Babble

Hi! I am new here and boy do I need help. I have 3 boys, 10 years old and 6 year old twins. I am having a heck of a time with discipline. My oldest seems to think that he can talk to me any way he wants without hesitation and the others are starting. We have school issues, not from being mean, but 2 of my boys have ADHD and are on medication. It is just the choices they are making are the wrong ones in the way of behavior. The Dr. described it to me is that their brains don't have the ability to stop for a split second and think of the outcome of what they are about to do. They are good boys but are just out of hand at inappropriate times. I have tried everything from putting marbles in a jar and rewarding when full, taking TVs out of the bedrooms, taking video games away, grounding, grounding from their hockey game or practice that week, no friends over. Right now, my husband is doing the boot camp "theme". No fun until something changes. Well, it works for a while then they are like "oh well". I am out of ideas! Does anyone have any suggestions. I am beginning to think that I need something that shows an immediate consequence whether it is bad or good. HELP before I go crazy!

I think your boys are still a little young for the "grounding" to really drive the point home. Immediate punishment generally works best for small children. I think that the cause and effect is driven home immediately when kids are punished for their wrong choices at the time that the choices are made. For us this has meant leaving parties, restaurants, parks etc. early when misbehavior happens. Time out or "naughty corner" also works wonders. I never did a minute for each year the child is old, but rather have a few minutes of silence and then a calm explanation of what the child did wrong and how to appropriately behave in the situation.

Good luck with everything.

Thank you! I have found that grounding just isn't getting it! My oldest is beginning to get it but the twins, it's pretty much playtime in the room. We have found ourselves leaving many a public place to make a point. Like I said, it's "boot camp" around here right now and I am finding myself having to be a lot more consistent than I used to be! That might have added to the problems now. Hopefully things are going in the right direction. I thank you again! Stephanie

That sounds hard. Boys are tough sometimes. Try to reward them when you notice they make the right choices. Lavish attention on the boy who made that right choice. You might find the others competing for this good attention. Also try to make sure they have a way to burn off some of their energy (sports are great). Remember that boys show emotion physically so sometimes when it seems like they are misbehaving, maybe they are excited or happy. In these cases you can approach the behavior from a better point of view (they aren't being bad, just over-excited.) I recommend the book Raising Cain. It is a great book about raising boys and the struggles they go through in school and at home. It might help a lot. I don't think the boot camp thing will work very well-it might only make matters worse. Also, sometimes too much time in front of video games or TV leaves boys with pent up energy. You might think about chucking the video games for good.

You might try limiting sugar and taking them all out to play football or play  indoor basketball, whatever it is , one of you needs to do it with them.  I agree with the last answer. I bet some of it is just competing for your attention.  Spend some time alone with each one in turn.  Have dad take the other two.   reading or recall games might help in short doses of course,  then a reward like a kiss or a hug.   Also I wonder have you asked for a second opinion on the ADHD. The medication for it may need to be modified.   Does your family  have a pet?  I big gentle dog can have a profound calming effect.   But now all of that is  just my opinion,  I am not a doctor.  For you mom, and dad too,   Its gotta be awfully hard to handle.  I really feel for you... You probably need some calming time for just you two also....   My kids sure used to pick up on my stress  and react to it.   

Hi Stephanie! Make sure that REWARDS for great behavior are as much a part of the program as the discipline. Spirited kids love positive feedback and it can be even more effective in some cases that the strictest disciplines. Please read RAISING YOUR SPIRITED CHILD. It will help remind you that for every negative label someone sticks on your child there is a positive counterpart. Hyper can be energetic, distractible can be curious...it's a great read because it will give you some ways of looking at your kids afresh and seeing a lot of great things about them that will make for future success in life. Good luck to you. I can tell from your post that you want the best for your kids--in the end that kind of love really does make miracles happen.

Your boys are older than mine, but I'm having some similar issues with my three and half year old.  I'm reading a book that focuses on consistent discipline, and it's working WONDERS with my son.  The book is "How to Behave So Your Preschooler Does Too!," and I'm pretty sure he's written a similar book for older kids.  I HIGHLY recommend it - my very lively son is starting to listen much more simply because when I'm maintaining consistency.  In our case, we're working on getting him to do what we ask the first time we ask.  If he doesn't, we tell him we're counting to three, and if he's not started by "three," then he goes to time out for a minute or two.  I do this every time, so he knows what's coming.  I'm also not yelling any and staying calm, which has made the whole house a happier place.  :-)

Good luck!!!