Strollerderby : tweens

Baby Fashion Convention: Disturbing and Hilarious

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 28 May 2009 18:07:00 GMT

I just stumbled upon a recent Slate video which would be every bit as funny as Best in Show, Waiting for Guffman, or any other mockumentary if the people in it weren’t entirely serious.

Slate headed over to L.A.’s Baby and Tween Celebration, which offers a cornucopia of costly, unnecessary, and potentially soul-destroying gear for your baby or toddler. As far as I could tell from the video, the only reason “Tween” is in the title is because the convention aims to get kids started on tweendom well before they can walk.

My favorite character—I mean, presenter—at the convention is a fashion designer who was sick of dressing her toddler in clothes that “didn’t match hers.” So she started a kids’ clothes line that would make her daughter look as “hip” as she does. Unfortunately for her daughter, this woman’s idea of hip is leopard print bell bottoms.

And don’t miss the founders of Heelarious (baby’s first high heels!) describing how the business came about—now, that’s hilarious.

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Photo: New York Post

What Hannah Montana: The Movie is Teaching Kids (Hint: It's Not Self-Esteem)

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 19:00:00 GMT

For the last year, I have rarely met a girl under the age of eleven who has not, upon learning my first name, immediately burst into a pop song by Miley Cyrus’ alter ego. And to think, I used to love my name.

Because this is already far more Hannah Montana that I can stand, I don’t plan on seeing her blockbuster. But I will gladly pass on secondhand reasons why you and your kids shouldn’t see it, either.

Unsurprisingly, NPR’s movie blog found the movie lacking in intrigue, camera work, and sound quality, cinematic failures that, admittedly, no 11-year-old is bound to notice. But Miley’s young admirers may be susceptible to the movie’s very clear message that it’s better to please others than it is to act like yourself. (Spoiler alert: stop reading if you don’t know want to know the compelling plot twister that communicates this message.)

After years of trying to live a double life—one of being Hannah Montana the popstar, another of being Miley Stewart, the Tennessee farm girl—Miley decides she can’t stand the deceit anymore. At a concert, she takes off her wig (which amazingly prevents anyone from noticing that Miley and Hannah Montana have the exact same face) and announces her true identity, prepared to be accepted for who she is. Hurray! The end of deceit and superficiality is here!

Well, not exactly. According to NRP, mass disappointment ensues. “Several characters insist that children across the world will ‘lose their dreams’ if they find out Hannah is a fake. So Miley listens to them and puts the wig back on. Happy ending.”

If there’s any message preteen girls don’t need, it’s that other people will not like you if you reveal your true self. As NPR puts it, "Hannah Montana: The Movie suggests that we can make people happy by always being who they want us to be, so we should maintain a performance at all costs." Then there’s the equally problematic message that “average” people from humble beginnings cannot be powerful or inspiring figures (an anachronistic message, given our current president).

I’m sorry that Miley Cyrus has to live her entire life as a fake. But that's no reason to glorify such a dismal fate for the impressionable tween masses.

Photo: NPR

Not Another Tween Beauty Crisis

JeanneSager — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 19:26:00 GMT

Want to know if another generation of kids is headed for holy hellfire? According to Salon's Broadsheet, just check out Newsweek.

Broadsheet's Amy Benfer has pulled Newsweek articles from now, the late nineties, early nineties and the eighties that all say the same thing: today's tween girls are growing up too fast, they're skankier than the previous generation of tween girls, they know too much about naughty things, aaaack. Avert your eyes!

What prompted the rant? A Newsweek article on Generation Diva, a comment on the trainwreck that is TLC's Toddlers and Tiaras that attempts to define the new normal as "a generation that primps and dyes and pulls and shapes, younger and with more vigor."

Author Jessica Bennett says, "Girls today are salon vets before they enter elementary school. Forget having mom trim your bangs, fourth graders are in the market for lush $50 haircuts; by the time they hit high school, $150 highlights are standard. Five-year-olds have spa days and pedicure parties. And instead of shaving their legs the old-fashioned way—with a 99-cent drugstore razor—teens get laser hair removal, the most common cosmetic procedure of that age group."

First thing Broadsheet's Benfer points out is exactly what I thought when reading the article - how many parents have the money for $50 haircuts for themselves, not to mention their kids? Granted, I'm now bald, but even before that, my haircuts have always been under $20. Throw in an occasional eyebrow wax (which, yes, is a luxury that I have clung to more as a mom who needs SOMETHING of my own), and we're still under $30 - with tip. My daughter, meanwhile, has had two haircuts in her three, almost four, years of life: one when she was under a year to cut the dark colored newborn tips off the ingrowing blonde baby hair, the second to clean up her own "fix it" job to her hair.

Frankly - I don't see a problem with having taken her to a salon.Technically, neither cut cost us a dime because the hairdresser was a close friend, but I would have paid (tried to pay) to have my daughter's hair cut by a professional - in part so I could do the mom thing and take pictures of her first cut and in part so I didn't have to hold her still, concentrate on cutting in straight lines, make something out of the mess she'd made. It was WORTH IT to me to take her to a salon instead of doing it myself. Does that mean I've set her up to put beauty above brains or made her vain? Nonsense!

She gets her toenails painted too - usually by my mother, who delights in their at home girls night bonding sessions. I guess that's technically a pedicure party, but is that really that bad either? I loved having my toenails painted when I was her age too - by my babysitter, who ironically now owns her own nail salon - and if you'll remember, I'm the mom who shaved her head . . . I'm hardly your beauty-obsessed airhead.

Which is the real issue here - how a mother looks at beauty. If she's struggling in this economy and pulling out $150 for highlights, she's the monster creating a monster. If she's putting her kid on Toddlers and Tiaras, she's just a plain old monster.

But if she's letting her three-year-old wear nail polish because it's sparkly, and she just wants to sparkle . . . she's letting kids be kids.

Image: Amazon (read it - it's hilarious)

Bedtime: Does Your Kid Have One?

Kate Tuttle — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 19:01:00 GMT

Do your kids have a regular bedtime, like Sasha and Malia Obama? (The first kids, aged seven and ten, are in bed by eight p.m., according to reports.) Or do they just keep going and going, exhausted little energizer bunnies, till late into the night? Growing up in the freewheeling 70s, I remember being smug about my family's lack of set bedtimes -- and I remember falling asleep in school all the time. In fact, my bedtime-free childhood seemed less and less fun as I got older, leading to mornings of scrambling out of bed, late as usual, and arriving at high school (college, work) with wacky hair and bleary eyes.

Most research now indicates that kids -- even tweens and teens -- need far more sleep than they get, and that their sleep needs don't change much as they grow up. Most adults, too, are chronically sleep-deprived, getting far less than the eight recommended hours (the number for school-aged kids is ten hours, for young teenagers at least nine).

As one pediatric sleep expert said in a recent column in the New York Times by Dr. Perri Klass, the problem comes when people underestimate their own sleep needs, and those of their kids:

“It’s a bell-shaped curve,” she said, with just 2.5 percent of the population needing significantly less sleep than average. “The problem,” she went on, “is that 95 percent of us think we’re in that 2.5 percent. You should assume until proven otherwise that your kid needs that much sleep.”

It's these night owls who end up nodding off during circle time, first period math class, and, later, morning meetings. So how to fix the problem? Set bedtimes, such as in the Obama household, are a good idea, according to researchers. And we all know, or should, to keep the TV out of the bedroom (for kids especially, but it's good for parents as well). Beyond that, simply understanding and trying to account for a child's changing sleep needs and routines can be extremely helpful. Teenagers' sleep needs scarcely change, but their circadian rhythms undergo a shift that pushes them -- biologically, not just through their lifestyle demands of homework, facebook, etc. -- toward later and later bedtimes. Some researchers are now calling for later high school start times to allow these weary teens to at least get some decent sleep -- but it seems unlikely to happen, especially in an era when many are pushing for more and more schooling, period.

Having grown up in a household bereft of healthy sleep habits, I'm trying to instill a slightly more organized routine for my kids -- the toddler's asleep by eight, the teen by eleven (still not enough sleep, but better than she would do on her own). What do you do in your house to ensure that everyone gets enough rest?

More by this author:

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Kids Talk on Cell Phones, Walk Into Traffic

KeriF — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 21:58:00 GMT

Kids on cell phones are more likely to step into traffic, according to a new study. The results of the study, by the University of Alabama, were published in the journal Pediatrics.

According to the study, one third of Americans between the ages of 8 and 12 have a cell phone. By the end of next year, it's expected that one half of "tweens" will carry one.

When I was 8 I could barely use a rotary telephone, never mind a cell phone.

The study tracked 77 kids as they navigated a virtual street crossing. The kids walked through the simulation 12 times, six with the phone and six without. Kids talking on the phone were 43 percent more likely to step into oncoming traffic.

According to David Schwebel, co-author of the study, the results in the simulator are validated by real-world tests.

So should you take away your tween's phone? Not according to Schwebel. Instead, just teach them to hang up the phone before crossing the street.

Perhaps the parents can take a lesson from that as well…

Sasha & Malia Had Their Own Ball on Inauguration Night

SunnyChanel — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 18:30:00 GMT

What did Malia and Sasha do last night while mom and dad hit not one, not two but ten balls in their honor? They had a ball of their own in the form their own party with their new, very lucky, friends from school.

According to ABC News, for their first night in their new ridiculously historic home, the girls watched High School Musical 3 and the animated hit Bolt in the White House’s bright red plush 40 seater movie theater. After their double feature the White House staff organized a special treat for the girls and their friends, an educational scavenger hunt about the history of the White House. The staff did a similar scavenger hunt for Chelsea Clinton when she moved in.

The last clue in the scavenger hunt led them to a very special surprise behind a closed door. The Jonas Brothers, the girls favorite band. The boys joined the party and I’m sure delighted all the tweens in attendance.

Guess there are some perks with having Dad be president. With all that action last night it’s no wonder the girls played hooky from school today.

Source

Photo via Huffington Post

Saks Fifth Ave Deep Sixes Libby Lu, Tween Girls Weep Rhinestone Tears

JeanneSager — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 20:55:00 GMT

In this economy, something had to give. That it was the place tween girls go to get ~~whored~~ dressed up in feather boas and glitter make-up proves we might just be ready to leave the lipstick behind us and move on.

Bought by Saks Fifth Avenue in 2003, Club Libby Lu has been billing itself as the go-to spot for the birthday girl who wants to have everything and parents who will pay for it. The cheapest "Libby Du" package gets a girl a sash and keepsake frame, goodie bag, compact glitter and temporary tattoos and a Libby Du with one accessory. That's $25 . . . per girl. When's the last time you saw a tween girl who could pick between her best friends for her sweet eleven? Come on, Tiffany's her best friend, but Taylor's her bestest friend, and ooooh, Mommmmm, she can't go without Ashleeeee.

Now she'll just go without, period. Libby Lu got the axe as Saks faces projections that companies reliant on Manhattan-based sales will suffer significantly this holiday season. Twenty percent of the company's earnings come from its flagship store in New York City, but the big spenders who've lost big on Wall Street in recent months won't likely be lighting up Fifth Avenue this year.

Their little darlings won't be partying at the mall much longer either, apparently. Club Libby Lu's seventy-eight stand-alone shops and twenty boutiques located within department stores will be closed within six months. The girls will have to go back to makeovers the old-fashioned way - surrounded by sleeping bags and pizza boxes with MTV providing the soundtrack and their little brothers providing the irritation.

They can cry all they want, but they'll have to get in line for the tissues. In this economy, Mom and Dad have already wept their way through a box or two.

Source: CNN Money, via Jezebel

Image: Club Libby Lu

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Do You Tell Your Kids to Fight Back?

JeanneSager — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 15:31:00 GMT

First rule of fight club, don't drive your 12-year-old to a scheduled throw down. Second rule of fight club, don't jump in and slap the other brat for messing with your kid. A California mom is facing jail time for backing up her tween in a girl fight - and breaking both rules.

Obviously she stepped over the line somewhere, but where?

Shawnah Foster's daughter wouldn't have been attacked if her mother hadn't driven her to the park, where she knew the girls would spar. I'd hardly call it self defense. And a grown woman jumping in to fight a 12-year-old? Come on.

But even parents who won't lift their hand against their own kids are often unafraid to tell their kids to defend themselves - even if that means physically - when attacked by another kid. So where do you draw the line? Do you tell your kids to put their dukes up when self defense is on the line?

Image: University of Colorado

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Middle Schoolers Exposed to Curse Words, Parents Shocked

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Part I: Why Parents of Girls Have it Better

Too Dumb to Parent: Part 2

Have you ever told your kids to shut up?

Middle Schoolers Exposed to Curse Words, Parents Shocked

JeanneSager — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 14:03:00 GMT

Parents of middle schoolers in Fresno, Calif. were shocked, shocked, I tell you, when they learned their kids had been exposed to curse words. Imagine, 12 years old and seeing f*%k in all its glory. Where have these parents been in the past 50 years?

Watching offensive language usage rise in his classrooms, the principal at Tioga Middle School said told teachers to write a list of four-letter words on the whiteboard in each classroom let kids know exactly what words would not be tolerated. Then the mother and future stepfather of 12-year-old Phoenix Hawkins complained. They want to protect his innocence, they say.

The principal's pulled the plan, but I hope Phoenix isn't riding a bus to school. That's where I learned "motherf***er" at 5 and "time of the month" at 7. Maybe Phoenix's parents should consider homeschooling? And no TV, naturally. No books. No movie. Definitely no trips to the grocery store or even outside the house.

Awww, s**t, let's just bring on that bubble.

Source: San Luis Obispo Tribune

Image: Calvin

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Banned Books Week: R.L. Stine's Goosebumps

JeanneSager — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 13:32:00 GMT

Before a boy wizard bounced him from his post, R.L. Stine was once the best-selling children's book author of all time. And while his scary stories reigned supreme in kids' hearts, they sat at number 16 on the American Library Association's most challenged books of the 1990s.

The kids loved him. The parents loved to hate him. To be honest, I've never been a fan. He's been writing teen and child books since the the mid-1980s, so ostensibly I could have picked one up at the library over the years. I don't remember any. I do remember picking up a Goosebumps paperback a few years ago - my Harry Potter obsession serving as a gateway back into childhood literature in my adult years. What struck me wasn't how clever the book was or how I couldn't put it down - I could have left it just as quickly as I'd taken it - but that I finally understood why my little brother always had a tough time getting these back to the library on time. It was right up any preteen boy's alley. Which is exactly what makes people's attempts over the years to have them removed from library shelves such a travesty.

Getting kids to read as they enter the tween years - especially boys - can at times be like pulling teeth. A study funded by Scholastic in 2006 showed 40 percent of kids between the ages of 5 and 8 are "high frequency readers" who read for fun every day. That number drops to 29 percent of kids in the 9 to 11 range and even lower as they get older. Separating the genders, the study found boys are three times more likely than girls to say reading for fun is "not at all important."

Ironically, one mom speaking out in an 1997 CNN story about a parental movement to get Goosebumps pulled from the shelves at her local school admitted her son only read for school reports before he started picking up Stine's novels. "And I had to force him to do that," she said. Excuse the Homer Simpson moment, but . . . DOH!

If you want to encourage kids to read, you let them do it. You give them books or magazines that interest them. They can be reading absolute drivel and still learn vocabulary, sentence structure, grammar. Yes, they're a little scary - which is why they've been challenged over the years. But a generation of boys growing up without books on their shelves is enough to give me nightmares.

Image: Amazon

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Wal-Mart Presents: Hannah Montana Wake-Up Calls!

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 19:30:00 GMT

I take this personally—seeing as we share the same first name, and now every time I introduce myself to a girl under the age of 12, she starts calling me HaMo. I’ve been a silent victim of Miley Cyrus' rampant fame for far too long, and I’m fighting back!

Today’s Washington Post had a story entitled “It’s Hannah Again. Should We Take This?” At first, I was terrified that the article would be about the popularity of the name Hannah for baby girls in the past five years. But what I found was even worse.

Hannah Montana has teamed up with Wal-Mart to bring tweens everywhere “personalized” wake-up calls and reminders to go shopping—for back-to-supplies, naturally. The call is free! The only price is having millions of teens and preteens hear their favorite rockstar remind them to shop at Wal-Mart, the company that underpays its workers, burdens taxpayers by exploiting public health care programs and development subsidies, destroys the environment, and tells its workers how to vote: not Democrat.

If Hannah calls, don’t answer!

Photo: Washington Post

Pole Dancing Kits and Other Modern Toys

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Wed, 21 May 2008 22:30:00 GMT

Padded bras for first graders, bikini waxes for eight-year-olds, pole dancing kits sold alongside Etch-a-sketches in the toy store—excuse me, but how did this happen? How is it affecting girls' self-image? And, um, what happened to feminism? These are a few of the questions tackled in a recent Salon interview with M. Gigi Durham, author of “The Lolita Effect: The Media Sexualization of Young Girls and What We Can Do About it.”

As her book title would suggest, Durham places the burden of sexualizing girls at increasingly young ages squarely on the media’s shoulders. She argues that many companies are looking to exploit tweens’ increasingly significant contribution to the commercial sector by selling them traditional messages about femininity that the older generation of women has by and large rejected.

Interestingly, Durham connects the commercial sexualization of young girls with women’s inability to enjoy their sexuality later on. The abstinence-only sex education programs that have become increasingly prevalent in the Bush years combined with media’s message that “You must look like Barbie to be sexy” creates a very confusing, potentially dangerous backdrop against which young women come to understand their sexuality. Even as teen girls are encouraged to ignore their own sexuality, they’re told, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it. And if you don’t have it, spend a lot of money until you get it.”

Durham’s advice to parents? Discuss, but don’t censure. For instance, instead of forbidding your daughter to read Seventeen magazine, ask her what she thinks of that model’s look or that article about how to make boys like you. And she says that this dialogue about media propaganda should start, in modified form of course, as soon as your kids can talk. Anyone out there tried this method?

Photo: Girlshop.com

More Outrageous Than Miley? Disney Bra and Panty Billboard

Madeline Holler — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 19:28:00 GMT

Disney breathlessly defended the innocence of their virginal cash cow Miley Cyrus (aka: Hannah Montana), describing her topless Vanity Fair photo shoot thusly: "a situation was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines." For shame!

So how did the spokeperson for all things Disney react when a Slate writer sent photos of a billboard he saw on a recent trip to China? The billboard features a girl in pigtails wearing nothing but a Mickey Mouse bra and underwear set and Minnie Mouse hand puppets. The Disney signature is stamped prominently in the corner.

Well, the spokesperson said Disney had nothing to do with it.

From Slate:

"It has caught us totally by surprise," [Company spokesman Gary] Foster told me by phone from Guangzhou. He explained that Disney contracts with a host of licensees, who produce and market products for the Disney brand. Foster said that licensees are contractually bound to clear all advertising with Disney's corporate offices. "We have literally hundreds of licensees making our products. They are supposed to submit any kind of imagery to us before it is used, but it's hard to enforce that sometimes," he said.

He assured Slate that the billboard would soon be removed, but also pointed out that the age of consent in China is 14 (compared to 18 in California, the land of Disney). He said Europe also tolerates a little more sexy-sexy from its girls, as well. (American prudes!)

Personally, I see quite a difference in the pictures. Namely, in the Chinese ad the girl is smiling and holding hand puppets. In Vanity Fair, Miley's pouting with half-opened sultry eyes and wrapped in a bed sheet. Those pictures are telling two different stories (though supporting the same thesis: we have a right and a duty to look at naked-ish girls!!!!).

You tell us: what's the best way to (1) sell kiddie undies and (2) artistically interpret the inner-life of a teen pop idol? Obviously, doing neither is simply not an option.

Photo: Slate

Do 6-Year-Olds Need Chunky Highlights? Yes, Say Salons!

Madeline Holler — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 19:03:00 GMT

I was all set to start railing on yet another trend in little girl beauty -- hair highlights -- when it dawned on me that I was, what, in 5th grade when my hair was processed for the first time. Not highlights, a crappy perm. And not at a salon, but my mom and a box of Ogilvie.

So messing with girls' hair is nothing new. It's just where it gets messed with -- and the price -- are different. Right? I don't know. I feel like there's more going on here. This story in the NY Times reveals something kind of predatory at worst, distracting at best, for young girls to be going in regularly to be "pampered" and processed and try to live in the world of Hannah Montana and Jamie Lynn Spears.

The owner of a prominent salon told the Times that a quarter of business comes from tweens. The guy teaches seminars on catering to them (give them wireless laptops and DVDs during the hours-long process). He also has a lovely strategy for bringing in new clients.

“I tell stylists to get more involved in school and community events to reach out to these younger girls,” he said, adding, “they may not want to think in those terms, but these girls are our future business.”

This is where I see some distinctions between my disastrous hairstyles of yore and today's professional coloring. Nobody came to school peddaling home perms. No grown-up suggested my thick hair might be more versatile in ringlets. And that's a good thing. My idea. If I had known adults were scrutinizing the way I looked, I would have been even more insecure than I was in those gawky years.

Aw hell, Mr. Salon owner, you and your understudies need to stay away from my kids' school! Do not come in to read to the class and then seek out the best candidates for chunky highlights and a some flat iron work. Do NOT look at my girl with a critical eye! Do not talk to her about her appearance. She's 7. Just don't!

And then there are the parents. Like this mom, who went in to color her grays and wound up totally losing her spine.

Jane Ordway, a real estate broker in New York City, went to the Sally Hershberger Downtown salon last month to receive highlights, allowing her daughter to tag along. Ms. Ordway was a little taken aback when Ruben Colon, who was putting in her highlights, suggested that he add a swath of burnt orange to the bangs of her daughter, Olivia, 12.

Ms. Ordway eventually acquiesced.

She says she doubts she'd let her daughter do it again, but we all know THAT'S not going to happen. Why didn't she let this guy talk to her daughter like that? She was "taken aback" for Christ's sake! Two hours later she's handing him her credit card!

And then this.

Ouidad, who owns a Manhattan salon where she is also a stylist. “Girls as young as 10 come in with little support groups of friends who wait with them hours. And when I turn them into Hannah Montana or whoever they want, they literally jump and cry and scream,” and their parents are willing to spend $200 to $400.

And yet Ouidad said she feels conflicted: “I wonder what message we are sending the girls.”

Well, the message has been sent, ma'am, so it's too late to be wondering. When perfect strangers -- I'm thinking the hair stylists/salon owners/and predators looking for business -- say "you'd look great with a swath of burnt orange in your bangs," the girl hearing this understands that her appearance really is a big deal, people do see the imperfections she is seeing, it IS all about how you look.

You know what really isn't a big deal? An 8-year-old's appearance. Not her hair, not her toes, not her non-existent pubes. Not. Im. Portant.

Or am I just not embracing modern girlhood enough?

TLK2UL8R POS (Um, what?)

Brett Singer — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 15:00:00 GMT

In case you weren't sure, text messaging has caught on big with the teen/tween set. The New York Times says that this is a way for them to talk without their parents knowing what they're talking about. Gee, I had to actually go outside if I didn't want mom to know what I was up to. Between texting and not walking five miles to school, up hill, both ways, these kids today have it way too easy.

Translation of the title of this post is after the jump.

TLK2UL8R = Talk to you later, POS = Parent Over Shoulder. Translations are from Webopedia, but, as the Times points out, by the time you learn these, there will probably be more lingo to learn.

image: Wikipedia

Cigarettes in Kids Movies, In Life, at Grandma's

Madeline Holler — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 20:34:00 GMT

I can kind of sympathize with Eric Alterman's rage in this post on Media Matters. He's pissed because he took his two 9-year-olds to see "Definitely, Maybe" which, according to him, wound up being cigarette porn instead of a nice father-daughter family flick.

He says the movie glamorized smoking, especially for young females, and also made it appear to be easy to kick the habit.

Also:

It was a two hour cancer commercial. It was morally indefensible and disgusting, since the movie is being marketed to teens and tweens. I wonder if the cigarette companies paid for this kind of loving attention, and I wonder how many people will die of lung cancer to put money in the pockets of the Hollywood moguls who made it.

Strong language, but I get his point. Incidentally, the fact that smoking would be part of the movie was no secret.

Still, here's my question. How DO we bring up smoking with the kids. I live in a part of the country where smoking is banned practically everywhere. You barely even see butts on the ground and it's not terribly common to smell second-hand smoke. (But of course I make a big deal out of gagging when I do.) Would such a movie have been an opportunity to talk about smoking, point it out, say "see, they made smoking look great, didn't they?"

The main smoker in our lives, my mother-in-law, keeps it a big ol' secret from the kids and there are all these euphemisms (lies?) everybody uses to explain why she has to go to the garage but, no, you can't go with her. Isn't that kind of making it interesting by making it secretive and worth lying about too?

So what is it with smoking: should kids see it or not? What do you tell your kids about smoking -- especially if you're a smoker?

Why Tweens are Too Young for a Brazilian Wax

Madeline Holler — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 21:34:00 GMT

Jeez, I can think of a million reasons, the first of which: is there anything to wax?

The other 999,999 reasons … come on. I know we’re sexualizing girls at younger and younger ages, but 10? Waxing her pubes?

Apparently, you're never too young for this Australian website, read by girls aged 9 to 14. In an article about Brazilian waxing, they try hard to make the case:

So why does it appeal. Nobody really likes hair in their private regions and this removes it.

In another article (yes, more than one on the site), there's this description of what exactly happens. The good news is, I feel like this might deter all but the most goaded young kids.

Wax is smeared onto the mons, the cloth is pressed into place...then they turn the music up loud...rrripppp. It's quite normal for the waxer to throw your legs over their shoulder, or ask you to moon them so they can get the strays. The waxer then goes over your red bits with a pair of tweezers to pluck out recalcitrant strands.

Why does “pluck out recalcitrant strands” make me cross my legs?

One Australian writer, appalled by the notion that some celebrate getting rid of the just-grown hairs of adolescence, gives us a rundown of how things are going in the land of kiddie hair removal. (And you say marketers aren't savvy.)

As a cosmetic pharmaceutical company, Nair is obliged to reinvent normal bodily functions as problems with handy product solutions. And the Australian arm of the company has claimed its target audience is slightly older, in an attempt to distance itself from the US campaign, which involves phrases such as "Pretty isn't a look. It's a feeling," "Nair will leave your skin smooth and totally touchable!" and this pearler from Stacey Feldman, vice-president for marketing at Nair's parent company, Church & Dwight: "When a girl removes hair for the first time, it's a life-changing moment."

Life-changing, indeed! Now, about teaching girls the proper names for body parts, better add “mons” to the list so the little tykes know exactly what they're getting in to.

3-Year-Olds Getting Their Periods?

Madeline Holler — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 22:27:00 GMT

Here’s something you thought you’d never have to deal with: your 3-year-old going through puberty. Yet it’s a little more common than you think (though, mercifully, still pretty rare).

And it looks like something that doctors might overlook at the well-baby check ups. Somehow, the mothers in this story figured out that their daughters -- their preschoolers! -- we're thiiiiiis close to getting their periods, and then spent a good bit of time and energy convincing their pediatricians.

The average age of puberty for both boys and girls has lowered by two years over the past century.

From the Daily Mail: "In fact, a recent study showed that British girls today start their periods at an average age of ten years and three months, compared to 11 years nine months for their mothers and 12 years for their grandmothers."

But for an untold number, it's happening much earlier than that -- like around 8 years old. And still earlier for a tiny number of those -- at 3. Wow!

Called precocious puberty, endocrinologists don't know why some girls reach this very special time in their young lives at a very alarmingly time in their really young lives. But it can have lasting damages, not just physically -- bones aging rapidly, for example, but also emotionally. Kind of tough coaching a 3-year-old through the changes when she isn't all that facile with language, huh?

Even with the older ones -- like the 8-year-olds, it can be confusing and isolating, some women who developed early as girls say in the article. Plus, they're often much taller, have to use deodorant, get acne (or for boys, grow facial hair) or suffer from cramps when nobody else does.

The good news is that once early onset puberty is diagnosed, it can be controlled with medication, allowing time to catch up with the body and slowing the effects of the early onset puberty.

Momsquak talks about it briefly and trots out the hormones-in-meat theory, but comes to no conclusions. Still, makes you think. Makes you cross your fingers and think.

Photo: Daily Mail

Teen Angst Times Ten For the Famous

Kelly Mills — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 20:06:00 GMT

You couldn't pay me enough to be a teenager again. Between the drugs and the horrific relationships and the mean kids and the really bad clothes (I won't even go into the hair) it's no wonder I felt utterly insecure and ansgt-ridden, and I can't imagine my experience was all that unique. So honestly, I feel for these celebrity kids who star in shows on Disney and Nickelodeon. They get all the freakiness of the teen years captured and dissected in the media, plus they are supposed to be role models for our kids. Oh, and worry about future earning potential. Bleugh.

I know someone is gonna say, "Poor babies, all rich and famous" but I doubt it's a sweet life. And aside from the fawning and critiquing they get during their formative years, they have to worry about their image more than most teens, and that's saying something. Does a Miley Cyrus' pregnancy rumor upset her fan base? Are Vanessa Hudgens' naked pics gonna hurt her chances of playing squeaky-clean roles? Lord, if what I did as a teenager impacted my adult career, I think I'd probably be scrubbing toilets for a living right now. And I really don't like to hear these kids parroting agent-speak: "Disney definitely sets up a fan base for you" and "I see myself with my own show." I don't doubt there are good parents out there trying to give their famous kids a balanced life, but I know I'm relieved my adolescence didn't get played out in the limelight.

Suicide Rate Goes Up For Girls, Ages...10 to 14?

Kelly Mills — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 15:56:00 GMT

Here's the heartbreaking news of the day: suicide rates for kids ages 10 to 24, which had decreased since 1990, have now gone up by 8 percent. While rates for girls ages 15 to 19 went up by 32 percent, the biggest jump was in suicides among girls 10 to 14. Good lord, those are still lego and doll years. Now, while we are talking about small numbers here (94 suicides in that age group in 2004, compared to 56 in 2003) think about the fact that kids as young as 10 even have moments of contemplating the end of their lives. Middle school may have been one the lowest points in my existence, but still...ugh.

So why are the numbers going up? Researchers say: Um, we dunno. An decrease in antidepressant use among kids is one possible factor cited (yeah, there's a controversy brewing there,) as is the plain old suckiness and pressure of middle school. Basically it isn't clear yet if this is an anomaly or a trend. And I don't imagine it will be easy to prevent, since the warning signs include "mental illness, alcohol and drug use, family dysfunction and relationship problems." In other words: junior high, for some of us. And as I wrote this, I remembered how crappy that time was, and you know, it got a little easier to understand. But no less depressing.

What, Your Kid Doesn't Have a Cell Phone Yet?

Karen Murphy — Sat, 04 Aug 2007 12:08:00 GMT

I live under a rock. I'm pretty sure I do, anyway. Otherwise, why would I feel chagrin at reading that cell phones are now being marketed to kids as young as five? Hello? Why does a kid that age need a cell phone anyway? We parents don't let kids out of our sight anymore so it's not like little Billy needs to call home to see if it's lunchtime while he's down playing at the creek all day. And even if Billy was playing down at the creek, unless he's also operating heavy machinery while plowing the back 40, a good walkie-talkie does the job just as well.

But look! A Disney phone (surprise!)! With Bluetooth and a video camera! Or the toylike Firefly, such a bargain at 10 cents a minute (those minutes will add up FAST) and with picture buttons instead of a number pad because we don't really read yet at five, do we? And a picture of a woman in a dress means M-O-M, doesn't it? Hello, why is five-year-old Billy needing to call Mom anyway? If he's not actually with Mom, isn't he likely to be with someone who has a phone?

The whole thing sounds like a huge marketing gimmick and a spectacular waste of parent's money. But hey, if you give me a good reason why kids under, say, 13 should have a cell phone I'm all ears.

Bookbags? Nope, Kids Want Electronic Crap.

Kelly Mills — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 14:01:00 GMT

This shopping website did a survey of kids ages seven to twelve, and asked them what was on their wishlists for back-to-school items. "73 percent of kids between the ages of seven and 12 want to head back to school with their gaming systems in hand, and an equally strong 70 percent want a new computer. And to keep in touch while on the playground, 69 percent say they strongly desire a cell phone to complete their back-to-school wares, even naming the new iPhone as one of their choices." Well, isn't that nice. You know what's at the top of my back-to-school wishlist? A million dollars.

Perhaps ~~surely~~ I am exceptionally stupid, but I thought back-to-school stuff was supposed to be for, you know, using at school. Perhaps school administrations have changed since my day, but I find it hard to imagine teachers smiling on the use of handheld gaming systems in the classroom. Shoot, we couldn't even chew gum. I'm going to assume that this was a case of a lame question: ask kids what they want the most, and they'll tell you their ultimate desire. Make the age demo a little higher and you'd probably hear about gold-plated SUVs and the chance to bang Eva Mendes.

Disney Knows Middle Aged Women and Tweens.

Melissa Summers — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 13:04:00 GMT

This might come as a shock but Disney finds a "powerful market" and targets it. The latest target is the 9 to 14-year-old 'Tweens' who are driving an estimated $400 million market, all driven by the power of rolling eyes and whining. Miley Cyrus, star of "Hannah Montana" and daughter of Achy Breaky One Hit Wonder Billy Ray is the latest Tween star to join the force.

Because Tweens think parents are sort of lame, but still need their wallets to fund their personal style, the newest Disney look is designed to appeal to Tweens but toes the line between "fashionable and trendy" but doesn't cross the line to slutty.

According to Disney's Donna Sheridan, "We have to strike a balance between what the girl wants and what the mother wants." Which is funny because I sort of don't want my daughter to wear any merchandise licensed by Disney and sold at Walmart, rhinestones or not.

Color me Anti-American!

Body Image Advice Really Tween Marketing

Kelly Mills — Sat, 09 Jun 2007 13:54:00 GMT

There's this particular kind of marketing I just hate: where a company will put out a brochure or press release full of advice and tips, and then slide in a big section on their product and why it is so very appropriate for the very issues at hand. Lots of stuff is marketed to parents this way. There's something about this tactic that feels extra manipulative to me, like if your therapist turned to you mid-session and said, "You know, I think this brand of toothpaste would absolutely help you resolve your issues with your mother." Of course, you already give money to the therapist.

Teen Spirit by Lady Speed Stick deodorant has a whole downloadable "Tween Scene" brochure on how to talk to tween daughters about body image. Teen Spirit deodorant presumably smells like... teen spirit. (Kurt, I miss you.) Some of the advice is okay, like give her a specific compliment every day and support her in physical activity. Other stuff is a joke, like encourage her to smile (creepy mom says brightly "smile, honey!") and get all into IM and suff like that to communicate with her. As if you could ever hope to master tween text messaging shorthand.

Oh, and there's lots of advice on how to bond over buying deodorant, when tweens might need deodorant, that you should show her how to put it on (rocket science, here) and that physically active girls might have more sweat and body odor. Now I just suspect they encouraged sports for girls in an attempt to bring new customers into the fold. So let's amend the earlier statement: this crap sells like teen spirit.

Kid's Show Hosted By Former Navy SEAL

Kelly Mills — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 20:48:00 GMT

Former Navy SEAL David Rutherford has created a show for Boca Raton television called Froglogic. No, it's not a slur against the French or a nod to the retired WB mascot, it's named after the SEALs, who are called "frogmen". Rutherford uses the lessons he learned during his training to help keep kids on the straight-and-narrow. "I teach kids things like, 'never quit, never leave a man behind, there is no such thing as failure,'' he says. You know, when the kids are doing military exercises and stuff. I totally disagree that there's no such thing as failure, and I can point to about a hundred examples from my own life alone to prove it. But maybe I just haven't had the proper training.

I like this: "He targets kids between the ages of 10 and 15 because kids under 10 are too young to get into trouble..." Someone has not met the right under-ten kids yet. But Rutherford is very active in his community, and he is trying to give kids a positive attitude. He's even organizing an event: "'Frogapalooza,' which would feature healthy, local food vendors, music acts and motivational speakers to provide kids with positive influences." Now these pearls aren't part of the SEAL training, but here's my credo: 1) No one is allowed to use '-alooza' anymore, because I'm so friggin' sick of it I can't even stand it, and 2) motivational speakers are usually scary. Worse than clowns, even. Not all, but most. Other than that and the interesting military vibe of all this, more power to you, Rutherford. I'll try and check out the show after my bootcamp exercise class.

Strollerderby : tweens

Baby Fashion Convention: Disturbing and Hilarious

What Hannah Montana: The Movie is Teaching Kids (Hint: It's Not Self-Esteem)

Not Another Tween Beauty Crisis

From Playboy to Medical School: Jenny McCarthy Now a Doctor

When a Mother Goes Bald

Half of Black Girls Think White Skin is Prettier

Why Teen Girls are Taking Drugs Meant for Cows

Bedtime: Does Your Kid Have One?

Kids Talk on Cell Phones, Walk Into Traffic

Sasha & Malia Had Their Own Ball on Inauguration Night

Saks Fifth Ave Deep Sixes Libby Lu, Tween Girls Weep Rhinestone Tears

Do You Tell Your Kids to Fight Back?

Middle Schoolers Exposed to Curse Words, Parents Shocked

Banned Books Week: R.L. Stine's Goosebumps

Wal-Mart Presents: Hannah Montana Wake-Up Calls!

Pole Dancing Kits and Other Modern Toys

More Outrageous Than Miley? Disney Bra and Panty Billboard

Do 6-Year-Olds Need Chunky Highlights? Yes, Say Salons!

TLK2UL8R POS (Um, what?)

Cigarettes in Kids Movies, In Life, at Grandma's

Why Tweens are Too Young for a Brazilian Wax

3-Year-Olds Getting Their Periods?

Teen Angst Times Ten For the Famous

Suicide Rate Goes Up For Girls, Ages...10 to 14?

What, Your Kid Doesn't Have a Cell Phone Yet?

Bookbags? Nope, Kids Want Electronic Crap.

Disney Knows Middle Aged Women and Tweens.

Body Image Advice Really Tween Marketing

Kid's Show Hosted By Former Navy SEAL