-
Thanks, guys, for the shout-out to how hard it is to be a new mom. This lady is lucky that she is rested and rich enough to care about her manicure and her hairdo as she looks down on all the scummy humans around her - but plenty of us aren't rested and rich enough. With my medical conditions, I tell people, you're f-ing lucky I can get out of bed and do what I need to do at all - I don't have the energy or ability, sometimes, to wait twenty minutes for my nails to dry and another 1.5 hours to set my hair and primp myself.
I'm not public art. My body isn't anyone's property, and it isn't there to make you happy. If you don't like what you see, you horrible shrew, don't f-ing look. My body is here to keep me alive and functioning so I can work and provide for my children and family and so I can come home and play with them and love them. Apparently, yours is just there to make your husband visually happy. I don't usually write such rage-filled posts, but this whole letter thoroughly disgusts me, and if I wasn't so insanely angry, I suppose I'd just pity someone whose sole purpose in life is to look like the white hetero unhealthy media ideal for her shallow spouse. But I don't feel pity. I hope one day she knows what it's like to deal with a chronic illness, to receive chemotherapy, to not be able to walk to the bathroom by herself. And, on that day, I hope someone comes up to her and says: God, you are a disgrace to all women becuase you didn't dye your hair. You should be ashamed of yourself!
She should be ashamed. I hope she is.
posted by : angryangryangry on 6/24/2009 at 11:00 AM Flag For Abuse
-
I know a woman whose children play alone in the empty bathtub for an hour or more in the morning so she can "get ready." I'd rather spend that time hanging with my kid.
Also, my spouse loves me for being low maintenance and eschewing make-up. He'd probably make some joke about the letter writer being a painted hussy if she showed up at the playground all dolled up.
posted by : ann05 on 6/24/2009 at 11:21 AM Flag For Abuse
-
Hoo, snap!
posted by : NoHo Mom on 6/24/2009 at 11:21 AM Flag For Abuse
-
Dear Get Your Roots Done,
That's a winner of a husband you've got there! But I suppose you deserve each other since you both judge people based on their appearances.
What an f-ing joke.
My husband tells me I'm beautiful everyday. AND he wants to have sex with me ALL the time. Guess how often I put on lipstick and style my hair now that we have a baby. Hardly ever! And it's fricking liberating. Thank God I don't associate with materialistic morons like you and your caveman spouse.
Oh, and the last time I got my roots done was three months ago. I'm your worst nightmare, lady! Go shove another mojito in your trap and shut the hell up. I'm busy raising a family and enjoying a better relationship with my man than you'll ever have with yours.
posted by : SuckIt on 6/24/2009 at 11:46 AM Flag For Abuse
-
To angryangryangry,
This author doesn't deserve your precious time. Take care of yourself and ignore idiots like her. You're fantastic and you need your strength to get well and kick women like her right in the ass.
Hugs to you and yours.
posted by : SuckIt on 6/24/2009 at 11:48 AM Flag For Abuse
-
And thank you to the Parental Advisory ladies for handling the question so well. I really enjoyed your response to this.
posted by : SuckIt on 6/24/2009 at 11:50 AM Flag For Abuse
-
Often when a woman has a child she grows up. She stops worrying about adolescent things such as looking hot 24/7. What wrong with the way we look when bathed and wearing clean clothes? I think women are beautiful just the way they are without war paint and costumes.
posted by : Ali on 6/24/2009 at 11:52 AM Flag For Abuse
-
Yes, some women, when they have kids, stop worrying about their appearance altogether. And some women continue to wear makeup and shampoo and blow-dry their hair every day. Most of us fall somewhere in between, but really...who gives a sweet damn? If I see a mother out there with a ratty ponytail and spit-up-stained sweatpants, I'll just think she's a busy mom. If I see a mom out there with flawless hair and a perfectly coodinated outfit, I'll just think that she's lucky to have the time and energy to devote to her appearance. But why JUDGE them? That's just silly. Everybody has different reasons for being the way they are and for the choices they make, and to pretend for even a second that we know WHY someone looks the way that they do is presuming an awful lot. Frankly, I think that as a society, we need a big heaping helping of vitamin MYODB (Mind Your Own Damn Business).
posted by : RedKitten on 6/24/2009 at 12:13 PM Flag For Abuse
-
I would prefer an extra ten minutes spending precious time with my son before I have to take him to daycare and work all day than having mascara on. The people I work with understand, too. And seriously, what sort of husband does the OP have if his main concern about bringing another person into the world involves his wife looking like Christina Aguilara every day?
posted by : coolteamblt on 6/24/2009 at 1:12 PM Flag For Abuse
-
"they clean up nice when they see fit but have no interest in looking
good for a bunch of toddlers in a sandbox or, for that matter, you"
that about says it...most women look better naturally without all the crap done to 'em anyway
posted by : GP on 6/24/2009 at 1:16 PM Flag For Abuse
-
The letter is so ridiculous I suspect it is a fake. Good answer, though.
posted by : catmom on 6/24/2009 at 1:18 PM Flag For Abuse
-
Major props to the Parental Advisory team for talking to the letter-writer as though she were a reasonable human being. I have trouble imagining being in their shoes and attempting to be polite.
posted by : Bunny 2 on 6/24/2009 at 1:33 PM Flag For Abuse
-
I didn't blow dry my hair or wear lipstick before I had a baby. I find it mildly irritating that what was a personal choice not to buy into the beauty myth prior to having a baby is now evidence of me having "let myself go." But oh well ... I wasn't seeking this woman's approval in the first place.
posted by : moominmama on 6/24/2009 at 3:25 PM Flag For Abuse
-
I can't stand these women (and husbands) that think the only thing that matters in life is the way you look. I have three kids under four. I'm lucky to get a shower some days between caring for them & working from home. If I want to hang around the house in my pjs or go to the grocery store with no makeup on, that's my biz. My husband loves me for me, lipstick or no lipstick. I feel sorry for women married to men that are so concerned with looks. These prissy women (and pissy husbands) can suck it!
Beth@ Mom Squad Blog
posted by : Mom Squad Blog on 6/24/2009 at 4:19 PM Flag For Abuse
-
I'm part of nerd culture. A neat shirt, clean jeans, and a fresh clean face is considered presentable - add heels, a swipe of mascara and some lipstick and you have going out clothes. If I dolled up all the time people would be surprised and uncomfortable. Also, I've never been able to use a hairdryer. My husband thinks when I wear lipstick that I have a LOT of makeup on - even if it's just the lipstick. He's a nerd too.
posted by : Marj on 6/24/2009 at 4:32 PM Flag For Abuse
-
catmom, I had the same thought. If the letter was not a fake, this woman has some major problems.
Great answer from Parental Advisory. It is true that, in these days, there is so much pressure for a new mom to look hot (like Angelina, etc.). What is so wrong with looking like you have kids?
moominmama - I am the same. I didn't wear make-up before I had a child. One of the reasons my husband was attracted to me was because, as he says, I had a natural look. Why would I start now?
posted by : Cali mom on 6/24/2009 at 4:37 PM Flag For Abuse
-
"Wow", that all I can say. What priorities. Not only can she focus on her own hygiene, she also takes care of her children and has time left to judge others.
Thanks for the support, fellow mom. Since you have so much time on your hands to solve others problems, how bout you tackle world peace.
posted by : mom Christine on 6/24/2009 at 5:24 PM Flag For Abuse
-
If someone is already married what is the point of dressing up all the time? I mean honestly at that point the guy knows what you look like naked so there is not much point to a push up bra and ten layers of make up. This whole concept of staying a "hot" seems really immature to me. I feel sorry for both this woman and her spouse that they cannot enjoy the best parts of a long term relationship; comfort and conversation.
posted by : Brooke Johnson on 6/24/2009 at 10:23 PM Flag For Abuse
-
Wow. I really enjoyed the response here. I don't know who comes up with the questions for this section, but if a real Babble reader wrote it, then, well, you're a complete bitch. As if moms aren't already criticized by so many and framed as selfish/incompetent/lazy etc. by the media and their communities, even their families. Good question tossed back at you -- why do you care so much? Congratulations, lady -- maybe you ought to try out for The Real Housewives of Wherever it Will Be Cast Next. Sounds like you're a perfect candidate.
posted by : seething in CA on 6/25/2009 at 1:14 AM Flag For Abuse
-
Good lord, am I supposed to start wearing lipstick and styling my hair once I have a baby? Does it count as "letting myself go" if I never had myself in hand in the first place? Should I still get my roots done if I never needed/wanted/cared to lighten my hair in the first place?
Damn, I've been happy with my appearance (with minimal effort) for so long, I'm not sure how to get the necessary self-hatred going--advice needed!!
posted by : abby on 6/25/2009 at 9:24 AM Flag For Abuse
-
Wow, as my children get closer to adulthood I forget just how pretentious and rude some people can be about motherhood. Gee whiz. Too bad we don't all live in the Enchanted Forest of Chanel where an hour a day is nothing to lose to grooming. <rolls eyes>
posted by : Sounds Like My MIL on 6/25/2009 at 10:06 AM Flag For Abuse
-
While I certainly wouldn't judge anyone for how they look, and don't personally wear make-up except on special occasions, I do think there's a judgmental tone in some of this backlash as well.
It wouldn't hurt any of us to let our kids play by themselves or watch TV for 30 minutes a day so that we can spend a little time taking care of ourselves, whether that's taking a shower, eating a decent meal, chatting on the phone with a friend, or even putting on make-up. I'd love it if my kids would play in an empty bathtub for an hour while I "got ready."
We all need to do what makes us feel best.
posted by : I like brushing my hair on 6/25/2009 at 10:20 AM Flag For Abuse
-
I found this feedback shocking: "If someone is already married what is the point of dressing up all the time?" "Get Your Roots Done" is clearly a nightmare, but I do think it's good manners to dress up for your spouse. Even though we have a little kid, my husband and I both try to stay as cute as possible - both for each other's enjoyment and for our own self-confidence.
posted by : amya on 6/25/2009 at 11:36 AM Flag For Abuse
-
Major props to PA for handling the question better than I could.
Know what my mental response was? Good for you that you can and do take time. Shame on you for being a judgemental wench. Don't like how I look? Til you've been in my shoes, you can get bent, don't look, or give me a hand so I can be up to your standards. Er, no, scratch that. Get bent or don't look. She lost whatever credit she had when she declared that anyone who doesn't keep up appearances has no self-esteem.
I haven't "let myself go" post-baby. But you know...five minutes extra of sleep means a helluva lot more to me and my husband that a blow-out or lipstick ever would.
posted by : FrazzMomma on 6/25/2009 at 12:14 PM Flag For Abuse
-
To I like brushing my hair and amya - I don't feel that the comments are judging the author of the letter because she takes care of herself. They are judging her for being critical of other mothers without knowing what is going on with them. I personally admire people that can keep themselves together while also having young children, but I don't expect them to judge anyone else for not doing so.
posted by : Laure68 on 6/25/2009 at 12:59 PM Flag For Abuse
-
Wow ladies. Your comments sure make you sound aggressive and defensive about looking less then your best. Why is that?
I don't think that you have to be rich to take care of yourself after having kids. I think you need to be really well organized to find the time without taking it away from other important things.
I started wanting to dress and look feminine much more AFTER having kids then before. Now my four year old tells me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world. When my 10 month old daugher grows up enough to notice, I want her to see her mom looking her best as well. Kids do as we do, not as we say. One day she will be a woman with a sense of style that she will, at least partially, have derived from me. I think femininty is worth celebrating and I hope she will find as much pleasure in it as me and my partner do. Though he loves me even when I'm asleep and drooling next to him on the couch during films I can't seem to muster the energy to watch, I can see he's proud and excited to go out with me when I dress up. In fact, he gets annoyed when I come back from work and take off my nice clothes to replace them with the old joga pants. So I don't anymore.
I find that I feel better about myself when I've managed to put together a nice outfit and put on mascara. It cheers me up even though I'm tired, that I have no time for self development and culture, bearly time for friends.
I'm a bit surprised that members of such a progressive parenting community as babble consider motherhood mutually exclusive with femininity. Or am I reading you ladies wrong?
posted by : zu on 6/26/2009 at 9:26 AM Flag For Abuse
-
ZU- you missed the point. Your idea of femininity is different from others' ideas of femininity. You need makeup and a dress to feel feminine (I don't think I'm being argumentative here by saying that that is a very traditional, conventional, and non-progressive way of expressing this concept), while other women need much less (and some much more) to get the same feeling. However you do this is fine, but when someone starts judging others for not having the same values or priorities, trouble starts. People feel attacked, and when they feel attacked they get defensive-- there's no mystery here. Re-read your post and see if you can't find a hint of aggression and defensiveness in anything that you wrote-- you felt attacked and overexplained yourself, maybe a little too much, maybe in defense because you relate with the woman who wrote the letter that started all of this. It's a vicious cycle!
I feel badly for you that you don't understand that your children would probably think you were the most beautiful woman in the world even if you wore sweatpants and a ponytail every minute of every day. Children just don't care about this stuff like we do-- it takes years of brainwashing for us to think that beauty and feminity and self-confidence only come in one form.
posted by : meghan eckner on 6/26/2009 at 10:46 AM Flag For Abuse
-
I heart you meghan eckner.
posted by : ann05 on 6/26/2009 at 1:45 PM Flag For Abuse
-
meghan eckner, you said it so well. Why do so many people think "celebrating femininity" means wearing dresses and make-up?
I have always worked in a male-dominated field, so I have many male friends. I have to say, most of them go for the jeans and no make-up girl. I remember a few years ago 2 young women joined our company at the same time. They were both very attractive, but one was more girlie (dresses, make-up, heels, etc.) and the other was more tomboyish. Guess which one the guys were drooling after? Especially after they saw her working on her car at lunchtime! I'm not saying there is anything wrong with being girlie, because for this other woman this is clearly how she herself wanted to be. I think the problem is thinking all women have to fit this mold, and thinking that men only find a certain type of woman attractive.
zu - you talk about your daughter getting some of her sense of style from you, but I'm not sure that is always how it works. My mom was always wearing dresses and high-heels, and I was more athletic, preferring jeans and flat shoes. She was constantly trying to push me to wear high heels - until she had to have painful surgery on her feet due to years of wearing said high heels. Now she dresses like I do (although I never asked her to), and tells me she is so glad I didn't listen to her on this point when I was young. Again, I have nothing against women who want to wear fancy shoes, but you can't push your idea of style on someone else. I would never tell anyone they should dress and look just like me.
posted by : Cali mom on 6/26/2009 at 2:11 PM Flag For Abuse
-
Wow, I'm actually surprised to see nearly everyone reacting so negatively to this. Like one commenter above, I wouldn't be surprised if this is fake. At the least, it's an extreme case of what I imagine is not all that uncommon (judging the book by the cover). I too think that the author of the letter is a bit over the top; at the same time, I know that I feel a heckuvalot better about myself when I don't have my hair shoved under a baseball cap and my clothes are actually clean and "cute." I had a college friend who would "dress for success" every Wednesday, which happened to be a horribly long day for her; it gave her a mental advantage. This slogan crosses my mind fairly often. I'm one of those moms who'd rather take an extra five minutes, even if my kids are screaming, to put on some basic makeup and to do SOMETHING about my hair before I go out in public. It's not do-or-die; I leave the house plenty without makeup. There are some things I simply won't do, though, because I think that they're sloppy, like leave the house in pajama pants. No way. I don't necessarily judge another mom for doing so, but I "can't" let myself go like that. I think that there is something to be said for presentation, and I don't think that this makes me fake.
posted by : ChiLaura on 6/26/2009 at 9:35 PM Flag For Abuse
-
High five to that ChiLaura. I say mom pants are for women who have given up.
posted by : zu on 6/27/2009 at 5:58 AM Flag For Abuse
-
Wow! This is sad! This is why the general public just EXPECTS "moms" to look a certain way! And when someone actually gets up an hour earlier than necessary and makes an Effort to "groom" themselves and not just accept the look of "the mom", then they're phony???
Seriously! This makes me sick to my stomach. I had my first child pretty young and raised two all by myself, with a full time job, and I still managed to look appropriate every day...because I got up an hour earlier than I needed to so I could get ready. And it wasn't to impress Anybody...it was for Myself. Because I, personally, was not about to accept looking like a slob and BLAMING it on being a Mom. Being a mom doesn't excuse someone from actually making an effort to take care of themselves. It's called balance. Tell me you think your kids aren't bright enough to look at how you are and wonder if that's how it's supposed to go? You take care of yourself and try to be the best...until you have kids, then you let it all go? Great lesson your teaching them. Granted, don't teach them that appearance is everything, but don't teach them that they shouldn't think anything of themselves once they have kids.
posted by : josephine on 6/27/2009 at 11:30 PM Flag For Abuse
-
Is there a rule that says all women have to wear makeup and fix thier hair? If there is, I missed that memo. Yes, I enjoy fixing myself up from time to time, but I don't have the luxury in both time and money to do so. I'm too busy chaseing around a growing toddler! Besides, I don't care what anyone thinks about me, much less you or any other prissy little hussy for that matter. I'm perfectly happy with the way I look whether in sweats or a mini skirt....and my husband is too. My kids and family are WAY more important than what I look like or what anyone thinks of me. I'd rather play patty cake with my little boy than play dress up for an hour! Why is it that our "grungy moms" lives are so much more interesting than your own or that of children and husband? Quit spending so much time criticizing fellow mothers lives and spend more time criticizing your own!
posted by : proudgrungymom on 6/27/2009 at 11:51 PM Flag For Abuse
-
I get barely 5 hours of sleep every night....I couldn't imagine cutting that down to four just so I can put my hair in curlers and dab on a little eyeshadow! I'm barely alive as it is! Not to mention that its hard to adjust to motherhood.....Your peace and quiet goes out the window....I can't even go to the bathroom to pee alone! I couldn't imagine trying to put lipstick on! I don't always go out looking my worst, but I don't look my best either! Its easier to throw my hair up in a pony when I have to haul two kids out to the grocery store! I want to make the trip as quick and easy as possible...trust me...one's screaming and the other is asking for every thing in the eisle! Is it really a crime to wear "mom pants" and a pony out for a quick trip? Of course, I wouldn't dress like that if we going out to dinner, but if its just a day in the park than why should i have to look perfect? Who am I trying to impress besides my kids? My kids are just happy to have thier mother with them and get to play on the monkey bars!
posted by : KP on 6/28/2009 at 12:12 AM Flag For Abuse
-
To: Get Your Roots Done Already (and everyone who agrees with her),
You have no idea what goes on in a person's life so you have no right to turn up your nose at anyone. You know the old saying, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." There is too much negativity and superficiality in this world as it is. Why don't you try to be more of a friend to us "grungy" moms instead. You might be surprised what you find under our "grungy" exterior.
posted by : RT on 6/28/2009 at 12:30 AM Flag For Abuse
-
To Zu, and Josephine,
More power to you that you feel or want to look nice. I have two kids. Personally after being up all night with them when they were newborns I could have cared less how I looked in public. And I definately could have cared less if anyone liked how I looked . I was not about to loose sleep just to curl my hair, slap makeup on and iron clothes just so you or anyone else could be happy to see me in public.
More power to you that it makes you feel good about yourself. After years and years and years of 7 day a week having to put on 10 pounds of makeup and spend 2 hours doing my hair everyday and Ironing suits just to look good for people like you at my job, I got pretty freaking sick of it. Now I could care less how I look in public. And my kids are older now to where I actually get sleep and have time to get ready in the morning. They tell me I am pretty everyday. My husband prefers the natural look. He gets all "hot and bothered" if I am in my sweats more then he does if I am dressed up. My Mornings are as so.. shower, shave, brush teeth, dry hair, comb/brush hair, do the facial cleansing crap, pluck if needed, get dressed and put on makeup only if I have somewhere to be that is important like a meeting. Otherwise I go plain. Who am I trying to please? Obviously not you. Or anyone else.
If a mother of a newborn is able to find the time to priss herself up in the morning then she either got enough sleep (lucky her because I sure as hell didn't). Has someone watching her baby (again lucky her because my husband was in the military so I sure as hell didn't, and my family was in another state). Or is so stuck on herself that she would let her child lay there crying while it was hungry, or had a dirty diaper and it was irritating their skin (which is why babies cry when they have a dirty diaper in the first place), When a child is that young the last thing on your mind should be primping up. A newborns needs should be way more important than your own. Take care of them first then worry about yourself. In my opinion if your more worried about being pretty than that crying baby in the other room than your priorities are screwed up. The only people who care how a mother looks are the ones that are vain and conceited anyways. Most men I know love the natural look over the fake look. Including my husband.
And for the person who made the comment about The Real Housewives TV Show.. those women are not real housewives. They have no clue what it is like to be a real housewife. They should have them be on a reality show that puts rich stuck up women like them in situations that REAL mothers deal with on a daily basis and see how they fair. I would totally watch it if they did. Their life is cake compaired to a real mother. We don't have nannies, hair dressers, peope who shop for us. We do it all ourselves and we seem to do just fine.
posted by : QuiteContentInMyTshirtNJeansNoMa on 6/28/2009 at 1:22 AM Flag For Abuse
-
Ive found that my children (the majority of the time) are better behaved, better dressed and more stabile in all aspects compared to the children of the mothers who are all done up. There is mine...and my husbands satisfaction. And we get that everyday...for the rest of our lives.
posted by : lu on 6/28/2009 at 5:17 PM Flag For Abuse
-
Wow this is a judgemental bunch. The questioner cares about their appearance so of course she is a shallow airhead with no soul. I though she had a point about mothers who use their kids as an excuse to forget about themselves. I personally am very tired of mommy martyrs who out everything in to their kids and are then bitter about how their is nothing left of who they are. It doesn't do your kids any favors if you don't take care of your self.
posted by : Meagan H on 6/28/2009 at 6:59 PM Flag For Abuse
-
Meagan H - the author of the letter is not a "shallow airhead with no soul" because she wants to look good, but rather because she looks down on other moms who don't adhere to her standards. Why is she so concerned with how other people look at the playground, grocery store, etc?
We have no idea what goes on in other people's lives. To say that, since we can do something then every mom can is ridiculous. There is so much judgement between parents, I really can't stand it.
posted by : Laure68 on 6/28/2009 at 11:26 PM Flag For Abuse
-
From a MALE perspective...
We have 3 children, and my wife manages to exercise at least every other day (as I do) and she always leaves herself ample time to shower, dress decently, and apply make-up before leaving the house. It's not my request, it's her personal preference. In turn, I have adopted her standards (less the make-up) to show her that I appreciate the time she takes in making herself persentable to the outside world (our in-home standards are not quite as high). We both feel our sweats and old tees are for exercising or doing yard work.
Let's be honest, looking good for each other takes effort and it's one of the many ways to say, "I love this person". It's not a negative thing, but when we're out in public (grocery store/daycare pick-up/neighbor's BBQ) and other women (or men) compliment her, it makes me feel great. She feels the same way when roles are reversed. Who doesn't want to be asked "Where did you get that top?" or "What is your exercise routine?" The answer to the former question could be be anything from Target to Victoria's Secret. We're not talking about Juicy Couture stuff here.
AND, for all of you women that have men that say "You look even prettier without make-up or push-up bras or what-have-you".... We're conditioned to say that. The truth is that when we see those catalogs you get in the mail, it does someting inside of us. And yeah, we love you for being a great mom, a loving wife, and a best friend.... but we really, really, reallly want to see you in that push-up bra, skirt, and make-up.
posted by : MiGo on 6/29/2009 at 8:16 AM Flag For Abuse
-
Before I had children I felt the same way about mothers, but after having twins and a bad case of postpartum depression letting yourself go sometimes is out of your control. With babies crying, spit-up clothes and no sleep for months looking good is not a priority. Moms who have family support or paid helpers have the time to spend their time in a gym, getting ready for hours and spending their free time shopping for expensive clothes. But for moms who have no support those are not options. I feel sympathy for, Get You Roots Done, because while my husband was supportive, her immature and ignorant husband probably made her starve herself during and after her pregnancy to get into size 00 jeans right after the birth. And while her husband probably called her fat for nine months and made her feel horrible for not spending hours getting ready, mine made me feel good about myself, extra weight, messy hair, stained clothes and all.
posted by : manicmouse on 6/29/2009 at 12:25 PM Flag For Abuse
-
Before my baby was born, I did my nails, I did my hair. I didn't leave the house without makeup on.Then I had her. Suddenly that 45 minutes I took to leave the house seemed better spent on her. Feeding her, changing her, dressing her, loving her. I could put her in her swing or in her carrier while I ran the hair dryer but I couldn't hear her if she cried out. And having her in the bathroom didn't seem a viable option either. I didn't want to hurt her little ears.I also cut my nails short after accidently poking her with one. I can tell you we both cried after that happened. And I didn't use nail polish anymore because I can't tell you how often she chewed on my hands and I didn't want it ever to chip in her mouth. Make up too, I didn't want it getting on her so I kept it to a minimum.
Some moms might have looked at me as not caring about myself but actually I did. I cared about being a good mom over being self absorbed. I'm sure other 'grubby' moms feel the same way too.
posted by : KavaD on 6/29/2009 at 2:11 PM Flag For Abuse
-
The operative terms here should be time and choice. I don't think anyone who has given birth expects other mothers of babies to spend time primping in front of the mirror. But there comes a moment in our children's lives, when they no longer need 100% of our attention. After the first two, three years we figure out how to fuse our former lives with our new ones and we suddenly get the big bonus: preschool! (or is it called kindergarten? I get them confused. I live in europe where it's basically all one word :-) )Once sweet baby enters the school system we can look over all the discared pieces of our former lives and select which ones to reintroduce. At that point, being a grungy mommy becomes a lifestyle choice, not a sad plight for which all dedicated moms are destined. I agree full on with knowing husband. Rootsy mom jeans ladies with dangling hang nails and pot bellies are a high risk group for failed marriage. That's not what you looked like when he fell in love! And I'll bet he doesn't wet your sensible cotten undies if he's over weight and unkept either...
posted by : zu on 6/29/2009 at 2:39 PM Flag For Abuse
-
To each their own - I barely had the energy to get all I needed to do done in a given day when my son was little, so I can relate to most of the ladies here who have said they don't have the time or the inclination to "doll up".
I also agree with those who have said they'd rather take the extra time (when they have it) to spend with their kids.
I was a bit put off by "angryangryangry" insinuating that this woman's complaints are tied to her being white and hetero... What has that got to do with *anything*?
posted by : nojudgmenthere on 6/29/2009 at 2:52 PM Flag For Abuse
-
Lol at MiGo. At least you're honest. We all want to pretend that looks don't matter, but they do, at least a little. Hey, grunge is a look, too! :)
posted by : Jomama on 6/29/2009 at 3:25 PM Flag For Abuse
-
I also appreciate MiGo being so honest. One comment though - you mention that looking at hot girls in catalogs does something to men. Guess what? Looking at hot guys with rippling muscles does something to women too, but I don't expect my husband to look exactly like that.
The men I know tend to take less time looking their best after they have kids, also. What is their responsibility? For example, my husband was definitely more muscular when we met. However, he now has a more demanding job, and when he has some extra time he'd rather spend it with his family. You know what? I love him even more now than I did when we met. I am so amazed at the man, husband, and father he has become. I can't imagine looking down on him because he does not have the same bod he had before.
If he took the time to go to the gym on a regular basis, that would take time away from work or family, and I'd much rather have it this way.
Also, looks mean different things to different people. Here in San Francisco, I hardly ever see a mom of young children with make-up or styled hair. However, because many people are very health conscience, you also hardly ever see a mom that is overweight.
posted by : Cali mom on 6/29/2009 at 4:15 PM Flag For Abuse
-
I don't have time to do the things I really need to do for my basic health and survival these days. Never mind my hair.
A big thanks to the authors for stickin' it to this pathetic, ignorant snot.
posted by : vancitymama on 7/1/2009 at 2:44 AM Flag For Abuse
-
Mothers have A really big job to do, taking care of their children, including a large number of the husbands. Most of the time they (Moms) do allof the shopping, cooking and cleaning without much help from their spouses, So if they take the kids to the park, or for a walk or just to play in the yard give her a break for not wearing make-up, or for just pulling her hair back, or even if she's wearing two different color socks. Because these women deserve A standing ovation,They do an incredible job of taking care of familys around the world! And this man, myself of 44 years takes his hat off to them, allthough they deserve so much more. T.R.M.
posted by : TRM on 7/1/2009 at 7:59 PM Flag For Abuse
-
Reading some of the comments here amaze me. I do think that a women (mother or not) should @ least go out of the house looking better. It takes 5 mins to conceal under eye bags, and throw on some gloss and mascara. A nice fitting pair of jeans or leggins with a cute pair of flats and a flattering top and some pretty flats (which can all be just as expensive or cheap as you want them to be) is just as comfortable as 'pj's' when you get the right size. Throw on a pair of stud earrings (so the baby doesn't pull them) and you're done. When I see slovenly looking people (mothers or otherwise) it screams of someone who doesn't have any respect for themselves or the way that they look. I dare someone to go into a board room with p.j. pants on and expect anyone to take them seriously.
Do you need 50 lbs of makeup and Victoria Beckham Christian Loubitans every day, or any day for that matter? no. Should you put on a pair of proper pants and a proper top? yes. as far as hair goes if you don't have time for a blowdryer, put it in a pretty bun or ponytail. It does not take buckets of makeup or hair product to look nice.
On the other hand, it doesn't 'upset' me to see a mother who has let herself go, because I haven't, so what difference does it make to me? But I just don't understand how women can not take care of themselves at all and expect their partners to endure that for years. I know, they appreciate you for bringing life into the world, but there is nothing wrong with @ least trying to keep up with yourself. Looking pretty and presentable can be very easy. Think Audrey Hepburn, simple black pants, white shirt, cute flats, pretty bun. gorgeous
posted by : its easy to get pretty on 7/2/2009 at 9:17 AM Flag For Abuse
-
ok, now that i don't have my 7 month old sitting on my lap i must admit that after re-reading my original post it sounds scattered, and doesn't real well. the point i was trying to make was that it is too easy to pull yourself together in mere minutes. Therefore if you choose not to, that is your choice and stand by it proudly. But PLEASE do not blame it on the fact that you have kids.
i do not judge those who do not put themselves together, but i don't understand why they would choose not to. taking care of my appearance is very important to me. It doesn't consume my day, but I make time for myself.
I wouldn't let people in my home if it was dirty because it wouldn't be presentable. I wouldn't invite people over to my place for thanksgiving, or Christmas, and not take out the garbage,do the dishes, or vacume before they came over because I was too 'tired', so why would I let myself walk around in a way that was not presentable?
posted by : its easy to get pretty on 7/2/2009 at 11:51 AM Flag For Abuse
-
What I look like has no impact on my ability to be a good mother, hardworking employee, loyal friend, supportive partner and hot fuck. Anyone who says otherwise is stupid. Period.
The only reason the American beauty standard continues to exist is that stupid, spineless douchewits continue to buy into the fallacy that being "pretty" by society's standards means something. It doesn't.
To those who say getting dressed up makes them feel better, try this: take the time you'd normally spend on makeup and think about what's making you feel so poorly about your natural self that you feel makeup is a necessity in the first place. Here's a hint: it has something to do with that myth mentioned above.
posted by : RANT PANTS on 7/2/2009 at 5:20 PM Flag For Abuse
-
Dear It's easy to get pretty,
I'm so happy for you that it's so easy for you to find 5 minutes to spend on your under eye circles.
posted by : vancitymama on 7/4/2009 at 3:12 AM Flag For Abuse
-
None of this has anything to do with motherhood. It's just more of the same-old-same-old-same-old judging of women's appearance. Happens before we have kids, happens after we have kids. Buy into it or walk away - it's your choice.
posted by : Bla bla bla on 7/9/2009 at 12:56 AM Flag For Abuse
-
I agree with Bla bla bla, this is the same stuff that women put up with their entire lives. We all have our personal standard and don't think we should be judging each other.
I have a five month old son and a work in a very conservative office full time. It's necessary for me to be office-presentable every morning: suit, heels, hose, briefcase.
That aside, it's important to me to put effort into my clothes, makeup and hair. Not a lot, but I have a standard that I'm personally comfortable with. It's especially important now, that my body has changed shape, most likely permanently, that there's something easy that I can control -- lip gloss, pants that button, a low heel and a cute skirt. I'm working what I've got, not killing myself trying to change my body to my shape when I started college.
The way I conduct my life is, or will be, an example for my son, and making an effort to look presentable is part of life.
posted by : jennyfromtheblock on 7/9/2009 at 4:40 PM Flag For Abuse
-
Brava to all those who have time for grooming and childrearing, but I'd rather have a happy son than a perfect manicure, so the mani will have to wait until I can have both. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to hatch a plot to get my hair washed with minimal crying from The Boy.
posted by : zaksmom on 7/15/2009 at 12:29 PM Flag For Abuse
