They Say: Co-Sleeping Kills Kids

re: They Say: Co-Sleeping Kills Kids

Rebecca — Sat, 03 May 2008 17:13:18 GMT

We cosleep with our 5-month-old. He's a kicker. I had a c-section. My 5-month-old incision is STILL sore. no injuries to dad, though.

re: They Say: Co-Sleeping Kills Kids

km — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 03:42:32 GMT

I have been co-sleeping for almost 6 years (and three boys) now. The first slept with us until he was about 18 months. We transitioned him to his own bed because I was pregnant with our second son. There was about 7 months of kid-free sleeping, then #2 was in our bed. He was a bit more of a loner, though, so he was equally happy in his crib (in our room). When he was 2, we moved cross-country, and he started sleeping in our bed on a regular basis.

I bought a co-sleeper for our third son (he's ten days old now), because #2 (now 3 1/2) was still sleeping with us, and I was worried about having 2 kids in one bed. My mom made #2 a quilt, which she gave him about a week before #3 was born--it was like magic, he started sleeping in his own bed every night since then. Needless to say, baby hasn't been in the co-sleeper yet.

As far as injuries: #1 kicked hubby in the groin, hard enough that hubby just about fell out of the bed. #1 also got each of us in the eye with his sippy. #2 had a habit of wedging his feet into the waistbands of our pjs (or boxers in husband's case)--so annoying. They both developed the habit of sleeping perpendicular to us, forcing us to cling to the edge of the bed.

re: They Say: Co-Sleeping Kills Kids

Sheri — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 02:20:58 GMT

I really never coslept with my kids. At least not on a constant basis. Occasionally they fell asleep in bed with us, but the oh 25 times or so, my fat ass of a husband and my big butt didn't kill them. So bite me. Jeesh.

I had an OB-gyn who said that you tend to have that second sense when you sleep with your child. I wouldn't recommend drinking and then sleeping with a baby, but if you have a large bed and are careful with the amount of bedding, I believe even a larger parent can safely sleep with their baby. The safety of the parent on the other hand....

re: They Say: Co-Sleeping Kills Kids

MamaT — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 16:00:14 GMT

Cassie - no one is saying everyone has to co-sleep. But for those who choose to do so, and who do so safely, we get tired of these unfounded pronouncements.

Safe co-sleeping means no alcohol, no drugs, making your bed a safe place, and it is not recommended for the obese parent.

re: They Say: Co-Sleeping Kills Kids

MamaT — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 15:45:14 GMT

We've been co-sleeping for twelve months now, and in that time I've done a lot of research. The only studies that say co-sleeping is dangerous are the ones that do not substract sleeping on a couch, chair, an unsafe bed, or with a drunk/drugged parent. The most prominent study is also funded by ---- surprise, surprise, the manufacturers of cribs!

You also have to look at your bed - get rid of all those extra sheets, blankets, and pillows. Ya know, use common sense.

Why do they refuse to do a study on parents who co-sleep safely? Oh, perhaps because it would show that it's safer than crib sleeping.

re: They Say: Co-Sleeping Kills Kids

DCMama — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 14:46:45 GMT

Is putting your kid in the car potentially child abuse. Really, lets focus on the things that actually kill kids. Number 1: Driving them around.

We sidecar co-slept most nights until 5 months. But, lots of nights that meant we all fell asleep in the "big bed". No major injuries. Happy healthy kid, who now sleeps in in his own room and as zero interest in sleeping w/ us unless he is sick. I kind of wish he was more interested in snuggling with us.

re: They Say: Co-Sleeping Kills Kids

noell — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 11:16:03 GMT

I have co-slept with both of my boys...I found it the only way to get some sleep especially with breastfeeding. I got my oldest son into his own bed when he was around 2. Now 8.5 month old son #2 starts out the night in his crib,and if he wakes up, into my bed he goes. I liked having them so close for the first couple months. I don't think it is dangergous as long as you are smart about it.

re: They Say: Co-Sleeping Kills Kids

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 05:58:35 GMT

Treespeed, I swear my daughter broke my rib once. Then she gave my wife a concussion. Not joking. We co-sleep only when absolutely necessary now. Or when we bubble wrap ourselves first.

re: They Say: Co-Sleeping Kills Kids

LauraLaura — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 03:16:22 GMT

Treespeed, I love your request (as an antidote to the stories of co-sleeping's dangers).

I volunteer the following parental damage list: one bruised cheekbone, the result of my son's discovery that his right hand, yes!, turns into a fist and can be waved around in the wee hours; one pair of broken glasses; one repeatedly kicked tabby cat; various scratches on my face and my husband's; and a thoroughly peed-upon, very expensive Tempurpedic mattress.

The kid? Thriving, fat, and happy.

re: They Say: Co-Sleeping Kills Kids

Cassie — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 02:43:42 GMT

I have heard of several children dying in my area in the last couple of years as a result of an obese parent or caretker sitting on or rolling over on them. Maybe the increase is due to people being fatter or drinking more or taking more dope. Seems like everyone is on something these days. So according to the co-sleep people it is better those kids are dead than leave them to sleep in their own cribs like we did as children? So what expalins the increas? More co-sleeping parents? Co-sleeping is not for everyone. If it works for you fine but I never had a problem getting up to soothe my infant in her crib next to the bed or across the room. I figured it was part of my job to teach them to sleep alone knowing I would come if they needed me and not have to worry they would get caught in the crack of the bed and smother.

re: They Say: Co-Sleeping Kills Kids

Sherry — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:26:00 GMT

I live in one of those cultures (Japan) where cosleeping is the norm. Although I can't say it has never happened, in 15 years of living here I have never heard a report of a child dying from cosleeping. Putting a baby or toddler off by themselves to sleep is seen as cruel and abusive. I too hate how the so called authorities just say it is dangerous without ever revealing the specifics of what happened with any given accident or pointing out ways to make co-sleeping safe.

re: They Say: Co-Sleeping Kills Kids

froggemom — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:17:38 GMT

The authorities in Philadelphia launched a similar campaign earlier this year. I think their statistics include every possible scenario, including the drunk,etc. In one case in Philadelphia the baby died on a waterbed with lots of pillows, comforter, etc.

Our son slept with us for several months when he was an infant. We didn't use any contraptions. We used common sense. At some point we all weren't sleeping so we moved him to his crib next to the bed.

I find these campaigns irresponsible. But it is far too complicated for a public health message to explain what safe co-sleeping is. I guess its better to say never, than to say only with these conditions.

And another thing...co-sleeping is so widespread. I have yet to meet any parents who have never had their baby in bed with them, even if just for half a night.

re: They Say: Co-Sleeping Kills Kids

BBBGMOM — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:03:08 GMT

To be blunt, I think the "potentially lethal act" statement is bullshit. Madeline and Treespeed make very good points - what were the circumstances surrounding the deaths? (Smothering by a totally stoned/drunk parent? Etc.) We have coslept since day one with each kid and have had a similar experience as Treespeed - kids go to own bed at around two, but continue to wander in during the wee hours until close to three. Then everyone reliably stays put. To frame cosleeping under abuse and neglect is irresponsible and ridiculous. As tired as this assertion may be, what does this say of the many, many cultures for whom cosleeping is the norm? They're all a bunch of negligent abusers? Also, what percentage of SIDS (or other infant deaths while sleeping) occur in cribs? I have always bought into the notion that a mother is in tune w/ baby's breathing patterns when baby is hovering at the breast in the night.

re: They Say: Co-Sleeping Kills Kids

LogicalMama — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 23:57:13 GMT

We did it (sometimes still do....). We loved it. Surprisingly, neither my husband or I got hurt! Not surprising, our son was very safe and we all felt very comfortable with it! Cut back on pillows and bedding and butted a twin up against our queen so we have lots of room (crib mattress was never comfortable enough for him so before we brought in the twin, it was the place I put my butt!)!

We are not drinkers so there was never a concern about that. I feel that when I became a mom, I became a very light sleeper so any sound or change awakens me.

re: They Say: Co-Sleeping Kills Kids

Amy — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 23:41:06 GMT

This is absurd. I am a mother of two, and we have co-slept from day one. My first daughter is very intense, high needs, spirited, etc. and NEEDS my reassuring physical presence to be able to sleep. At 2.5 we have "weaned" her to the point where she is sleeping in a twin bed (mattress on the floor so she doesn't fall out) as long as I lay down with her to go to sleep, and she occasionally sleeps there through the night. Often we find her in our bed in the morning, and as long as she doesn't wake anyone up, it's fine. She learned very quickly that if Mommy wakes up, Mommy takes her back to her bed.

My younger daughter is, at 13 months, much less needy. However, by the time she came along we had a lot of habits ingrained. Right now, my husband "bounces" her to sleep, and she sleeps the first part of the night in her crib, and when she wakes up I go in and get her and bring her back to our bed. That way, my husband and I get "adult time" (wink, wink) and everyone gets the maximum amount of sleep possible.

With two kids under two, in the early days, co-sleeping was my only defense. I slept with my older daughter in a La-Z-Boy style chair for the first 8 weeks, after I tried sitting up to nurse her in the night. I fell asleep while holding her in the glider, and I nearly dropped her, so I figured out quickly that it wasn't safe. We stayed in the La-Z-Boy until I figured out how to nurse laying down, and then it was in the bed.

Co-sleeping is only dangerous if one parent is drunk, on illegal drugs, or is taking medications that interfere with his or her sleeping or waking (like Benadryl). There may be other isolated cases, for example if a parent has night terrors or something, where it would be unsafe, but for the vast, vast majority it is a perfectly safe and healthy way to make sure that everyone gets rest.

In many cultures, it is normal to sleep with your kids - if not in the same bed, in the same room. Many people around the world are horrified at the idea of putting a helpless newborn in a cold, dark, strange room all alone, myself included.

If that makes me a child abuser and/or neglector, well, so be it.

re: They Say: Co-Sleeping Kills Kids

Treespeed — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 22:21:21 GMT

My wife and I co-sleeped from day one. We did a bit of the sleeper next to the bed, but my daughter rarely went for it. Even now at two she starts in her own bed, and then wanders into ours around two or three in the morning. Now she's starting to come to get us and then have one of us take her back to her bed to sleep. Which is fine, as "her" bed is a queen-sized mattress on the floor. When we were starting out we used the "incline to sleep" to keep the space defined, but we never had any worries or problems. Only my wife and I have been injured with the co-sleeping, my wife with a black eye, and my nose being broken by a flailing little girl who's getting an early start on soccer hooliganism. I'm sure there are the rare cases of good parents doing everything right and something tragic happening, but I'd bet that more often the deaths occurred from one of the other issues that Madeline pointed out.

I'd be interested in hearing from other parents who've been injured by their co-sleeping children.