Babble

Ok--what do you all think. My son, who is almost 3, has very little interest in traditional boy stuff---trucks and tractors leave him cold, his trike is gathering dust, and he could care less about playing soccer.

What he really likes to do is play wonderful and creative pretending games--but he *always* pretends to be the female character, be she a "regular" princess, a princess kittycat, or a fairy princess. He gets very distressed if I suggest that he be the prince instead. When he pretends, he likes to wear a little apron or a scarf and pretend that iuse that as his dress, and he uses his Crocs as "princess shoes." He has occasionally said in non-pretending settings that he wished he could wear a dress instead of his boyish clothes.

This has been going on for at least 6 months, which seems longer than a phase. My husband and I don't have a problem with it, but do wonder if this indicates that he is uncertain about or uncomfortable with his gender. If that were the case, we might look into a child psychologist to help him work through his discomfort and give us a better understanding of what this means, if anything. He does self-identify as a boy, and has some boyish traits, like adoring to knock down block towers, bang things with sticks, etc.  Any thoughts about whether this kind of thing will work itself out or whether it indicates a real gender-confusion issue? Thanks!

 

On one hand, at this age, isn't imaginary play making a huge appearance in a toddler's life?  And, for a child who spends much of his time at home with Mama or at daycare with other children, isn't Mom one of the most fabulous people to emulate?  You're right that his sense of self and gender is emerging, but I'm pretty sure he's too young to need any therapy to help him figure things out.  At least I wouldn't be too concerned at this age if he was my son.

On the other hand, it couldn't hurt to run this concern by your pediatrician when your son is not in the room.  No need to give him (more?) reason to question himself...and these little guys understand so much more than we give them credit for!  Perhaps he or she might have some suggestions or things to look for to see if your little boy could use some help in the near future. 

That's a really compelling question you raise, and I hope the best for your and your son!  

Totally normal. Kids don't get a clear sense of gender and gender roles until closer to 5. Your son might just be playing princess a lot if he is reading stories, playing with other, etc where a princess is the character he identifies with. My son always had to be Dora when we played together b/c Dora was the main character, hence the one he most identified with.

buy him a tiara! seriously, i would let him play it out the whole way. especially at this age, there's no risk for him to explore it totally. the only problem to worry about is if other kids start treating him badly for it. you should (as always) follow your instinct on this issue..

i found this, they had several relevant articles:
http://life.familyeducation.com/emotional-development/gender-differences/41769.html?detoured=1 

quote pulled from article (link above) "At this age, this imitation and identifying with an opposite sex child is not a red flag regarding a child's gender confusion or homosexual thoughts and feelings."

if you think he may be gay or transgendered (it may be too early to tell, frankly, but folow your instincts on this) here's is what PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians & Gays) had to say (geared toward adult children):

http://www.pflag.org/Dos_and_Don_ts_for_Family_and_Friends.do_dont.0.html
 

My son is five. He would like to give away all of his "boy" toys. He races home from school and takes off his clothing and puts on his pajamas. He would rather squeeze into his little sister's skirts or wear my mother's nightgown.

On an outing to Toys R Us, he will go home with nothing if limited to "boy" toys, but begs with huge hopeful eyes for the latest Barbie. He is not interested in baby dolls, or playing house. He is interested in glamorous women. He hopes to grow up to be a fairy with wings. I am concerned that he is just going to grow up to be a fairy.

I am terrified. Of course, we will love him regardless of his gender orientation, but we know that life is much more difficult for a gay man that a heterosexual man. We also worry that his stubborn refusal to play with boys and boy toys may result in teasing and torture as he grows older. He is in a private school right now with a very tolerant philosophy, but we cannot afford full-time tuition so he will move to a public school in the fall.

This situation has been going on since he was old enough to state a preference for toys. We had no "girl" toys in the house until his younger sister was born, but he played with neighbor children who did, and inherited several Barbies they were handing down.

He is so pathetic when he wants a toy, that we do indulge his requests. We try to offer boy toys and play boy games with him, but he just wants nothing to do with them at all. Most of the toys in our house are without gender, books, puzzles, video games, ie, but he will play all day long with one Barbie. 

 

 

 

 

My daughter is a little over 4 right now and I share in many of these concerns only with the opposite gender.  She gravitates toward all boy toys and when playing always wants to be the male.  It wasn't that big of a concern of ours but it has been going on for over a year and has just gotten stronger.  When we shop for clothing, she would (if I let her) buy boy clothes, shoes and bathing suits.  When out at a playdate if there are boys around she wants to take her shirt off and only have shorts on for swimming.  I just mentioned it to our pediatrician and she recommended some play therapy.  Our situation may be a bit different since I am a paraplegic (very independent) and she mayyyyy be just wanting to identify with her father more b/c he doesn't have a disability.  However, even if she is just having a hard time with mom being in a wheelchair, we want to be able to approach this in a healthy manner.  As for the other parents dealing with this, I understand your concerns completely.  I am just not completely convinced that the kids will be homosexuals...even in my own daughter's case.  The question that I need to know is how long can a phase last???????  Best wishes to everyone!