Babble

I'm the father of one son - an only child (he's 6).  I can't tell you how many people rudely ask my wife and I: "when are you going to make a brother or sister for your son?"  Our son's preschool teacher, friends and family have asked many times.  Why is it their business?  I swear I wanted to tell one particular nosy body a made up story - "We'd love to have more but my wife is BARREN.  Thanks for REMINDING us."  Maybe make up some fake story about penis cancer.  That would shut them up in an instant.  I am amazed at how insensitive people are.  And btw - our son is the most outgoing, friendly, happy kid you'll ever meet.  Any other parents here who have only kids and are subjected to this regular nonsense?

YES.  Our baby is only five months old and ALREADY people are asking us when we plan to add to the brood.  Hell, my c-section scar still tingles.

A good answer is "Our baby is so incredibly perfect, we didn't think we could repeat that, so we're getting a dog/houseplant/llama."

Or you could just be all bewildered: "My gosh!  Why on earth would you ask that?"  This approach makes people extremely uncomfortable and is extremely fun for you.

Funny story. Just the other day, my dad was over and he was asking when I was going to have another kid. He said he really wanted a granddaughter this time. I am a single mother. I had to point out to him that I'm not going to sleep around just to procure another grandchild for him. He seemed a little sad about that.

I was just discussing this with a friend tonight.  The last time someone asked the oh-so-intrusive "when are you having another" question I answered her with "we're a one and done family."  She then proceeded to tell me all the reasons why having only one child was a mistake, wrong, unnatural, punishable by death in some countries, etc., to which I replied "I'm sorry you're so uncomfortable with my decision, but I'm not."  Shut her right up and I decided that will be my he standard response to the idiots who persist in trying to save my only child from a life of misery at my hands.

This has been on my mind all week since my husband wants another. I do not. Period.

I love the description of a still tingling c/s scar. Mine still twitches at the thought 2.5 years pp. 

Some people are rude no matter what. I don' t think they are singling you out because you have one kid.

 

As a mother of three soon to be four, I hear the opposite. Are you done now? How many are you going to have? Don't you know there is something you can do about that? So basically, some people can't mind there own business. 

 

If you had no kids, they would proabably ask when you are goin to start. 

I think Rahab is right, too.  One kid doesn't seem to be enough for some people, two or three is all right, but once you get to four or more, people start asking you if you're trying to re-populate the earth or something.  My mom is the eldest of NINE and my dad is 4th of TEN so you can imagine what fun my grandmothers had.

We were married just over five years before we got pregnant.  At my WEDDING RECEPTION people were asking me when I was going to have a baby.  At the time, I was a borderline alcoholic with an anxiety disorder and just getting out of bed each day was a heroic feat of strength and bravery.  Now that I'm recovered and have a five month old (which makes me feel like I'm crazy again but now I know I'm just tired), people want to know when the next one is coming.

Lately I've been saying "If you want to carry it, birth it, and pay for it, I will gladly raise it."

It's the opposite for us. We had two kids in 11.5 months! Imagine the surprise when we found out we were pregnant again. For 16 days of every year, our kids will be the same age! It's crazy. I think my wife had two glasses of wine between pregnancies.

Of course, my wife's sister had triplets recently too. So we can't complain.

I'll pipe in on the only child topic just to say that my mum, who is an only child, always regretted not having a sibling.  Of course it's different strokes for different folks. Also, if you're a single parent I can totally understand why you wouldn't have another child - my hat goes off to any single parent...this whole parenting thing isn't easy. Although, it's the best job in the world.

Happy New Year.

Dave 

 

Parents get unsolicited comments no matter what. We had twins, a boy and a girl, and many times received the comment "One of each - you can stop now." Or not. We just had our third. It's the baby magnet effect. They're great conversation openers and many people blurt inappropriately. What to do? Stay in the house? Just roll with it.

Our daughter is 11 weeks old and already we have had people tell us not to leave it too long before having another. We have no plans for another child ever and it's none of their damn business anyway.

I have also had checkout operators tell me that I would be selfish not to give her a sibling. She was three weeks old at the time...

I usually tell people that when they write the cheque to finance our family having another, then we'll see what we can do. Two working parents and a private school tuiton doesn't really leave a lot of wiggle room, time or finance-wise.  I've been told that if we really wanted to, we'd find a way.

I guess we just reeeally don't want to, then...

-elizabeth

Good grief yeah, I've been getting that question while still pregnant with my first one - and I never get while people feel they can just ask it. It's okay for my friends to ask, but random people in the supermarket? I think not.

Now that I'm pregnant with the second one, everyone seems to think it's okay to ask "Are you done after this one or are you planning on having more???".

But don't get me started on people (complete strangers) who think it's okay to touch my baby just because she smiles at them or waves or just sits there and stares.

As I am currently 40, we need to decide soon on whether to try/have another. I will be the voice of dissent here and say that i do believe it is intrinsically better to have siblings. Not that an only cannot be a perfectly happy well-adjusted child, but I do feel that especially with older parents, it will mean a great deal for theo to have someone who is "family" when his parents are gone, and friends and spouses and people you meet along the way never really know you like a brother or sister who grew up with you.

I am surely biased because I have two brothers whom i adore and consider two of my best friends. I don't know how I would have survived both my parents getting old and dying without my wonderful siblings to share the burden and find things to laugh about even in the bleakest times.

Anyhow, if it doesn't happen for us, because I can't get pregnant or something, we will be fine. I'm not considering taking extreme measures.  And of course if others choose to have a single child, that's great, whatever works for you and your family is right -- I am pro-choice in all arenas (other than those where a child's health is at stake), from breastfeeding to  homeschooling. But I did want to point out that -- to me -- having siblings makes for a richer fuller life.

Hi Mim - I'm in exactly the same place you are, both age-wise and in my thinking about adding to our family. My husband and I are both 40, and our daughter is now 13 months. It weighs heavily on my mind that she'll have to shoulder the burden of caring for us when we're elderly and that she won't have anyone when we're gone.

At the same time, I'm working full-time out of financial necessity, and my daughter's in daycare. There's no way we could afford daycare for two, so I'd have to figure out some other kind of arrangement (or hubby would have to get an enormous promotion...) and that scares me. I wonder how we'd make do. And I know we have to figure this out REALLY soon.

 Yikes.
 

 

I am the mother of one son who is 18 years old now.  He has been the most wonderful child  in the world,  He has never been lonely and has plenty of friends.  Our family has been very close.  I do not think we could have been happier with more children.  The reason that people say things about having more children is because they are very jealous  and wish they had only had  one.  When your child enters college you will be so glad that you have only one education to pay for and not have to worry about 2 or 3 more.  Also We  have always been working parents.  There is no way possible to give the love and care to more than one if you work fulltime.