Babble

Hi guys,

 
I am married (for a year) with a stepdaughter who is ten and lives with us four days a week. I want to have a baby with my husband but I'm really nervous about how that will affect my SD. She is an only child, very much loved by all 4 of her "parents". I'm not sure how she'll take not being the only kid in all our lives and also I'm nervous that my husband will feel really guilty that his first-born isn't in the stable bio-family situation that his second-born will be. That guilt will definitely lead to overcompensation on his part, i think. Our 10-year-old is pretty spoiled (emotionally) already. Does anyone have any experience with this?

 

Thanks! 

I had an older brother (3 years older), then gained a stepbrother when I was 9 (he was 4) then a half sister when I was 14.  I did not go from only child to multi-sibiling (rather just gained more siblings), but I LOVED getting new siblings.  I loved not being the youngest.  Also, when you're 10 years (or more) apart, your relationship with the new sibling is sort-of parent-like.  You're not having to share your toys and you get to feel important, responsbile and grown-up by comparison.  That was my experience.

I have a situation similar to yours.  I have an 11 year old stepson and a 2 year old daughter.  I felt the same way prior to having my daughter.  How would this affect my stepson?  I think the age difference helps the situation.  My stepson gets to help out and is looking forward to babysitting when he’s a teen.  When going for walks, he wants to push the stroller, he wants to teach her new words, he wants help with baths and take her down the slide at the park.  Your stepdaughter has so much to look forward to having a younger sibling.  I tell my stepson stories of what lies ahead and he can’t wait.   I tell him stories like, “Oh, and when you’re older, I’ll call you on your cell phone and ask you to pick your sister up from school.  Maybe you can take her to the park before you drive her home.”  He loves hearing stories of “when you’re older” and his role in her life and I’m sure your stepdaughter would too.

I have a 10-year-old daughter. I have been divorced from her dad for about 6 years, and I have been remarried for 4 years. We just had a baby in January. She was not especially excited about the pregnancy--not negative, but not jumping up and down, either. Since he was born, she's been kind of lukewarm. She's very into her own activities--skiing, band, Girl Scouts, etc, and so doesn't have a ton of extra time on her hands, but she does spend at least part of every day with us except Sunday. She pitches in with household stuff fairly regularly, but has been very "hands off" with the baby--she's nervous about hurting him, she says. She also claims to "want" some of his baby gear--his swing, his floor play gym, etc. I mostly just ignore this behavior, or joke that I'm going to take incriminating photos. 

I don't have a stepsibling story to relate...but I do have a sibling story that is kind of funny.

When my niece was three and her brother was four months old, my husband and I babysat while their parents went to a wedding for the weekend. At the end of the weekend, while we were packing, my niece came running into the room and handed me the baby's blanket and said, "Don't forget your baby!!"

She refused to believe that the baby was her brother and wanted me to take him away.

So it just goes to show you, even natural siblings aren't that psyched for the new kid.  Eight years later, my niece and nephew still fight but they do get along, it just took some time.

Good luck!

Hi.

Great post!

I've been on the other end of the spectrum -- as a single mom who was with my boyfriend who really wanted a baby.... My daughter was six at the time. It was a lot to deal with and in the end, the relationship didn't work out.

 Now I'm doing some research -- for a book -- to figure out what I might have done differently. I have been dealing with the guilt... and the boyfriend said I often overcompensated, too.

 I'd love to hear about your experiences. Would you be open to emailing me, if I send you a few questions.

Thanks,

Rachel

Email: rachel@rachelsarah.com

web: www.rachelsarah.com

 

 

 

HI..

I am remarried with a son 10 years old and recently had another child, a baby girl, with

my new husband who had no children of his own.  My son had been "king" for 10 years

in our house, and his fathers who is not remarried...he has now been dethroned and is mad.

He has never looked at his new sister (she is 9 mos) and chooses to ignore her presence.

It is heartbreaking for us, though we believe someday he will come around. We have a wonderful daughter who is the joy of our life...She has upset the apple cart, but I would do it all over again....

 

good luck!