You men are so full of shit. My ex pulled this same woe-is-me drama from the start. He'd be crying to his friends and family about how unreasonable I was being, but behind closed doors he was the biggest jerk, always yelling at me, picking fights, telling me things like I wouldn't be a good mother and that my child would hate me; then he'd turn around and say he wanted to marry me. I'd ask him a month in advance to come to the doctor appointments and he'd immediately answer that he'd be working out of town that day & then turn around after the appointment and tell everyone that I didn't invite him. He insisted that he had 50% say in everything and that I needed to run it by him before I decided on a daycare and wanted to be in total control from what the baby was named to how much rent I could pay him if I moved in with him and let him rent out my house because he always wanted to be someone's landlord. He totally ruined the first half of my pregnancy and I had no choice but to cut out all communication with him because he was making my life so stressful and miserable. He was so freaking forelorn when he was on show - he completely exhausted me and made my pregnancy all about him. And this was supposed to one of the happiest times of my life. What a nightmare he'd made of it. On the day I had the baby, we called him no less than 10 times and his response was only "Thanks for the update." It took 7 months for me to receive any court ordered child support and he never offered up any support, financial or otherwise, prior to my fighting for it tooth and nail - and even then he wanted to negotiate like our daughter was some used car. When I was 8 months pregnant, he met another girl and then married her when she got prenant on the day our daughter turned 4 months old. My daughter is now 9 months old and to this day, he has never seen her or even asked about her. We could both be dead and he wouldn't have a clue or even care.
For starters - of course she's mentally imbalanced - she's a bag of raging horemones and has been since before she realized she was pregnant. That's probably why you broke up the last time. A lawyer is a waste of money and your new Mommy friend will take the defensive if she feels like you are attacking or threatening her or trying to intimidate her with legalese. So don't be a prick and boast about your new lawyer.
If you've ever acted like this pregnancy isn't about the woman carrying the child, then THAT's why she doesn't want anything to do with you. LIke it or not, at this stage, it IS all about her. I would highly suggest that if you sincerely want to be a father to this child and you don't want to raise this baby in a tensed atmosphere - respect the woman carrying your child no matter how much you might dislike her. Kiss her ass everyday because you will never be able to comprehend what she's going through and you will never have the luxury of living with beastly, uncontrolable hormones; but don't dare suggest this to her - in her world, she's right, so just leave well enough alone. Try shoving a watermellon up your butt and living with it any time you think she's acting irrational. Being pregnant is not just a great excuse to be a bitch, it's a right. Live with it.
Believe everything she tells you. Buy her flowers, drop off dinner, cut her grass, offer to go to the store for her, wash her car, arrange for a babysitter for her so she can get some much needed rest and maybe even the chance to enjoy a bath and have some alone time - be there at the drop of a dime when she calls for you, and leave her alone when she tell you to. At all costs, don't be a prick - be nice even when it's hard to be; and if you even for a second think she might at some point think you've been a prick - apologize profusely. And make it a real apology - not some empty lame, "I'm sorry I said this or acted this way, BUT it's all your fault for whatever reason." Man up. For real. Eat a little crow now and maybe you'll have a lifetime of easier visitation.
Make it all about her, and maybe she'll recognize and appreciate your efforts, and thus, paving the way for a smooth transition of lavish attention on the baby. Don't be insulted if she doesn't trust you - she's creating life in there, and it's tiring, time-consuming work that she's pouring her life and blood into -so don't be surprised if she's a little territorial of the human being that's going to come out of her body.
And another little FYI - Her hormones won't start to level back out until about 6 months or so post partum. Respect her and don't take a mother's instinct lightly because it kicks in full force as soon as baby arrives.
I hate to say it, but despite what this guy above me says, that baby does not NEED you. He/She will thrive just fine without a father. However, a fathered relationship is absolutely ideal and YOU will be the privileged party, not the baby, and not the baby's mother.
I would also advise you to take some basic parenting classes - they are helpful and it will also look good on your behalf when you do go to court - and it will ease Mommy's mind just a little knowing that you're educating yourself. And for the love of God, don't try to negotiate child support. That only adds insult to injury, especially if you've insisted on a paternity test when you know damned well that it's your baby. Give willingly and open heartedly.
Don't only suggest counseling, go ahead and set up an appointment to show her that you're following through on your ideas and that you are determined to learn how to have a functioning, civil, co-parenting relationship at all costs so that the child is raised in a balanced atmosphere.
Depending on what state you are in, you really might not have any rights if you two weren't married. So don't get cocky thinking you are in control, because really, you aren't.
I'm telling you from experience, here: Make this pregnancy all about the Mommy and you're golden. Good luck. I hope you have the privilege of being as involved as you very well should be.
