Babble

Okay, here's my situation.  My son is 15 months old and is sleeping in our bed with us.  He wasn't always there - we use to be able to rock him to sleep and he'd sleep in his crib from 9 pm to 4 am (it was wonderful!).  Then he got sick...really sick...throwing up everywhere sick.  I couldn't put him in his crib because I was afraid that I wouldn't hear him or that he'd be scared or something else too awful to imagine.  So, we slept on the couch together.  Then next day he still wasn't well ~ so, he slept in bed with us.  That weekend I was throwing up and had no energy to put him down in his crib (I was 9 months preggo at the time).

So...fast forward to now and here we are ~ I have a newborn (3 weeks) and a 15 month old in my room.  The newborn is in a co-sleeper (like a bassinet with an open side) pushed up against the bed and my son is inbetween hubby and I - of course he sleeps sideways with his feet in my husband's face and his head in my spinal cord. 

 I've tried to put him back in his crib and it usually goes down like this...I get him asleep and then put him in his crib...he wakes up as soon as his head hits the mattress.  I tell him I love him and walk out of the room hoping he'll just turn over and fall back asleep.  He stands up and starts screaming at the top of his lungs.  I've tried to let him cry a little...but my guy is no fool.  His newest trick is to gag himself until he pukes and I HAVE to clean him up and put him in our bed.  I feel defeated by my 15 month old!   (BTW he pulls this gagging trick when he doesn't want to eat something or he wants something he's not suppose to have.  He's driving me crazy with it!)

We never planned on cosleeping and some days we think that we could do it forever...those are the good days when he falls asleep easily and doesn't wake up when I have to nurse.  Then there are other days when we actually fight with each other because I can't get him to sleep and the baby needs me and he won't snuggle with hubby....

So, my question is, is 15 months too early for a toddler bed?  We were thinking that if I can lay down with him in a bed and leave him (not have to move him) there he may sleep.  We bought a gate for his door so he'll be "trapped" in his room.  Any thoughts or suggestions?

Wow, what a tough situation. I don't have much experience with this particular issue, but I would recommend trying to put your son in a toddler bed (or pack n' play or crib) at the end of your bed (or somewhere in your room). That way, he'll have the sense of security he seems to need at this time, while giving you and your husband the space you need. The first step would be to get him sleeping peacefully in his own bed / crib and then slowly trying to move him to his own room. He might be a little young for a toddler bed, but you could place pillows all around it and a bar on the side. Lastly, I personally wouldn't recommend trapping your child in his room with a gate (could provoke nightmares and even worse attachment issues). I also wonder if some of his actions are in response to the new baby? Good luck.

Thanks for the advice about putting something in our room ~ I hadn't really thought of that because our room isn't really that big - but it could work...

I also didn't think about the gate causing problems with him emotionally.  My #1 fear was him going down the steps and getting hurt.  He has tried going down the steps twice...the door to his room doesn't close the whole way because of the new carpet we had installed when he was born.  Maybe I'll put the gate at the top of the steps instead of his room...then he can get to us if he needs to. 

Thanks again for your response.  I'm sure that part of his attachment issues (because they are all day occurances) are due to the new baby.  I think when she gets a little bigger he'll be more interested in her - right now he just wants his mama all to himself again.

Have you tried teaching him to fall asleep on his own? What I mean is putting him down to sleep before he's actually asleep? We lie down with our 2-year-old for a few minutes of "cuddle time" then put him in his crib awake. He talks to himself and eventually goes to sleep...usually within 5 minutes of putting him down.

 I know you have a newborn, so this might be a difficult thing to try right now, but perhaps you and your son could have some special alone time right before bedtime. You could read together, brush teeth, sing songs, whatever the nighttime bed ritual is and then you can put him in his crib.

He will cry when you first try this. So the first night, maybe you stay in his room until he falls asleep (but don't pick him up!) Use reassuring words and tell him it's bed time, and time to go to sleep. The next night there will probably be less resistance and before you know it, he'll fall asleep on his own.

I'm not a proponent of CIO, but I think it's important for him to know that he has to sleep by himself (all of you will probably sleep better!)

You can also try a toddler bed, but you'll have similar issues as you have now, when he wakes up and realizes you aren't there. He may begin to feel reluctant to fall asleep in the toddler bed knowing that you will "disappear" sometime in the night.

Good luck!