Babble

I gave birth 8 weeks ago by c/s. Soon after giveing birth, I couldn't wait to have sex. It was like I needed to feel like myself again quickly, and myself likes sex. But we waited as was advised and at 6 weeks we jumped back into it. Aside from the initial pain and getting that taken care of with a different lube, it's felt a little different physically. I guess that's normal.

My main issue is my sudden lack of interest in sex! I keep waiting/wanting to feel like the sex kitten I used to, and it just isn't there. My husband is attentive and gentle and will only do whatever I'm up for. But we used to have some wild, fun times. Does that come back? It's almost like I don't even like sex anymore. I want that to change! I want to feel like me again. Do I just need to give it time? And if so, how much time?

I have SO been right there! I am only 24 and am luck enough to have a great hubby and a fabulous sex life. After the arrival of our son (now 17mos old) i wanted nothing more than for life to continue like it was. We tried before the 6 week magic mark and it wasn't bad at all, I just had ZERO desire for it. After a few months of nothing special, I marked it up to hormones and exhaustion.

No sooner had I given up, did i start feeling like my old self again! (when he was about 6 mos old) I believe it's one of Mama Nature's dirty little tricks- intended to help naturally space babies out. Just keep trying and try to show extra love to your partner- guys really get their 'feelers' hurt by the drop in affection. Lots of communication before you're 'in the moment' can help too. Now with my son well over a year old i can happily say things are better than normal.

Good luck!

jennak317@aol.com

I  have a 16-month old and feel like things are starting to improve in the bedroom. I just need the energy, and taking a nap in the afternoon helps that. It's definitely not the same as being carefree and ready to go at any time. I really miss Saturday morning sex.

 Are you nursing?  That for sure changes the desire levels. Also you are probably tired, being tired represses desire big-time.   How much time it will take is hard to say, how about when you feel rested and like you look hot again?  How long that wil take depends on you and the baby.

 There are things that can help it long.  Touch more.  Kiss, cuddle and get back rubs.  When you feel comfortable leaving baby have a date - some time together without the new little one is always good (as is some booze on said date).

HTH 

   I have a nine week old son and I'm hoping that what you are feeling is normal, because I am in the same situation. We had a great sex life right up until the night before I went into labor and I thought I was really ready to start getting it on as soon as I left the hospital, I was wrong. I definitely enjoyed being naked in bed with my husband and I could put my arms around him without my gigantic belly keeping us an arm's lenght apart and we did have sex at the 6 week mark, woo-hoo I couldn't wait. I never even let him finish the job, I told him it hurt but I just wasn't ready or into it or I don't know. So we tried again about a week later and it was nice but I still wasn't into it like I was before the baby was born. I have to say I love my husband dearly and he is still the most attractive man I have ever met so it's not that, and he still paws at me and makes me feel pretty even with my little baby pooch so it's not that either. Chalk it up to being tired and hormones because that is what I'm doing. It has to get better with time or people wouldn't have second or third kids, right?

OP here: I *am* starting to feel better... it's now 4 months. A couple of things have been helpful so far...

1. time- just giving myself time to heal
2. plenty of KY when we do it! there's no way around it- if there's not enough lube, it's gonna hurt, so pile it on
3. reminding myself to listen to my husband when he tells me i'm sexy and beautiful; he's not making it up and i have to stop pooh-poohing it when he tells me
4. remind myself that i'm healing and it may take more time, but that i am still me
5. having time away from the baby; it's taken a few dates out- just me and dh- to start feeling like myself and being able to separate my self from my baby (the first time we went out alone, we went to a movie and all i did was cry; it was the first time i could stand back and look at how overwhelming things were for me at that point)
6. remind myself to look at my husband like i used to- sometimes the "busy-ness" of a baby keeps me from doing that. it's a good way to get in touch with my sexual side

that was more than a couple of things... oh well. hope this helps you.

my sister said to me that not feeling it was due to mommy-hood. i'm sorry, but i refuse to accept that for myself. i can't settle for that when i really loved sex to begin with. i've given up a LOT for this baby- willingly and surprisingly- and i adore him so very much, but i will not, not, NOT give up the one thing my husband and i can share alone. if it means saying "no, i'm too tired" one night, but doing it the next, that's fine. but i will not relinquish my sexuality and passions to "mommyhood." i'm determined to fight it out.

Hi there - what you are experiencing is normal.  If I had a choice between sleep and sex I took sleep each and every time.  Our bodies and hormone levels are reacting at the primal level.  We don't want to procreate again, which is why we at the basic level have sex.  So with our estrogen levels sinking because we are breast feeding it's no wonder we are tired and don't want to have sex.

 This goes away in about 3-6 months and then you will be ready to go again:)

Oh -- and everything feels different because it is different -- our bodies have been stretched and pushed all around.  It will feel good again, but just different:)