re: Does Shared Custody Mess Kids Up?

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 22:58:33 GMT

I don't see any good from any form of "shared parenting" where the kid is tossed between homes, whether its 50%-50% or 95%-5%. I know I was tossed between "homes" as a kid and I see it happen to the kids under my roof too and in 2/3 of those cases it's painful, not just for the kids, but all involved.

If there's any psychological basis for the impetus on shared parenting, it's quackery. It's based, perhaps, on just-post-divorce assessments of kids at thinking age, but not longer term.

Other conventional wisdom says kids benefit from stability. But home-tossing is not stability, nor is the constant threat of legal wrangling, the recurring heated drawn-out negotiations over summer vacation etc., the economic and time-taking toll it can have on both sides (only worsening the animosity). Stability would mean having ONE stable, happy, secure family unit that isn't being constantly attacked by another one. It doesn't mean "stays in the same school" or "gets to spend time under the same roof as each parent". Sure, four christmases may sound great on paper, but it actually makes for an unrelaxing holiday time.

The courts should decide as early as possible which parent has better relationship with the child, which is more likely to be able to support the child, then make that decision, place the child in the custody of that parent, and then write it in stone for all eternity barring serious catastrophe. And parent 2 can come visit (emphasis on COME visit, not be visited with) according to whatever plan.

But kid tossing and home shuffling just has to stop, it's horrible for everyone.