Strollerderby : pregcellent

Pregcellent: Eat Well, Period. Prenatal Diet Influences Puberty Onset

Kelly Mills — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 13:34:00 GMT

Just when the pregnant ladies thought they got enough flack about what they ingest during gestation. Now check this out: Researchers say a mother's prenatal diet can influence the early onset of puberty. Sheesh, I was chalking it up to non-organic milk and Bratz dolls. You mean my nutritional choices during the most hormonally insane period of my life are to blame for my daughter's precocious eye-rolling?

Well, in case you were wondering, it's a high-fat diet that the researchers tie to the age of your offsprings' puberty. And of course we are talking about girls going through early puberty, because no one seems to care if boys sprout a little peach fuzz early and start spending hours in their rooms with blacklight posters at an early age. The folks who studied this say prenatal diet may have more influence on menstruation happening young than early childhood nutrition. Of course, the study was on rats, so we can always hold out hope for an species reprieve from regular pregnancy Ben & Jerry's transgressions.

Pregcellent: Are Breastfeeding Extremists Endangering Babies?

Kelly Mills — Wed, 28 May 2008 21:03:00 GMT

The Daily Mail has this typically hysterical and annoying headline for a recent story: "No, breast ISN'T always best for baby...whatever the extremists tell you". Ba ba buuuum. That's right, lactation consultants pose major threats to infant health and welfare! Talk about selling a story. But then the article goes on to cover the views of Clare Byam-Cook, a retired midwife who has helped loads of people (including Kate Winslet and Helena Bonham-Carter--celebrity nipple alert!) learn to breastfeed. And frankly, I think she has some good things to say.

Byam-Cook says some midwives are so dogmatic that they simply push breastfeeding, meaning moms with problems doing so end up with underfed and dehydrated. She also believes not all women can breastfeed or produce sufficient milk, and that in some cases a bottle of formula is not equal to giving your baby poison. And she notes that in addition to teaching women proper breastfeeding technique, we ought to give some instruction in how to bottle-feed and properly prepare formula, just in case.

I'm somewhat suspicious of the idea that there's a zealous conspiracy of midwives, and I don't particularly love many formula makers either. But as someone who spent twelve hours in the hospital with a wailing infant, waiting for my milk to come in, I was saved by a nurse who helped me rig a breastfeeding tube on my boobs to deliver, yes, formula. My kid went on to breastfeed for two years (which was one year longer than I wanted, honestly, but hey, we do what we do.) And while I think it's more the media than the midwives who paint breastfeeding as the only option for a mother who loves her baby, I'd love to see more respect for people's choices. Sure, breastfeeding should be encouraged and taught and we ought to be able to do it in public. But some people try and just can't do it, for any number of reasons. It isn't always feasible, and you shouldn't have to reap massive judgment from others for pulling out a bottle. Oh, and while we are at it, could we get some bottles that are free from plastic chemical freakiness?

Pregcellent: Before We Peed On a Stick

Kelly Mills — Wed, 14 May 2008 13:01:00 GMT

Everyone remember the moment you saw the little double line on the stick or got the results of the blood test that confirmed, yep, gonna have a baby? (By the way, I know lots of people who gave their spouses the home test wrapped up as a gift, like "Surprise! We're having a baby!" but I wonder if my first thought would be, "Eeeek! That stick had pee on it.") Well, it wasn't always as simple as it is today with our drugstore modern conveniences blah blah. Behold: A history of wacky pregnancy tests.

It is totally interesting (for a fact-dork like me) to learn the ancient Egyptians had a method of pregnancy prediction with 70 percent accuracy: The woman peed on wheat and barley seeds, and if either grain grew, pregnancy was confirmed. Turns out pregnant lady urine has elevated estrogen, which promotes growth in those grains. That is totally a good Trivial Pursuit kind of fact to know. In the Middle Ages and beyond, the color of urine was supposed to hold clues. As long as you didn't eat lots of beets, I guess. My favorite is the 17th century practice of dipping a ribbon in the woman's pee, and then burning it. If the smell made her nauseous, pregnant. Oooh, just the idea makes me pregnant all the time. Anyhow, stock up on your pregnancy prediction fun facts now, while supplies last.

Pregcellent: I Know When You'll Give Birth

Madeline Holler — Wed, 07 May 2008 23:14:00 GMT

Okay, maybe I don't know exactly. And your due dates might indicate I'm full of it. But it turns out, there are trends and statistical significance and stuff that make it a whole lot easier to bet on birth day/date outcomes.

For example, the most common day of the week for giving birth is Tuesday. Who knew? The least common day is Sunday. (My kids were Monday and Sunday -- we're so alternative.)

The day of the year with most births, according to this, is the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and the Tuesday before New Years. The day of the year with fewest births is May 22. (What's wrong with May 22?)

These days summer months have the most births -- August, then September and July.

Do you fit the pattern?

Photo: kittymowmow.com

Pregcellent: Weird Cravings Are Up

Kelly Mills — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 21:02:00 GMT

You know that yen for a deli roast beef sandwich, extra mayo, with cheddar cheese potato chips inserted inside the sandwich that struck you suddenly while pregnant? Just me? Apparently not, because the BBC reports that pregnancy cravings are up. Three-fourths of women today experience some kind of craving while knocked up, compared with 30 percent just fifty years ago. Oh, and chocolate topped the list, because pregnant women are not stupid.

However, the cravings were not just for weird food stuff. In fact, a third were for odd things like coal, soap, toothpaste, ice, and sponges. These non-food items are probably cravings for smells and textures. I've never said to myself, "I could really go for some coal right now" but I'm not knocking it either. One theory on the craving increase is that we have a real variety of foods available to us now, so we can act on our desires. But nobody knows for sure, and some pregnancy researchers say it's unlikely the cravings are due to any actual deficiency.

So, what interesting things did you crave?

Pregcellent: Who's Having All Those Babies Out of Wedlock?

Kelly Mills — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 20:35:00 GMT

I'm going to try and write this without once referring to the movie Juno. (Crap, does that count?) Remember back in the day, when you could easily wax hysterical over the issue of teen pregnancy? When we were freaked about babies having babies? Well, in the U.S. teen pregnancy rates are falling, so it's going to be that much harder to whip ourselves into a lather, and that is good. In 2004, only 12 percent of pregnancies were to teen moms, compared to 15 percent in 1990. Oh, and one likely factor in the drop is the more frequent use of birth control methods. Imagine that.

However, there is another group who are having babies outside of marriage, and I guarantee you we'll see more fear-mongering stories about at least some of them. Turns out birth rates are going up for unmarried women in their twenties, and also for older women. Maybe twenties is the new teens? Now while teen pregnancy is obviously not ideal, I'm curious to see how these women under thirty fare with babies. Anyhow, let's just be glad more of the kids are using condoms.

Pregcellent: Vacant Womb For Rent

Kelly Mills — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 22:33:00 GMT

First off, I'd like to say that anyone who goes into being a surrogate strictly for the money has chosen a very challenging way to make a buck, because being pregnant is no picnic. But as this Newsweek article on the lives of surrogates points out, many women are also motivated by a desire to help others and to contribute something meaningful to the lives of couples who want kids. And the stereotype of the rich woman who wants a baby but not the stretch marks and thus hires a surrogate is strange also, since I can't imagine what would be more challenging than entrusting another person with your offspring before they are even born. So I doubt that one is founded much in reality either.

The article, which chronicles the stories of a number of women who became surrogates, touches on the controversies surrounding the practice, and there are many. There's the issue of maternal rights, and the fact that most surrogacy contracts aren't binding in many ways. There's the issues that come with one person in essence renting out their body, and the questions around what makes someone a parent, DNA or gestation or actual childrearing. Surrogacy is banned in much of Europe, and stereotypes about surrogates abound. Interestingly, many surrogates are military wives with husbands overseas. The article is worth checking out, if only because it makes you think hard about what it means to be a mother.

Pregcellent: Babies Do Come With (Hilarious) Instructions!

Kelly Mills — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:31:00 GMT

As a new parent, the whole baby thing can be overwhelming, to say the least. There's this idea we should just know how to do stuff naturally, like breastfeeding or interpreting the baby's cries correctly with little or no instruction. But of course, it isn't that instinctive. The lucky moms and dads have good relatives and friends to share parenting pearls with, and of course there's tons of books on the subject as well. But other people can get annoying with the constant advice, and the books are by and large dull as bleaugh.

That's why I think nothing is quite as good at breaking down what to do and what not to do as this site, in simple "yes" and "no" terms. I laughed for a loooong time at this. The helpful photos instantly tell you how to do so many of the essential infant things. My favorite is probably the one on bonding, but they are all pretty damn good. Like the diaper change one...Chortle snicker.

Pregcellent: What Exactly Should You Expect?

Kelly Mills — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:33:00 GMT

With the fourth edition of "What To Expect When You're Expecting" slated for release next month, Jezebel asked the question, what should women really, actually expect? I'll totally take that one up, and perhaps some of you will too. First, anything goes, and good luck trying to predict what will happen. You might be exhausted for nine months, or you might run around like a cracked-out chipmunk. You might all of the sudden need glasses; your hair could fall out or it could get thicker; you might glow or you might feel your life force sucked from your face. Oh, and it can change for the same person from pregnancy to pregnancy. The only consistent stories I've ever heard: Your belly will get big. (Duh.) Your hips will spread. Your boobs get larger. You will at some point have to get that baby out of there.

Second, on the pooping front so popular in the J-bel comments: Yes, you might poop during labor, but if you are like me, you will not give a shit because you will be otherwise occupied. (Ba dum.) However, the first crap after giving birth will probably be your worst nightmare come true. Also, the episiotomy, should you have one, is probably less painful than anything else. Your body will most likely be altered to some degree forever, but you might not mind as much as you think you will. Oh, and the belly doesn't disappear when the baby is out, so get ready for the "When are you due?" questions for a while after delivery.

What else? Share the hard-won wisdom...

Pregcellent: Lisa Marie and Baby Bumps

Kelly Mills — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 12:27:00 GMT

If you've been to our celebrity-following sister blog Famecrawler, you know Lisa Marie Presley is pregnant. And pissed. And suing. You know, because of the whole problem so many of us face: Just as you are trying to decide who to share the happy news of your expecting-ness with, the tabloids start printing a rash of stories about how you let yourself go because you've gotten a bit heavier. And then there's some ugly comparisons to your dad, and speculation you will die the same way he did. You know, typical stuff.

Lisa Marie wrote a whole thing on her MySpace page about how hurt and angry she is by this, and she's taking the tabloids to task for the unkindness. But one of the more interesting things about it all is (as the Five Resolutions blog points out) how the same papers that lambasted her for putting on pounds are now characterizing her as the glowing, lovely pregnant lady. Right, because those folks were just worried about her health before, and now they are so relieved. I mean, if she was getting fat, then bad on her, but if she's pregnant, well, she looks radiant. Hold on, I think I feel my own morning sickness coming on, and I'm not even pregnant... Perhaps we have a new rule of thumb here: Wait until after the first trimester to make your pregnancy public. Unless you are famous and the papers start saying you are turning into Elvis--then you just wait until the coverage gets mean enough.

Pregcellent: What Gear Do You Need?

Kelly Mills — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 16:34:00 GMT

There's a post on HuffPo about some fairly ridiculous gadgets for parents. You can get a fancy-pants baby timer for tracking your baby's sleep and nap and diaper schedule, presumably to help avoid the age-old question, "Crap, when did the baby last eat?" Of course, when I had a newborn I could barely dial a phone number, much less program a handheld device with four timers. And there's also the LENA System, which records conversations between you and your baby and analyzes them on a computer. I know I would not want to be caught on tape making annoying babbling sounds, but perhaps this is good practice for the kid should they ever come under government surveillance. But perhaps you own these things, and find them indispensable.

'Course this all raises the question: What exactly do you need? Anywhere from a dresser drawer and a couple diapers, to a pre-warmed sleigh crib and video monitor, depending on who you ask. Part of the problem is that it's hard to know what your baby will even like, and what you'll find easiest to use. My child abhorred the baby swing, and I found the metronome noise it made put me, not my kid, to sleep. However, our vibrating bouncy seat made three months of showering possible. Other could-go-either-way items include the special bed co-sleeping attachment or a crib; a frontpack (versus sling); white noise machines (try the vacuum cleaner in a pinch); diaper wipe warmers; and exersaucers. We got the most life out of our baby bjorn, our cheap-o folding stroller, and the high chair. But if I could have made one slightly more extravagant purchase, what would I have invested in? Screw the LENA System--I would have gotten a night nurse.

Pregcellent: Eat This, Not That

Kelly Mills — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 13:32:00 GMT

Sometimes I wonder why I get so pissy about stuff when everybody does it, but I do. Take the diet/nutrition book, "Eat This, Not That" now in a pregnancy edition. It's pimped on the Today site right now. So the original, non-pregnancy version of the book was all over Today and msnbc, three times I believe. Hmmm, it's by the editors of Men's Health--could there be a connection between that mag and Today? Yeah, yeah, nothing new, I know. And the book made dubious claims about nutrition as a way to target belly fat. Again, not unheard of for a diet book to make lame and questionable promises. And I noted that some of the caloric amounts for the "bad" food choices were pretty high, like perhaps they had chosen the worst possible offender and generalized. No, that's not unique.

So, how does the expecting mom version stack up? Well, I do sort of like the format of telling you which of two choices is better in calories and nutrition, and I didn't see much about attacking belly fat here (har de har) so that's a good sign. I suppose once I get over the idea of receiving pregnancy nutritional advice from the dudes at Men's Health (though that mag is at least funnier than many of its brethren) I could be okay with this. But, um, I didn't really see anything so vastly different from what you'd find in many other expecting mom nutrition books. If you like the "this or that" format and feel two choices give you enough info, great. If you prefer to read nutritional labels and do searches for food info free on many websites, or even buy a different book, I think you'll be just fine too.

Pregcellent: And Now For Something Completely Different...Positive Birth Stories

Kelly Mills — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 14:32:00 GMT

All the pregnant ladies in the house who've been regaled with someone's birth horror story, raise your hands... Now look, I like hearing the dark truth about the havoc pregnancy and birth can wreak on your body. For me, it feels like smashing the myth that everything is gonna be bliss, bliss, bliss, and you'll be wearing your pre-pregnancy jeans in a week postpartum, not to mention the fact that I liked being prepped for certain things. However, this should not be confused with the practice of walking up to pregnant women and telling them all about your 72-hour labor where you almost died. I liked it when girlfriends said, "Um, I wanna warn you about the first bowel movement after delivery" and hated it when someone said, "Oh, and then I had tearing like you wouldn't believe and as they readied me for my blood transfusion..." But maybe it's a thin line.

Just in case, I'm gonna share with you this post from the Poop where people wrote in about their positive birth experiences. And some commenters had a good point: If your birth was less than agony, talking about it can sometimes invite dirty looks from those who had a rougher go of it. Personally I come from the school of thought that one person's good experience is unrelated to my bad experience, so it's wrong to haterate on someone as long as they haven't fallen into the righteous "I had a good time so you should do it my way" trap. And while it can be fun to compare battle scars after the fact, we don't have to scare the pregnant women with horrible tales of woe-births. One more thing: Even though there were things I found real hard about my own birth experience (which was my own, had extenuating circumstances that will in all likelihood not be the same as yours) it was in the end positive because I had a baby who is doing just fine, even six years later. Aw yeah.

Pregcellent: Maternal Antibodies May Be Linked to Autism

Kelly Mills — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 22:27:00 GMT

Researchers are looking at a link between a mother's immune system during pregnancy and the development of autism in children. They found that antibodies in the blood of mothers of kids with autism bind to fetal brain cells, and may be responsible for problems in brain development. This was observed in mothers of children with a particular kind of "late-onset" autism, where development seems fine up to a point, and then switches to a loss in language and social skills. There's hope that this finding will ultimately result in prenatal tests and interventions.

So why does a fetal event result in autism that shows up much later? Researchers aren't entirely sure, but there may be more to the story. The senior author of the study says, "It's possible that early exposure to maternal antibodies sets in motion a biological path to autism with the behavioral outcomes not apparent until much later. It's also possible that an environmental exposure sometime after birth could be required to set this process in motion." But this study does show that research may need to focus more on the earliest gestational events, even when the autism doesn't manifest until much later in life.

Pregcellent (Except There's Nothing Excellent About It)

Erin White — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

I'm talking about the end, people. And you've been there. Or you're about to be there. Or your partner is there (in which case, I don't feel at all sorry for you no matter how loud she snores or how hard she cries when you mention climate change or the fact that your parents are voting for Mitt Romney).

Here's a sympathetic little piece about how uncomfortable these last few weeks can be. And you've read it all before: frequent urination, heartburn, back pain. Bla Blah Blahhhh. What I want to read is that I am not the only person out there who truly believes that delivering this baby myself in the kitchen while my three-year old watches an "Angelina Ballerina" DVD on continuous play in the other room is preferable to one more night of being woken by the sensation of my dinner trying to burn its way through my esophagus.

What I do not want to read, ever again, is the word "uncomfortable." Panty hose are uncomfortable. Bumping into your therapist in the locker room at the Y is uncomfortable. The end of pregnancy is not uncomfortable, it is a human rights violation. And it is not one that I am going to take sitting down. Because I can't sit down. Because I have sciatica. And I can't take it standing up either, because of that damn varicose vein. I guess I'll have to take it lying down. And I suggest you do the same.

Pregcellent: Your Belly As Art

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 16:02:00 GMT

I had this hilarious friend who was way pregnant, irritatingly past her due date, sequestered to her velvet couch in the blistering heat of a Floridian July and still, somehow (God bless her) maintained that certain brand of humor that probably got her knocked up, married and sprawled out on that couch in the first place. I called her to see when the hell she was going to have that child anyway because, like, I totally was anxious to order her baby gift online and could she please just get the show on the road?

Totally, deadpan, she replied, "Dude, chill. I'm working on it."

When I asked her how, she said, "I just took a Sharpie and drew a big ass arrow over my big ass belly and wrote THIS WAY OUT!"

Then when I asked her if it was working, she clicked her tongue and asked back, "Do you think he's already behind if he can't read that message backward?"

Ohhhh, good times. But really, any time you take a permanent marker to an overloaded, overdue, outstretched, outwitting baby bump to divert your attention from worrying that the newborn will be in there so long, he'll emerge with callouses on his hands and hair on his legs, you really are having good times.

My funny southern friend became a mama the next morning, so either the kid could read backward after all or the marker fumes successfully sent him screaming from the placenta. Regardless, the good times gave way to water breaking all over that velvet couch and eventually, an epidural and things got even better from there.

That was five or six years ago, and I still laugh when I think of her straining to see while she scribbled across the underside of her belly. While the hormones and heat and sheer desperation to longer house the fetus took over her good sense, I would personally warn against taking a Sharpie to your own pregnant body. I remember what my deflated post-partumness looked like and I can assure you that words tucked into the folds would not have made it any prettier (and seriously, you may feel blissful but you will not feel particularly appreciative of the comedic elements of birth while you are coming down off a spinal block). What you don't need is some crabby nurse leaning over you as she de-body fluids the scene and asking why in the world you wrote THOUT on your stomach and if you are aware you misspelled it in permanent ink. Nooooo, you don't want that.

Fortunately, you can decorate your belly in the most beautiful (and non-toxic) of ways. No threatening messages, no worries about fetal reading ability. Just a big old bottle of henna, a steady hand and hopefully, a very patient artist to cover you in floral designs that go from stunning to sweet as the ink imprints itself as far as your eye can see.

Linda at Sundry Mourning chronicled the henna-ing of her already perfect pregnant belly from bare to blossom-covered. Her pictures are breath-taking and even though she describes herself (as my friend in Florida would so appreciate) as a THOUSAND MONTHS PREGNANT, she really does look serene and like she is holding the most gorgeous flesh-colored pillow sham I've ever seen in my life in front of her tiny, articulate self.

I think it is such a lovely idea and so incredibly beautiful that I can't stop staring at the pictures in her Flickr pool. I also can't stop wondering if henna ink covers stretch marks or distracts from those God-awful elastic waistbands on maternity pants. Or hell, if prettying up the digs makes the fetus happy to stay or, like the Sharpie threat, it ellicits immediate evacuation.

Sure, having a baby is beautiful. And of course, having a baby belly - especially in those last agonizing days - isn't always. The good thing is, whether you DIY it with a marker or opt for sweet henna decorating, this particular place you're stretched can become a very happy canvas.

[photo credit: Sundry Mourning]

Everything I Need to Know About Pregnancy, I Learned from the Movies

editors — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 15:00:00 GMT

A pregnancy test is not an etch-a-sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet. See: Juno

Pregnancy instantly propels the father-to-be into a mid-life crisis. Luckily, women never panic about being pregnant. Women love babies! See: She’s Having a Baby, Nine Months

During your pregnancy, dreams are unusually vivid and strange. Especially when the father is a giant mutated insect. See: David Cronenberg’s The Fly

If you’re not sure who the father is, tell everyone you’ve ever slept with it’s theirs. Babysitters for life! See: Three Men and a Baby

Be sure to get adequate prenatal care, on the off-chance you’re carrying the spawn of Satan. See: Rosemary’s Baby, Village of the Damned, It’s Alive

There's more — read the rest of The Hollywood Guide to Pregnancy over at The Screengrab! — Gwynne Watkins

Pregcellent: Women React Strongly To the Caffeine-Miscarriage Study

Kelly Mills — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 13:29:00 GMT

A friend of mine had an appointment for artificial insemination, and the clinic told her she should go on bedrest for three days following the procedure to avoid any risk of miscarriage. Well, my friend looked up a bunch of studies, and according to her research, bedrest not only doesn't reduce miscarriage risk after insemination, it has just slightly higher odds of miscarriage. But I can see why the clinic advised this: They want to avoid the idea that any maternal action resulted in a pregnancy loss, and in a way it's exactly how we treat pregnancy nowadays. Don't drink at all. Be careful exercising. Avoid sushi and brie and meat that isn't cooked all the way through. And now, quit coffee or tea, or at the very least, cut way back, or you'll have to live with the fact that if only you had been willing to give it up, you might have had a viable pregnancy. All this, despite the fact that the vast majority of miscarriages are likely the result of genetic or chromosonal issues that mean the fetus would never make it to term, even if you lived in a plastic bubble and only consumed special nutrients and filtered water.

And this is just one of the things that has raised the ire of lots of women towards the latest study connecting higher caffeine consumption to an increased risk of miscarriage. The research has been called out for the small sample size and the methodology of interviewing women post-miscarriage about caffeine consumption. And it is also raising the hackles of women fed up with being told they should do this and that or they are selfish moms. The fact that environmental toxins and pollutants have not received the same coverage was pointed out, as was the fact that some of the taboo behaviors are the norm in countries with comparable miscarriage rates. And lots of other stuff too, because I think many ladies are at a breaking point with being advised against things that they like having in their lives, pregnant or not.

Look, there are certainly things that have strong connections to issues in pregnancy, and most of those (like smoking) are pretty obvious because they have bad repercussions for non-pregnant people too. And of course, even those known hazards are not a guarantee of problems for the individual, believe it or not. But the more tenuous connections to things like coffee are getting to be a bit much. And I think what's sad about it is that almost every woman I know who had a pregnancy loss blamed herself on some level, or at least questioned her own behavior, and I include myself in that number. And it's sad because the recrimination comes in situations where most likely no one could have done anything to prevent the miscarriage, not unless they had the ability to change the chromosonal makeup of a fetus that was never going to survive.

Pregcellent: Should You Get Pregnant In Your Thirties To Avoid the Fertility Drop?

Kelly Mills — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 13:31:00 GMT

By way of Jezebel I came across this article in the Independent on "late motherhood," i.e. moms waiting till late thirties and early forties to get pregnant. As it points out, the rash of female celebs in their forties getting knocked up (Nicole Kidman is the latest example) may create the impression that it's real easy to have a baby around that age--that is, if you use celebrities as your life model. "Well, Holly Hunter did it, so why can't I?" Yeesh. I have a friend who at 38 decided to have a baby, and after some preliminary fertility treatments went the egg donor and sperm donor route (she's single.) Now she's pregnant, but for a bit there she wondered if she should have tried earlier. And with quotes like this one from a 2005 British Medical Journal article on the fertility drop, it's no surprise: "If you want a family – and most people want a couple of children – and you are going to complete your childbearing by 35 and leave time for recovery in between, you would be wise to start before 30... Surveys of older mothers show that half say that they delayed because they had not met a suitable partner. Maybe instead of waiting for Mr Right they ought to wait for Mr Good-Enough, if they want children."

Uh, gross. I'm on board with women being educated about the fact that fertility falls off for many in their late thirties, and that there are increased risks for some fetal and delivery complications the older you get. But I am so not interested in whipping ladies into a breeding panic. Having kids is a major big deal, and no one should enter into it until they feel at least a little ready. And counseling women to settle for a guy you aren't crazy about in the pursuit of children just seems backwards and idiotic. Yes, there's the whole being emotionally ready thing. And many folks can't even afford kids until they have the career security won by the end of their thirties. There's also some options: egg donation and surrogacy for those who want it and can afford it, or adoption.

My friend ultimately realized she's glad she waited until she was sure about children, despite the struggle to conceive and the big bucks it cost. (And FYI, I had to do infertility treatment to get pregnant in my twenties while one of my forty-year-old buddies conceived the old-fashioned way on the first try, so there's no guarantees of anything.) Perhaps we could get some more openness about egg donation and so on, and then encourage women to do what they feel is best in their lives, without panic. Because I'd rather regret waiting and having to go a route that wasn't my first choice to start a family than to lament my choice to have children before I knew what I wanted in my life.

Pregcellent: Babymoons. As In Trips, Not Bare Behinds.

Kelly Mills — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 14:33:00 GMT

I'd totally take a media bullet for y'all, and I really feel like I did by watching this Today Show segment on babymoons. "Babymoon" is the cutsie-poo name for the vacay you take with your beloved (or perhaps your spouse) before your progeny springs forth from your loins and you are knee-deep in diapers and sleeplessness and can't imagine even going to the corner store, let alone Maui. The ladies of the Today Show segment are pregnant themselves, so they know! Omigod! It's all just so ah-may-zing and wonderful, and one of the destinations they recommend even gives you a baby bag with bottles and (sound the siren) formula. Let em rip, lactation-pros!

Okay, there were a few good tips on here, I'll admit that. And I'm going to share them so you can choose to watch the clip based on whether or not you can stand the bright perky sunlight of a cracked-out morning show segment anchor. So you should travel in your second trimester when you feel good (I didn't, but maybe you will); avoid long treks (though I bet some of you hiked a continent pregnant and were just fine, thanks); and you can't go on a cruise--well, some cruises will refuse to let you on the boat, so call ahead. Make sure there's a medical facility handy. I'll add my own: Choose a destination with GOOD BATHROOMS. You will thank me for that when you don't have to squat in the road behind a yak three times in one day.

Beyond that the show features a few locales that have pregnancy vacation packages for a pretty penny. One will serve you sparkling apple juice. Live large, ladies.

Pregcellent: Looking Beyond Jamie-Lynn To Talk Teen Pregnancy

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 20:57:00 GMT

I've delighted in talking Jamie-Lynn, Juno and even a little For Keeps in a Holly-goss sort of way like any other savvy, (ahem) oh-so-hip parent these last few weeks. But now, the conversation about teenagers having babies needs to open up a bit. And I think it needs to expand beyond the finger-wagging abstainance talks, the head-shaking birth control questions and the so-sad, so-sad what-can-I-possibly-do discussions that go no further.

Like many, many other parents, I never intended to be a single mother. And yet, here I am on the verge of it. But no matter how freaked out about finances or finding love again or being the only one around when the inevitable vomit tsunami hits some strangely quiet 2 a.m., I am so grateful to have the support and resources and experience in life that I have. And beyond my own self and circumstances, I am so grateful that there are great organizations that offer all of those things and so much more to the many young women facing motherhood alone, homeless or in need of support they've not yet found. The more challenges I face, the more I appreciate those organizations, like New Moms Inc. in my own corner of the world, and what they give over and over to change the course of the lives of teenage mothers and their children.

When my church women's group chose to work with New Moms Inc. here in Chicago, there were skeptics among us. Not every woman wanted to be involved with a group that they feared "encouraged" being young, single and a mother. It was tough for me and tough for them as these women confronted their own fears and judgments. Interestingly, most of that skepticism turned once we were introduced to the young women this organization served. As we heard their stories of where they came from -- heartbreaking stories of being gang raped or fired from their after-school job and kicked out of their home once bosses and parents found out they were pregnant, caught up in circumstance or the system or one simple poor choice -- and where they are -- in a group home with strict schedules and vocational training and book groups and nutritional cooking classes and their plans -- to go back to school or into self-supporting careers or mentoring other young mothers, there was an overwhelming sense of responsiblity, accountability and need to connect with this organization and its participants.

During the holidays, even when too much family time is driving me crazy and too many shopping trips has me exhausted, I'm reminded how fortunate I am to have those specific issues. And I am reminded of the many high school aged women who will be starting from scratch this New Year's, either with children or with babies on the way. My wish is that more parents, especially mothers, will include teenaged moms and the services that aide them in their gifts, prayers, warm thoughts and shifting judgments. With programs that support self-sufficiency and cycle-breaking and minds that embrace empowering young mothers rather than shunning them even more, maybe all of our kids will be having a very different conversation about teenage pregnancy years down the line.

Pregcellent: Are Baby Name Tattoos Sweet Or Stupid?

Kelly Mills — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 14:29:00 GMT

Joel Madden says when his and Nicole Richie's baby springs forth and is immediately swaddled in a dry-clean-only Gucci scarf and outfitted with giant sunglasses, Joel will quickly commemorate the occasion by getting the baby's name tattooed over his heart. A name like Ryan, Lennon, Casey or Dylan, because Joel "really wants to use an Irish name because of his heritage." (To which I say: Noooo! Don't saddle our people with your destined-for-tabloid-infamy spawn Joel! As if we don't have enough cultural baggage to bear from Lord of the Dance and most House of Pain songs!) Anyhow, the fact that Joel Madden is doing this made me ponder the important question, is a child name tattoo touching or trashy?

Now, I naturally asked the other Derbyers what they thought, but in the process I laid a clever trap. I neglected to mention that I have my kid's name tattooed on my arm. Only those who have seen me tank-topped know this, and they didn't rat me out in time to stop the other folks from giving honest answers. Mwah ha ha.

Karen laid down this honest opinion, that child name tats are "lame. What do you do when you want to cut them out of the will? Though maybe if you have a lot of kids it can help you remember their names. I have 4 and I'm always getting them mixed up, so if I could refer to my ass or something from time to time I might remember who's who." But of course, she's a vegetarian, so we don't take anything she says too seriously.

Amy, who is obviously a thoughtful and intelligent person, says, "I think kinda sweet, although I have seen moms get some sort of symbol of their child's name (like a lily for Lily or...I don't know, the Red Sea for Moses) which I think is cooler if done in a more arty way." Coincidentally I have a vine on my arm for my child with a plant name. Very astute observation Amy.

Madeline, who is so pragmatic I'll probably have her manage my life from now on, says, "Nothing takes the rebellion out of tattoos than your mom's ass sporting your name, you know?" Extra bonus to the tat, if you ask me.

And Mike "Sow-My-Seed-Far-and-Wide" Adamick says, "My only problem with kids tattoos is that it's hard to keep track of all the kids. I mean, one night in Phoenix and holy crap, another Dylan on your chest or a Mimi on your forearm. I'd have ink poisoning if I tried to keep up ... " No comment, but that December support check better be in the mail or I'm kicking his ass.

Jessica just sold me out and told the group about my artwork. The bitch.

My obviously biased opinion is that I like my tattoo, even if I do have to field questions like "Which came first: the tattoo or your daughter?" As though I would randomly tattoo a name on me and then name my kid after it. Sigh.

Feel free to agree or haterate as much as you like now.

Pregcellent: Pregnancy is Depressing

Amy Kuras — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 21:34:00 GMT

Pregnancy kinda sucks. And I am one of those annoying people blessed with easy pregnancies, who just sail right through after first trimester and even then don’t have too hard a time (until I hit 39 weeks, totally lose my shit, and the baby decides she isn't ready to just get born already, but that's another story).

For some people, it realllly sucks – and I am not talking just about the various physical discomforts. Many women get hit with a huge emotional wallop sometime during their last trimester. According to this article from the Times of London, between 12 and 17 percent of pregnant women experience anxiety or depression sometime during their pregnancy, which is in line with University of Bristol research that found 13.5 percent of pregnancy women experience depression in their last trimester — compared with one in 10 who experience postpartum depression.

One doctor even thinks it is a major cause of preterm birth.

Causes are unclear, but are more related to the kinds of things that can cause regular garden-variety depression – money worries, relationship troubles – than hormone fluctuations. Anxiety about the changes wrought by motherhood can also play a role.

According to the UK article, doctors there are beginning to take prenatal depression as seriously as they do postpartum depression. There are some antidepressants that are safe to take during pregnancy, and some anecdotal evidence that things like mild exercise and omega-3 fatty acids help (I've been taking fish oil since first trimester and I swear it's helped me be much more chill this time around). But the moral of the story? You're not alone, these feelings are real, and you can get help if you need it.

Pregcellent: Enough With the Naked Pregnant Celebrities Already!

Kelly Mills — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 18:32:00 GMT

Christina Aguilera is on the cover of January's Marie Claire, buck nekked and pregnant as all get out. I think that since Demi Moore did it waaay back in 1991 for Vanity Fair, we've had the opportunity to see about 75 thousand naked pregnant celebrities in magazines. If you are old like me, you might remember that when Demi posed sans clothes for Annie Leibovitz, there was a big brouhaha. Was it empowering or exploitative? Should knocked up ladies be sexy? But that was the 90's. Now? Eh. But don't worry, I can still manage to work up some pissy anger over the whole thing.

Lord knows I have no problems with nudity (in fact I'm on the pro side of it) and sure, pregnant women can be sex symbols. Be my guest. But I'm starting to get irritated with the phenomenon because of course the burgeoning stars are given the same treatment as everyone in magazines, meaning they are airbrushed and shrunk down and reshaped into this bizarre aesthetic. (I'll add that Xtina is one of those celebs who gets the mighty computer treatment in almost every photo I've ever seen, so she looks like she's made of a strange polymer. She might be a pretty lady in true life, but it's hard to know what she actually looks like with all that retouchification.) And the result is that instead of all these pics being an affirmation of the sexy power of a woman 7 months along, we get an impossible, unrealistic, and frankly weird standard of beauty that pregnant women get to aspire to. Joy.

Stretch marks, the pregnant ass, weird pigmentation, swollen ankles--hey, that's a normal pregnancy for you. But the only things these stars show is a round belly and the bigger-than-before boobies. I'll give my undying love to any famous lady who poses naked in a magazine, far along in her pregnancy and untouched by computers. It might even be sexy.

Pregcellent: My Shirt Says It All

Kelly Mills — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 13:30:00 GMT

Once upon a time, funny message t-shirts were the province of frat boys and other guys with beer bellies. Then they began to grow in popularity were adopted by fashion designers and hipsters. Then they ended up on small children who could hardly protest. (I'm guilty of this--my kid had a shirt that said "Cereal Killer.") Now there's a real explosion of message tees for pregnant ladies. Shirts that say "Knocked Up" and "Baby on Board" don't even begin to scratch the surface.

I have mixed feelings about this trend. Of course pregnant ladies should be able to flaunt some funny expression if they so desire. However, the majority of these shirts, like the majority of all message shirts, are highly stupid and doomed to be someone's bright idea for a shower gift. So here's my top three best and worst maternity message tees for the week.

Worst:

1. "Pregnant is the new sexy." Let me reiterate this: Unless you are a female rapper, saying "I'm sexy" under any circumstances is just irritating, true or not.

2. "I have milk." Yes, we know you will, though you probably don't now. Either way, we don't always wanna think about it.

3. "The Princess is Pregnant." What, you work at Disney? No princesses.

Best:

1. "If you didn't put this baby in here don't even think about touching my stomach." Finally, a useful shirt.

2. "The baby wants cake." Perhaps it's a bit trite, but I've always been fond of that sentiment.

3. "My fetus can beat up your fetus." I'm just a fan of violence, I guess.

Feel free to voice your opinion on this vital issue or add any you've seen that are great or suck eggs.