Strollerderby : travel advice

Woman Sits in Pee Seat on Plane: Whose Kid Is Responsible?

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 23:27:00 GMT

Ahhh, holiday travel. When the peanuts are banned and the in-flight movie's been hacked up and G-rate-ified just when a bit of Brad Pitt booty would do you do you so much good, when your small child and all the crap they require during a simple cross-country trip could very easily outweigh you and the four people you feel sorry for sitting around you. Oh, and then there's all the pee. In the name of jet-fueled in-law exasperation and the Baby Jesus, don't forget all the pee.

It is probably newsworthy enough that a woman who probably paid way too much to fly during the holidays, waited patiently in a security line that was far too long only to have to remove her shoes and have her underwire examined by a rough-handed female TSA agent, then burned her mouth on a seven-dollar Starbucks coffee that was many degrees too hot, boarded a plane in a manner too-her dish for human beings to hold on to any Christmas cheer, hunted desperately for a tiny corner in an overhead compartment sixteen aisles away to cram her sole regulation carry-on into and then slid herself between two loud/obnoxious/talking over her/snoring/armrest hogging people into a seat that an Italian model would be uncomfortably squeezed into and FINALLY found herself stuck in a urine-soaked seat that in turn, offered her a urine-soaked outfit. And because airlines and air transport and airplane riders are what and who they are in this moment of customer un-service time, nary a flight attendant or fellow rider offered her sympathy, extra clothing or assistance. Oh, my heart goes out to her to know she spent the entire flight and walk through some obnoxiously gigantic airport wrapped in a plane blanket that was probably nasty enough before it covered up her pee-stinky self.

The thing is, you know some kid who was scared of the blue gunk in the plane potty or who was (literally) pissed at their mom for making them stop kicking the seat in front of them or who was just bored as hell by the G-version of Knocked Up playing on the screen four rows to the front, is the one responsible for the offending puddle. And you know some parent, already strung out on carrying all of the North Pole in a rolling duffle bag and the idea of another year of Aunt Gertie's green bean casserole disaster and flying with a screaming kid, realized it, shuddered in complete terror and then booked like hell off of the plane before the flight attendant caught on...or caught a whiff. The question is, which one of you is the parent of The Plane Peer? Come on, 'fess up. We know you're out there and we're pissed.

So You're Traveling By Plane for Thanksgiving. Good Luck, Suckahhhhhs.

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 19:33:00 GMT

This week, as the reality and panic that Thanksgiving is officially measurable in hours away, all the well-meaning and authoratatively-written "insider" articles and posts start popping up in an attempt to quell the fears and franticness of flying on the busiest travel day of the year. I'm a sucker for these tips -- as a parent who has hauled my kid, a carseat, a diaper bag, a breast pump, a purse and tickets clutched in a fisthold down the unbearably narrow aisles of many airplanes on many cross-country trips during the holiday season -- and I will search them for a bit of new information like millions of other travelers in search of ways to informatively beat the effed up airline system. Mostly, though, I just laugh. Why?

Because I am thoroughly convinced that no post, no article, no matter what travel agent reality show you watch or what that one bossy playgroup mommy tells you, flying with kids, especially during the holiday rush, will always suck. And by always, I mean that the gods will look on you benevolently for memorizing your mother-in-laws OCD recycling rules and for all the times your sister in law has barfed up the green bean casserole you labored over, and they will actually bestow upon you an uneventful flight. Hell, they might even give you a good one. BUT BEWARE! You will convince yourself it is because you researched the plane's seat map online or your goldfish-crusted kid is irresistably cute even to crabby gate agents. Let me be clear: It isn't.

It is to lure you into feeling confident, like you've got it down with the personal DVD player with enough Elmo and Wonder Pets to keep your kid entertained in a confined, recycled air flow space with peanuts he can't eat and soda you wouldn't dare let him drink and the permeating glares of people who chose the sweet, sane luxury of flying alone to procreating. It is to make you nod to yourself and think, "Yeahhhh, flying to see my folks on Christmas Eve wouldn't be so bad after all. We're experts at traveling with kids now." As soon as you have those stupid, stupid thoughts (and don't shame yourself, we've all had them), the frequent flier customer service representatives are alerted to meet you at the gate when the plane lands. (Well, after the plane circles the airport for two hours, then lands and sits at the gate for another 45 minutes while your bladder is about to explode and your kid's puke is drying up all over the adorable pilgrim outfit grandma sent for him to wear).

So how to survive? Mike recommends taking photos of the people seated around you as your wife totes in the screaming toddler and the realization of what a long-ass flight it is going to be sinks in. Kelly suggests claiming a tendency toward violent vomitting or incontinence to snag an aisle seat (bahhhh, you pre-check-in online seat reservations) and should that fail, instuct your kid to spray nearby passengers with enough Pirate's Booty spit that they beg you to take their bulkhead aisle seat. Then, I say, chalk it up. Sure, it's going to be hell. Not as much hell as eating dinner with forced-friendly family, but good preparation for sitting in the insanity , total irritation and comments about your terrible parenting skills nonetheless.

Kiss It, Southwest. We’re Flying on Delta

Madeline Holler — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 17:39:00 GMT

We won’t be making our annual coast-to-coast flight with Southwest this year.

We compared all the prices and with so little difference among many of the airlines, we decided to treat ourselves to the luxury of reserved seats on Delta. Who cares about pre-boarding with kids, when Aisle 22, seats A through D, will display our names etched in gold.

But it's not either-or. You can still pre-board with your little ones. You just have to choose the right airline. This convenient and frequently updated site lists major carriers and their pre-boarding policies.

We used to always fly with Southwest, precisely because I knew we'd be allowed to board first. But their recent change in family pre-boarding policies made the low-cost carrier with first-come-first-serve seating the least attractive of our options. No way could we get to the airport hours and hours before take-off to secure a position in the coveted Group A. No way could we split up the four of us. No way could we suffer uncertainty when waiting for three benevolent travelers to sacrifice their choice aisle and window seats for our selfish little family outing.

Standing for hours in line so that we could then sit for hours in flight seems only slightly more appealing than sitting for hours in flight next to a talker while my kid screams “nurse me, Mommy, nurse me!” three rows back.

Bonus secret, especially if you've already booked your travel: many of these carriers seem to have pre-boarding policies “upon request.” Request, Mom and Dad, request.

Babble Talk: Toddler Turbulence

aprilpeveteaux — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 14:09:00 GMT

This week Hana Schank took on a Breeder vs. Non hot topic. When childless people see a baby coming down the aisle, there is zero effort made to hide their fear/disappointment/rage about being seated next to that child. Parents, meanwhile, are struggling to pack the perfect diaper bag, ideally one that will keep them from being strip searched by the TSA while possessing everything you will need to keep your child happy, healthy and (relatively) quiet for the two-hour delay before the cross-country flight and 45 minutes of circling your destination due to heavy air traffic.

Everyone, childless or child-laden, can agree that flying has turned into an experience more dreaded than a sit-down with a dentist, but no one seems to be willing to have a little empathy for the other side of the aisle. You're not going to be a chipper row mate after spending an entire flight with a colicky baby that isn't even your own, thus squelching your chances for the few hours of quiet you were hoping to get before heading home to your own version of Romper Room. And sure I'd like to smack the sour-faced business traveler giving me the evil eye, who somehow believes I want to take my toddler cross-country during the Thanksgiving holiday instead of spending it safe and sound in my apartment surrounded by friends and a plethora of baby soothing options. But in the spirit of compromise (something I've gotten quite used to over the last year and half) I'm going to make things a bit easier on my fellow travelers this holiday season. This time when they see my toddler running towards them down the aisle, I'll give them something to smile about.

On the Road Again: Surviving While One Parent Is Traveling

Kelly Mills — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 12:30:00 GMT

I've got a little secret: sometimes I find it a little easier to parent when my better half is out of town. Sure, it's hard flying solo, but somehow being the lone wolf gives me the space to just do whatever the hell gets us through the day without feeling like Bad Mom. That means more movies, less laundry, and more strange dinners that can be prepared in two minutes (as opposed to the five minutes I lovingly put into meal preparation when the old ball and chain is home.) Mitch McDad has some nice workarounds and shortcuts for surviving while his mate is away on bizness. He calls it cutting corners. I call it sweet freedom.

Mitch's survival strategies include: a dip in the hygiene level, the use of fruit snacks as shower-buying currency, and a crash course in the mani-pedi. Oh, and bed-head. He says it better, so go unto his site and learn to get through the next spousal excursion with a minimum of bloodshed and insanity. And don't tell anyone that having your partner travel is probably good practice in letting go of the smaller stuff, because we'll all lose the martyr points that come from a week alone with the kids, and that would be truly tragic.

A VERY Comprehensive List of Travel Tips

Kelly Mills — Sat, 04 Aug 2007 14:02:00 GMT

My recent plane experience seemed to scare some folks, and I hate to leave things like that. I want you to go on your next trip saying, "Hey, that Strollerderby blogger what's-her-name has got my back." So here's a list of tips for traveling with kids that is about the most comprehensive thing I have ever, ever seen. And did you know some airlines are now charging for pillows? Ugh. Soon we'll be paying a premium for those crappy little tray tables too.

I like the idea of giving your kid a disposable camera--I can just imagine a vacation through my child's eyes. But let me also say that after reading through this, I realize that even a highly organized, chronic overpacker like myself has been missing a few things. Now I feel like my prior trips were the equivalent of taking a three-day camping trip in the wilderness armed only with a penknife and a copy of Walden. Oh, and FYI: no penknives on the plane, folks.

Travels With Kids: Abroad Is Better Older

Kelly Mills — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 22:33:00 GMT

Not that I'm bitter that the extent of my summer traveling was a seven-hour van ride to Disneyland: here's a nice piece on the pros and cons of traveling with kids. Most of the folks agreed that for any kind of big-deal, sightseeing vacation, you are better off waiting until the children are old enough to appreciate the adventure. I like these tips from Lonely Planet co-founder Maureen Wheeler. She advises "waiting until kids are 3, 'when they're out of diapers, when they can eat food, when they can talk.' If you're planning once-in-a-lifetime trips, 'then maybe you don't start traveling with your children until the age of 7 to 10.'" Because do you really wanna deal with changing a poopy diaper at the Sistine Chapel?

On the pro side of venturing forth with kids, travel author Pauline Frommer says, "'So what are parents with wanderlust to do? Just stick with the tried and true theme park and cruise vacations, squelching their own desires to see the world? For many, leaving the kids at home over vacation just isn't doable, financially or emotionally.'" I know a few families that have traveled extensively with tiny babies and toddlers, and I will tell you they posses an easy-going, adventurous attitude I will never have. They also do things like eat food from stands on the side of the road and meet locals who invite them to stay in their homes. If you are one of those people, you could probably roam the streets of Nepal with two children under the age of three and be fine. Me, I'm just glad I survived the van ride.

Airline Travel Tips for Flying With Kids

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Thu, 31 May 2007 22:06:00 GMT

I just got done reading an article called 7 Must-Know Airplane Travel Tips for Parents. Written by Debra Holtzman, it focuses on traveling with babies or toddlers. Let me quickly tell you the tips that I agree with; Tip 1 - Fly Non-Stop and Tip 2 - Plan Ahead for the Appropriate Car Seat. Clearly, flying non-stop is easier even without small children, but switching planes with little ones can be a huge challenge, especially if you end up running through an airport to catch your connection. The car seat thing is important. I almost found out the hard way that some of the rental car companies at the Little Rock airport don't even have car seats to rent. (You probably don't have to worry about that flying into a large family destination like Orlando).

I also don't have much of a problem with Holtzman's advice to keep your seatbelt on (tip 5). And although I think that her tip to play attention to the safety announcements (4) is a touch alarmist, it probably isn't a bad idea.

If you are looking for even more alarming tips - I mean she only numbers seven of them, tip six is about remembering to put on your oxygen mask first. I've flown hundreds of times and I have never needed my oxygen mask (knocking wood like crazy). Tip seven is not to panic. That applies to everything in parenting. I guess that these are safety tips, but still the whole article makes me kind of paranoid. I really don't think I'd be giving this lady a hard time if it weren't for the first paragraph.

In the introductory paragraph Holtzman quotes someone that suggest packing plenty of things to keep your children busy in your carry-on. I couldn't agree more with that, but this same paragraph leads me to the most upsetting thing is the article. The quote suggests that besides diapers and medicine your carry-on necessities include formula and breast milk. La leche would go ballistic. I don't mean to get all of the breast feedinfg moms all riled up again, but what the hell is wrong with just carrying the milk in your body?

This whole thing is making me crazy. I'm flying to Florida in two weeks. I think I'll just leave my kids at home.