Strollerderby : mommy makeover

Happy Mother's Day Fatso!

Brett Singer — Thu, 08 May 2008 20:00:00 GMT

If you want to ensure that the mother of your children – or even your own mother! – never speaks to you again, do I have some gift ideas for you!

Wii Fit / Brain-Age

Wal-mart is advertising the new Wii Fit game as a great Mother's Day gift. A German retailer is offering a gift package including flowers (good), a Nintendo DS (okay, if Mom likes games), and Brain Age to help mom exercise her aging mind (um….). So maybe get Wii Fit for your wife and the brain-training package for Gramma, right?

My guess is that this is only a good idea if you have ever wondered what it would be like to have a video game system shoved down your throat.

Mommy Makeover (Plastic Surgery)

Nothing says "Thanks for giving birth to our beautiful children" like a gift certificate for plastic surgery. Hey, why not get that pre-pregnancy body back the easy way? You look like hell, honey, and I really think you'd be happier – and let's face it, so would I – if you just bit the bullet and got a breast lift, tummy tuck and had that cellulite sucked out of you with a vacuum cleaner. Happy Mother's Day!

Or you could just get a necklace or something. You know, your call.

So, in all seriousness, did anyone ever get you a Mother's Day present that seemed inappropriate? Like, a bowling ball, even though you don't bowl (but your husband does)? Or have you ever given a Mother's Day gift that you wish you hadn't?

images: amommymakeover.com, stuff.co.nz

Kid's Guide to Mommy's Plastic Surgery

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 23:32:00 GMT

It has already been well established that women's bodies post-baby are utterly disgusting stretched out bags of goo. After all, the Mommy Makeover is big business and MILF-ism is where it's at.

Finally someone has written a book to help young children explain Mommy's bandages!

Author Dr. Michael Salzhauer, a board-certified plastic surgeon, wrote the book "My Beautiful Mommy" to help explain Mommy's new flat tummy and prettier nose. Assuming one is on board with teaching kids that women need surgery to be acceptable (because you aren't ok if you're not beautiful like a MILF), imagine the crop of young girls with eating disorders we're creating here. Imagine the straight boys who will be trained to hate any woman who isn't young, firm, and pretty.

Mommy makeovers are increasingly popular (the combination tummy tuck and breast augmentation), and the good doctor saw an increasing number of women coming into his offices children in tow. So writing this book was a service.

How else would one explain Mommy's inability to lift anything or her need to stay in bed, or her self-hatred?

What's next here: “My Very Trim & Pretty Mama” about a mama who throws up to stay thin? Also, what about all the fluffy Daddies out there? Don't they deserve surgery too?

Post-Partum Must-Have: The Mommy Makeover

Karen Murphy — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 17:28:00 GMT

There's a new "mother's little helper" in town, and it isn't drugs. Nope, it's surgery and lots of it, because those badges of motherhood have turned into badges of shame and if you're the one caught without a tummy tuck then you won't get invited to the party. That's right, everybody needs a "mommy makeover."

As much as I acknowledge my own struggles with body image and secretly want the $30,000 surgery trifecta of tummy tuck/lipo/breast lift, it peeves me no end that something as drastic as surgery, as this blatant non-acceptance of one's own body in whatever shape it happens to be in, has become so pervasive.

So it's not the fact that women are flocking to plastic surgeons in droves for this sort of thing (the rate rose 11% for women ages 20-29 from 2005-2006) that bothers me, it's the fact that now it's sort of expected. Sure, we may poke fun at the extremes taken by the Real Housewives of of Orange County, but at the same time we want to be them, want the sort of surface perfection we see in them.

Oh, and here's the other thing that irks me. Its not only for themselves that women are willingly going under the knife in multiple procedures to re-create their bodies as if to proclaim they never had kids, but they are doing it to please someone else: the husbands. In describing one woman's experience: 'As for her husband, that's a no-brainer. "He loves it."'

Would you consider having surgery to erase the toll of motherhood? Or have you already?