I am a registered nurse, and a mother to a beautiful, 20 month old daughter. I am shocked, appalled and saddened at the abuse, ignorance, and judgement against the author of the article, and others who feel like her.
The hospital I work at fully closed our nursery about 2 years ago, a few months before I had my daughter there. We were functioning with the nursery as an observation area before that; where babies who were having issues like thermoregulation problems, or getting phototherapy treatment would go. Or if the mother was unable to take care of her baby (ie. postpartum hemorrhage, or other health problems after delivering). And even though it wasn't supposed to be used for this reason, mothers who were hitting the wall in the middle of the night, or were delivery day section patients with no support person staying with them for whatever reason, their babies ended up in the NOU more often than not.
Now, all babies must stay with their mothers. If they need to be NOU babies, they go to our Special Care Nursery (our NICU equivalent). We still have patients who when "bedtime" rolls around, expect their babies to go to the nursery. We tell them we don't have one, and alot of them are surprised. "I sent my baby there last time I was here!", and we tell them it's closed. Now, I totally agree with the whole rooming in theory- that mums and babies do better together. But there are those times, when yes, mum NEEDS a break. I have seen countless, probably a few hundred over the 7 years I've worked as a post partum RN, new mothers, who love this little person they've just given birth to more than life itself, hit the walls at 2 or 3 am. Their baby is fussy, their baby is clusterfeeding-eating for hours on end- and won't take a break, they have had a long labour and literally haven't slept in 3 or 4 days. Whatever the reason, these women, fellow mothers, have tears in their eyes, that look of desperation, and just do not know what to do anymore. And some of these women are the so called, stereotypical "crunchy granola" type- the all organic, cloth diaper, no formula or artificial nipple, all natural, rooming in, thinking mothers (I am NOT knocking ANYONE by saying this- I do some of these things myself). But they get to their breaking point, and NEED HELP. And if taking their baby away from them for a couple of hours so they can get some much needed sleep is the answer, then so be it.
I have NEVER said to any of my patients, "give me your baby". I always offer it as an option. And because we have no nursery anymore, we sit with a barage of bassinettes at the nurses station on nights while we chart. Some of these women just feel like they need permission to ask, because otherwise they feel like they are most horrible mother in the world. A mother's guilt starts before they even get home with this new life. I've offered to give the baby formula at the desk while mum and dad get a head start on sleep, and bring the baby back after they have settled. I've sat with my finger in a baby's mouth for an hour, holding them on my lap and cuddling so mum can get some rest. Some of these mothers decline, and keep their baby with them, and keep on feeding or consolling-that is what they want to do, and that is their choice. Some have the guilt of asking for formula. My response to all of these women? They are NOT horrible mothers. If they opt for a formula supplement, I tell them they are just making sure their baby is fed. If they are hitting the wall and are in tears? You can't take care of this little person if you can't tak care of yourself. You can just see the relief on these womens' faces. I have had several patients, and the partners or family members thanking me for letting my patient getting even an hour or two of sleep, just to get their sanity back, recharge their batteries, and have a new sense of peace. Two hours sleeps sometimes is all one of these new mothers need to have a fresh start and clear their heads.
One of the comments left was to "suck it up". How ignorant and rude. Yes, we ALL know that having a baby means less sleep, less time for ourselves, etc. But you can't tell me that not every single one of you women that has left abusive comments has not needed help in the first few weeks or months. That all you wanted was this little person to settle and stop crying so you could take a break, take a nap, or even just have a shower or go to the toilet. Your partner/husband/support person isn't around 24 hours a day with you and this baby. So did you just "suck it up"? I'm sure you all called your mothers, sisters, or friends, pleading for help at one time or another. I know I did.
I was lucky that my daughter was a pretty good baby right from the start. I chose to supplement my daughter with formula right from birth so I didn't have a clusterfeeding baby at 2 am and hit the wall. I was lucky that my husband stayed with me the entire hospital stay and for the first 2 weeks after we brought our daughter home. There were even a couple of nights were he offered to stay up all night with our daughter, and do a feeding or 2 just so I could get a good 4 or 5 hours of sleep in. I am grateful for that. And I am lucky that my mother came over every week to help. And back then, the only help I wanted was watch the baby, feed her if she wakes up and is hungry, I just want to go and have a shower in peace. Does this make me a bad mother? I don't think so. I did what I needed to do to make sure I could be a good mother to my daughter.
Now all this being said, many patients have said we should get a nursery back. Alot of my coworkers (actually, pretty much all of them), think we need the nursery back. So patients have the CHOICE. If they want to room in 24hrs, so be it. If they decide they need a break for a couple of hours, then let them have that choice too. New patients are supposed to have informed choices about all of their care right? So why not this too? And I also think that we as fellow mothers, and women, should not belittle, judge, or condemn each other for the different choices that we make. Just because it's not what you would do, doesn't mean it's the wrong thing to do. We need to support each other, no matter what decisions and choices we make- to room in or not to room in included.
