Babble

So when I'm out and about with Miles and Porter at the local parks, maybe one out of each dozen parents I see is a dad on his own.  But when we go to events -- puppet shows, story times, stuff at the museums -- I'm often the only dad out of about 50-odd women.  I'm wondering -- do the caregiver dads do other stuff?  Or are these women mostly nannies?  Where are the other dads with their kids?

My husband likes to take the kid to the park but hates going to any other so-called Mommy and me activity. He feels like he sticks out like a sore thumb and doesn't like it that the other moms/caregivers don't talk to him. He does take our son to children's services at our Synagogue, but there are a few other daddies who do this regularly and he has developed his very own group of dad friends with kids.

I think it's hard for men. I have a stay-at-home daddy friend who says that the other mothers can be intimidating so he ended up spending a lot of time doing things solo, like trekking into NYC to got to museums.

Things my husband does with my son on a regular basis: The zoo, the aquarium (we have a family membership, so we try to go there as often as possible!), the library - but not during the storytime, the bookstore (serves the same purpose as the library) and to Target (my son thinks that Target is the best place on earth and it's a "real" adventure to go there and poke around.)

My husband was off for 6 months starting when our babe was 9 months old. He went to a few drop-in centres around the neighbourhood (unwillingly, but I made him) and a music class for which I'd signed her up before I went back to work (same thing, he wasn't willing, but went because that was the deal we'd made). He also went to parks with her.

However, he's an introvert by nature and prefers not to be around people too much - he did it for our daughter who's the complete opposite. I had hoped he'd make some dad friends and hang out with them, but it never happened. And he'd never on his own free will go to a puppet show or something similar, unless the whole family went.

I've always seen a few dads at the things I took her to, but they were not necessarily hanging out together either. It seems that more dads are taking their kids to stuff on weekends, at least from my experience.

I did a couple of go-rounds with Music Together, and was about always the only dad. It was kind of freaky, and I really couldn't bring myself to sing "Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle," but I thought our twins were getting some kicks out of it, so I just sucked it up.

Now I take them to soccer and "jumping" (gymnastics) at Chelsea Piers ... though after months of trying to encourage my sulking son, I gave up and put them together in gymnastics this winter, and we're all much happier.

 Also take them to the Central Park Zoo on occasion or to the local park. A couple of times a week I hoist them over the Brooklyn Bridge or to Prospect Park and Coney Island (they still talk about the Underwheel) in the bike trailer when the weather's good.

Even have taken them to the pool hall a few times during the day when it's quiet, but they've gotten too wild now, and I feel like they're getting cheated out of attention from me, while I can forget about actually focusing on my struggling game while they run around playing horsey with cue sticks.

 But it's true, that like most other dads, I rarely end up in a big chat while making the rounds.

 

Hmm... Interesting.  I actually had an opposite reaction -- I got a ego kick out of being the only dad at some of these things.  It made me feel like Superdad.

I'm so vain I probably think this song is about me.
 

Gallery hopping and city trekking took up most of my time off as a dad in the city, but since moving to a smaller city just in time for winter, and being in Canada, indoor action took over. I hadn't spent much time in a mall in years, but when it's blowing stink and snowing, that's where the seniors and wee ones get their exercise. As noted above, department stores are excellent playgrounds.

Lately it's been walks. Everyday after daycare and before dinner, we hike around the neighbourhood. There's always a new adventure or something to explore (he just turned two). Lately he's been hugging every tree we pass. Next project / adventure - a wagon.

DC

Now that it's spring (sort of) in Michigan, I take my two-year old twins to the local park nearly every morning. Did the same thing last year but now have our new-born (six months) in tow. I hang out, talk to all and sundry, keep the twins out of traffic and generally have a fine old time.

We also go to the library on rainy days and make bi-weekly provision and hot-dog runs to Costco. 

Stephen, how does it work being outmanned 3-to-1? I'm looking at same situation come fall, though our twins will be 4 then.

It's not quite the same thing, but I occasionally take my sons' best friend along with us since his mom just had another baby, so I have a three-on-one experience (two 2 1/2-year-olds, and one who's four months younger).  Keeping an eye on them all is tough, but the actual play isn't, since they basically just chase each other around.

Hey bklyndad. Sorry for taking so long to check back in. My transition to 3 on 1 was eased by my wife's 12 week-long maternity leave. She was holed up in the bedroom breast-feeding our infant and I didn't miss a beat with the twins. The wife knew I was full-on with the twins and household duties so I wasn't expected to get up at night with the baby.

When she returned to work it was more challenging. With a new-born you spend a lot of time sitting (feeding,burping, soothing) but pre-schoolers will scale the curtains and dive-bomb each other if given the chance. My twins strongly resented the attention paid to the baby ("baby off") but they resent each other too. There's already a lot of "my daddy!" - "no, my daddy!" shoutdowns.

For the good news, after an initial flurry the resentment died down. And we settled into a workable routine - the baby generally sleeps longer than the twins so I can get them dressed, fed and settled in for their morning tv hour (9-10) before fetching the baby. I can get her fed and back down for a morning nap before the twins gear up again.

Same deal with the park - the twins play and the baby sleeps. You just get used to juggling it and I carry the baby around a fair bit in a Baby Bjorn as it frees my hands to wrangle (throttle?) the twins.

 Best of luck and congratulations!