Babble

Everytime I read any book/article that advocates CIO, they say that extended crying does not do any long-term damage to babies.  But I've never seen anyone refer to any evidence that this is the case.  Has anyone seen any such thing, or are we just supposed to believe the so-called experts because they say so?

Jabs

I think this is an excellent question. I don't have an answer. I did find a position paper by the Australian Association for Infant Mental Health Inc., Affiliated with the World Association for Infant Mental Health at www.aaimhi.org that says as of 2004, "There have been no studies such as sleep laboratory studies, to our knowledge, that assess the physiological stress levels of infants who undergo controlled crying, or its emotional or psychological impact on the developing child."

Our five month old still wakes very frequently, but after trying it for two nights recently, we decided that we will not further utilize any of the "cry it out" a.k.a "controlled crying" methods that are encouraged by so many experts, including our own pediatrician. As far as long term damage goes, I haven't found any studies; it's just a gut feeling we have that it would cause harm to our baby, on some level. 

Moxie did a great article on why she thinks CIO works for so well for some kids and not others. It helped me feel validated in our choice to go with our instincts rather than our pediatrician's recommendation. Our baby definitely gains tension, rather than releases it, by crying. Check it out at http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/06/babies_and_cio.html

Wish I could be more helpful! Let us know if you do find anything. I would love to show it to our pediatrician (who is great about all things, except the sleep thing).

 

 

When I did this to my 3 year old daughter at 13 months old for a week she stopped meeting my eyes, she didn't smile anymore, she got down to about 7 or 8 hours sleep in any 24 hour period.

 If that isnt' damage I am not sure what is.

 This is why my naughty 13 month old son isn't going to get it, i am going to respond to him until he doesn't need me to anymore. I still get up to my daughter sometimes if she needs a drink or is frightened.

 CC can really break your relationship with your child. It took her weeks to love me again. I will never forgive myself for doing it, of all the stupid parenting mistakes I have ever made, that was BY FAR the worst.

 

Here is quite a nice review of the literature on CIO.  To each their own...

http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=774928

Cheers. 

I have to preface by saying that I am firmly against CIO.  It teaches baby to give up, not to self soothe.  During the important trust vs. mistrust stage, CIO babies are learning that mom/dad will ignore cries for help.  I have never found a credible claim for CIO - the Ezzos make some bold claims in Babywise but after learning more about them, I don't believe a word of it (www.ezzo.info).

Personally, I have seen so many studies that I consider credible that show CIO IS harmful, and haven't seen any to back up the CIO method. 

I certainly was not a parent who wanted to let her baby cry or was firmly in support of CIO methods.  However, after six months of co-sleeping naps and nights with constant access to nursing in order to get my daughter to sleep at all, I had to try another method.  Despite my efforts to help her get the rest she needed, she was consistently tired, grumpy, and easily upset.  She fussed most of the day, burst into tears when strangers approached, and couldn't handle being around groups of people.

So we followed the strategies provided by Kim West in Good Night, Sleep Tight and got to stay with our daughter for a number of nights, gradually moving away and providing less help.  It was a very difficult experience, but the results were worth it for us.  Not only was I getting more sleep, more importantly--my baby was getting more restful sleep.  She did not seem to be upset about the experience.  Instead, she quickly became a happier, friendlier baby.  It was amazing how quickly she changed; she was content to play much longer, greeted strangers with no less than a smile, and began to enjoy outings instead of crying the entire time.  I firmly believe she needed to be pushed to sleeping on her own in order to get the rest she needed.

 

You don't have to let your baby cry.  In fact, if you don't mind the sacrifice of sleep and your baby is happy and rested, do whatever you'd like.  (I'm not a complete follower--My daughter continues to nurse 1-2 times each night at 11 months because she wants to and because I don't want to let her cry through those feeding times.  She will sleep through the night sometime before college, I'm sure.)  I did, however, want to share my experience since through sleep training, my daughter became a much happier baby.

I don't have any evidence, but I do think that the age you let your child "cry it out" makes a big difference.  An older child is more emotionally developed and, I think, is going to impacted more by the denial of immediate attention.  A younger child is probably less psychologically impacted.  A two month old, for example, isn't thinking "Why does Mommy hate me?" but a two year old might. 

For that reason, it's hard to just talk about this strategy without context.  Is bouncing and walking a baby for 4 hours (while she cries and complains and can't be soothed) better than letting her just cry for one and then go to sleep? 

Anecdotally, lots of people my age (30-something) cried themselves to sleep.  Anyone know any adults who remember it and are still ticked off?

 

We waited to use "CIO" until our daughter was about 10 months old. Before that we just picked her up and held her all we wanted, including rocking her to sleep. After a while she just didn't like rocking anymore. She just wanted to lay down and go to sleep. Sometimes she'd go right to sleep and others she would cry a while (less than 10 min) and go to sleep. Any longer than 10 min and we would go in, tell her we love her, give pacifier, and leave for another 10min. There were only a few times I felt guilty about it. Usually when she crys before going to sleep its not a "I need you" cry, it's more like a "I'm just so tired" cry. She isn't damaged and wakes up happy. She still smiles at us and hugs our necks. What it really comes down to is what you feel is right for your family. Are you comfortable with helping your child go to sleep, sacrificing your sleep if need be? Then rock your baby. If you are a better parent after getting a full night's rest, then your baby will learn that her bed is for sleeping, and when she's there that's what she will do. Just don't beat your self up about the choice you make. I don't know of any college kids who drive home from their dorm room to go sleep with mommy and daddy. Whatever you choose is the right thing, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

We started sleep training our son when he was almost 5 months old. We didn't want to have to let him cry but at that point he slept no more than 9 hours in any 24 hour period. Most of that was while being held or being rocked in his bassinett. If we put him down he'd cry. If we stopped rocking he'd cry. He was miserable during the day and we were miserable all day and night. Following Healthy Sleep Habits Happy child we began sleep training. We'd check on him every 15 min but it did take a LONG time the first few nights. It was torture for us but I don't agree that it has any long term negative effects. If anything it's had long term positive effects. Now at 7 1/2 months our son is much happier during the day and falls asleep on his own for 2 great naps a day and almost 10 hours of straight sleep at night. He is a different much happier kid now. Also I know for a fact that my own parents let me cry when I was a baby and I turned out fine, love my parents and don't feel abandoned in any way at all. I say every family has to do what works for them and if that includes co-sleeping till the kid is 3 great, if it includes crying so everyone can be more rested great, but no one should be made to feel guilty for what they choose to do for their family!

Anonymous:

We started sleep training our son when he was almost 5 months old. We didn't want to have to let him cry but at that point he slept no more than 9 hours in any 24 hour period. Most of that was while being held or being rocked in his bassinett. If we put him down he'd cry. If we stopped rocking he'd cry. He was miserable during the day and we were miserable all day and night. Following Healthy Sleep Habits Happy child we began sleep training. We'd check on him every 15 min but it did take a LONG time the first few nights. It was torture for us but I don't agree that it has any long term negative effects. If anything it's had long term positive effects. Now at 7 1/2 months our son is much happier during the day and falls asleep on his own for 2 great naps a day and almost 10 hours of straight sleep at night. He is a different much happier kid now. Also I know for a fact that my own parents let me cry when I was a baby and I turned out fine, love my parents and don't feel abandoned in any way at all. I say every family has to do what works for them and if that includes co-sleeping till the kid is 3 great, if it includes crying so everyone can be more rested great, but no one should be made to feel guilty for what they choose to do for their family!

 

You should feel guilty. Letting a tiny baby cry for 15 minutes at a time is abuse.

 Rubbish. It may be in your opinion but a lot of people would disagree with you.

Joanie:

Anecdotally, lots of people my age (30-something) cried themselves to sleep.  Anyone know any adults who remember it and are still ticked off?

 

 

Oh, and lots of people in their 30's had mothers who smoked during pregnancy but they turned out fine, so that must mean that whatever misinformed parents believed 30 years ago is still best-practice for babies today. Right?

I personally think CIO is abusive, but I don't think the debate is "will my child be mad at me in 30 years?" but "what is this doing to the cognitive, physical, and emotional development of my child right now?" There's a lot of evidence stating that CIO is unhealthy, such as this Harvard study:

http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html 

My husband and I have been talking a lot about children - he really wants them, and I never have.  I think it's going to cost me my marriage, which was wonderful and the best thing that's happened to me - but especially after reading threads like these, I don’t want to have a baby if it means I’m going to be tired and sick all the time.  I’m tired a lot of the time anyway and can’t focus like I should on my work – if I have to wake up every 15 minutes to deal with a screaming infant, I won’t be able to work at all. 

 I agree with you.  It sounds like you're making an informed decision based on knowing your needs.  There is a lot of pressure for women to want to be mothers, both internal and external pressure.  If you know you're going to be miserable, then you should stick to your guns.

But make sure that you're balancing those negative points with the positive ones.  It's easy for us to talk about how difficult our kids are and how it "should" be but it's an incredibly individualized process.

 Good luck with a really difficult decision.

 

Fair enough.  Then, like the other poster, I'll say: my parents let me cry myself to sleep when I couldn't be soothed any other way.  My husband's parents did, too.  Lots of people of a different generation were told that was the best way to make sure your child got enough sleep if she was fussy and couldn't sleep easily by herself.  I adore my parents, but more important, I'm physically, emotionally and intellectually very stable -- as is my husband. 

The Harvard study you link to actually talks about parents who don't touch and reassure their children.  It is possible to touch and reassure your child, but still let them cry (not make them cry, by the way) when no other activity leads to sleep.  I think it's really important to remember that the choices aren't "cry vs. not cry", they're "cry and sleep vs. not cry and not sleep".  It's absolute torture to hear your child cry for an hour, but it's also torture to see your child awake and exhausted.

And I don't buy this study's conclusion that putting your child in a crib may lead to Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.  A bit dubious.