Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

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re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

Devra Renner — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 23:28:00 GMT

I think all parents wished we had more time to spend with our families AND had more time to spend doing our own thing too outside of being with our kids. Whether that time be with a spouse, partner or friend.

What gets in our way from having more "down time" is certainly due to technology. It used to be if you worked 9-5, that was it. Those were your hours because after 5, everything was shut down for the day. With the expansion of better energy savers, computers and faxes, it is now possible to run energy for longer periods of time and keep business open longer hours, if not 24/7. This a recent development in the past 40 years.

I think things are improving, sort of. We are getting away from the "work like a dog until I die" focus to themes of "I'll work hard, but I want my time away from work too" or "I am okay with interupting my career and being with the kids."

The WaPo reporter interviewed me at my house for three hours on the subject of parental guilt and in my discussiong with her I spent quite a long time explaining how no one is an "assistant" parent and it is unfair, to father in particular, to marginalize their importance parenting.

I explained that until we stop talking about "who does more" and focus on "how can we get policy and programs in place to support caregiving" it will be slow progress to have anyone's caregiving given proper recognition and value in our society.

If you are really interested in what else I had to say during that three hour interview with Donna St. George, ask her if you can have a copy of the tape. She recorded the entire thing.

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

GratefulDad — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 20:00:43 GMT

That's cool Rachel, I was just making comment on actually taking your kids to the bar for something to do. I won't take my son there to teach him how to play 301 or DC or anything...We can do that at home!

I am the primary care giver too (SAHD). To make sure my wife can maximize her time with the kids, I do the same thing. Make the dinner for the four of us, clean it up, get things ready for the next day, make the breakfasts and lunches in the morning before they go to work and school, clean the house, ect., so they have the quality time they miss out on. (oooh, pre-bedtime poopy diapers! glad we are past that!)

But, I agree with you, parents will make the time if it means enough to them.

Rock on and keep it fun!

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

RachelZ — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 15:55:38 GMT

GratefulDad - I was more or less raised in bars. My dad sold dartboards and darts supplies so we spent A LOT of time in and out of the local and not-so-local saloons.

As a result, my favorite thing in the whole wide world is Coca-Cola out of one of those soda-gun dispenser thingys in a warm glass. That's the taste of my childhood. Plus, I will kick anyone's ass at pinball.

Topic? I think if the desire is there, parents of either flavor will find/make time to spend with the kids. My parents did, even if it meant that one parent worked two or three jobs so the other could stay at home with us. My husband makes the time, even if it means getting up at 4 AM to get in his training before work.

It's my job as the primary caregiver (SAHM) to make sure that Daddy has the time to spend with his daughter. If that means I have to cook dinner AND clean up afterwards, so be it. He gets to do the pre-bedtime poopy diaper, then.

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

Peter — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 05:48:58 GMT

By my quick calculation just now, I spend about 27-30 hours per week on solo daddy duty, plus I nap with my sons for about two hours each day (since I work nights). To me, seven hours a week wouldn't be parenting -- it would be visiting.

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

GratefulDad — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 02:26:57 GMT

Propping your kid on the barstool next to you is illegal in my town. You have to be 21 to belly up at the bar. Plus, who in their right mind would do a thing like that anyway? "Son, this is the way to be a real barfly..."

I'd go nuts if I spent as little as only 7 hours a week with my children, yet some people do. They say it's by choice, but is it really? If it meant enough to them, they would find a way to make it work.

And yes, PantherGirl, it does infuriate me too!

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

Selfmademom — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 01:24:18 GMT

The study might be sad, but for us it's definitely true. With my hubby pulling 60 hours a week working, it leaves little time for junior. He's lucky if he gets a half-hour at night with him! But, we're working hard now to save up for later to eventually have enough time to spend with our kids - just when they won't have time to hang out with us. Oh well.

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

cryitout — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 00:55:48 GMT

It's worth taking a look at this sidebar for a greater explanation of the numbers -- http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/03/19/AR2007031901972_3.html

7 hours is actually devoting your time to kids and nothing else -- changing, feeding, reading, playing -- these activities seem to fit that mold.

Then there's other times when you're around the kids and sort of helping -- cooking dinner while helping with homework, for instance.

Then there's the last time -- like when you go to the bar and prop the kid on the stool next to you.

Oh Please, Who Was Polled?

MileHiDad — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 00:21:27 GMT

Dads who work at NASA? I wonder what the average amount of time a full time working mother spends with her kids in a family where we dads stay at home. I’ll just bet it’s a whole bunch more.

There are 24 hours in a day, granted, and assuming 8 of them are sleeping, 7 hours a week is an hour a day, puleeze! Unless these dads are100+ hours a week which I doubt is even a real possibility, these polled working dads are slackers, that’s right SLACKERS. Woo hoo an hour a day, that’s serious bonding happening. I wish for seven hours a week of dad only time while I’m awake. Sorry not fare here, my son is in preschool now but still, 7 hours a week? I wonder how many hours are spent at a happy hour. Sorry for the rant, but just 7 hours? Please…

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

carfree childhood — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 23:39:29 GMT

Maybe they averaged in fathers who don't live with there kids and spend zero times with them. You average one 28 with three 0s and you come up with 7.

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

pffft — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 22:26:28 GMT

bwaaaahahahahaha....

seven hours a week?

the only time I'm NOT with my son (and I count time when my wife and I are BOTH with my son) is when I'm at work or sleeping (and sometimes he's in our bed).

i almost never do stuff without either him or my wife. if anything I WISH i could do more stuff by myself. but so does my wife, i'm sure, and we're in it together.

so assuming i'm working 10 hours a day (including commute) and i'm sleeping 6 hours a day (not including the average 1 hours a night he's in the bed with us). that means I spend more or less 8 hours a day with my son.

that's 56 hours a week.

even if you think that's way too high - go ahead - cut it in half. it's still 28 hours a week.

7 HOURS!?!

who are these people? what do they do? how are their wives not killing them?

how can I become on of THOSE dads?!?! ;)

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

cryitout — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 20:30:38 GMT

I think crunchy's on to something here. People reading parenting blogs probably aren't the ones spending only 7 hours a week with the kids. I think we're on the way high end of the average spectrum.

Think about the dads holding down two, three jobs just to make ends meet, and there you go -- 7 hours would probably seem like a blessed million to them. At least I hope that's the case, instead of dads just flipping off their shoes and flipping on the TV.

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

panthergirl — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 20:07:48 GMT

I cannot *stand* it when dads are held to a different standards than moms. And I think it should infuriate dads as well.

I work fulltime. But I still spend more than 7 hours a week with my son.

Watch Supernanny? Dads that come home from work, head to the computer and don't surface for hours? No wonder the stay-at-home moms they are coming home to are headed for the looney bin.

Yet somehow, these women accept this as normal for a DAD. Fuck that, I say. Normal for a sperm donor maybe.

Can you tell this is a hot-button issue for me? ;)

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

crunchy — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 19:06:41 GMT

Interesting..I wonder.

I mean, yes we have loads of dads with unconventional jobs and unconventional hours who spend more time with their kids, and there is the stay at home dads too.

But I wonder..if you average it out with the dads working horrible shifts in factories or whatever or doing two jobs or jobs that take them away from home...maybe it does work out to only 7 hours.

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

Holmes — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:59:18 GMT

I work full time and go to school and I know I spend way more time with my son than that. I'm not saying I'm superdad or anything, I just have a hard time believing this number. Seven hours seems like nothing.

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

Grammy — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 17:24:27 GMT

It IS ab unprovement. My husband would not even pick the kids up from the sitter. He got home at 2:00 pm and I didn't get home until 6:00 pm. I had to pick up the kids, start supper, take care of the house AND the yard. He HAD to read the newspaper and watch TV. After all, he NEEDED to relax at the end of the day. By the way, I was a nurse back then.

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

cryitout — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 16:56:12 GMT

Good questions all, and ones that I couldn't seem to find answers for.

I just emailed one of the people involved in the study for more information. Hopefully we can shed more light on this.

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

Deborah — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 16:22:40 GMT

I'm always perplexed by how these numbers are calculated. If our entire family is together the entire weekend, don't all the hours add up for both parents? If my husband spends an hour on the computer while the kids play at his feet, does that count? What about when I read a book at Starbucks for 15 minutes while my toddler shreds napkins?

And how could a SAHP only perform 14 hours a week of child care? Um...isn't it more like 91 hours a week? That's about how much my kids are awake.

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

RachelZ — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 15:37:00 GMT

What, exactly, do they mean by "child care work?" Changing diapers? Feeding? Isn't that called parenting?

Thank god my husband spends a lot of time with the baby. Despite his job and triathlon training, he still spends a couple hours with her every evening and almost all of Saturday and Sunday.

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

prescott — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 15:22:11 GMT

Something is off with this article -- they are saying dads perform 7 hours of "child-care work" a week. WTF does that mean? Then it says that women "put in about twice as many hours", i.e., 14. Which is about correct, right moms?!

Are kids up through 18 included in this?

re: Dad Time Only Seven Hours a Week?

MetroDad — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 14:41:50 GMT

7 hours per week? And that's an improvement? Frightening. I can't even imagine spending that little amount of time with my daughter.