feedback for "Personal Essay: Daddy Got Laid Off"
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Great essay. I think you're absolutely right when you say childhood has that free pass from adult nightmares. And as for telling your boys, as far as they're concerned, you have the only fulltime job/identity they've ever known..."dad", and that hasn't changed, except they get to enjoy you more - so for them, this layoff thing kinda probably looks like a winner anyway. I'm sorry you were laid off, but it sounds like your kids have an awesome dad...I mean, most dads don't even know an octopus has feet!
posted by : M on 5/11/2009 at 10:34 AM Flag For Abuse
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Great piece! I was laid off three months ago and I am not nearly as fun as you sound. I am the mom, after all. ;-)
You could write a book about your experience - I'd buy it. I love your wit.
Now I'm going to look around for some octopus feet to throw into tonight's soup.
Thank you!
posted by : cw on 5/11/2009 at 10:44 AM Flag For Abuse
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I can totally relate as my husband is laid off too. I think he is doing a great job at home, helping more with our boys, doing school pickups etc. But I know it's killing him, he'd much rather be at work. I am trying to keep his spirits up, and get through this rough patch. I hope when he looks back he can appreciate this extra time he got to spend with them. Thanks for the great article.
posted by : Suz531 on 5/11/2009 at 12:04 PM Flag For Abuse
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I am the child of a laid-off dad, and, yes, Werner is spot-on as usual.
I watched my rabble-rousing, union-organizing, early environmentalist
dad lose a job in the early 1970s. Because of his outspokenness, he
didn't have great references. he had an MS degree in chemistry from an
Ivy league college, and he sold pots and pans in a department store to
buy us Christmas gifts. Mom worked odd jobs, and the oldest of the
three sons (me) took care of the younger siblings.
Dad was angry and depressed, and he tool it out on us. He never hit us,
but he yelled a lot. He couldn't control the outside world, so he
controlled us -- mom, too -- or tried to. There was a lot of yelling.
He eventually got another job working in a wastewater treatment plant.
He was ambivalent about it. But he never got over the layoff. The
yelling continued.
I learned to yell back, and all that did was raise the volume. My
brothers didn't answer back. They developed other coping mechanisms. My
second brother became something of a cipher. He acted like TV show
characters. he adopted assorted nicknames.
My youngest brother just withdrew.
When I got tired of yelling, I walked away. I didn't talk to my dad
for a long time. We're OK now, and he even says he's proud of me.
Like my dad and me, you wil be OK in the long run.
Unlike my dad, you have to opportunity to be self-aware..Your honesty, sensitivity and self-awareness will get you and your family through this.
posted by : jackzibluk on 5/11/2009 at 5:12 PM Flag For Abuse
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Werner: Thanks for this entertaining and wonderful post. It really hits home. I, too, am a writer. I lost my job two weeks before Christmas -- and four days after hearing the joyous news that our family will welcome a third child i nearly August. Joy and pain. We don't often have one without the other.
Since the layoff, I've been working as a marketing communications consultant and doing some freelance writing for former publishing employers at night. I've been able to string together more than three months of consistent work, but the roller coaster ride continues. However, with that pain and worry comes the joy of spending more time with my 11-year-old daughter and 3-year-old son. The daughter is old enough to understand that daddy is not working "full-time," but she doesn't seem to mind so much. My son just likes seeing daddy everyday, whether I'm working or not. He sees me working on the computer a lot, so I'll assume he thinks I'm working anyway. His smile and laughter are worth more than any paycheck.
My faith and the love of my family members have made this nearly five-month layoff a bearable experience, but there are bills to pay and I'm still concerned for their well-being. However, I'm using this opportunity to get creative again. I'm writing poems and children's book manuscripts in addition to the "money work" for freelance clients. Who knows? Maybe I'll stumble into a newer, more lucrative profession as a creative writer than I was ever able to attain as a journalist (Is Babble hiring? I'm available!).
Regardless, keep your spirits high, kiss your wife often and tell each individual in your family that you love them. They love you, too, no matter what kind of job title you have or whether or not you have to put on a suit when you leave for your office. The time you spend with the family is priceless. The bills will always be there. Your kids may not. Pay attention to them now and keep working toward a brighter future together. I'll do the same. God bless.
posted by : MightyMatt on 5/12/2009 at 3:54 PM Flag For Abuse
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What a lovely, thoughtful, funny essay. Werner, some unworthy employer will no doubt snap you up in the coming months, and your kids will miss the Octopus feet stew. Enjoy the interim, and thank you for sharing.
posted by : rufus griscom on 5/13/2009 at 10:14 AM Flag For Abuse
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What a lovely, thoughtful, heartfelt essay. Werner, some unworthy employer will no doubt snap your in the coming months, and your kids will miss the Octopus feet. Enjoy the interim, and than you for sharing.
posted by : chatty daddy on 5/13/2009 at 10:15 AM Flag For Abuse
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Dude! You're hysterical! Write some more! Write a lot! Somebody! pay him for some of this stuff! it's priceless!
posted by : lalahem on 5/13/2009 at 2:03 PM Flag For Abuse
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It's sad to see a man's identity so wrapped up in his work that when he loses that work he seems to lose his identity as well.
What about your identity as a dad? Is it that tenuous and small that it simply cannot, by itself, support your psyche?
I know that this is essay a bit tongue-in-cheek, but it seems to support the stereotype as dad as hunter-gatherer only.
Now I'm not saying that lack of structure is easy. It's not. I'm sure that I would have a tough time being laid off and stuck around the house too. I'd be bored, for sure and I'd feel the walls closing in. But you seem to worry too much about what your kids think of your work, which to me indicates your identity is too wrapped up in work.
Just my 2 cents. I hope this doesn't come off as abrasive (i'm sure it does :).
posted by : daddyO on 5/13/2009 at 2:06 PM Flag For Abuse
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Hubby has been laid off 8 months our 5 year old and 3 year old think it is great. They have no understanding of what it means in big people terms. They like having Dad around although Dad can be a real grumpy jerk alot of the time. I wish he was so cheery as yourself. We also had our 3rd child 2 months after the lay off. Unemployment and foodstamps these days but lucky we got the oppurtunity to take the credit card companies down with us...Muahhahahaha So our kids don't have a true picture what could be, thankfully.
posted by : mama2three on 5/14/2009 at 12:25 AM Flag For Abuse
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I suspect that most men's identities are more wrapped up in their work than they themselves realize - I think the writer mentioned early on that he was surprised by this himself. It's easy to say when you have a job that you like that you don't need it for your identity; it's harder when you have lost that job. We are social animals, and for better or worse men are valued in our society largely based on the value they provide through their work. You'd have to be a sociopath not to care what the rest of the world thinks, and not have the perception of others affect your own perception of yourself.
posted by : workmatters on 5/14/2009 at 8:42 AM Flag For Abuse
