feedback for "Interview: Michael Lewis & Tabitha Soren"

1. “I would say there was nothing as horrible as just having one infant home from the hospital, with just the two of us to take care of it. Those first three months of parenthood were absolutely traumatizing.”  In my opinion, truer words have never been spoken!  The only reason the trauma ended for me was because we both went back to work full time and we hired an amazing nanny.  When the phone calls started rolling in to find out how we were fairing, we called-out all of our friends on the “great conspiracy”…liars!  When people ask us when we are having another, I give one of two responses (depending on the questioner's fragility), either (1) when we get a joint case of amnesia or (2) not any time soon - the first one is an honest mistake. Although our daughter is far from a mistake, she is a joy, you have to be honest to yourselves when you are in the trenches.  I appreciate this author's honesty – it is refreshing.  This book is on the top of my Father’s Day gift list.

   posted by : Sukey on 5/29/2009 at 10:14 AM Flag For Abuse

2. I thik he sounds like a horrible partner and i feel sorry for Tabitha.
   

   posted by : peaches on 5/29/2009 at 12:27 PM Flag For Abuse

3. “I would say there was nothing as horrible as just having one infant home from the hospital, with just the two of us to take care of it. Those first three months of parenthood were absolutely traumatizing.” What a strange thing to say...
   
   I guess if you have a "difficult" baby this is true, but we did not find it to be that hard. It's harder with an older kid, I think.
   
   In my opinion, it is so very lame for people to say stuff like they only make it though because they had a nanny to raise their babies while they went off to work. Why the hell have a kid if someone else is going to do all the heavy lifting.

   posted by : GP on 5/29/2009 at 1:30 PM Flag For Abuse

4. Yeah, it wasn't traumatizing for us. I have two year old twin boys and a 9 week old daughter and I still don't feel traumatized. Of course, all 3 are good sleepers, so that may be the difference!

   posted by : Black Sheep on 5/29/2009 at 4:05 PM Flag For Abuse

5. It absolutely was traumatizing for us.  We had a colicky baby who cried for up to 8 hours a day and would nap in 20 minute increments and usually only if we held him.  He wouldn't take a bottle and nursed every 2 hours up until he was 6 months old.  Now that he is 20 months I love being home with him, but those first few months I would be lying if I said I didn't fantasize about getting a "fabulous nanny" and going back to work.  For people who have difficult babies it is really nice to hear that there other people who aren't "doing great!" or "loving every minute of it"
   

   posted by : calicopie on 5/30/2009 at 2:10 PM Flag For Abuse

6. I think he makes reasonable points. The early years can be very challenging, and all the "children are a blessing" blather, while true, results in really bad expectation management for new parents. There is a very powerful hallmarky sensibility in this country that its not okay to complain about the challenges of being a parent -- frankly it's much harder today than it has been in the past because we make it so, isolating children in houses and apartments when they should be running around a village together, watched by one or two parents while the rest engage in work that is satisfying, or interact with adults who can reason on their level. There is nothing natural or laudable about an adult spending most of his/her time with a child day in a day out, it's a 50's fantasy gone wrong, and people should be willing to call it out.
   

   posted by : steve on 6/1/2009 at 9:37 AM Flag For Abuse

7. i have had difficult babies and now difficult children. Its not a walk in the park and this is the first time I have heard this kind of honesty. 90% of what parenting books, magazines and blogs and articles talk abotu parenting and adivice is BULL SHIT and CRAP. Including this site. But atleast here they are willing to allow honesty in occasionally. The only reason I have any sanity is bc I have been able to luckily buy some sanity for myself and my husband,...via a housekeeper that also babysits when I need her to. There is a reason marriages are on the skids in this country and in the western world...kids are not the reason per se but we do not lead lives conducive to marital or family happiness...adding kids to the mix just makes it worse. I have a great partner who helps me as much as he can but I do the majority of the grunt work. I have a child who is ADD and another who refused to sleep thropugh the night and was colicky for two years.  I gave up a career so I could be home with my children who would nto have done well in day care. I apprectiate the honesty of this article...I think most couples deal with this type of thing on a daily basis...they just will nto admit to it!
   
   

   posted by : locomama on 6/1/2009 at 1:06 PM Flag For Abuse

8. "In my opinion, it is so very lame for people to say stuff like they only make it though because they had a nanny to raise their babies while they went off to work. Why the hell have a kid if someone else is going to do all the heavy lifting."

   GP:  I am just wondering, does you comment apply equally to men and women? Or is it just women who should not have children if they plan on going back to work?  And is it also “lame” for a man to make a race back to the office while his wife or girlfriend stays home to do the “heavy lifting?”  How does this work in a same sex relationship?

    

   Personally, we had a rough first first months (as did a lot of couples I know), but I don’t think it makes me “lame” that I wanted to get out of the house and back to work.  We also do not have any family in close proximity – so, we hired a nanny to help us. Although I think we still do the lion’s share of the work, we are happier parents and a stronger couple with a nanny helping out.  You may have had a different experience than I or a different philosophy on parenting – but why not just leave it at that?

   posted by : Sukey on 6/1/2009 at 2:05 PM Flag For Abuse

9. "I think he is a horrible partner..."
   
   "living in the dark ages..."
   
   Both of which quite effectively make the author's point.
   While admitting to his feelings and allowing they are sometimes quite selfish, he is trying to make the point that while the majority of "modern" couples/parents take the stance that of course everything is shared 50-50, of course everyone loves this, of course any sane, evolved, sensitive man would want to do this, there are some individuals who really struggle with this, and have very mixed emotions about it.
   The above responses bear perfect witness to Mr. Lewis' point that these same men aren't allowed to speak of it.  Because of course it makes them horrible human beings. Clearly there needs to be more awareness of the emotions being bravely voiced by Mr. Lewis. Whether you're sympathetic or not is another question. But perhaps a little less denigration?
   

   posted by : another evolving Dad on 7/1/2009 at 12:59 PM Flag For Abuse