10 Things They Don’t Tell You about Parenting

Cole Gamble — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 16:30:00 GMT

There are a lot of things I expected with parenting. Poop, various smells, sleepless nights. There were also a lot of things that I heard happened that I thought couldn’t possibly happen to me: tight knot in the stomach every time you hear a sad news story about a child, talking about your kids with your non-breeding friends.

Craig Playstead came up with a master list of the things you probably didn’t see coming before the baby arrived.

1) The way you view the world changes

When you bring someone into this world, things like global warming, war and women in beer ads have a whole new meaning. You start actually looking at the impact these things have, and what the world will become after you're dead and gone. Leaving a better place for your kids and grandkids becomes more than just talk.

2) You'll feel like a failure

There will be times when no matter how hard you try, your kids are never happy. You feel you're telling them “no” too much, constantly harping on them to clean their room, or dashing their dreams of lowering their brother down the staircase on a rope. While they may complain they don't have a Wii or that “so and so's” mom let's them see PG-13 movies, you need to stick to what you believe in and what you feel is best for your kids.

3) You have no time

This seems obvious, but you can't believe just how little time you have. You start to measure things out in minutes and seconds. “If he watches Curious George for 20 more seconds, I can go to the bathroom,” or “If his nap lasts another 10 minutes, maybe I can get in a shower today.”

4) Not going to the bathroom by yourself

When your kids are babies, the bathroom is the only place you can get your head together. It's also one of the only places you can actually read. I read ESPN's Bill Simmons' entire book over the course of the week in the bathroom when my youngest was a baby. And then he turned two. If he's not forcing his way in to watch “how it's really done” he's banging on the door screaming “let me in!” or sliding all his books underneath. There is no peace with toddlers.

5) Parenthood will turn you soft

This one hits the guys especially hard. You'll find yourself tearing up at any dumb movie that has anything to do with parenthood, and if you have a daughter, don't be surprised to find yourself playing “My Little Pony” before heading off to work. The icing on the cake is hawking Girl Scout cookies in front of your local grocery store annually.

The rest of Craig's list lives here.

Butt Cream for Your Face

Madeline Holler — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 20:03:00 GMT

Want face cheeks as soft as a baby's butt cheek? Of course you do (only without the diaper rash). Women in the U.K. have been applying an all-natural baby butt cream to all cheeks concerned and makers of the product can't keep it in stock.

Women there have been stampeding the stores in search of a $4 pot of Waitrose's Baby Bottom Butter, after comments about the stuff's alternative uses -- on mom's face, not just baby's behind -- began appearing on parenting websites.

Here's what they've been saying:

"I have been using it constantly for 2 weeks now and my skin now has the smoothest texture, which I don't think it's had since prepubescence.

"And it makes my foundation look super dewy and youthful too. It is SO much better than all the expensive face creams I have tried - including Creme de la Mer."

Ingredients include olive oil, camomile and lavender.

A cosmetic surgery expert is skeptical, reminding women that this isn't the first cream touted as a miracle (apparently Prep H gets smeared on faces for a younger look). He also says women who have babies are younger, therefore there skin is too. Ha! If only ...

Photo: Daily Mail

Strollerderby : soft as a baby's bottom

10 Things They Don’t Tell You about Parenting

Butt Cream for Your Face