Strollerderby : sleep deprived

Co-Sleeping Is for Masochists

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 14:58:00 GMT

My 14-month-old daughter's bedtime routine is a well-oiled machine. She sleeps in her crib all night. And her mother and I enjoy a little alone time to truly bond as a couple and do something we can't do in front of our child: Watch TV for five straight hours. A recent vacation changed all that.

Emmeline refused to sleep in her porta-crib, and because she has developed a singularly charming trait of vomiting whenever she's frightened, she quickly soiled her sheets. So Dana and I brought her into bed with us.

Big mistake.

While Emme immediately fell asleep in our bed -- probably happy to sleep on a mattress not covered in her dinner -- she also immediately took to kicking me in the stomach. A few hours later, her feet magically shifted from my mid-section and turned toward my head, battering my teeth with roundhouses and crane kicks that would make Mr. Miyagi proud.

Around 1 a.m. I turned and saw Dana was still awake.

"I don't think I've slept at all," I whispered.

Dana groaned. "I think she broke my rib."

For months Dana had wanted to slip Emme out of her crib and bring her into bed, but because the kid sleeps so well at home, we were reluctant to try it. Now, after four nights of co-"sleeping," I doubt we ever will again.

We're back home now, and Emme is sleeping bodily fluid-free in her crib while Dana and I are watching "Top Chef" and "Dog the Bounty Hunter."

"You know," Dana said, "We're going to Michigan in a few weeks, and I don't know if I can take another vacation like this one. Should we cancel until she's 10?"

So how do you co-sleepers do it? Do your kids eventually stop kicking you and biting you? (Emme actually sucked on my shoulder blade at one point.) Or do you just learn to cope with that deep, special sleep that comes with a stiff kick to the groin?

Study: 60% of American Women Are Tired. American Women: DUH!

Alisyn — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 23:33:00 GMT

According to the National Sleep Federation's 2007 Sleep in America Poll, American women are unbelievably tired. Sixty percent say they don't get enough rest most nights of the week, and 43 percent report that daytime sleepiness interferes with their regular activities. Thirty percent of all pregnant women are rarely to never getting adequate rest - and we all know how much sleep new mothers are getting (sleep? whassat?). Forty percent of all women claim to have sleep disorders, with working mothers (i.e. every mother), and single, working women reporting the highest instances of insomnia.

I had no idea that so many women out there are as tired as I am. This explains a lot. It's especially disturbing to read that so many moms and moms-to-be are coming up short in the sleep department. Being with the kid/s all day, and the constant mediation, the meals, the clothes, the snacks, the driving, the fighting, the whining, the naps, the lack of naps, the diapers, the hand washing, the stories, the baths... it just never ends. And it's so hard. I don't know about you, but when I'm tired, it's worse than hard - it's like I'm parenting underwater. The exhaustion just sucks the air right out of me, rendering me much less effective and understanding than I normally would be.

So, what are we doing about our collective exhaustion? Exactly the opposite of what we should be doing, according to the NSF. We spend the last hour before bedtime watching TV, doing household chores, or on the computer - all activities that make it harder to fall asleep. Most sleep doctors recommend slowing down in that pre-sleep hour, avoiding stressful activities, and dimming lights. Most sleep doctors are not willing, however, to come over and fold the laundry, unload the dishwasher, write our blog posts, make lunches, clean the cat box, or catch us up on what's happening on The Office - so I'm not sure where that leaves us.

Except tired. Always tired.

Easy Sleep Now Only Means Pain Later

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 13:06:00 GMT

When Emmeline was about five months old, I performed the usual bedtime routine -- bath, massage, bottle, book -- then hoisted in her in her crib, turned off the light and let her fend for herself. Dana had to work through the night and into the early morning, and so I was the only one around the hear Emme cry. Maybe it was cruel. Maybe it was mean. It certainly broke my heart every time she woke up and I sat on my hands. But she sleeps like a drunken rock star now, so I'm not complaining.

I'm not advocating the cry-it-out method, despite the aptly chosen moniker above this post. It worked for us -- but it may not work for you. Still, I was reading a column by family psychologist John Rosemond, and I started to see he had a point: Taking the easy way out will only haunt you later.

Before we let Emme cry it out, Dana and I were up every half hour to plug a pacifier back into her yawning maw. She couldn't do it herself because A. she didn't know what those chubby, wiggly things were at her side, and B. she was swaddled, so she couldn't use them even if she did know. We tried everything to get her to sleep just a little bit longer. We took turns sitting with her. We brought her into bed with us. We sang, we hummed, we got so tired we actually rationalized with her. "Emme, you're a big girl now -- it's time to sleep. All night."

So at five months, we took away the swaddle, we took away the pacifier and we let her soothe herself -- and us, eventually -- into a deep, sound sleep. The easy way would have been to answer her every cry and trudge into her room for comfort and pacifiers. The hard way was to let her cry for one night -- she only needed one. If I had it to do over, I'd choose the hard way -- simply because it's easier over time.

The Family Bed: I'm Over It - And Now, So Is She! (A Follow Up)

Alisyn — Wed, 07 Feb 2007 20:42:00 GMT

Babblers, I am grateful for all of your helpful tips and advice, in response to my recent post. Thanks to your creative ideas (bribes) and timeless wisdom (more bribes!), my 4-year-old daughter, Hazel, who had been coming into our bed at night for the last year, is now sleeping in her own bed, all night, every night.

Here's how we did it: I went to the dollar section at Target and loaded up on cheap "treats:" a frog wallet, chintzy Barbie clothes, sticky note pads, fancy ponytail holders, barrettes, sparkly nail polish, and Smarties - lots of Smarties. I also got a small digital alarm clock for her to keep on the shelf above her bed. On the first night of the bedtime regime change, Hazel and I sat down together and drew up a contract. It read as follows:

"IF Hazel stays in her bed until the first number on the clock says "6," THEN she will get to choose one treat from the "treat box," and one special movie to watch in the afternoon. IF Hazel does not stay in her bed until the first number on the clock says "6," THEN she will get no treats and no movie." We both signed the contract, and hung it on the wall, next to her bed.

Hazel struggled to remain in her bed that first night - her routine of waking up in the middle of the night and coming to our bed for reassurance was hard to break. When we reviewed the contract the next night, we agreed that it might be helpful to leave Hazel's bedroom door open, and to put a nightlight in the hallway between our bedrooms. She said that would help her feel less "alone-ly." That night was a big improvement - Hazel woke up a few times during the night, but checked her clock, and put herself back to sleep - no yelling for mama, not getting up. Just. Sleep. She has done this every night since and now, she doesn't even wake up to check the clock - she sleeps all the way through the night, sometimes until 7 o'clock (!!). I am so proud of her, but most importantly, she is proud of herself. It's been almost two weeks now, and we are all sleeping better than ever!

Finding the right bribes... excuse me, incentives, and sticking to my guns was the key to my success, I think. Involving Hazel in the incentives process (writing the contract, choosing her treat) didn't hurt, either. So, to any parents out there struggling with bedtime issues, I say: You, too, can do it! Just bribe the hell out of those kids (whatever works), and prepare yourself for a couple of nights of sacrificed sleep, in the name of establishing a new routine. It's so worth it!

Yay, us!

The Family Bed: I'm Over It

Alisyn — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 01:06:00 GMT

I have a confession to make: my 4-year-old still sleeps with my husband and I, in our bed. And it's starting to drive me nuts.

Hazel starts the night in her own bed - or rather, on her own bed, in her Disney Princess sleeping bag - but every night, without fail, she crawls in with us, usually sometime between 1 and 2 a.m. As she gets older, and her legs get longer, it's getting more and more uncomfortable to share a king-sized bed with her. Our new kitten, who has chosen to sleep nestled among the pillows at the head of the bed, has been making it hard for Hazel to fall asleep once she makes her journey across the hallway, into our room, too. In just a few short months, the bed-hopping has gone from being a cute, cozy habit of hers, to being an annoying, sleep-stealing drag.

Over at Blogging Baby, and Ikea loft bed was suggested as incentive for getting the kids out of the family bed. I found some helpful hints at MSNBC, too, as well as a comprehensive and age-appropriate "how to" list over at the Berkeley Parents Network. At our house, we've tried sticker charts, cozy new sheets and jammies, but so far, nothing's working. We're dealing with a pretty sensitive kid, too, so I really want to motivate her to keep herself in bed, rather than have to force her to stay there myself. Also noteworthy: she shares a room with her sister. Do you have any tips/suggestions on how to help? Do you have a getting-the-kid-in-her-own-bed success story to share? If so, please share in the comments. I'm definitely open to suggestions.

A Lot of Things Are Easy if You Have Enough Hired Help

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 22:49:00 GMT

Grrrrrrr. I'm not really a huge Julia Roberts fan. In fact, I don't even like romantic comedies very much, which doesn't exactly bode well for Julia in my book, but today my buddy Becky sent me this article about Julia Robert's being pregnant with her third child. According to ExtraTV.com, Roberts said that she had "loved every second" of her middle of the night feedings and diaper changes.

As a parent of twins myself, I call shenanigans.

The first three months of having twins are like the opposite of a sensory deprivation tank. It is constant screaming and poop. If you are nursing, sleep isn't even an option. I remember sleeping an average of two hours a night. And those two hours were never in a row.

Oh. Wait. I guess this wouldn't be a factor if I had a night nurse and one or two full time nannies. Oh yeah, and she gets to go places and make movies. She also probably has a cleaning service and a chef. Right, and a personal trainer.

So my question is this: Did she just say those things because it isn't very classy to tell the media that having infant twins totally blows goats? Or was she serious? If you can afford a staff is it all puppies and ice cream with Hazel and Finn?