Strollerderby : potty training

Another Four-Letter Word My Kid Can't Say

JeanneSager — Thu, 14 May 2009 15:27:00 GMT

Carlin had his seven dirty words. At my house, we have an eighth.

Turd.

My daughter will not, cannot, should not say it. Nor my husband for that matter.

The word panties makes my colleague Madeline, get the creepy crawlies. But the four-letter T-word for poop just makes me wrinkle up my nose and gag.

It's not what it stands for - although, to be fair, I'm no more a fan of that than I am of the other "gift" left in children's diapers. But poop is poop. And I grew up in the land of dairy cows. We have our share of chicken farms. Trust me, I've smelled some of the worst of it.

It's the word that I find cringe-tastic. It's a noxious, base way of referring to something that we all know is pretty loathesome to begin with. That it's the kind of word you hear used derisively on the playground doesn't help. "C'mere you little turd!" will never pass as a term of endearment.

Yet, it's a perfectly average word. One that a teacher can hardly fault a child for using, one that many people drop into conversation in mixed company, at least into conversations regarding the use of the facilities. Banning my daughter from using it might seem to some to be extreme. I say it's no more odd than my parents' insistence that my little brother and I refrain from ever uttering the word "fart" (which my husband found uproarious when we first started dating - he'd say it just to get a rise out of me).

What are the commonly used (even on the radio) words that you won't let your kids use?

Image: PoopReport

Supreme Court Says Keep Cursing Off Daytime TV

Get the Stink out of On the Road Travel

JeanneSager — Mon, 11 May 2009 16:20:00 GMT

Ah, summer's almost here, and that means road trip time! And when you have kids, you know what that means: trying to find clean, non-scary places for the very frequent potty stops.

Problem solved.

The Bathroom Diaries rounds up the best places to pee all across the U.S. and a long list of countries around the world, with updateable lists for every U.S. state and a breakdown of who's free, who's got changing tables, and who's got a stinky potty.

Where this earns props over other bathroom stops pages is with the in-depth family details - take a look at the write-up on the McArthur Center mall bathroom in Norfolk, VA - someone cared to let us know they have a family restroom with "excellent space for nursing, and wide doorways allow even the largest of strollers to easily enter and exit. Extremely clean, well-lit, and safe."

A place where I can navigate the stroller instead of having to take turns with my husband over who's going to stay outside and watch over it even though we both HAVE TO go? I'm there.

So if you've got potty happy kids, you can map out your route to whereever with the help of the diaries, or you can make some notes on your way to and from and help a mutha out (and a dad too, for that matter - he may pee standing up, but he can aim better when he isn't holding his nose).

Image: ComfortFirst

Japanese Potty Training Video

Brett Singer — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 14:00:00 GMT

I was working on a piece about potty training. So I Googled it. This video is one of the first few hits.

You need to watch the whole thing. Trust me. I guess it's safe for work. There's no language issue, unless your co-workers speak Japanese. I have no idea what anyone is saying. The visuals aren't racy, although there is a smiling toilet. Just watch it, OK?

What's great about this -- apart from it's general overall greatness -- is that it hits all of the same points as a "normal" potty training video. Kid. Parents. Kid has to pee. Kid learns to use the potty. Kid learns to see bye bye to his pee. Kid has to poop. Kid learns to poop in the potty. Kid gets underwear. Parents are proud. Kid is proud. And... scene.

Of course, Potty Time With Bear doesn't show the pee moving through the body. Or the poop. Both bits of human waste product seem happy that they are being eliminated and flushed.

Being a pop-culture maven, I wonder which came first -- this video or Mr. Hanky The Christmas Poo, of South Park fame. But mostly I wonder if any Japanese children have actually watched this training video. And if it worked.

12 Year Old Knocks Em Dead On Britain's Got Talent

UPDATE: Jamie Foxx Apologizes To Miley Cyrus

The Funkiest Dancing Kid Ever – Part 2

The Funkiest Dancing Kid Ever – Part 1

Bag of Feces Sent Home in Kid's Backpack

JeanneSager — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:05:00 GMT

As Madeline pointed out yesterday, the word "panties," is shudder-tastic. I've found three worse words - at least used in succession, and when referring to the contents of a little kid's backpack.

Bag of feces.

Yup, a kindergartner came home from school this week with a big ol' bag of dung in his backpack.

Inside, his dad says, was a note from the teacher that read "This little turd was on the floor in my room."

What??? This child is five and apparently had an accident in the classroom. I repeat, this child is five. Accidents happen (come on parents, sing the Elmo's Potty Time song). For a teacher to make an issue of it to begin with shows she does not belong in a kindergarten classroom (or, perhaps, any classroom). Kids need to realize there's no shame in accidents and taught that they can always ask the teacher to use the bathroom. If this was a habit, the teacher might even be wise to talk to the school psychologist about the incidents, as elementary age kids whose potty training regresses are often displaying signs of stress, illness or even abuse.

Bagging it up and sending it home is particularly heinous because, let's face it, this is POOP we're talking about. Human waste. Excrement. Should I continue? The school says they're "looking into it," but I'd say they need to look at flushing this teacher out of their system.

What do you say, Babble readers?

Image: PoopReport

Get Their Pee Away from Me

JeanneSager — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 19:30:00 GMT

I'm one of those parents who extols the virtues of "eau de kid." So I was all excited to read Peter Hartlaub's ode to the odors of kids in the Poop this week.

Until I got to section two. Cheerios and pee.

Really Peter, you had to lay that one out there for the child-free by choice folks to throw back at us? Maybe it's the mark of a mom who was beaten down by potty training, but where I agree with everything else on Hartlaub's list, his assertion that "the faint scent of toddler pee can actually be kind of pleasant." just made me want to retch.

Yes, I know he was kidding (sort of), but let me lay out my own list of reasons the Cheerios and pee smell has apparently been WAY overrated:

1. My daughter insists on sleeping with at least five to six books in her bed every night so she can "read" herself to sleep. As a sign of her love of literature, I couldn't be happier. As a sign of what's to be thrown out at 2 a.m. in case of that (rare, but still) bedwetting incident . . . ick. Nothing says read me like Goodnight Moon with urine dripping off of it.

2. Although perfectly able to use the "big" potty, the lure of the small potty is big in my house. Like most potties for kids, it lacks a flushing function. It makes up for it with a lid . . . which is usually left open. The only other thing you need to know? We have a dog. Nuff said.

3. Accidents happen (and if you watched Elmo's Potty Time as much as we did, you are now singing the song), but wet undies can always be whisked away to sit in the middle of a pile of laundry that needs to be done . . . right in the center of the pile, where heat and urine meet. Yum.

4. Ever been peed on by a potty training toddler? I don't think I need to say anymore!

But Hartlaub has good news for all of us. They graduate to the suntan lotion/peanut butter/Play-Doh/bananas smell . . . and it smells gooood!

Image: Green Baby Guide

Mom or Winning Division I Basketball Coach? You Decide

JeanneSager — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 16:01:00 GMT

Two guesses how I figured out the the coach of Arizona State University had to be a mother.

Something about the word "poop" just gave it away.

A video of Charli Turner Thorne screaming at her players in the locker room at half-time has gone viral in the past few days. Not because it's strange for a coach to yell or even because this is a female coach.

Her strong words for her players? "You played like poop!" Check it out:

Sorry Coach, even at top volume, it just sounds so, well, eight-year-old.

Which would make sense, as Thorne's son Liam IS eight years old. She also has a ten-year-old and a five-year-old, all boys. And I give her full credit - Thorne coached throughout all three pregnancies. She is also a well-respected coach who brought her team to the elite eight during March Madness this year. By the way, it was the team that ended the ASU run to the championship that had Thorne all riled up - the women were losing (and did lose) to UConn.

Because, apparently, they played like poop!

Hey parents, ever find yourself using your potty mouth outside of the house?

Image: TalkingProud

10 Things I Learned about Poop from My Son

Cole Gamble — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 17:00:00 GMT

Poop does not abide by the laws of gravity

I heard screaming from downstairs, my daughter wailing, “Daddy come look at this!” Sounded like the typical 50-times-a-day emergency drill. When I arrived downstairs I saw nothing out of the ordinary. “What is it,” I asked. “Dalton’s poop!” she replied. I searched the room. “Where?” She pointed up. Hanging from the ceiling was a perfect orb of poop, the exact size of a baseball. For a moment I had to just stare at it wondrously. Whatever feat got it up there, it was clearly the work of a master. Impressed, I applauded, then cried.

Poop likes to be talked too

Whenever I change Dalton’s diaper, Dalton’s makes sure to greet it (“Hi Poop!”) and bid it adieu when it goes in the trash (“Bye Poop!”)

Poop wants to be free – the last place poop wants to be is in a diaper

Smashed into the rug, on the bottoms of shoes, on the wall, next to the toilet (“so close, buddy”)…

The less access you have to diapers and wipes, the more volumous and offensive the poop will be.

You will find things in poop that don’t occur in nature

If I had a dime for every time I uttered, “Have you ever seen this color before in your life” I’d enough dimes to…forget it. I don’t want your poop dimes.

Black birthday cake frosting makes poop green

Brown carpeting seems like a great idea for hiding stains…until you consider the stains you want to find.

Your dog and child will work together to spread the joy.

Boy takes off poopy diaper. Border Collie immediately shreds into poop confetti for spreading over the entire basement.

Zoo's clearly feed their animals a better diet than you do your kid, because what comes out of your kid's rear smells worse than elephant poop.

The day the poop goes in the toilet is a glorious one…followed by another 6 months of poop everywhere else.

More by this Author:

Child Raised Worse Than an Animal Gets Happy Ending

My Wife Says: 10 Reasons to Get Plastic Surgery after the Baby - Part 2

5 Lies Women Tell Each Other About Pregnancy

Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer. Fun for Your Kid’s Butt?

The Most Awesomely Epic High School English Paper of All Time

Everyone Poops: The Movie?

JeanneSager — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 13:29:00 GMT

I know I'm not the only parent out there who salivated over the pictures and trailers for Where the Wild Things Are. But is Spike Jonze already at work on a new children's book to movie adaptation?

A potty training classic no less: Taro Gomi's Everyone Poops. Is America ready for elephants making big poops and mice making tiny poops on-screen?

Blessedly, no. Not even our "the grosser the better" culture will be doling out $10 a ticket for a two-hour look at Everyone Poops. But the picture book that has convinced a generation of toddlers that they need to get the poop out gets a hilarious send-up in a new spoof of the Where the Wild Things trailer.

Not since Trainspotting have I taken a look at a toilet in such detail.

Don't tell me that whining mom at the beginning doesn't ring some bells. Aren't you glad this is a fake?

Image: Amazon

What They're Babbling About: Me Want COOKIE

JeanneSager — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 16:26:00 GMT

Totally random things I've picked up on in this week's edition of What They're Babbling About - from cookies to rats (ew, I know) to an awesomely messy bathtub project.

Jessica Gottleib trims the fat off the Girl Scout story - and still I yearn for a Thin Mint - Eco Child's Play

I know they have to start small, but somehow studies of rats that prove something about parenting always give me the willies. Bethany Sanders does her very best to make this one soft and cuddly. - Parent Dish

I am always going on about how un-Martha I am, which is why I troll the 'net for Marthas in the making who make me look good. Like this mom, who makes her very own bathttub crayons and shares her know-how with all of you. This is what we call recession Martha (or is it prison Martha?) - Pepper Paints

Do you believe in the "potty training in three days" method? This mom tried it, and it worked . . . sort of. - MOMformation

How about sending a kid to a shrink for their tantrums? There are some days I'd call for one for me, but a kid. . . - CafeMom

Image: Pepper Paints

What They're Babbling About: Pregnancy, the Good, the Bad and the Newly Born

Potty Dance? Oh, Please!

Amy Kuras — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 15:02:00 GMT

Mark it – March 2009 is the month viral video marketing campaigns finally died.

Or deserved to.

Have you seen this Potty Dance commercial, or God forbid has someone who seccretly hates you forwarded the video? Sweet mother of – I mean — I just --- there are no words for the wrongness of this. No words. At all. And I don’t mean wrongness in the funny, “I should SOOOO not be laughing at this but I am” way, but the “Are you KIDDING me? Who thought THIS up? And does Kimberly-Clark distribute crack in the lunchroom because this is the only possible way this ad campaign got approved?” way.

For those of you who have been blessed to not see the ad or the video itself, it urges children to “do the potty dance -- put one hand out, then the other, let them drop (which means grab your crotch) and HULA HOOP!”

Yeah. That annoying thing your kid does when they have to go and have waited too long? That you are trying to discourage them from doing and use their words instead? Now we’re meant to teach them to do it as a cutesy little dance apparently.

And it gets better – there’s Tori Spelling. And a video contest.

The sad thing is, I know there are parents out there giggling and thinking this is adorable – and everybody else on the planet is thinking parents are actually stupid enough to think this thing is cute or funny. Me? I have Pull-Ups in my house. This not only makes me want to never buy them again, I want to set the ones I already have afire in protest. It’s a triple threat of insipid, cheesy, and crude.

But can I have whatever the creatives who thought this up are smoking?

Photo: Associated Press

Gambling on Potty Training

Amy Kuras — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 20:28:00 GMT

Look, I understand potty training desperation, I really do. We struggled with it mightily around here and the only thing that worked for once and all was my daughter turning three.

But this? This is a very, very bad idea. It’s a potty chair. With a slot machine theme. Called the “Jack Potty.” That goes off when your child makes a “bet.” Glllllaaahhhhhrrrgg.

This seems that it could have only a few possible effects: 1) Your child develops a lifelong fear of using the potty, spooked by the lights and the noise and music. 2) Your child develops an inability to poop unless greeted by much fanfare. 3) Your child develops a jones for the one-armed bandit.

There’s so much wrong with this I don’t know where to begin, so let me just share with the you the best comment on the original post over at Consumerist: “A craps table would have been more appropriate. Sorry.” Not to mention the Consumerist’s crew’s tag: Loosest Slots in Town.

Ewwwwww. But funny.

Would You Toilet-Train Your Child On National TV?

Kate Tuttle — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 16:59:00 GMT

Apparently, some producers think someone will -- and more intriguingly, that people will actually want to watch it! According to an item in the Miami Herald, a casting director is looking for families who would be willing to have their potty-training exploits chronciled on television as part of a new reality show. I guess the ratings for Jon & Kate Plus Eight, which frequently follows the goings-on in the Gosselin family bathrooms, must have prompted some TV producers to think people could get hooked on watching the process close up and personal. Personally, living through it once already -- and with another child waiting in the wings for next year -- is far than enough "reality" in my potty-training life. And as for allowing cameras to enter and follow the process at my house, that would mean I'd have to chase dust bunnies out from under our changing table, and that is not on the agenda.

What do you think: Would you sign up your kid? Would you watch someone else's?

More by this author:

Biracial Twins -- Is One "Black" and One "White"?

Death by Peanut: Epidemic or Urban Myth?

Is This Baby Obese? Aussie Mom Says No

Baby Nearly Starves to Death, Diluted Formula to Blame

Babble Talk: Kids Say the Cutest Things ... About Poop?

Jen Chaney — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 14:32:00 GMT

Everyone poops. We know this. Entire books have been written on the subject. And obviously, children of potty training age -- or for that matter, even older -- find the word "poop" and all its scatalogical cousins absolutely hilarious.

Yet even though I am well aware of this information, I have still been amazed by the number of Kids Say the Cutest Things! submissions that have centered around toilet activity.

One example:

"Today I will go poo-poo in the big potty. And it will be very loud."

Another:

"Me: Did you poop in your diaper?

Rowan, 15 months: No.

Me: Who did, then?

Rowan: Grandma!!!"

And another, courtesy of 2-year-old Cayden:

"(Leaning on the toilet to get his bottom wiped) 'K-O-H-L-E-R. Says potty!'"

I'll concede that these fall into the funny and cute category. But they still make me wonder why parents tend to remember their kids' witty bathroom commentary so well. Is it the strange intimacy of the activity that makes everything about it seem comical? Are we suffering from Freudian-style anal fixations? Or is toilet humor simply the finest comedy known to humankind?

Perhaps I am getting a bit too philosophical about all this. But if you have theories, feel free to share them in the comments below. And if you have some funny, adorable kid quotes, scatalogical or otherwise, by all means submit them to Kids Say the Cutest Things! They can be about poop if you want. Seriously. I don't give a ... well, you know.

Parents of Young Boys, Beware!

KeriF — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 22:21:00 GMT

Doctors in one English hospital are reporting an increasing number of emergency room visits for boys under the age of 5. Why? (Parents, you might want to cross your legs before reading more.)

Apparently little boys eager to pee just like Daddy are getting their wee peckers crushed by falling toilet seats.

I can't say I'm surprised. Ever since my son potty-trained last year I have watched as he stands in front of the toilet, penis in hand, and lets the heavy ceramic lid crash down after he's done his business. To be honest though, I never really thought he could get caught. He's only 4, and his penis is still so... well, you know. (I don't want to give him a complex.)

There are an estimated 250 "penis crush injuries" per year in the U.K. alone. Doctors blame this on the rising popularity of heavy ceramic and wooden toilet seats

I think I'll make my son pee sitting down from now on.

Elimination Communication: Trend Not Dying After All?

editors — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 18:52:00 GMT

Earlier this year on Babble, Madeline Holler listed Elimination Communication as one of the fading trends of '08, and Babble contributor Gina Zucker wrote about how her friend's use of EC almost ended their friendship. But not everyone has gotten the memo that EC is out.

For those not in the know, in Elimination Communication, the elimination aspect is two-fold. First, you eliminate using diapers. Then you watch your baby for cues that he or she is ready to eliminate, just as you would watch for cues that your baby is hungry or sleepy. When you get the cue, you take the baby to the bathroom and hold him over the toilet until the deed is done.

This post on CafeMom features a woman two months into the experience. Here's an excerpt:

Baby Buzz: How has Domino adjusted to going diaperless?

BabyDio: She likes it. Some days are easier than others of course, but she really enjoys going to the potty. I bet her favorite part is the "pssss" sound—it always make her laugh. It's also really good "mommy baby time," as silly as that sounds. It forces me to stop what I'm doing to take her to the potty, and she likes the extra attention.

What's your take on EC? And shouldn't it really be a hardcore band's name by now?

Continue reading about Domino here at Baby Buzz on CafeMom or check out Diaper Free Baby for more on EC.

( Image from www.bookdepository.co.uk )

More Stuff Parents Dream About: Being Alone in the Bathroom

JeanneSager — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 16:02:00 GMT

It took me a long time until I could poop in my husband's presence. Now I long for the days when it was just him, me and a can of cinnamon apple spray.

Sound familiar?

I haven't been alone in a bathroom since before the kid was born, before the cats came to live with us, before the dog wormed her way into my heart. We have what we call the "don't bother shutting the door because it's not going to stay that way policy" on the bathroom now. I considered a lock, but what's the point? She'd just stand there, banging on the wood and yelling, "Mommy, are you in there? Are you Mommy? Mommy???"

No, you watched me walk in, shut the door, unzip my pants and let them drop to the floor. I'm not in here. I've moved to Australia.

"Mommy, I have to go potty," she'll say, because at 3, that still gets everyone's attention.

She doesn't usually. Although she'll make a big to do out of pulling down first the pants, then her underwear and wiggling the naked butt around the room before finally settling it on her little potty. Then she'll pop back up. "Nope, don't have to." Sometimes she'll ask, "Are you done peeing yet?" and order me off the "big potty" so she can have a turn. No dice there either. That I still haven't peed and am thisclose to wetting myself is secondary to the careful selection of just the right square of toilet paper, the proper wiping technique, the flushing, the help climbing down. I'm thinking of a Depends investment.

I dream of a day my waste won't be inspected, waved at, bid goodbye before it's flushed away. I yearn to know that I can wash my hands without "help," to know that I can do it all by myself. I don't care that "Miss Phyllis says you have to rub-a-dub-dub." Miss Phyllis can spin for all I care.

Really, all I'd like is a little privacy for my lady parts and the not-so-lady-like moments they might have. I guess I should have thought about that before I handed them over to the very un-lady-like process of childbirth, huh?

More Stuff I Dream About: Life Without Play-Doh

Image: WarmZone

Just In Time for Halloween: How to Make Your Own Slime

Part II: Why Parents of Boys Have It Better (And Why They Don't)

Halloween Costume Confession: Why it Pays to be the Cheapskate Mom

Is Your Daughter a Princess?

Five Ways to Spot a Stalker Mom - So You Can Run

Part II: Why Parents of Boys Have It Better (And Why They Don't)

JeanneSager — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:36:00 GMT

Since giving birth to a little girl, I've been told over and over how I need to try for a little boy. Even my own mother - who has one of each - says it's something every mom needs to experience. But talking to moms who - by the luck of the draw (or the swim) - have only experienced parenting one gender, sometimes there are benefits to sticking with what you know.

According to a whole bunch of moms and dads to little boys out there, they've got it so good, they don't want to try it my way. Want to know what they've got that I don't have? Here's the top five reasons they tell me parents of boys have it better:

1. Two women living in one house usually find their period coincide. Dad - you won't have two women on the rag and ragging on you at the same time. Mom - no worrying that someone else stole the last tampon.

2. He can pee anywhere; and probably will. No lining a McDonald's bathroom toilet seat with TP. No balancing one foot on either side of the bowl so you can hold them right over the bowl. No worry that if Dad leaves the toilet seat up they'll fall in. The side of the highway is his oyster!

3. Mom - no finding your clothes have been liberated from your closet and your kid looks better in them. Dad - when you're starting to feel like those pants are too tight, just stow them in his closet - he'll never know the difference.

4. No crevices to clean during the diaper change. His family jewels handle a wipe-down of explosive diarrhea much more kindly than the cha cha.

5. About those snips, snails, and puppy dog tails. What's cuter than a puppy dog waving that little stump? A little boy wrapping his little fists around your neck and saying "I love you Mama/Dada." Yeah, I had to go there.

Now don't you want to know how the other half lives? Find out here: Part I: Why Parents of Girls Have it Better

Image: Razzberry Pie

Stuff Parents Dream About: Life Without Play-Doh

Five Nonsense Kids Character Names Explained

Five Ways to Spot a Stalker Mom - So You Can Run

What's Worse, Getting Fat or Getting Pregnant?

The Sh*t List: 10 Bizarre (or Terrific?) Potty Gadgets

Cole Gamble — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 16:00:00 GMT

When a child learns to poop or pee in a toilet on their own, it’s an event worthy of a tickertape parade. Or at least you’d think so based on how parents react to this milestone. Who can blame them? One family’s diaper budget can equal the gross domestic product of a small Pacific Rim nation. But sometimes maybe parents want too desperately for the independent potty to come. So they turn to science, or more to the point, weird-ass inventions.

The Potty Pony

For the tyke who needs to defecate on the go, this horse shaped toilet teaches your kid to poop and also a healthy disdain for nature’s creatures. If this one works out for you, I just wouldn’t take junior to a petting zoo thereafter.

Potty Monkey

Who knows more about poop than monkeys? Oddly enough, this do-gooding monkey doesn’t want to teach your child to fling her feces, but rather deposit it in the bowl. Potty monkey insists your kid take him potty, and if they resist, monkey gets agitated. And that when the feces flinging begins.

Potty Mate

You know what will get your kids over their toilet fear? Talking toilet paper. The Potty Mate seeks to give your child encouragement when he reaches for the roll. I could use one of these. Instead of potty time encouragement (I am pretty good at that now, thank you) it could give me more specified approbation. “Hey, it looks like your hair isn’t thinning as rapidly before. Way to go!” OR “Don’t listen to them, 31 isn’t too old to start a hard-core thrash metal band.”

Potty Targets

These must be the most sensible gadget on the list. Put ‘em in the toilet and your boy plays William Tell with a quiver full of urine. Just make sure you don’t leave the extra targets just lying around.

Want More? Check it out.

More by this author:

7 Classic Kid's TV Shows Clearly Conceived on (Bad) Acid

5 Reasons Breast Feeding Isn’t That Great (and 5 Reasons Why It Is)

My Daughter Wants A Penis

The 26 Most Disturbing Kids Movies Ever

I Want To Be the "Urine Whisperer"

Adrienne Martini — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 19:00:00 GMT

My oldest kid took for-ev-er to get a handle on using the potty. Pee was no problem. It was the big P that seemed to flummox her. We tried everything. Encouragement. Bribes. Threats. Still - she did what she always does, which is wait until she was good and ready, then figured it out in two seconds. It drove us into fits. It'll be different with Kid Number Two. Why?

Because we have taken on Dr. P's philosophy, which is, in a nutshell, don't freak out. Want to do the EC route? Great -- just don't freak out. Want to wait until the kid initiates it himself? Great -- just don't freak out. Want to practice the Vulcan mind-meld of poop? Great -- just don't freak out.

So far, Kid Number Two, who is almost 3, shows no signs of giving one crap about using the pot. We continue to not fr...you get the idea. I'll let you know how it works out -- but suspect that he'll come to grips with it when he's good and ready.

Top Ten Awareness Month Candidates--Save July!

Kelly Mills — Sat, 31 May 2008 14:31:00 GMT

I wanted to raise awareness about a very important issue. While looking into the fact that June is Potty Training Awareness month, I discovered something tragic. While we are just finishing National Teen Self-Esteem month and Hepatitis Awareness month in May, and are looking forward to International Men's month, National Safety month, and Children's Awareness month (aware that they exist?) in June, it's going to be a slow slog after that. Because July, as it turns out, is hardly gonna make anyone aware of anything at all! While most of the other months, weeks, and days of the year are so jam packed with awareness that you can hardly tell which end is up, July only has, like, Family Reunion month and Herbal and Prescription Awareness month going for it. (Hmm, are those two only coincidentally linked?)

So I think it's time we call attention to this by nominating some things for July to cover. Here's the top ten candidates for an Awareness month.

1. National My Boobs Belong to the Baby Now month

2. Don't Make Me Come Up There and Get You Awareness month

3. Legalize Heroin month

4. National I'm Sorry My Kid Taught Your Kid a Bad Word month

5. Next Time Flag That "NSFW" Awareness month

6. When I Try and Spoon You Roll Away Awareness month

7. Zombies Were People Too, Once month

8. National Sore In My Mouth From Biting My Lip That Swelled Up So I Keep Biting It and It Won't Heal month

9. Go Easy On the Prunes, Tiger Awareness month

and of course,

10. Awareness Month Awareness month.

Sabrina the Teenage Witch Is Potty Training

Kelly Mills — Fri, 30 May 2008 22:03:00 GMT

I don't mean to interrupt your Friday evening plans or anything, but before the weekend I just had to make sure you got this very important piece of news. Melissa Joan Hart, who played Sabrina the Teenage Witch, has signed on to do an online journal and video diary about her son Mason's potty training. While the phrase "teamed up with Pull Ups" might sound the death knell for a showbiz career, I'm sure Hart doesn't feel that way about it at all. And after all, it is in honor of (really) Potty Training Awareness Month. And you thought June was Whack Yourself in the Forehead With a Big Stick Awareness Month!

But this is sort of priceless: In a statement, Hart said, "When Mason first showed signs that he was ready to use the potty, my husband and I were really excited and--more than anything--proud." Um, really? Proud? I mean, I know when our kids use the toilet we say things like, "I'm so proud of you. That's such a big kid thing to do." But I sort of thought that was the kind of bullshit we spout as parents, along with "No, mommy isn't angry you spilled that" and "I'm sorry, but in this house we only eat one dessert." It's pooping in a toilet, not a Nobel prize. But I probably can't talk, because when my kid potty trained, my overwhelming feeling was vindication--hey, it was totally worth it to enroll her in that somewhat expensive preschool because they did all the potty training work for me.

Is there homework at poop school?

Magic underwear: Long live Underoos!

One bathroom provides life lessons

Via Jezebel

Is There Homework at Poop School?

Madeline Holler — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 19:26:00 GMT

Who here has ever had their potty training efforts thwarted by the sudden, unexpected and unneccessarily loud flush of an automatic toilet? (Meeeeeeee!) There my kid was balanced carefully atop what appeared to be a six-foot-high bowl of porcelein when, out of nowhere, the earth shook, water gushed, all so forcefully it created an draft that no doubt made her feel she was about to be sucked in. Screams! Tears! Even her big sister was moving in to save her from the fate of the toilet monsters.

Annnnd, we we were back in diapers.

Things worked out eventually (so to speak), but apparently we were some of the lucky ones. An automatic flushing incident launched a two-year battle for another mom and her daughter, who, only after attending "poop school" in Boston, was finally able to live the carefree life of a girl in all-cotton Dora briefs.

Poop school was a six-week program that has helped at least 450 kids to finally go on the potty. Most kids are holding back (and many are holding in! Most wind up at the school due to constipation) because they've become afraid -- either from a scary incident or parental control or whatever.

From CNN.com

[The nurse] uses books, music and art to help the students overcome their fear of using the toilet. She helps them set small, realistic goals. For instance, she said, week one involved just sitting on the toilet for five minutes. She encourages positive reinforcement and simple rewards such as extra playtime with Mom or Dad.

One mom said it was like going to Betty Ford, as she finally had the chance to talk about her own potty training issues (anger, etc.).

Anybody try poop school for their kids? Did it work? Is it true: no one ever goes to Kindergarten in diapers? I feel like someone's got a story out there that dashes that received wisdom.

One Bathroom Provides Life Lessons

Adrienne Martini — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 18:28:00 GMT

Want to bring your family closer together? The path to bonding isn't through elaborate vacations or structured playdates. No, all you need to do is move into a house with only one bathroom.

There is something about having to share such an intimate space that really does lend itself to knowing each other better. And those who've done the potty training boogie know that some of the best conversations you have with your toddler are those chats you start to keep him on the pot until he pees.

Still, I can't help but wonder where it will all lead. Would you be an even stronger family unit if you lived in the Geico house? Do loft dwellers know their kids better? Should we all be relocated to homes that are only seven-feet wide? And is it wrong that I still dream of my own private spa/WC/steam room (with WiFi and a barista) that only I have the key for?

Photo credit: doityourself.com

He Wore A Raspberry Bidet, the Kind You Find in a Secondhand Store

makeitadouble — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 22:01:00 GMT

Kids not only say the darndest things, but they do them as well which makes them natural comedians. I normally tend to favor a more cerebral brand of toddler humor like when my son confuses anatomy, gender and bed wear with lines like, “Boys have a penis, girls have a pajama.” but there’s a lot to be said for the slapstick variety of physical comedy stylings unintentionally caused by a child’s indefatigable drive to force the proverbial square peg into the round hole, or in the case of two-year old Max Cole his head into a plastic potty training seat.

Moments after young Max said to his mother, “Do you like my new hat?” he had to change the statement to, “Do you like my new Elizabethan Pet Collar?” because the potty seat was stuck firmly around his neck. Despite her best efforts Max’s mother could not pry the toilet seat back over his head and was thus forced to call the fire department who used a hacksaw to safely free the boy.

When a toddler gets a toilet seat stuck on his head and the fire department has to saw it off the jokes pretty much just write themselves. However I have a deadline and I can’t wait around for jokes to write themselves so I wrote them instead.

Here are my Top 10 One-Liners about Two-Year Old Max Cole who got a plastic potty training seat stuck around his neck. (Please award me the appropriate points for not using the line “Urine Trouble” or the term Shit Head.)

1. After the three-hour ordeal Max was completely wiped out.
2. Max was beginning to think that this is not what his father meant when he used the phrase “Hit the Head”.
3. Just like many other kids at the playground Max wanted a bowl cut but something felt wrong about this.
4. It wasn’t so much that it wouldn’t come off, what bothered Max the most was that he was going to have to legally change his name to John.
5. If there was a secret to getting a potting training toilet seat off your head, it was something Max wasn’t privy to.
6. While Max’s mother continued to knock on the bathroom door, Max realized he was running out of excuses to stall her.
7. As the emergency workers sawed the toilet seat from his neck all that Max felt was relieved.
8. Sure Max could have been embarrassed about getting a toilet seat stuck to his head, but instead he decided to roll with it.
9. Even though Max’s mother wanted to tell all her friends about his “accident” he insisted she keep a lid on it.
10. After the ordeal was over Max felt like he had gotten a load off his shoulders.

(Honorable mention: Though the seat fit over his head easily when he was a one-year old Max suddenly realized that he didn’t have a going problem, he had a growing problem.)

(Photo Credit: www.theargus.co.uk)

If This Came With A Red Sox Logo I'd Buy It

makeitadouble — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Lately, the subject of potty training and changing time golden showers have been a hot topic here in the hallowed halls of Strollerderby U. Professor Murphy has outed herself as a Potty Training School Dropout (No graduation day for you. Potty Training School Dropout, missed your midterms and flunked pee and poo) while Professor Holler questioned the necessity of a super absorbent codpiece intended to thwart the little squirt’s little squirt during a diaper change. I even went so far as to extol the virtues of a Japanese potty training video starring animated tigers and a talking toilet as the denouement to any parent’s potty training efforts with their children.

Many parents get to a point on the subject of potty training where they feel like 19th Century U.S. Patent Office Commissioners mumbling to themselves that, “Everything that can be invented, has been invented” but then along comes a product that promises results and once again hope springs eternal.

Parenting products website Munchkin is tapping into the fanaticism around the Super Bowl and the NCAA March Madness to introduce their All Star Potty Seat with four cool sports designs to choose from; football, basketball, soccer and baseball. Yet aside from imprinted design on the seat making it appear to be a football, basketball, soccer ball or baseball with a hole in it, I just don’t understand how this seat is any different from any other potty training seat, how it makes potty training fun or how it makes potty training easy for all sports lovers. “Sweetie, do you have to go potty?” “NO!” “You’ll get to poop into the middle of a soccer ball….” “Then YES I do have go potty because that sounds fun and easy.” I just don’t see it.

However what I do see though is a missed opportunity to capitalize on what would really make this product fun and perhaps easy, but definitely fun and that is rivalry. Nothing drives sports more than team rivalries and nothing would be more fun for me as a bitter Yankee fan than to teach my youngest son how to relieve himself on the potty using a Boston Red Sox seat. Hell, I’d buy one for myself if they came in adult sizes.

Chicago Bears Fans, tell me you wouldn’t potty train your children using a Green Bay Packers Cheese Head. Hey Washington Redskins Nation, can I interest you in a Dallas Cowboy Star for your children to make “mistakes” on? Duke Blue Devil alumni would buy stock in training seats that resembled the North Carolina Tar Heels Ram Mascot.

If this product already exists though, someone please send me the link to the site. My son’s potty training age and pitchers and catchers report to camp in two weeks.

[Photocredit: www.munchkin.com]