Strollerderby : work-life balance

How Much Would It Cost You to Take a Career Break?

Miriam Axel-Lute — Fri, 29 May 2009 15:00:00 GMT

The New York Times (h/t Creative Class blog) has an interesting report on the financial penalties sustained in different fields by people who take some time out of the workforce. Apparently, although medicine has the most grueling training, once you get there, it's a lot easier on work/life balance than, say, finance, business consulting, or law. Or even academia.

Of course by "people who take time off for family" we still mean mostly (but not entirely) women (it used to be called the Mommy track, remember?), and I'm surprised that the research didn't explore whether women and men experienced different financial penalties when they do take time. (And I'm surprised that the Creative Class blog post didn't even acknowledge that gender is still a huge factor in this.)

It's also, perhaps, a little hard for me to get too worked up about the relatively lower salaries of highly paid MBAs and PhDs who've taken a few years off when there are so many other people for whom work-life balance means being able to get paid time off or support their family without taking on a second job. Ok, so perhaps that's a little too harsh. Work-family balance is important for everyone, for the kids, and because people who've been forced to work 70-hour weeks when their kids are young often have a I-did-it-so-you-should-too attitude toward their own subordinates, not to mention about efforts to improve work-life balance for everyone.

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Which is Harder -- Taming a Tiger or a Three Year Old?

Amy Kuras — Mon, 18 May 2009 16:01:00 GMT

We’re all struggling for work-life balance, but these moms sound like they really have it nailed. Their kids travel with them, are learning a bunch about their parent’s job, and get to see the world as part of routine family life.

Okay, unless you can walk a tightrope or tame a tiger, this may not be for you. These moms are circus moms. Most of them are performers, and several are married to fellow circus performers.

Imagine being Davian Raffo. His mom, Andrea, is an aerialist who does cool things like hang by her hair and perform acrobatic feats high above the crowd. His dad is a tiger tamer. School happens with a traveling teacher, and parents keep an eye on each other’s kids and look out for each other.

Some kids are even beginning to train for their own circus acts. Maria Garcia’s 8 and 12 year old children are learning to be tumblers.

I love this story so much. Imagine living and working with the people you love the most, and seeing the world at the same time. And when your job is something so unique, even better. What great stories these kids will have to tell about their childhoods.

"This is your life. This is your business. You love what you do, and so you just go on with your life, and you have a family," says Raffo.

Generation Xers Break From the Boomers in Work-Life Balance

Amy Kuras — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 23:06:00 GMT

Most of us, I think, plan to parent differently than our parents did to some degree. And sometimes that can whip itself into something that really seems generational in nature versus just simple family dynamics.

For example, the GenXers, people my age, pretty much parent differently than our own parents, the baby boomers did.

Balancing parenting with careers is one of the major ways those generational differences assert themselves, according to this blog by Tammy Erickson from the Harvard Business Review. For Boomers, successful parenting meant having successful children, that everything you did was with an eye toward giving your children a leg up in the chase for success and status.

For us, though, we’re less willing to work extra hours or do extensive travel to climb the corporate ladder, and instead prioritize time with our kids above all else. We try much harder to incorporate our parenting life with our work life, which means taking a Blackberry to the playground, for example.

I’m sure some people would use this to continue the tired stereotype that GenXers are just lazy slackers, and I give the writer lots of credit for not doing so.

As a card carrying Xer, I think it’s a couple of things: one, this is not my first recession. I graduated from college into a big one in the early 1990s, and watched my dad go through two downsizings at the company he’d given much of his work life to, at some cost to our family. Most of my friends experienced the same. By this time in our lives, many of us have been laid off once or twice already ourselves. When companies are not loyal to us, we’ll be damned if we’re going to sacrifice our children’s happiness to be loyal to them.

Secondly, I think it’s the feminists in the 1960s and 1970s who really dug into the world of work and made it possible for women my age to take those pauses to raise kid, here the career takes a back burner either by staying home, going part time, or just not killing yourself with long hours and crammed schedules. If you’ve clawed your way up from the typing pool ala Peggy in Mad Men, you’re not giving it all up even if you want to. When you’ve been treated as equal to a male employee since your first day, you feel a lot more comfortable saying “Time out.”

What do you think? How do you balance work and family differently than your parents did? And why do you think that is?

Coworking: Office Space Without the Angst

Amy Kuras — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 22:02:00 GMT

I'm not alone in thinking working at home, while it has its benefits, mostly blows. I mean I love the time with my kids – but on the other hand, I am attempting to work while I am home with my kids. Who, while lovely, are an infant and a preschooler and thus have no respect for deadlines (want to know how many times I have had to stop writing this and tend to someone? Five. So far. And the preschooler is napping. It would be twice that if she weren't). Plus, there's the pets, and the home phone, and the temptation to load the dishwasher/run a load of laundry/get a jump on dinner instead of work during that brief period when everyone is happy or at least quiet.

The solution would be an office outside the home, but what I'd have to pay for additional daycare plus rent in even a cheap building or shared space would cost major bank – and as a freelance journalist/itinerant blogger, major bank's not happening.

I've casually talked with friends in similar lines of work about sharing an office – not something we’d have to be at every day, but a space where you have a desk and co-workers who can get their own cups of milk, but without all attendant hassles of actually working for each other. Lo and behold, this is not an original idea but a new trend, called coworking, the idea being it's more professional than hanging at Starbucks and more social than working alone at home.

One woman started a coworking space called Cubes and Crayons in Menlo Park that includes, wait for it, childcare. Both of which are available the amount of time you need it and not a moment longer. I have no idea if she's interested in franchising, but if any of you want to open up such a place in my neck of the woods, I'll be your first customer.

What a WAHD: Work at Home Dad's Day is Friday

Amy Kuras — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 18:02:00 GMT

OMG everybody! Hop in the minivan right now and get to shopping! We almost missed Work At Home Dads Day!!

It's Friday, June 13. Here's what the press release announcing it said:

"Held each year on the Friday before Father’s Day, it is one day set aside to honor and celebrate those fathers who have elected to work or remain at home – either as home-based entrepreneurs, teleworkers, or full-time caregivers – as a means to improve family interaction, professional satisfaction, and balance between the two."

Okay, nothing wrong with that. Until I read this: It's also, according to the press release, a day for work at home dads to "finally get their due."

How does one type spluttering in disbelief? Now, I am all about the stay-at-home or work-at-home dad. I think it's fabulous that men are allowing themselves the chance to have that closeness with their children typically reserved for moms, and are also picking up all the crap that goes with it. And I'll acknowledge that in some ways it's harder for them culturally than it is for mothers – playgrounds are rife with the assumptions a dad with his kids is probably unemployed or biding his time until he gets a real job, while no one looks twice at an equally intelligent and educated woman allowing her spouse to be the breadwinner.

BUT. Every mom with a male partner who is a halfway decent one has had the experience of watching your partner get treated like he's a hero for playing with the kids and father of the damn year for changing a diaper (of the decade if it's a twosie). In other words, the stuff we do all day, every day and it's just expected we get it done – and if you work for pay, you do it on top of also earning a paycheck. No one's offering up the kudos to us, is all I'm saying.

I'm not begrudging dads who take on the bulk of the childcare a day to honor them. But as a work at home mom who's lived through more than one day like this, I think there damn well better be a work at home mom day right on its heels.

Working Moms: Not Guilty Enough? Read This

Amy Kuras — Thu, 08 May 2008 16:02:00 GMT

I'm of the belief, as the cheesy 80s saying went, "every mother is a working mother" – and as a work at home mother I have a foot firmly in both camps of the so-called "Mommy Wars."

So I found this CNN.com story on CareerBuilder.com's annual Mother's Day study to be awfully scoldy in its tone for work-for-pay mothers – citing stats that 17 percent of working moms have missed three or more significant events in the lives of their children over the last year. Which means that 83 percent didn’t, but where's that stat in the story? Because damn, ladies, that's pretty amazing that you can balance a work schedule and your kid's schedule and not miss much.

A sizable minority bring work home a few days a week or more, which the article treats as solely responsible for the decline of the American family or whatever. Of course, how are we supposed to both be there for every soccer game AND get our jobs done, exactly, otherwise?

And I reserve special scorn for this: "Perhaps unsurprisingly, 24 percent of mothers cited work as having a negative impact on their relationships with their children." Which, again, means three-quarters do not think so, and I'd be willing to bet at least some of the moms who said it was damaging their relationships with their kids were just having a shitty day at work or home or both.

In other words, working moms are actually doing a pretty good job balancing everything --but the story focuses on the minority who feel they are not.

Here's what I think work-for-pay moms – and probably a good bit of work-for-free moms too – really wish for: Viable part-time work options. Good, affordable child care.
And oh yeah, no more asinine news stories that serve to pile more guilt on moms who deserve better.

Work-Life Balance? Don't Even Ask

Amy Kuras — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 20:46:00 GMT

For most of us, balancing work with parenting ranges from something of a challenge to ridiculously impossible, sometimes within the same day. Or maybe that's just me. At any rate, family-friendliness or just plain flexibility varies wildly between companies, and sometimes even within departments at the same workplace, and it's a mistake to assume what worked at your old job would fly at a new one.

This Wall Street Journal "Career Q&A" tackles the best way to address the issue when interviewing for a new job. Basically, the answer is "don't." It's best to bring it up when you're certain you're going to get the job, or even better, after you get an offer.

There are ways, though, to get a sense of the company's culture when it comes to balance. For example, ask what a typical day or week was like for the person who previously held the job you're interviewing for.

If you get the sense that even that might be an unwelcome question, try asking if they allow remote login access from home. That can give you a sense of how important "face time" is versus being available but in a more flexible, less office-tied way. Seeking advice from people who work there is good too, especially because interviewers often try to paint a much more rosy picture of the workplace than may actually exist.

I think it's sad we live in a culture where working 80- to 100-hour weeks is encouraged but asking if you can go to your kid's soccer game isn't, (which is probably why we have a chronic case of Broke), but I think this is really helpful when you're looking for a job that acknowledges most of life happens outside the office.

Photo: Michael Fitzjames

First Week Back at Work is Crucial

Amy Kuras — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 23:33:00 GMT

I haven’t worked in an office for nearly six years, so for me the prospect of going back to work after I have this baby is pretty much completely exciting – I can use my brain! And write! About something other than when he last pooped/nursed/slept!

For mothers who must negotiate a breast pump, a commute that's longer than climbing the stairs to your office and shutting the door, and the wearing of real clothes that are not composed of polarfleece, it can be a much more ambivalent situation.

Turns out that first week back at work is pretty critical to a new mom's success at juggling the working parent role. This article from Forbes lays out some of the more helpful ideas. First of all, negotiate a staggered start, where you don't come back full time right away, if you possibly can. Also, connect with your colleagues and maybe bring the baby by for a visit before you start back. That way, they won't forget that you actually went through a major life change while you were gone instead of spending three months traipsing around Europe or whatever, and it reminds you that you actually like these people and are coming back to work for a reason.

On a similar note, connect with other new moms you know at the company. Talking to someone who's been where you are and survived it can make or break your coping ability.

As much as I loved this article, I was struck by how much it seemed to take for granted that every company offers things like lactation rooms and flexible hours. Some companies in the article even did simple, low cost things like a monthly lunch for new moms, so they can connect with each other for support. It would be nice if all companies, not just those that employ the cream of the crop, offered those types of benefits to make life easier for families.

Photo: Forbes.com

TV- and Parent-Free Activities For Kids. Help!

Madeline Holler — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 00:05:00 GMT

I promise myself every year (every month? every day? every hour?) that I'm going to buck up and quit relying TV to numb the kids' minds and keep them away from me in half-hour increments. But it's hard, so hard. Because sometimes, a mom just wants to sit and email!

So I was excited about Parents magazine's 25 TV-Free Activities, which I figured would freshen up some of the options (go outside! draw a picture!).

Problem is, these 25 activities all include me! Argh! They suggest a tickle party (sob!), having friends over (the work!), have a dance party (the noise!), fix the sink (who's got time?), family letter writing party (but I want to email!), museums, the library, doing something for someone else (but what about me!). Actually, we do these things kind of. What we don't do is sit quietly on the couch with our hands folded, while Mommy surfs the web.

I think Parents has missed the point of TV for parents: it's the replacement parent, not the supplement parent, at least in our house. I use it to numb their minds, quiet thier mouths, kill the dead time between afterschool and dinner when I really, really, really want to get something done. So 25 TV-free activities need to be parent-free too.

Hey, I'm not looking for handouts here, just a little peace and quiet. So help me out with this, readers. What are your favorite TV(and parent-)-free activities. And hiring a babysitter doesn't count.

Photo: Telegraph.co.uk

International Study: Family-Friendly Policies Work

Amy Kuras — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 23:10:00 GMT

Turns out that things such as paid parental leave, childcare, and work flexibility might actually be good for an economy –who knew? This report from the International Organisation (love the British S) for Economic Cooperation and Development compares the work-life policies in 30 different countries, comparing issues such as tax and benefit policies, parental-leave arrangements, childcare, after-school care, access to part-time and flexible working hours with indicators such as child poverty, the gender pay gap and the birth rate.
The US scored fairly high, better or at the same level as the other 30 countries on all indicators except child poverty –interesting given the oft-cited statistic that we have the worst parental leave policies of all industrialized nations.
The OECD suggests the following as elements of an effective public policy development strategy:
•    Giving parents money to stay home and care for children can be counter-productive. "It destroys incentives to work and leads employers to assume that women will stay at home, so they stop hiring women and stop investing in their careers," the report adds.
•    There should be strong tax advantages to working.
•    Single parents should be required to work and given childcare support to make that easier.
•    • Childcare support should be better targeted. "Out-of-school-hours care for older children, for example, is relatively cheap to offer and can make a big impact on the ability of both parents to work," according to the report.
•    Parental leave should be short, well-paid, and shared by both parents as a way to promote gender equity and parental involvement.
•    More family-friendly workplace policies such a part-time work, flexible hours and the leave to care for sick children are important.

Work Family Balance is Crap

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 16:58:00 GMT

Work-family balance often seems like the domain of the ~~crack-addict~~ super cheerful tailored clothing parents. You know the ones. Well-groomed. Peaceful. Soft-voiced and centered. Attendees of weekend tantra workshops and instigators of afternoon craft projects with children that actually turn out. Where I come from, work-family balance is more like "you work, I'll have a family" and balance doesn't really come into it. Besides, who needs balance (and really what the hell is balance anyway?) when one enjoys the temperamental things in life -- the hurry-scurry of a million little peanut-buttery feet and stepping on very sharp toys at 2AM.

According to Working Dad this is what it's all about anyway...

...and he is one mega-sharp blogdaddio. He rightly points out that "... the work-family balance debate is a dangerous sport. It implies there is some magical formula, a mix of just the right amount of job hours, family time and date nights, that creates a harmonious family."

Like the rest of us with very young children, Working Dad has discovered that chaos is more in play than order or balance. because of this, most parents would be well-advised to surrender idealized notions of work-family balance in favor of something softer and more covered in spaghetti: real life with small kids.

Kiddley, Loobylu Take A Break: Crafty Blogger on Indefinite Hiatus

Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 15:29:00 GMT

I don't craft, but sites like Kiddley and Loobylu make me wish I did. That's why I was sad to learn that Claire, the force behind Kiddley and Loobylu, has decided to take a break from blogging to focus on her family. (Well, not too sad, she has the best reason for stopping.)

From Kiddley:

Since the birth of our daughter Lily back in June we have been struggling as a family to find the right balance of life, work and blogging. Unfortunately life has been suffering more and more. It has been regularly occurring to me that it’s somewhat ironic that a website dedicated to helping parents and carers find things to do with their kids has been taking us away from ours! In one of those blinding flashes of reason I suddenly realised that something had to give, and unfortunately blogging is it.

I'll miss seeing Kiddley's and Loobylu's updates in my feed reader, but how could we not support her decision? Best of luck to you and your family, Claire! We'll be here when you're ready to inspire us again.

[image credit: Loobylu]

When to Skip Playtime for Family Dinnertime?

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 12:28:00 GMT

My wife returns home every night between 5:30 and 6, giving her what seems like 2 minutes of quality time with our daughter before we begin the bedtime routine. The idea of throwing in a family dinner each night is mind-numbing. But now I'm growing concerned that if we don't start soon, we may never start at all.

The Wall Street Journal's great parenting blog, "The Juggle," relays research showing kids who sit down for dinner with their families get better grades, are less likely to do drugs, and will one day become movie stars and take their parents to the Oscars. OK, maybe not the last one -- but everything else sounds great.

So how do working families do it, and when do they start? Is 10 months too early? Is 4 years too late? The Juggle wonders who makes dinner if both parents are working, but I'm wondering if we want to give up precious evening playtime right now in favor of a more formal meal.

How do you do it?

Fortune Magazine Names Parent-Friendly Google As Best Employer

JasonAvant — Sat, 13 Jan 2007 17:00:00 GMT

My day job as an HR Guy means that I'm always on the lookout for ways to improve life for my fellow co-workers. I'd do well to look no further than Google. Fortune has recently released its list of the top 100 companies to work for, and Google deservedly took the top spot. The Silicon Valley-based company, currently employing over 10,000 very lucky and very talented souls (the minimum requirement for an engineer is 3.7 from a top-tier school, so Debbie Dootson Driving School alums may want to send their resumes elsewhere, and a pre-employment survey geared to see if prospectives will fit in with the company's goals and culture bears an eerie resemblance to the Voight-Kampff Test), offers some great perks for employees. Along with the 11 free on-campus (one of which is all-organic) cafeterias, the $5,000 allowance you get if you want to buy a hybrid car, and the gym featuring a lap pool and rock climbing wall, the Google leadership provides some thoughtful (and relatively cheap and easy) amenities to make Google parents' lives a bit easier.

For starters, parents who are taking time off for the birth of a child receive up to $500 in reimbursement for take-out meals while on maternity leave. Employees have the option of dropping off their kids at the company-run child center. Googlers having difficulty navigating around the mountain of soiled onesies occupying their living rooms can bring it to the Googleplex and use the company's laundry facilities. The company provides on-site medical and dental care. And parents of "furbabies" have the option of bringing their dog to work.

The perks are great, but what's more refreshing is the mindset behind them; that the company's founders want to provide an environment that makes the often long hours not only bearable, but enjoyable. And there's good business sense at work here as well: the ROI is that Google has an extraordinary retention rate, meaning that fewer company dollars, resources, and hours are spent replacing employees who've left for other jobs. A hot button issue for working parents is the ability to maintain a work-life balance, and Google appears to excel at providing that. And yes, they're hiring.