Babble

My Dad recently retired and volunteered to provide day care for our daughter - expected Spring '07.  I'm thrilled - it cuts costs amazingly and gives her what we can't - a family member who is truly emotionally attached to her instead of a center setting with teachers.  I'm sure there are great centers - we interviewed at some - but for me the possibility of one-on-one attention is pretty good.

 Problem is I'm now really nervous about whether we'll have ANY control over what she does with her days.  I've accepted I won't get the daily reports about how much she ate, pooped, and napped, but I'm more worried about how often they'll get out of the house, how regular her naps will be, and how much the TV will be on.  I know we need to set expectations with my Dad early, but the entire idea makes me SO uncomfortable.

 Has anyone out there done something similar?  Any advice would be SO appreciated.

Wow! You are so lucky. I wish my mother were living here so that we could use her. My sister recently had a baby and my mom will be taking care of her child. So I'm feeling a little jealous...That said, I know that trying to get the grandparents to do what you would do or what you want is a sticky situation. When my mother comes out to visit, she gets to take over (especially if I am working a freelance assignment.) The way I handled getting her to do things my way was to sit my mom down and tell her that I know she is a very competent caregiver (I think I turned out just fine!) but being a first-time parent, I'm a little neurotic and I handed her a very detailed schedule - including a list of outdoor activities and indoor activities. The schedule included necessary naptimes, feedings, playtime, reading time, tummy time etc. I was surprised when my mother gave me reports on diaper changes etc. I think that you will be surprised at how willing your father will be to follow your schedule. Good luck!

There are a lot of sticky issues to navigate, many of which you've already thought of. You might also want to think about how you'd handle it if it doesn't work out. We talked with my Mom about her quitting her job and caring for our daughter and we decided against it because we couldn't afford health insurance for her. But when we thought we might do it, we all expected we'd have to do a lot of talking and be really open about communication.

That said, I'd be inclined to do it while your child is an infant. IMO, all an infant needs is tons of love and to have his/her physical needs met. I think a loving, competent family member caring for a baby one-on-one is more likely to give the baby the things the baby really cares about than most other daycare situations would. (I'm not disparaging daycare; our daughter has been in daycare since she was 3 months old.) 

I think tummy time is overrated if you are holding and interacting with the child a lot. Tummy time becomes more important when infants are lying in their cribs many hours of the day. As long as your Dad is truly interested in the baby and isn't of the school of thought that the less babies are held, the better (which used to be conventional wisdom) then I think the rest is just noise, even though the details feel urgently important to us parents.

Would he and you be amenable to a trial run? For example, set up to start daycare one month after your maternity leave is over. In the month between maternity leave and the start of daycare, your father cares for the baby. At the end of the month, you either give up your slot at daycare and stick with your dad (losing your deposit but who cares? You're saving a ton!) or make the transition to daycare.

Keep us posted! I'm always interested in how people work out their childcare situations.  

Not having any relatives around, I can honestly say I'm jealous, on the money issue alone :)

I realize it can be a double-edged sword leaving your kidlet with a relative - what if it doesn't work out and all that - but my in-laws are babysitting all their grandkids who live close by and it's working out well for all of them. I think it's because they all have the same philosophy on parenting, though.

My sister was having her kid babysat by both sets of grandparents, with varying degrees of success. She had issues with one set being too permissive and the other set allowing the kid to be too much of a tomboy. When Hanna was a baby, she was with her grandparents whenever she couldn't be with her parents - but at just under 3 years old, she started going to daycare, and my sister is much happier with that arrangement.

My own daughter, now 19 months old, is in daycare and the hardest part in the beginning was leaving her with a total stranger. That lasted for the first few weeks, but she's been going since August and we're all used to it. Dropping her off no longer makes me cry :) I know I'd have issues with both sets of grandparents, if they were close, but I think in the beginning, I'd still have preferred a family member over a total stranger.

Another thing to think about it interaction with other kids - of course, this depends on how old your baby will be when you return to work, but also on the kid's personality. Mine was the only child at her homecare place in the begining, which we thought was great. All the attention and all that, but once she started feeling at home there, she became bored all by herself. Now there's another kid there and she's much happier and loves going more than she did before.

Good luck!

I'm on the jealousy bandwagon, too!  My husband's mom is nearby, but she's not what we'd call a "hands-on" grandma, having told me that she "doesn't like it" when the baby cries.  Augh.  It would be SO nice to be able to leave The Jillian with her for a day every now and again, but knowing what I know, it won't be until the baby can drive.

I think it's fantastic that your dad is willing to take on a baby, and like others have said, set your ground rules and be firm about them and don't be afraid to say "this isn't working." 

RachelZ:

My husband's mom is nearby, but she's not what we'd call a "hands-on" grandma, having told me that she "doesn't like it" when the baby cries. 

Yes, because for most people, that's our favorite part... :)