Strollerderby : woman

The Dark Knight -- parents strongly cautioned (to go see it)

Brett Singer — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 19:00:00 GMT

Let's get one thing out of the way right now – you shouldn't bring your children. They might want to go, but unless they have a very high tolerance for a long movie (2 and half hours) and an abnormally high tolerance for what might be the most frightening performance ever (Heath Ledger's Joker), I'd get a sitter.

Now: this is some incredible movie. At first, I was a little bit apprehensive. Part of that feeling was the hype, which was so intense that it seemed impossible anything could live up to it. (Part of it was also that the movie didn't start until almost 1am because we had to sit through 7 commercials, none of which I remember at all – money well spent, advertisers. But I digress.) There are some slow spots, especially in the beginning, and I think the director, Christopher Nolan, could have cut 10 or 15 minutes of film and made it a tighter movie. But that's nitpicking, because there are several scenes, some just quick moments and some long, exciting action sequences, that will put your jaw on the floor.

The saddest thing about Heath Ledger's death is that his daughter will never know her father. But it's fair to say that if an actor had to go out with one performance, this is that performance. He's so good that I completely forgot I was watching an actor, which, for me, almost never happens. (It's worth pointing out that Gary Oldman as James Gordon, and Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox, do the same thing in smaller and less flashy roles.) He's frightening, but not the way a horror movie villain is frightening. It's not shock value, although there is some of that (there's a bit with a pencil that might be the best 5-second description of a character in the history of cinema.) Without giving anything away, The Joker is referred to as a "terrorist" a couple of times, but unlike the terrorists in our world, this one has no cause that he fights for. He's just… mad. Not angry-mad, just flat out crazy. And Ledger captures that in every possible way. You could teach an acting class using this movie – what he does physically, vocally, emotionally; it's all stunning to watch.

The rest of it is, for the most part, equally good. I don't care about the love story, but it's fine I suppose and does serve the story. Aaron Eckhart is a solid actor and he does a good job as Gotham City District Attorney Harvey Dent. Christian Bale is by far the best Batman yet, although Ledger is so good that he really takes over the movie. Michael Caine is a good Alfred Pennyworth, Maggie Gyllenhaal is fine as token love interest Rachel Dawes; she's more than that, I guess, but it's not her movie. Gary Oldman is amazing; as in "Batman Begins," he somehow manages to completely capture the essence of a fictional comic book character that isn't a superhero, meaning that, as an actor, he has fewer details available to work with. I can't explain it but he IS Jim Gordon.

The nits to pick if you want to go there: some of the dialog is hokey (although the lines written for Ledger are brilliant.) There are a few slow spots. At times the action sequences are a tad frenetic, here and there. But it really doesn't matter. You'll read a lot about the surprising depth of this movie, and this is true to an extent. "The Dark Knight" is incredibly entertaining and does have some thoughtful moments amid the comic-book chaos, but there's no need to over think them. I would say just relax and enjoy it, but it's not a relaxing experience. Ledger's Joker is uncomfortable to watch, but in a good way. I don't want to give anything away, so you'll have to see it for yourself (but, as I said, get your tickets early; even the 12:30am showing was completely sold out.)

Now, despite the fact that there isn't much in the way of blood, this is not a film that you should take your children to see. Obviously, you know your offspring better than I, so if you think they can handle it, that's your call. And of course older kids will be fine. I hesitate to suggest an age-range, but I recommend seeing it yourself first if you're not sure. Worst-case scenario – you get to see it twice. Believe me, that's not a bad thing.

image: Reuters

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Batman: get your tickets now

Brett Singer — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:42:00 GMT

So, being a guy who sees superhero movies, I wanted to see the new Batman movie. Today.

A friend wanted to come with me, so I couldn't pull my usual "go during the day when it's not busy" thing. So OK, let's see when its playing… What? Sold out? You gotta be kidding me.

Well, I'm not. If you're planning on seeing The Dark Knight this weekend, you'd better get your tickets in advance. This is unbelievably annoying. I tried at 2pm to get tickets to a 10:30pm showing, and it was already sold out. The reviews so far are over the top in their praise. Over at Rotten Tomatoes, a site that aggregates reviews from various sources, the rating is a whopping 94% positive (the only film with a higher rating is Wall-E.). If you go to the "top critics" section (print outlets and sites like salon.com), only a couple of the reviews are negative, which is extremely unusual for a comic book flick.

A lot of the interest in this film is because of Heath Ledger's death, but I've never seen anything like this. A movie that you can't get tickets to unless you go at midnight, which is what I'm doing? Come on. (And yes, I know I'm nuts.)

I'll let you know what I think of the film, and whether or not it's appropriate for children, later tonight. But for now, if you plan on going, order those tickets early, Bat-fans. Otherwise, you ain't getting in.

See you tonight -- different Bat-time, same Bat-channel...

image: Rotten Tomatoes

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Clay Aiken ain't no fruit

Brett Singer — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Far be it from me to imply that Clay Aiken is anything less than muy macho. But, you know, there have been those nasty rumors, which led to threats of a lawsuit from his devoted fan base, who are known as the Claymates. (Really. They call themselves Claymates, and one of them tried to sue Clay over rumors that he was homosexual. Don't you feel normal now?) So perhaps -- and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this, you know -- Clay's recent actions are fueled by a desire to "butch it up, Mary" as the saying goes.

First: he impregnates a woman. This is a clear sign of masculinity. I mean, try doing that if you're... you know, not manly. Well, it was artificial insemination, which means there was no actual physical contact. But hey, there's nothing wrong with that either. (Even if Aiken isn't the father, he could have been. Hey! Stop laughing!)

Second: when a ~~vulture~~ cameraperson from ~~the fiery pits of Hell~~ TMZ confronted him on the street, he pulled a Sean Penn and whacked the camera. In a very aggressive, manly way. Again, nothing wrong with that. (Video of the incident is below, or click here.)

One thing that I've always found interesting is what constitutes "manliness." Impregnating a woman means that your sperm is, you know, spermy. Strong swimmers, etc. But so what?

And punching someone, even if that someone is ~~being a dick~~ just doing their jobs, is more out of control than it is "macho." To be fair, Clay just kinda pushed the guy; more specifically, he pushed the camera. If he had ripped the dude's arms off and beaten him within an inch of his life, that would have been much more manly. (Not that we advocate such behavior. But it would definitely have been big news.)

So maybe it's possible that all of this "news" just happens to be coming out (no pun intended) around the time that Mr. Aiken has a new album out. Just a thought.

In closing, let me request that the phrase "Claby" (Clay + Baby) never, ever catch on. It's just... there is something wrong with that.

(TMZ.com screenshot)

other image: offoffBway.com

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Brett Singer — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 13:30:00 GMT

Could the whole "Clay Aiken can impregnate a woman without even touching her" news be a big fat stinkin' lie? The Calgary Herald is reporting that "several people close to" babymama Jaymes Foster are denying claims (clayms? Nope, not going there) that Aiken is the daddy.

~~One Of The Signs Of The Apocalypse~~ TMZ first reported that Aiken had artificially inseminated Foster, the sister of record producer David Foster, going on to say that, "Clay is a lot more than sperm -- we're told he will have an active role in raising the child." The story was picked up by roughly 12 million media outlets. BUT one of the so-called sources is denying that he ever said Clay was the daddy-to-be, even asking People.com to retract their story. And B.J. Cook, David Foster's ex-wife and Jaymes Foster's ex-sister-in-law said, "Jaymes is definitely pregnant, that much is true...I can guarantee that it's not Clay Aiken's baby." (emphasis added.)

Of course, no one directly involved is talking to the press, including Clay, who is very busy punching cameras.

It must be pointed out that we have no knowledge of this incident, or alleged incident. Maybe Clay is on his way to fatherhood. Maybe not. Who the hell knows? Clearly this is the most important story of the decade. Well, other than the Sex and the City movie. (Election? What election?)

Aside #1: Foster went from "in her late 40's" to "50" in a matter of days -- I guess it is stressful being in the public eye. Here's a photo of the happy non-couple.

Aside #2: Even if this whole thing turns out to be bull, at least we'll always have the phrase "Clay is a lot more than sperm." Thank you ~~Satan~~ TMZ.

images: thehollywoodgossip.com, offoffBway.com

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