Strollerderby : parenting bloggers

Strollerderby Playdate: Hanging With a Messy Loh Life

Madeline Holler — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Just back from a playdate with writer/performer Sandra Tsing Loh and her two kids. Between us, their place is a pit! Clothes everywehere and they had this strange color-coded dishware system, which, I'm pretty sure, kept her off the hook for actually washing them but once a week.

No judgment, though. She's solo household-heading for the next two years. Her husband, a musician and their home's main source of cleaning and cooking, got a temporary gig with Bette Middler's show in Las Vegas. Instead of moving the whole family from Southern California to Sin City, they're doing the long-distance daddy thing. Hence, the pigsty.

Truthfully, I'm not big on clean, neat and tidy either. And, like Loh, I've never had the 50-50 argument with my husband about the chores since my skills (and interest) in that area are totally inferior to his. "If you're going to do something, do it right or don't do it!" is his mantra. Agreed! Here's the mop.

Loh and I both shared a good laugh over Bitch Ph.d's approach to equalizing housework in her home: narrating the wiping of tables, the cooking of dinner, the neatening of floors to the very smallest detail, including passive-aggressive "Oh, I see that X and Y need to be done. Now I shall do X and Y."

Standards. Who needs them! Now pass me my green plate, Sandra, I'm refilling my snacks.

Strollerderby Playdate: Because 8 Wasn't Enough

Madeline Holler — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 12:15:00 GMT

What is wrong with these people? One woman, along with her husband and five kids (yes, five), invited her sister, brother-in-law and their 2.5 kids (baby to hatch soon) to come and live with them, together, under one roof. "Temporarily." (I know.)

This "temporary" arrangement has been going along for at least a year now and I don't see any posts of scratched-out eyes or lawyers or anything. Just lots and lots of names of kids which I'm pretty sure even the grown-ups don't actually remember. The bloggers provide a nice cheat-sheet of the cast for the rest of us.

Besides being the premise of a great reality show, for those of us who don't relate to the women of Orange County, there's some real drama, here. Amy, for one, is a bit jealous of her sister Keri at the moment. Also, one of the boys is autistic (and spending six months in a hospital away from home.) How do you get through those kinds of challenges without feeling exposed, even if it is your sister? Also, who's actually the boss -- there's always a boss, right?

The two acknowledge that it's not always great. Here's how they seem to make it work. (1) the house has eight bedrooms. (God, where is this? A plantation in the antebellum South?) (2) the sisters seem really nice. (3) the sisters are ignoring their mother's advice to them as children and not expressing every damn problem they have with each other. They're really sucking it up. (4) they recognize the fact that they have FREE BABYSITTING. (Actually, maybe that was ME who recognized it. Wonder if my sister wants to move in ...)

So Amy and Keri of Who Else Wants to Live In My House are today's playdate. If they have room. And enough snacks to share.

Oh, oh, one more playdate surprise: that sister Amy? She's totally Strollerderby's Amy Lutz! No secrets now (like she had any living with 11 other people?)!

Strollerderby Playdate: The Awful Blog I Can't Stop Reading

Madeline Holler — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 12:32:00 GMT

How can it be that I am a regular reader of this blog? I mean, you could hardly call it a blog -- she posts only once or twice a month, it's not terribly interesting, it's surrounded by ads for gentle yet overpriced baby laundry detergent that you don't even need.

And it's her! Her! I don't even like her! I am not interested in her! I do nothing but criticize and disagree with her. I didn't watch her on TV before and, now that she's back, I still don't. I won't! Yet, I read her blog. I check it for updates, feel let down when there are none. I find myself identifying with her truly mundane stories and smiling at -- and I mean this in the rudest ways -- the very unfunny funny things she strains to write. Please, what is wrong with me?

Somehow, I have let Elisabeth Hasselbeck get under my skin and into the heart of my web browser. Bafflingly, I don't consider the three minutes I put in each month checking out her posts -- she doesn't even have links or games or a photo album to look through! -- wasted time. How could I? I love reading it! But shouldn't I hate myself a little more for loving it? Shouldn't I want to soak in a tub of scalding hot water and gentle Dreft soap bubbles?

It's like the playgroup I go to again and again. The membership is dwindling, the only mom who shows up is the one you have nothing in common with. Nothing! But I keep going -- once or twice a month -- to not connect, to not agree, to not enjoy. Why go? Why not.

Strollerderby Playdate: Sometimes You Feel Like a Blog, Sometimes You Don’t

Madeline Holler — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 11:02:00 GMT

Don’t get me wrong, I love blogging for Strollerderby. Instead of reacting to the day's news with long-winded diatribes delivered to my confused 2-year-old, I get to post them for grown-ups who might actually give a rip. And something about blogging makes me want to read even more blogs than I had before, which is just a fun, fun thing to get to do “for work.” You know?

But I’m an essay writer at heart. Though I love the snappy, instant reactions of bloggers, there’s nothing more satisfying than sinking my web browser into a carefully shaped piece with characters and dialogue and a beginning, middle and end. So while I’m keeping up with my regulars in blogland, I also make sure to stop in for the daily, monthly and quarterly updates on my favorite essay sites.

Of course, Babble sets the bar for fine essays on parenting, and I mean that even if the editors had never seen fit to publish a single piece of mine. I don’t care if the new essay is about allergies, or Maisy or a woman who’s way into her OB (eww!), I read anything over there in the columns and features sections from start to finish and it’s always a good read (if not a little creepy).

Moving on ... here you can usually find good writing, especially from the regular columnists. There’s the single mom who moved in too quickly with a new boyfriend and she writes alllllllll about it. There's also a scholar who hauled her husband and three kids to Africa for a year (husband didn’t like it so much).

This site has been on a racism jag lately and boy does it make me squirm -- a good thing. The writing isn’t always in essay form and isn't always so serious, but it’s always bold, frank and thoughtful.

While this site’s layout confuses me every time I visit, there are essays buried in it somewhere. Just click around until you find what you want.

I also make stops here, though they pull frequently from the archive, and here, where they feature writing by Babble's "motherhoodlum" star Emily Wagner.

Finally, this one will eat up your afternoons at work, so be careful. While the writing isn’t usually parent focused, who cares. I’m not always parent focused either.

The Key to a Successful Parenting Blog: Don't Take Yourself too Seriously

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 14:34:00 GMT

The Birmingham News says that the best mom and dad blogs don't take themselves too seriously. I concur. Most of the parenting blogs that I read regularly lean toward the self-deprecating and sarcastic. This article named a couple of blogs that I'm sure everyone is familiar with (Dad Gone Mad, Breed 'em and Weep, Suburban Turmoil) and points out that you can tell just from the name that these people aren't afraid to laugh at themselves.

In my humble opinion (see, there is that sarcasm again) parenting is a tough job. It is a great job, but it is 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and let's face it - kids can be frustrating. If we weren't laughing at ourselves, we would probably be crying. Plus, no two children are the same (even twins) and those parents who are convinced that their way is the only way bug the shit out of us. Nobody likes a know-it-all. And so far nothing has convinced me that In don't really know anything as much as my daughter has. And she is not even three years old yet. I can't wait until she is a teenager.

The Parenting Conversation: Why Time Magazine Piece on "Hip Parents" Gets It Wrong

thezeroboss — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 12:09:00 GMT

I know that my fellow Derby-ers have already run roughshod over Time magazine's hit piece on Babble and so-called "hip parenting". Goddess knows that the damn "hip parenting" and "grup" memes perpetuated by monolithic media are wearing thin on my soul. I guess I'm too much of a narcissist to let the story go by without chipping in my own two cents.

Near the middle of his piece, author James Poniewozik states: "The Howl of this movement is Neal Pollack's new memoir Alternadad." That comment is so fallacious as to border on dishonesty. Is Poniewozik unaware that Pollack's book sparked something of a mini-riot among Babble's readers and editorial staff? Or is he aware of it, but fears that pointing it up will spoil his narrative about the hipper-than-thou parent?

In branding his piece "Too Cool for Pre-school," Poniewozik wants his readers to believe that all "hip parents" are cut from the same cloth. And that's the problem with that absurd label. Few of us are trying to be "hip." What we are is "offbeat". Nontraditional. Postmodern. We are urban parents. We are crunchy granola parents, attachment parenting parents, environmentalist parents. We are rock 'n roll parents. We are stay at home or work at home parents. We are gay, lesbian, bi and transgendered parents. We are nothing more or less than parents who, in some fashion, defy the traditional image of uptight cardigan-wearing Donna Reed clones who are perpetually alienated from modern culture.

And you wanna know something? We all - gasp! - like to talk to each other.

We enjoy sharing our experiences online. Why? Simple: because big media properties like Poniewozik's employer have ignored us for years. With the explosion of the Internet and the blogosphere, we found a way to bypass the sugary sweetness and commercial plasticity of crap publications like Parents magazine, and directly connect with one another. For the first time, we were part of the parenting conversation; we had an outlet; we were no longer marginalized.

Does that make parental blogging "about us," and not about our kids? Of course. But all narrative writing is about the author, and his or her unique window on the world. The same can be said about the work of David Sedaris. Or Augusten Burroughs. (And I would hope that the irony of Poniewozik writing an opinion piece dissing on other people's narcissism is not lost on him.)

Poniewozik is right on one score: some of the worst writing and blogging in this genre is so much navel-gazing. I've decried that trend myself. But therein lies the value of community. We all keep one another in check. The best parenting bloggers don't simply tell stories about their kids: like this recent posting by Dooce, they tell stories that serve as flash-points for conversation. And damn, do we conversate. We bicker; we debate; we call each other on our bullshit. We do more - much more - than marvel at the precious miracle of our little Boopsie's first steps. We debate hot-topic issues like cervical cancer vaccines for teens, whether vaccinations cause autism, sex education, the grief of parents with stillborn children, and the merits and demerits of the family bed. We share tips on how to save money, spend more time together, and be better parents in general.

Pollack's book was a noticeable flash-point in our recent history. But such debates happen on Babble and around the blogosphere every week, if not every day. And that's what gets lost in one-dimensional, buzzword-heavy pieces like the Time article. Offbeat parenting on the Internet isn't a monologue, as Poniewozik depicts it. It's a conversation - a conversation that bequeaths upon us an embarrassment of riches. Move over, Dr. Spock: we have more information about good parenting at our fingertips than our own parents ever hoped to possess.

Why so many in the mainstream news media are so het up about that is beyond me. Then again, people react in bizarre ways when you threaten their monopoly on dialogue.