Here is Hugo a year ago.
And one year ago this week, I returned to work full time after a desperately awful maternity leave. My leave was in the dark of winter, in Weehawken, NJ (where I knew no one), with all of my time spent trying to breastfeed and simultaneously heal a raging infection that had developed on my c-section. Nurses visited the house regularly to tend the gash where Hugo was untimely ripped and to teach my husband how to clean and pack my gaping wound with a boatload of saline-coated gauze. How he's not gay at this point is a marvel to me.
Anyway, besides an out of the box difficult medical recovery, I also had to find childcare. Ah childcare! See, I didn't know anything about childcare before having a child. I thought it might be affordable -- Ha! I thought I might find and be able to get a legal competent nanny -- ho ho ho! Barring that, I thought daycare facilities wouldn't blatantly break the law by not abiding by state-mandated ratios. Financially, I couldn't afford to work and I couldn't afford not to work. Even if money were no object, I didn't want to miss the best show of my life working and commuting, but I didn't want to stay home full time and not get to do what I love. I interviewed a slew of nannies I wouldn't leave my betta with, let alone my baby. I slipped into a funk to put it entirely too mildly.
And I can tell the rest this drama-laden story another time -- about the incompetent nanny, the only seeing Hugo for two hours a day, and yes, the regular sobbing at my desk.
The day I got clearance to work from home was one of the best days of my life -- without the commute I could take Hugo to a fabulous accredited school that is 100X cheaper than Manhattan daycare or an illegal nanny. And without the commute I actually get to see him. And I'm cutting down traffic congestion. My vacation was cut, my salary has been stagnant and yet I work harder than ever to prove myself to keep the work/life situation and to make it better for the next mom or dad with a babe. Oh but it took months. And it took hard work, and yes, prayer, at least to keep my eyes on the prize. Oh and it also took the work and kindness of wonderful people at my wonderful job who were willing to work with me to find a mutually beneficial solution.
I recently revisted and took a video of the nicest daycare facility I visited during that dark time...the daycare you see here is in a windowless dank basement and after you see their outdoor area, you may be able to imagine what the bad places were like.
