Attack of the Monkey Children

Brett Singer — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 20:00:00 GMT

When your children get older and (finally!) move out of the house, what are your plans?

a)   Move to a smaller place
b)   Turn their room into a casino
c)   Adopt a monkey

No, I didn't make that last one up. Amazingly, there are people that, when confronted with so-called "empty nest" syndrome, decide that the thing to do is to adopt a monkey.

Now, before you think, "aw, how cute, a monkey as a pet" or even, "what a horrible idea, having a monkey as a pet", you need to know one thing: many of these monkeys are not treated as pets. They are treated as children. They call them – monkids.

Tonight at 10pm on ABC, "Primetime: The Outsiders" will profile Lori and Jim Johnson, a couple of lunatics humans from Orlando, Florida who have a capuchin monkey named Jessy as a…pet child. Lori had "adopted" the primate prior to marrying Jim; Lori told ABC News that "living with Jessy was 'all part of the deal' and that [Jim] 'signed up for both' when he married Lori." I know love is hard to find, but if a woman tells me on the first date that she has a monkey that she dresses in children's clothing, that said monkey eats at the table with her, and that she treats said monkey as if she were her daughter, including referring to the monkey as "my daughter", I'm thinking there's no second date, much less a wedding. But hey, who am I to judge? Check out these pictures. They certainly look happy. Well, "mom" does. Hard to tell how the monkey feels about all this.

This story was actually reported on by the Orlando Sentinel back in April; here's the story, and video (via BoingBoing). According to the Sentinel, there are 15,000 people in the U.S. who own/live with/adopt monkeys, despite the fact that the practice is illegal in 20 states. There's even a magazine that caters to monkey owners/adopters/parents (sheesh, what exactly do you call these people?)

For a slightly different take, let's be sure to mention Angelle Sampey, a successful professional motorcycle racer with a monkid. According to ABC News, she wanted to have kids, but didn't feel that she could while pursuing a pro racing career. "I can't race and, you know, bear a child… And I thought adopting a monkey as a surrogate child would be a good thing to do." So no empty-nest for her; the monkey is instead of a human child.

Myself, I think I'd just get a dog.

So tonight at 10pm, ABC. Have fun.

images: abcnews.com

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Strollerderby : sentinel

Attack of the Monkey Children