
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Personally, I don't care. I do my very best not to judge. In my book, pot and wine are both the same in this case. The story behind the story is about coping. If we as parents need to have a hit or a shot to help us every time to cope with our children, there is something wrong with us. I now know coping skills are essential when dealing with those wonderful little people that I call monsters. (I have six of my own)
Have I had a glass of wine before the kids went down? Yes. A few times. Why? Because I would have probably screamed at the top of my lungs at them if I hadn't.
But that was the easy way out though. I knew it then and I know it now. It's about learning how to cope. Today, I'd rather send them to their room for 20 minutes and sit in front of the TV with a mouthful chocolate until I calmed down and finished my tantrum. Because that is the truth my friends. When we don't get what we want from our children, we are the ones that throw the tantrums. And if we don't know how to cope with our own tantrums, we can get ugly.
Nowadays, I tell my kids that I am frustrated "beyond belief" with them and they need to go to their rooms so I can calm down. That is coping the right way for me now. This is coping without an outside source to help me. I do this because I don't want to depend on an anything to help me calm my nerves (except some M&M's and a little TV.)
Because I believe that would be the easy way out. There ain't nothing easy about being mommy at my house.
Good luck to you L.J. One of my little people is six now. He drives me crazy. Next time you want take a hit, try a handful of chocolates or two or five and hide in the closet till the blood pressure goes down. I would love to hear how it goes!
posted by : HeadMutha on 8/9/2007 at 6:08 PM Flag For Abuse
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LJ mentioned something pretty interesting in her piece -- she feels that she learned from the experience in the mall how to relate more effectively to her kid's view of the world, and that learning has stuck with her. She has become a better mom because of that learning experience, and she doesn't need to smoke to relate to her kid in that way.
It's easy to snicker and say "what's wrong with her that she needed a drug to relate to her kid in the first place." But frankly very few parents relate to their children in the way she described in her article -- how many parents really get on their hands and knees and spend an hour or two purely submerged in the child's world? Very few. It doesn't come naturally to adults.
I don't smoke pot more than once per year these days, and i have completely stopped doing everything else i tried in college and thereafter. But i have learned a lot from drug experimentation, and I don't regret it for a moment.
This is something that people don't talk about much -- it is possible to learn from selective drug use. It's no accident that its prevalent in colleges (and top colleges for that matter) both among student and professors. In the same way that anti-depressants (SSRIs and others) can help depressed people learn to get out of deleterious thought cycles, marijuana, ecstacy and hallucinogens can provide a different perspective on the human experience from which one can learn without duplicating that experience.
A lot of people are afraid of drugs because they cause one to lose control, and that makes perfect sense to me. Falling in love causes you to lose control. Doing a new sport like skiing or learning a new instrument can cause one to lose control, or lose one's sense of mastery over the world. Older people don't like to lose their sense of mastery -- as we age we become both more secure in ourselves and more afraid of giving up that security. Alocohol (and cocaine and some other drugs) are easy -- they make you stupider and less inhibited. They function as a crutch. Marijuana is less easy, less of a crutch and therefore less popular. It's illegal because all the old people who make laws don't want to lose their sense of control. It doesn't make people more social and stupidly happy like alcohol -- it makes people more contemplative.
None of this changes the fact that i much prefer red wine to a joint, and don't do much of either. My little son is the real drug of choice -- hanging out with him is extraordinary and beautiful and provides all the escape i need. Now and then it reminds me of my college days pot smoking days.
posted by : chattydaddy on 8/9/2007 at 8:14 PM Flag For Abuse
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I agree with Cali. Personal opinion doesn't really matter on this one. The fact is if ya get caught ya gunna get in trouble. And not "smack on the hand" trouble. Big, this is gunna
posted by : bex on 8/9/2007 at 8:56 PM Flag For Abuse
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I agree with Cali. Personal opinion doesn't really matter on this one. The fact is if ya get caught ya gunna get in trouble. And not "smack on the hand" trouble. Big, this is gunna affect my kid for the rest of it's life, kinda trouble. That's gotta be more important in making a decision than anything doesn't it?
posted by : bex on 8/9/2007 at 8:58 PM Flag For Abuse
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I loved this article. Sometimes I have a beer to mellow out after a really rough day of mommying, and I don't think I should feel embarrassed about it or like I'm a bad mother. We all have our crutches, whether the crutch is being holier-than-thou and using only organic cotton diapers to make ourselves feel better, or the crutch of SpongeBob to stop us from screaming and throwing a tantrum of our own. chattydaddy's comment above really hits home for me - if there's a way to get down on your kid's level and really enjoy your time together, to be able to hunker down and play Legos and just revel in the moment.... why not do it? Your child is going to have fun, you're going to have fun, nobody gets hurt. I agree, too, that I think my past experimentation has helped me to be a more mellow, fun parent now. I hardly ever smoke anymore (once every few years maybe), but that ability to enjoy the moments, to really look at things around me - that's something I haven't lost, something most adults forget how to do.
posted by : superblondgirl on 8/9/2007 at 9:16 PM Flag For Abuse
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I actually found this article to be quite refreshing, fact or fiction. I feel like a lot of articles I read about parenthood are so 'uptight' that I wondered where the real parents were. So thank you!
posted by : luluvision on 8/10/2007 at 9:36 AM Flag For Abuse
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I don't smoke pot, I think it's nasty and does absolutely nothing for me. However, I am a firm believer that it should be legalized. If it rescues a few mothers from the brink of insanity, then it should be freely accessible. Taken in moderation, it is no different than a glass of wine(or two), or a valium. I'm all for mothers implementing certain aids once in a while to calm their nerves. And yes, we should all learn how to cope with our children in a healthy way, but everyone has their days.
posted by : Becca on 8/10/2007 at 2:50 PM Flag For Abuse
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Anyone who says that they don't need, want or have a vice is a hypocrite, or in major denial, or both. Pot is no different from Xanax, Prozac or whatever it is that's deemed acceptable for taking the edge off of life these days. I occasionally parent stoned because it makes me a better parent, for all the reasons listed by the author and then some, and I'll probably be talking about the need to legalize pot until the day I die.
And YES, one toke can really be all it takes! Most regular or semi-regular smokers can take one hit, "feel it," and not be high as a kite. I think the image of an hysterical, stumbling, tripped-out moron with the munchies is what most of the naysayers have here, which is akin a drinker having one glass of wine, and being a wobbly, slurring, chunk-blowing boozehound.
We all have our ways of coping, and herb is healthier than any pharmaceutical "helper," mindlessly vegging in front of the T.V., or stuffing it all way down deep and pretending to be completely satisfied, when you're losing it.
posted by : Alisyn on 8/10/2007 at 6:32 PM Flag For Abuse
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There are good parents, better parents and the best parents of all. I can plainly see where each person here thinks they sit. If you never lose your temper or have never felt as though you are at wits end with your child, well, your ranking would be higher than mine. It is all coping strategies - and there are a few days that are worse, very worse, than others. By all means needing a chemical to cope everyday with your kids - taken so you may cope with your kids, would be a real problem, perhaps you should stop having kids. People take daily antidepressants not because they can't handle their children, but because they can't handle themselves and their chemically imbalanced brain. Then there is everyone else - just like our kids, we have our worse days too. Tempers are shorter, tasks are more difficult and smaller annoyances are much much bigger, sometimes edging on unmanageable. Legal issues aside, a toke and an afternoon at the mall, for sake of enjoying the end of a bad day (singular) - not a big deal. I've never been one to do something, or not do something because someone tells me not to - no matter who that someone is. I'd know myself well enough to know what I could handle, I'd know what would be safe (living is risky). Being righteous and mighty - I don't think that is something I could, or would want to handle.
posted by : Janesaid on 8/10/2007 at 7:22 PM Flag For Abuse
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I can hardly believe that this article would entice anyone to want to follow in the footsteps of this ridiculous woman. When you have children, you have to know that days will be hard and nights even harder. Being stoned or needing a drink to get through your day without freaking out on your child is just plain weak!! You should have gotten a hermit crab. It requires no attention and won't be able to smell the stench on you and remember that smell for the rest of it's life!!!
posted by : eliteworld on 8/11/2007 at 12:02 AM Flag For Abuse
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In response to Becca - you have not a damn clue in the world what you're talking about.
"Anyone who says that they don't need, want or have a vice is a
hypocrite, or in major denial, or both. Pot is no different from
Xanax, Prozac or whatever it is that's deemed acceptable for taking the
edge off of life these days. I occasionally parent stoned because it
makes me a better parent, for all the reasons listed by the author and
then some, and I'll probably be talking about the need to legalize pot
until the day I die."
Now, reading this article, I did not think the author did anything "so terrible," and I don't believe pot should be illegal. I know people who, when smoking pot, get the urge to clean the house and bake cookies. More power to them.
I STRONGLY disagree with the statement that pot has the same effect as an anti-depressant. As someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety and has tried several different anti-depressants, none of them ever "impaired" me in the way drugs or alcohol might. Besides which, I think that many people who suffer from depression and anxiety might find that problem worsened by a little pot-induced paranoia, and usually prefer only to smoke when NOT stressed.
To equate medications whose purpose are to help regulate patents' brain chemicals to bring them back to NORMAL levels with recreational drugs designed to get them HIGH is wildly ignorant at best, and more likely than that, an assumption that people with mental illness are using unnecessary crutches. Let me take away your glasses and your advil and your heart medication, then tell me that medicine is just something that people fall back on...
posted by : etaktac on 8/11/2007 at 10:32 PM Flag For Abuse
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The problem here is ignorance among the readers! Pot is not going to cause any mother to harm her child. I was raised in a house hold where one parent was a pot smoker and still is to this day now myself as a mother of 4, i understand why. Pot has calming agents and i plan on studying psychology and marijuana. Pot is a great alternative to say valume. I wish humans would wise up on what drugs we really should be targetting in our communitys (meth) and see pot is the last of anyones worrys.
posted by : Mommymora on 8/12/2007 at 12:16 PM Flag For Abuse
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I agree Mommymora. The truth is if you get caught smoking pot or in possession of it you are not going to get in real trouble like so many of you seem to believe. All you will get is a slap on the wrist. There are worse things out there and that is what they are cracking down on. Even if you do decide to smoke around your child one hit as she says is not going to make you unable to be there for your child. It will calm your nerves not be neglectful. I am a drug free mother but I have smoked pot. Maybe those of you who are all up in arms should do a little research before you attack someones child rearing methods.
posted by : Clairetastrophe on 8/12/2007 at 2:34 PM Flag For Abuse
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eliteworld wrote:"Now, reading this article, I did not think the author did anything 'so
terrible,' and I don't believe pot should be illegal. I know people
who, when smoking pot, get the urge to clean the house and bake
cookies. More power to them."
I agree, and I think that a lot of the negative comments about this article are, frankly, self-righteous. And I congratulate the author for her honesty. Finally, let those who claim that they would do a better job of rearing a two-year-old simply do so.
posted by : slaker on 8/12/2007 at 5:10 PM Flag For Abuse
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Can someone help me out here? The article said, "I'm a better mother when I'm stoned." I interpreted that to mean heavily under the influence. Since the comments have taken a bit of a bitter turn - with all the allegations of righteousness - I want to make clear that my "up in arms" bit was because I have always thought "stoned" and "drunk" meant slurred speech, staggering, weaving, etc. Seemed to me if you are not in any condition to drive a vehicle you probably shouldn't be the sole caregiver for a kid. Sounds like "stoned" does not mean what I thought it meant. Forgive my ignorance of the terminology.
I don't care if any fellow parent has a "hit" (I don't even know what that means... now you see my naivete loud and clear) or a glass of wine. None of my business. I figure if a slurp/puff of something makes you feel better, calmer and more cheerful, that's good for everyone! Sounds like the advocates for that are also asserting that they never take more than they can handle. Hear, hear!
I seriously thought the author was saying she needed to be blotto to deal with parenting. That's the part that got me all snippy... I will say I agree that if a person needs a hit/drink all the time just to face the kid(s), that might be concerning. Thanks.
posted by : BBBGMOM on 8/12/2007 at 10:00 PM Flag For Abuse
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In defense of Etaktac's attack on me, what mother has a clue on what they're talking about all the time?All I said was that taken in moderation, I didn't see pot as a harmful substance. Hell, I don't even use the damn stuff, so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. Who knew this post would turn out so hostile? I love it. One more piece of my mind; after reading all these, it seems to me that the more ignorant posts are coming from the readers who are completely against the subject matter. The potheads seem to be the ones with the more educated and well thought-out posts. (coming from a teacher by the way) But, as it was stated, I don't have a clue.
posted by : Becca on 8/12/2007 at 11:14 PM Flag For Abuse
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I just don't think the woman who wrote this should be patting herself on the back so fast that her six-year-old is none the wiser to her toking. My father was a pot smoker and I always knew when he was high. The only person she's fooling is herself if she thinks her "occasional" drug use doesn't have any affect besides making her a better parent. If she needs to be stoned sometimes to parent her child then fine, better that then flying off the handle and blaming her son for her quick temper but please don't think that no one notices. Kids notice. And anyone who writes an article like this is obviously playing down the frequency of pot use. I have a little trouble believing that she just happened to have her one hitter on her when she rarely smokes pot. Come on.
posted by : Writermom on 8/13/2007 at 4:42 PM Flag For Abuse
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Etaktak, those were my words you quoted above, not Becca's, And now let me quote you:
I STRONGLY disagree with the statement that pot has the same effect as
an anti-depressant. As someone who has struggled with depression and
anxiety and has tried several different anti-depressants, none of them
ever "impaired" me in the way drugs or alcohol might. Besides which, I
think that many people who suffer from depression and anxiety might
find that problem worsened by a little pot-induced paranoia, and
usually prefer only to smoke when NOT stressed.
Speaking only for myself, I will say that pot - for me - produces the same effect that an anti-depressant does. It smooths the rough edges out. That which might stress me out barely ripples my surface after a hit or two. I am have a broader perspective and a more laid-back disposition, and am, overall, way more relaxed. I do not get "impaired." I don't not find my stress "worsened by a little pot-induced paranoia." I am not a drug addict, who needs a fix every hour, or every day, or even every week. I am not attempting to alter my brain chemistry by self-medicating with pot because I don't have a mental illness, and I would never equate serious depression with parenting-induced stress.
I would never, ever tell someone who needed anti-depressants that they were using "unnecessary crutches," by taking prescribed medications, instead of marijuana. HOWEVER, for me, pot produces the same effect, with fewer negative side effects, and the benefit of being a naturally occurring, medicinal herb. Marijuana can and does work for some people in a controlled and beneficial way.
posted by : Alisyn on 8/13/2007 at 5:00 PM Flag For Abuse
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Pot is a gateway parenting drug. Next you'll be tying off and shooting up smack. But it helps you be mellow, and it's all about you anyway.
DIAF
posted by : GetOffMyLawn on 8/14/2007 at 2:54 PM Flag For Abuse
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I don't see anything wrong with doing this- in moderation, and not while operating a motor vehicle, of course. And by "this", I mean drinking OR a bit of pot. I don't, however, condone using it as a crutch or a first resort for when things get rough, which seems to be the impression that some of the "anti"-sentiment folks are getting here. And for those of you who think it's sad or disappointing that the author gets irritated with her child at times, I wonder how long it's been since your own children were toddlers, or whether you're actually being honest with yourselves about your feelings towards them. My son is, generally speaking, my favorite person in the world, but he also gets under my skin more than anyone else can if he's in a crabby mood. And if a little toke keeps me able to smile even when I've heard my 700th "NO!" of the day, well, I can live with that.
posted by : Chicken80 on 8/14/2007 at 3:44 PM Flag For Abuse
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Yeah, you'll be just like Otto's parents in
posted by : GetOffMyLawn on 8/14/2007 at 3:57 PM Flag For Abuse
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ZOMG! This internets thing ate my comment.
Yeah, you'll be just like Otto's parents in Repo Man. Awesome. Go running for the shelter of your mother's little helper, you spoiled baby.
posted by : GetOffMyLawn on 8/14/2007 at 4:01 PM Flag For Abuse
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LJ (or anyone else pro pot) my question is this --- what if your child saw you get high? what if your child has already seen you high? Would you want your child to experience it? What if it turned out they had an addictive personality and they got into something much much stronger and it took over their life? How would you feel about yourself as a person (let alone a parent)? Please don't tell me it didn't happen to you/didn't happen to your friends, etc. My point is this -- kids know and learn what is right and wrong pretty quickly and they can parse out hypocritical behavior and turn it on its ear. They can sense it immediately. Don't tell me that you'll be okay with whatever they do with their lives b/c if things turn out to be a trainwreck, who will be haunted by their decisions?
posted by : arirang on 8/14/2007 at 10:48 PM Flag For Abuse
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How many of you have ever smoked marijuana? Because the ignorance of the posters is pretty apparent. Pot is not a gateway drug. That is a bit of reefer madness that the DEA and the ONDCP have been throwing around for years to scare people and to justify the drug war. The black market is a gateway, since the same people selling marijuana often sell stronger substances. The majority of marijuana users never go on to use a stronger drug.
I have no problem admitting that I love smoking weed and I don't care who knows - whether it is co-workers or family members. If they can't accept me and my pot - smoking ways, who needs'em.
This should have been put in the good parent section. Pot is less addictive than coffee fer christsakes.
For more of my opinions check out my blog.
http://blamethedrugwar.blogspot.com/2007/08/im-better-mother-when-im-stoned.html
Here is some info on the gateway theory con.
http://www.druglibrary.org/SCHAFFER/Library/mjgate.htm
posted by : TanyaD on 8/15/2007 at 1:37 AM Flag For Abuse
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If you think that's proper, TanyaD, I'm sure you disclose it on all of your applications for life and health insurance and pay the accompanying increases in costs.
The bigger problem is that pot affects judgment, motivation, etc. If you have children and you toke up, then you're wilfully impairing yourself. It's also hell on your lungs; you could easily get cancer and die, depriving your children of a parent. You are making your pleasure the priority to the detriment of your children. In other words, you suck.
posted by : GetOffMyLawn on 8/15/2007 at 10:02 AM Flag For Abuse
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posted by : zbluesun on 8/15/2007 at 12:46 PM Flag For Abuse
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There are some serious martyrs on here trying to cut other people apart. I've done it occasionally, carefully and responsibly because both of those things are possible. I think many of the people who think they know what behavior to expect from somebody under the influence of marijuana are either quoting studies they know nothing about, or supplying the information from their own younger days, when they and their contemporaries had maybe not learned what moderation means. For normal productive adults who smoke marijuana, there are certain things that make their use different from that of teenagers. A) Better product means you only need to take one hit for it to work and you know older people who have the stuff that makes you feel giggly and not stupid. B) A sense of one's limits and commitments. This means that you're in the habit of having something important to do in the morning, and you know how much will make you groggy. C) Experience enough to not put yourself in dangerous situations. Smoking pot actually makes me more conservative in terms of what constitutes an acceptable risk, so when I cross the street with a stroller I'm more likely to check each way 3 or 4 times as I approach the curb.
I don't want to sound like I smoke every day, but occasionally it is a nice break from the lists and schedules that fill my head. Having formerly been on both antidepressants and anxiety medication I resist the notion that they are better because they were designed in a lab. I would rather have something that I can take and it would last for 2 hours and then the worst side affect is that I sleep really soundly, Pharmaceuticals take weeks to become effective and weeks to stop working and for me that means a month or so of nausea and headaches just to see if it will work. It is entirely possible to use the drug to counter anxiety without depending on it. I think used in moderation it can make me more fun to be around, when I've forgotten for days to dance with my daughter or speak in a silly voice it can be a great way to break myself out of being overly focused on our daily routine.
posted by : imp on 8/28/2007 at 12:00 PM Flag For Abuse
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If you never have a glass of wine in front of your kids then you have a high horse to sit on. If you do drink the occasional wine or beer and you are lambasting the author of this article for having an occasional toke than you are either poorly informed or a total hypocrite. I don't smoke marijuana any more, and i do enjoy a couple glasses of wine a few days per week, and i still maintain that drinking -- even moderately -- is far more pernicious and dangerous to society and dangerous to children than pot smoking. It's amazing what strong opinions people who have never tried marijuina have about it. It's a classic example of small mindedness and herd mentality ... its quite clear reading some of these posts why "witches" were hung by ropes in this country a few hundred years ago.
When the pot demonizers run out of other arguments they say, "well, it's illegal." Folks, please. Driving 56 miles per hour is illegal. Drinking a sip of wine was illegal 60 years ago. It's illegal to have oral sex with you wife in many states. If the you do none of the above you should join a convent and leave the procreation to the rest of us.
posted by : chattydaddy on 8/29/2007 at 9:55 PM Flag For Abuse
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I comepletely agree with chattydaddy. The reactions of some people to this article, whether fictional or not is absurd. I think we can all agree that we are not discussing some crack haven dwelling mother of ten here. I find it hard to believe that so many people read the same witty and insightful article that I did, and came to such a completely different conclusion.
The fact that so many people are ready to demonize a mother for taking a hit of pot in order to calm herself down is ludacris. As others have noted, it is on the exact same level as having a few drinks in the evening to wind down. Even the comments some have made, about how the pot isn't whats bothersome, but the need of it by the mother is, are pretty haughty. Tell me, any one of you, where exactly the author makes reference to her out of control addiction or inescapable seething toil for pot. There is none. She simply points out the fact that, occaisionally, it stops her from wanting to scratch her ears out after listening to the whining and crying all day long. Admitting the fact that occaisionally, your kids make you want to bash your face in does not make you a bad person or parent, it makes you a normal human being. If you can honestly tell me, as a parent, you haven't had that moment teetering on insanity, where all you can do is close your eyes and ignore and take a moment, or lock yourself in your bathroom making poor little Johnny and Susie wait one goddamn minute for another glass of juice, then congratulations. You are officially the "perfect" parent. I can assure you, you are a rare breed. For the rest of us, sometimes you just need a little out. Nobody here is discussing getting shit-faced and passing out while our children watch, it's all about moderation, and knowing your own body. I don't even smoke pot, gave the herb up long ago, but I will tell you, I am in a long-term relationship with my good friend, Marguerita, and I will not be shamed by some self righteous hypocrites who think that a prescription is a pass note through parenting. Prozak works for you, cocktails work for me, and the reefer works for Miss LJ. Get over yourselves.
posted by : MissV on 10/19/2007 at 6:36 PM Flag For Abuse
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Awesome article.
Let me first say I am the last one to defend doing drugs or drinking while parenting. Whether or not someone can parent while taking drugs aside, I have an issue with being a parent and doing things that are illegal and could cause me jail time. I also have never done any drugs or even gotten drunk. I was ready to kill my mother-in-law when she drank alcohol while watching my baby and then learned she had gotten drunk while taking care of her nieces and nephews as well. In my opinion (although my older sister disagrees) that was dangerous. I will never let her watch my child alone again, ever and I think it was extremely stupid of her to do that, not even apologize and then defend her behavior and actually accuse me of yelling at her (which I didn't) to everyone who would listen.
However, I think the article makes a good point. All too often as parents we freak out, we get frustrated, we pull our kids along instead of letting them enjoy life. We don't always sit down and interact with them on a one on one level. We need breaks. I don't think those breaks should come via a chemical, but lets face it, it's easier to get then a well needed massage, meditation or yoga session.
Also pot in my opinion is way less dangerous then alcohol or other drugs. It does not impair a persons ability to drive, it does not always cut back on a persons reaction time, it's not addictive, so far no studies have shown it causes long term health problems. Actually in our house I have a joke about people smoking pot inside (not me obviously, but we've had roommates and friends who do) that at least it's organic. People look at pot as this hardcore, dangerous drug, but it's not. There is actually a movie called One Nation Under Pot, about how it actually helps people who have health problems.
posted by : dhsredhead on 11/1/2007 at 4:52 PM Flag For Abuse
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Wow! The attacks from those against an occaisaonal toke are really pretty vicious. It would be interesting to understand those who posted's personal history with any drugs.
My own, briefly, once an everyday pot smoker from high school in new york to college in Colorado. In addition, a bit too experienced with LSD, Mushrroms, X, powders and pills such that it has definitely caused some anxiety and self loathing at one point or another especially in my 20's. While a bit more extreme than my wife, we have similar backgrounds. We are now both 33, have been together for nearly 9 years (the last two of which in marriage), live in Brooklyn, I work in finance, she is finishing up her final year of medical school and we have a 11 month old healthy girl and are comfortable financially.
posted by : teepeetee on 1/9/2008 at 7:19 PM Flag For Abuse
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...to continue. A lot of people who are against it seem to feel as though "it would be the easy way out" and highlight the fact that the writer "needed" to smoke like she was a junkie. It begs the question, why is everyone into the self suffering thing. What's wrong with an occaisonal release? You don't have to battle your way through life as though everything is a personal challenge. There is no preset list of rules but rather those you make for yourself. If your goal is be a responsible caring adult for your child, then figure out what that means for you. If those boundaries include an occaisonal mood alteration then so be it.
I know from my own personal experience that the effect a bit of pot has one person versus another ranges from as little as a mood upswing (typically the weight being lifted) to losing their shit and everything in between. If your own relationship is the closer to the former i don't see the harm.
posted by : teepeetee on 1/9/2008 at 7:37 PM Flag For Abuse
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Oh, for God's sake.
I was prescribed Xanax for postpartum anxiety attacks and indeed, if you are losing it, than I genuinely don't see something as innocuous as a hit of marijuana as being somehow worse than a drink, or something taken under a doctor's supervision. What is this idea that the odd imbibe makes someone an irresponsible parent? Am I a negligent parent for using something that has known addictive properties, can easily be abused, and is definitely mood-altering, although I use it exactly as prescribed, not to get high, and as minimally as possible? This is self-righteous crap. For the record, my father had glaucoma and adult-onset diabetes and used medical weed as an analgesic - I saw him smoke several times during my childhood - and it never influenced me to get high.
posted by : CrysBellis on 2/3/2008 at 12:32 AM Flag For Abuse
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good article ! I have xperiencied the same... totally tired of a child that screams load that her dress has a spot of oil from a bicycle and my hands were all dirty and I could not carry her...do nothing but go clean and there were just such chaos...
went to the balcony smoked some.. cleaned myself, and cooled down. I sat to my child and asked how we could sort it out , relaxed, and it sorted out great.
Im a good parent, and I smoke when my kid is awake. but now I have problem cause her mother ,divorced, told the social office and now we have major court issues for som years to come... that is destructive for a kids mind.
dont say someone who smokes pot is bad for a child. stressful parents is far more dangerous is comparison. but do it responsible as hell ofcourse!
posted by : potsmoking father on 2/5/2008 at 1:01 PM Flag For Abuse
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I agree with Raiden. I don't think it is fictional. I also noticed that this was posted over a year ago and people are still talking about it. I would love to hear more responses on this. And who are some of you kidding???? You can't tell me that there aren't some moms out there...especially from the 80s.....that don't have a hit or two once in awhile? I thought this article was great and I hope the writer of the article would post something else.....
Have a great evening everyone ;)
posted by : bluesclues on 11/4/2008 at 6:47 PM Flag For Abuse
