Babble

I applaud the woman for doing whatever she thinks is best for her family, but I have to admit I think it's a little gross. I would never, ever, ever say anything to a nursing mother, but I think it's kind of icky for someone who can run and play to breastfeed.  On the level of two teenagers making out on a park bench: one part 'oh how sweet' and two parts 'but it's a little intimate for public'.  But NOT because the breast is sexualized, more because the mother/child bond is so intimate.

I provide my two cents because I know I'm in the minority here.  :)

We are all semi in agreeance, or agree to disagree! I think it is a personal choice and it is not up to us to decide really. I do find it a little odd to see a sturdy 3 yr old under a woman's top, but atlast that is my own ordeal. I would never say something to the woman, just muse.

 it's really just one of those western world puritan things that we think it's odd or even gross that children nurse past a year.

 check out the book "Our Babies, Our Selves."  it's a well-written and interesting read about how infants have been birthed, loved, nursed and weaned around the world and historically.

 for the record, i have a 13 month old who i nurse, but also takes formula if i'm away.  i'm not sure how long we'll nurse.  i'm going to wait and see what happens when one of us tires of it (i have a feeling i'll be the first to go!)

Kind of icky for you, pretty normal for the rest of the world.

Get over it.

Hello all! 

I am not a mother, so I don´t have first hand experience on this subject, however I am an aunt who is concerned about her niece.  She is one and is being breast fed.  I am not against it and I hope it continues, however, the problem is that the child does not sleep through the night and infact never has.  She falls asleep very late, around 10 (and only by her mother while being breast fed) and then wakes up agian at 1 in the morning crying almost screaming, where her mother breast feeds again so she can sleep, and sleep in their bed. 

I would like to know if this is "normal" behaviour?  My neice can only fall asleep while being breast fed, which makes it very hard for her father to do so.  And what is more interesting is that the child later on wakes up and will only fall asleep again if breast fed and sleep in their bed the rest of the night. 

I really want to help them, but when I do I feel like since I am not a mother and have therefore not experince motherhood, my advice is "unwanted".

Any comments or advice are welcome ;)

Aunty Marg

 

  

 

 

Aunty Marg,

Are they asking for advice?  If the situation is working for them, or (I hate to say it...) at least Mom and baby, then stay out of it.  Co-sleeping and breastfeeding are choices that work for some families.  Nursing to sleep is extremely common, too.  Your neice will sleep through the night on her own eventually; for now, she's a baby who still depends on her parents for comfort.  Not really so wierd when you really think about it!

If this situation is leaving the family tired and frustrated, the baby needs to learn to self-soothe.  Books like "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" and "Good Night, Sleep Tight" could offer some suggestions and support.  Whatever a baby falls asleep doing (rocking, nursing, snuggling in Mom and Dad's bed) is what she'll want to do when she wakes.  So it's totally normal that when she wakes up alone at 1:00 AM, she wants to get back to Mom ASAP!  

If they are looking for support and advice, buy them a book.  Otherwise, know that their parenting choices are normal and healthy for their daughter.   

I wanted to thank you for responding to my query, and informing me about baby self -soothing and wanting to wake up next to the mother...makes sence.  

The mother isnt asking for advice but the father does complain about their situation to members of the family, including myself, so that is why I wanted to ask members of this board.  The father of the baby is very very tired, and so is the baby, she has visible dark cirlcles around her eyes and oddly enough doesnt sleep during the day, or very little the max amount is 30 min.  And has fainted twice, apparenlty relateed to lack of sleep. 

 Thank you for your info, I try to find them those book you have refered to.

thanks ;)

 

Hmmm.... Unfortunately, after 2-3 weeks of trying (and 4 lactation experts, etc.), I just had to give up nursing (bottom line: small baby mouth, big flat inverted nipples, and falling asleep after 45 seconds of actual nursing.) We pumped & bottle fed for the first 5 mos. Oh well. Life went on, we're all very happy & healthy, and she LOVES to go to bed at night, between 8:15-8:30, and sleep 12 - 13 hours. (I know, I know. She's 2 & a half now.) She's always slept on her own, after rocking/reading/snuggling/singing. Co-sleeping sounds nice as a theory, but my sister's 3 kids were all co-sleepers, and at 2 and 4, neither her son nor the twins get enough sleep for some reason. They fight it like it's death. I've seen it happen with other co-sleeping babies, too. I think that co-sleeping can be a nice convenient bonding thing for awhile, but there's a certain point where the child and the parents just need to have enough space to get good sleep in. On the toddler nursing thing, If I had had success nursing, I bet we'd still at least sneak in a before-bed feeding. We're so cuddly together anyway.... It's no fair: I assumed my DDD's would be awesomely milkalicious producers!!! There goes another myth.... busted. Nursing till 3 seems OK to me, but after that... um..... Heck, other mammal mommies finally get their young'uns off the nipple. It's just the way it is. I think there's waaaaaaay too much animosity, women pitting themselves against each other, over this whole lactation thing. It's really easy to get sanctimonious.

Nothing here to get over, lh.  Just different people with different opinions having a chat.

I have 2 year old twins and I can't get them off me! I am embarassed to nurse them in public. From what I have heard, the US is the only country in the world who weans as early as we do. I wish there was more support for nursing in general, not just beyond the first year!

Aunty Marg I agree that if they're not asking for advice, don't give it. The situation you describe is very common these days. I had it myself, however, we all got plenty of sleep. My daughter slept on a full size mattress on the floor starting at 12 months so I could lie down with her and, in theory get up and go back to my own bed. For almost a year I slept more with her than with my husband. We started weaning her at night which she hated and spent a lot of time crying. I was not confortable leaving her alone to cry so I stayed with her even when I didn't nurse in the middle of the night. All young children are different and all parents have different styles. Babies and toddlers are hard. My daughter is now five and does not co-sleep at all. She falls asleep in her own bed and stays there. I feel good about the fact that we never had to sleep-train her and we never let her "cry it out." I'm also glad to sleep with my husband now. They're only little for a short time. This is just a phase and your brother and sister will get through it.

I  nursed my now 10-year old son for almost three years, quit due to being very very tired and we were down to only once a day on one side at night anyway. My second son, now almost 3, nurses at nap time and bed time but would nurse other times of day if I let him. He asks two to three times a day, at which point I say the  nursers are broken or it's not time. But I wonder if this continual wanting on his part and subsequent frustration may account for his general crankiness and irritability, which is much greater than my first son's was.

My husband is pressuring me to fully wean him, my heart says I should be nursing him when he wants it (within my own comfort limits), and the don't offer, don't refuse policy would work fine. Why can't my husband just stop pressuring me? Are/Should husbands be part of the nursing relationship?

 

 I think that husbands should be part of it-- they shouldn't give ultimatums, but I do think that they are necessary for success and should also be able to voice their opinion about weaning.  You might want to look and see if the nursing is having an effect on your marriage== I know it was hard for me to be sexual while I was nursing, and to a large extent I was using it as an excuse to not put the time/effort into my relationship that I should have been focusing.

I agree with the previous poster -- you're talking about feeding your child, and your husband deserves to be part of that decision-making process.  You've had a very intimate bond with your son for three years now that does not include your husband, and he might feel left out.  He might also be concerned about your son's sleeping habits being dependent on nursing.  Or he might just think weaning all at once is easier on your son.  In any case, you really need to talk about it and come up with a decision together -- your son will grow up and leave the house some day, but your husband's with you forever.  Good luck!

For one i' m not oppossed to nursing in public,but, its not for me. how ever, at over 2 years of age she most deffinantly DOESN'T need to nurse for COMFORT!she really should be finding other ways to comfort him at that age.that's pretty ridiculouse.he should also be  learning SELF COMFORT at that age.NEEDING NUTRITION like an infant is one thing,comfort is another. At 2 he also doesn't really need it for nutrition eighther.However the person doesn't need to be rude to her, it's her choise. But, it really is kinda rediculouse in my opinion. i 'm sure the reason for it in other counrtys is because alot of other countys aren't as lucky as us to allways have any other food for their children. I do believe in the benfits of nursing, it did well for both of mine,but come on we can't baby our kids for ever.you got to get them off tit some time. They'er gunna turn into cling,needy,little wussies.It's a hard world and they need to be independant.I'M NOT TRYIN' TO OFFEND,TO EACH HIS OWN BUT , LETS BE REAL ! SORRY A CHILD OVER 2 DOESN'T NEED TO BE ON THE TIT!