Babble

What's with Madonna and all these creepy black outfits that she's wearing on the covers of the 'Green Issue!' editions of what seems to be every freaking magazine on the newstand these days? I mean, is she in mourning for the Earth? Is she supposed to be Mother Earth, The Creepy Old Widow...

Seriously. Why does she keep putting on those fugly skimpy leotards and trying to be Rihanna? I mean, come on. She's, like, almost fifty or something, isn't she? Which makes her a bit more like a Earth Grand mother than Earth Mother , so why not put on a robe or something? Not that she's...

So this is what bodyguards are really for - they're toy-goons-for-hire! Better than miniature soldiers or Transformers or Tickle-Me Elmo: get your own Tickle-Me-Bodyguard! With removable pants! Makes My Bodyguard look like a gross waste of good bodyguard play-power. I wonder if Madonna has to pay...