Strollerderby : underwear

Announce Your New Addition With Panties: Male Perspective

Brett Singer — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 02:00:00 GMT

Sometimes they make it too easy.

This product pitch came in via email with the subject line, "Now this is one way to break the news!!" Let's lapse into cheeseball marketing mode for a moment:

Hey gals! Are you looking for a creative way to tell your hubby that you've got a bun in the oven? Well have we got a product for you!

Moody Mamas has introduced a product that's certain to take the edge off of the news that he's no longer the most important person in the house! He likes ice cream, right? Well, our Strawberry Storkcake and Feelin' Illa Vanilla may LOOK like ice cream cartons – but they're not! They're empty! Except for a pair of super-sexy panties! That's right – PANTIES! Because nothing says "We're having a boy" like the words "It's a boy" emblazoned on your nether region!

OK, I’m back now. Sorry about that.

Here's a more straightforward description: a fake ice cream container. You get your choice of Strawberry Storkcake or Feelin' Illa Vanilla (get it? Because you'll be feeling ill soon). When your husband opens it up, he doesn’t see ice cream – he sees panties. Panties that say, "It's a boy" or "It's a girl." On the front and on the back. You know, in case he misses the subtlety of it all.

Come to think of it, the straightforward description isn't any better.

The pitch we received promises that "it will take him a minute to figure it out!" which is probably true if he is (a) really really dumb or (b) not that dumb but doesn't understand what the hell you're doing. They also suggest that moms-to-be could "get right to the point and model a pair for him..trust me- he'll be surprised!" I imagine he would be. Just not in a good way.

The packaging is about as funny as an "I'm not as think as you drunk I am" t-shirt. Here are the ingredients of the Feelin' Illa Vanilla: "Big Belly Bombshell, 25%; Hungry Hottie, 25%; Queen of Quease, 25%; Growing Goddess, 25%." Here's an image of the label:

I take it back. The t-shirt is funnier.

I imagine that a woman could even be a little offended by this. "Queen of quease"? (For a female perspective, check out Jeanne's post.) I have no problem with off-color or inappropriate humor, but this isn't funny. As for the sexy factor, it doesn't do it for me. I'm all for spicing up a marriage. But what's wrong with just, you know, telling your spouse? I suppose this is more "creative". Kinda.

If you want to order one of these products, click here. However, the Moody Mama web site doesn't seem to agree with the PR message we received. You can buy the It's A Boy Undie ("Low rise (under belly) modal maternity undie with soft lace trim, bow accents; diamond appliqué; sold unpackaged,") here. The Stork-Cake faux-ice cream container is here, but seems to include only a generic "mama undie." I tried to figure it out for you but my head started to hurt. Who came up with this idea?

But hey -- maybe I'm missing something. Is it "hot" to combine news of a birth with tacky undergarments? Am I missing the hilarity and genius of the entire endeavor?

Here are a few images to help you decide. I highly recommend enlarging them to full-size. Provided you can stand to look at them. The butt shots are particularly funny/scary/disturbing/tell me what word you would use.

Images: MoodyMamas

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A Girl's Take: Announce Your New Edition With Panties

JeanneSager — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 23:46:00 GMT

So you already peed on the stick and waved the plastic piece soaked in urine under his nose. How do you top that kind of production when it comes time to tell him he's going to have a bouncing baby boy, or daddy's little girl for that matter?

How about a carton of It's a Boy Ice Cream? Cause you know the way to a man's heart is by handing him a fake carton of ice cream. That's right - a cardboard tub of nothing for him. Except a pair of granny panties (these are for pregnant women after all) that say "it's a girl" or "it's a boy."

Whatever happened to circling the little pee-pee on the sonogram?

According to an e-mail sent our way this week, that's just what moms will soon be able to do via online shopping at Moody Mamas and Nordstrom. "Inside each of these ice cream cartons is a pair of adorable panties," the release reads. "Trust me, it will take him a minute to figure it out!" To figure out what? That he's not getting any ice cream?

The undies don't seem to be available just yet - right now you can only buy Strawberry Stork-Cake and Feelin' Illa Vanilla with panties sporting "sexy mama" because, after all, nothing says sexy like an ass that's spreading to accomodate his new little muffin. The gender-specific undies come unpackaged at the moment. I know, I'm disappointed too.

Am I the only Mom out there who thinks this is not only ridiculous but a waste of a good pint container? When I was pregnant, I wanted my Phish Food - hold the pickles, but give it to me NOW! Besides, we weren't really the cutesy wootsy types - there was much jumping and "woohooing" when I found out I was pregnant, but no code words, no guessing games, no little pee stick wrapped in small box wrapped in slightly bigger box wrapped in . . . you get the picture. As a woman, I just can't see myself - or anyone I know - buying these.

Then again, maybe if the underwear were edible. . .

(For a male perspective on this product, click here.)

Image: MoodyMamas

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The Obama Thong: Shaking Up the Beltway

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 12:01:00 GMT

It had to happen, I suppose. If the perennial presidential tell-all question is boxers or briefs, I have a feeling the new guy is really going to bring change: The Obama Thong.

"Yes. We. Did."

It seems kind of dirty to slip on a pair of panties with the imprint "Yes we did" emblazoned on them. In a good way, I mean. But ultra-cool Sassafrass Jess points out that people are celebrating in all manner of ways it seems -- even slipping into something a lot more comfortable.

These next four years are already looking up.

The bra for your butt

Brett Singer — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Remember the manzier aka "The Bro" from Seinfeld? That was a joke. But the Brum, a bra for the female heiny, is real.

Yahoo! Shine covers (no pun intended) this latest trend in undergarments. As Jennifer Romolini puts it, "Butt is the new boobs. In fact, the hottest look in lingerie is actually something let's call butt cleavage and the best way to show off your butt cleavage is with a Brum."

BlackBook magazine offers further insight: "Anal cleavage has gained popularity this century with the rise of low-cut jeans (or should I say descent), the emergence of the whale tale, and most recently, posterior-revealing lingerie."

One of the two times I've been lucky enough to fly first class (frequent flier miles people – save them) I shared the flight with Victoria's Secret uber-model Adriana Lima. When we arrived in New York, Lima stood up and pulled her jeans down so that they revealed a little bit of what, on a fat guy, would be called Plumber Butt. On her, it was, well, something else. As far as I can recall she wasn't wearing ass-enhancing undies, but this was a few years ago so who knows. (And before someone says, "why were you looking at her butt?" it was first class, it was a small cabin, and she looked at me first! OK, no she didn't.) The point of the story is that there are indeed women who like to show off a little of what they've got going on back there (especially in New York, I guess), but is there a need for a specific piece of clothing to help them do it? I always thought that the thong was the preferred garment for showing your nether-cheeks. In fact, the Brum seems to cover more rear acreage than the traditional thong, although that could be in order to push out certain areas.

One commenter on Shine says that this is no different from the Miracle Bra, but to my male eyes it seems a little different. This also isn't the first product to act as a tush-pusher; Shine also covered Booty Pop panties, which are designed to make your booty POP(!).

So. IS this any different from a Miracle Bra? And would you wear a Brum?

image: BlackBook via Shine

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Padded Bras for Eight-Year-Olds

Kelly Mills — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 19:31:00 GMT

You remember Tesco: The people who brought you the pole dancing kit for kids (later pulled following protestations from many groups,) and the onesies for babies who need to be anxious about their weight. Now Tesco is getting flack for a new item: Padded bras for kids. The plunge cup bra is being sold next to undershirts for seven- and eight-year olds, and when they say "pre-teen" they apparently mean "pre-pre-teen". After all, bras for kids that young would have to be padded because the majority of those children don't even have boobs yet. Teachers and kids' rights groups are criticizing the bra, saying it's inappropriate and adds to the pressure girls have to be sexually alluring, even in childhood. Ya think?

And how does Tesco defend the controversial bra? A spokesperson says it's actually designed for "girls at that self-conscious age when they are just developing. It is designed to cover up, not flatter... It is described as a padded bra for trade description reasons." I'm guessing they mean the bra is supposed to keep budding girl breasts from showing--this is the best design they could come up with for that? Gawd, how depressing is it that we even have to discuss this. My favorite quote though is from the fashion guy who oposes the bra, and says, "The bra is modelled on a plunge style--it has a very low bridge connecting the cups. It means the shape and position is lower to expose the breast tissue." Expose the breast tissue? Uh huh. Remind me to throw all my demi-cup bras away immediately.

Wal-Mart Removes Sleezy Holiday Panties For Girls...Errrr...

Kelly Mills — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 13:21:00 GMT

Moving quickly past that headline, let's get into the ick story: Wal-Mart was selling some hot pink underwear in the juniors section. On the crotch it said, "Who needs credit cards" and on the ass, it finished with "When you have Santa". Perfect for our young girls, right? While the message is gross on a number of levels, we'll go with the most obvious: the conflation of young girl parts as a money-maker, and the presentation of Santa in a way that is far creepier than anything I could create on a personalized video message. Sugar daddy Santa Claus for our young ladies. Well, deck the halls.

So what happened? Feministing posted about them, letters were written, and Wal-Mart took them off the shelves. How much do we love the power of the blog to make things happen? Super duper kudos to Feministing--the post had this great line: "There's nothing quite like telling adolescent girls that they don't need to worry about finances since they have their very own moneypot between their legs." So score one for folks who would prefer preteen girls not measure their worth and security by what they have in their underwear.

Kidventor Part II: No-Wedgie Underwear

Madeline Holler — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 22:02:00 GMT

In our continuing coverage of kidventors, we bring you 8-year-old twins from Ohio who have invented wedgie-free underwear.

Like the Iowa kid who devised a way to end fights about raised toilet seats, these twins and their invention were also featured on a recent Ellen Degeneres show.

The “Rip Away 1000” are rigged shorts that have been reengineered in a way that prevents them from going up your crack when the bullies start grabbing and yanking. Instead, Velcro seams come apart and “they just rip away,” one of the Underwear Thomas Edisons explained.

Hey, I don’t wanna pick on little kids or anything, but I have to ask how in the hell easily removable underwear will be anything but trouble. Haven't they just turned underwear into a trophy? Plus, depending on the strength of the wedgie aggressor, “Rip Away 1000” could burn!

Photo: Palm Beach Post

Website Encourages Moms to Surrender to Frump (and Pee Pee Pants)

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 20:02:00 GMT

The term "MILF" is thrown around with such zeal these days, one assumes that modern mommies spend all the live long day jetting from spa to plastic surgeon to personal trainer. Luckily, there are sites like this that remind us frump is not our enemy and should be embraced with a gentle maternal acceptance, along with incontinence and comfortable shoes.

As We Change sells jeans and other "shaping" clothing for the woman who is waving the white flag at vanity. These clothes yell "I give up!" and "I have no plans to be sexual this decade!" A prime example is the underwear pictured right, which not only tucks in your tummy, it also helps manage your incontinence with a useful pee pee panel.

The site does make some effort by selling bedroom enhancements, but they are dated and frowsy like the rest of the wares pushed here. Remember feminine deodorant spray? It's baaaaaaack.

So while MILF is overused and Mommy Looks Like a Sex Kitten is overdone, I'll take too much leather and tattoo artistry over huge mom jeans and FDS any day of the week.