Strollerderby : mommy blogger

5 Exercises To Tackle the "Mom-Flap" Challenge

Kelly Mills — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 14:02:00 GMT

You know of this mom-flap? A.k.a. the spare tire, the c-section remnant roll, the muffin top. Crabmommy, who coined the term, is tired of hers and she has issued a challenge. Five minutes of abdominal exercises daily to banish the flap for good. She put out a call to her readers, and is now on week two, but not especially happy with how it's all going. And this is where a sister wants to help a sister out.

Yeah, I'm a fitness dork and a personal trainer, so I figured it'd be good to share some evil moves and a little strategy towards her goal. But first, I really, really have to emphasize something, even though it already came up in the comments thread.

You can't spot tone. Well, actually you can, but no one will see the fruits of your hard work if there is a layer of fat over the newly strengthened muscles. And the way to get rid of fat? There's a few, but most involve a combination of cardio exercise (running, biking, swimming, etc.) and nutritional choices. Oh, and for many of us, walking 20 minutes a day is not going to be sufficient for our goals. See, many of us hold fat in our hips and thighs, and many of us hold it around our middle, and wherever you hold it, it'll be the first fat to come back and the last to go. Sorry. Life's a bitch.

But that doesn't mean you should neglect the ab set, cuz stronger abs help your cardio and your whole damn life. It's your core strength. baby. So here's five minutes of hard core. And one more thing: Since lots of us don't get the aesthetic results we want, especially in the time frame we'd like, I am a big fan of setting stuff up so you also get to see your strength progress. It's positive feedback, and I sure need it.

Sooo, I'd do these exercises for time. See how many reps you can do, and try and shoot for more reps each week, or increase your time. Oh, and ask your doctor first, and never even think of suing me because I have NO money. And if you have diastasis recti (and you probably know it because you'll see a ridge or feel a separation between your abs) then really, go for a specialized program.

1. Do 30 seconds of full sit ups. If you can't do any, try having someone hold your feet. Work up to doing them with no one holding your feet. You can also use a weighted ball and bring your arms overhead while you lay flat, then use the momentum to help you get up. I know sit ups aren't in vogue, but hey, do the Pilates version if you can then. I still like them because you can crank them out fast, elevate your heart rate, and have lots of variations (while holding weight, slow, fast, legs flat, decline, and so on.)

2. Do 30 seconds of bicycle crunches. Bring your knee to your opposite elbow while you extend the other leg; then switch in a cycling motion. You should feel it in your obliques. It should be hard, and as fast as you'd go if you were actually cycling. Make it hurt. Yeah.

3. Do 30 seconds of straight leg lifts. Lay flat, and put your hands, palms down, under your back where your booty starts to support your back. Keeping your legs straight, bring them up to a 90 degree angle, then lower them almost to the floor. If this hurts your lower back, try bending your knees and decreasing the range of motion.

Repeat 1, 2, and 3.

4. Do 10 push ups, or as many push ups as you can. From your feet. Yes it is hard at first, and yes, it works your arms, but Crabmommy suggested it and I love the idea because you do have to hold your core tight for these. Consider the 100 push up challenge.

5. Hold plank for one minute. You can do this from the top of the push up position, or from your forearms. Abs tight. Have someone check you to make sure you are flat like a board, and not dipping your hips down or sticking your booty in the air. Add ten seconds every week if you can. Try side plank on alternate days for a super good time.

Extra credit: If you have a pull up bar or are at the park and see some monkey bars handy, hang from the bar and bring your knees up to your chest; then lower your legs sloooowly to avoid swinging and do the next rep without touching the ground in between. Go for 15. 20. Do the side version too. Have fun. This one is great for some folks with bad backs who have trouble with lower ab stuff.

Now go forth and dare people to punch you in the gut.

Parenting: What's In It For Me?

Kelly Mills — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 16:07:00 GMT

You know, when you decide to make the plunge into parenthood, there's likely some hidden expectation about what having kids was going to do for you. I think I had some weird romantic notion about becoming a gentle earth mother serenely rocking my sleeping infant as I finally understood all the mysteries of the universe. Of course, I now look back on my child's infancy and can count the serene moments on zero fingers. I mean, really. Colic. Sigh. The only mystery I wrestled with was how any one child could make such a horrific noise for so damn long.

Anyhow, I thought of this when I read this excellent post on the Alpha Mummy blog, which I clearly liked alot. She lists some great benefits of parenting, like realizing that everything in the whole world is a phase (we'll even be able to say goodbye to Crocs one day!), and developing a work ethic that would make the driven pre-kid you look like a total slouch. So anyhow, what did you get out of becoming a parent?

Working women wisdom

Ten Childish (and Childless Things)

Open Letter of the Month: Dear PR People...

Kelly Mills — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 22:35:00 GMT

Greetings PR people!

First, let me say I'm so glad you love the site, I appreciate that compliment. And I know your job can't be all easy, sending e-mails to bloggers and not knowing if you will be well-received or if some rogue is gonna mock the product or event you are pitching, though I suppose publicity is publicity. So let me just say a couple things and you can take or leave it, but I do mean this kindly.

First, I should warn you that I'm not such a fan of receiving e-mails that start, "Dear Mommy Blogger." I know many are fine with that term, but even my kid doesn't call me mommy (I'm "mama") so there you go. And believe it or not, we actually have real live men working here who have spawned children, and while some of them are better mothers than I'll ever be, it might behoove you to address your stuff using the more inclusive "parent blogger" or even (gasp) the name of our blog.

Same goes for products you think are a "mother's best friend" or "a boon to moms everywhere" or whatever. We like the dads here, and we'd like to think dads everywhere are participating in childrearing. Sticking with just the moms is limiting your market. Also, telling us your product was invented by a mom or moms is fine, but you should know that does not put you in the minority at this point, so it's kinda lost the selling power.

Now, some parent bloggers like it when you demonstrate you read the blog by mentioning a post or two. I don't care so much about that myself, but if you do plan to do this, double check your e-mail to avoid sending something that literally says "I like your post on x" because it wouldn't be the first time someone forgot to fill in the blank and it makes us all feel silly. The faux-friendly tone sometimes is a little grating too: I like it when you get to the point without pretending we snuggle each other. And it should probably go without saying that a somewhat sexist riff on a cleaning product or stereotyped site mommies will adore or a kit for clueless dads is probably not going to be well-received. I mean, send us things by all means, but some of this is just fair game for us.

Finally, it's great that Gwyneth Paltrow uses your solid gold rattle or JLo is gaga over your high thread count wipes, but that is not such a selling point for me personally. All it says to me is that you sent out free stuff to celebrities, and don't they already have enough free stuff? Now, if you told me you donated a hundred of whatever you are pitching to needy parents, that might sway me. Celebs? Not so much.

Anyhow, have a great day, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Kelly

In Defense of Judgmental Mothers

Madeline Holler — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 16:26:00 GMT

She takes a lot of crap, Judgmental Mother. Or maybe you know her as Sanctimommy or, more generically, “that asshole who offered unsolicited parenting advice.”

Andi over at “Poot and Cubby” (would it be judgmental to say that blog name makes me shudder?), calls Judgmental Mother “HOB” -- Hateful, Opinionated Bitch or, alternately, Horribly Obnoxious Bitch. And Andi runs in to HOB everywhere. Understandably, Andi thinks she's a real menace.

Not only does HOB judge Andi for dressing her child too warmly (typical HOB), she thinks the baby is going to fall out of the sling (typical aging HOB). I don’t need to recount the details, because you have your own experiences with the gal (or, sometimes, guy). We all do.

For me, she told me my baby would suffocate in a sling, while I strolled through the airport; he said that my 1-year-old needed shoes (didn’t notice the double-layer of socks) one cold spring day in D.C. She proclaimed my 2-year-old ready to use the potty (I was changing her diaper at the science center), and that I shouldn’t highlight a 4-year-old’s hair (we don’t. Good genes.)

I seethed about these incidents loooooong after they happened. (And for any of you who had to hear my rant – real sorry. I must have seemed a tad defensive.) But that was then. I’m sure I’ve been HOBed loads since, but somewhere along the line, it stopped bothering me. And I actually think – from a much broader perspective – is kind of cool if not a little misdirected.

Recently, a parent at my daughter’s preschool cried, “oh, aren’t you chilly!” to my toddler, who was wearing a skirt without tights and quite possibly a short-sleeved shirt. In December, sure, but it’s Los Angeles County. She’s a cold-weather kid by heritage, so 67 degrees doesn’t merit the parka and multiple layers of her native peers. Anyway, the morning shirt battle is one we stopped waging months ago so if it's February and you see spaghetti straps, you'll understand. In any case, I smiled at the lady and signed my daughter in.

I’m pretty sure I would have been savagely pissed off at the self-badged sweater cop had this happened early in my mothering career. But I gotta tell you. Right now? Nearly 7 years and two kids into it? I could give a shit less. In fact, I’m oddly comforted.

So the lady had never seen a bare-legged kid withstand Southern California's punishing winter weather. She spoke up! I kind of like that. Maybe she’ll speak up too if she sees something shitty going on at that preschool (which, except for drop-off hours and monthly tuition, I know soooo little about). Maybe she’ll look out for my kid in other situations, not just wardrobe ones, like if a teacher is mean to her or if she’s pissed herself and not immediately changed.

A person who butts into someone’s business regarding socks or slings or snowsuits – or breastfeeding or immunizations or signs of autism -- would certainly say something to a parent slapping around kids at the mall. It takes a loud-mouthed, judgmental, butting-in type to want to call someone out on a perceived danger with the big stuff. Sometimes (often?), they’re going to cross a line in the smaller, none-of-their-business stuff too.

I’d rather cheer on the one and just smile ignore the other. I'm not saying we should usher them in as True American Heroes. I'm just saying there is something good below all that undermining. So I won't let it get to me. I've got enough to make me angry. You know, like my kids.

Strollerderby Playdate: Mom Stealer

Kelly Mills — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 11:01:00 GMT

Last week was my monogamous playdate with Mrs. Flinger, and lemme tell you, my love for her is eternal and please note in comments she did not edge nervously away, which just goes to show blogs are not like my real life at all. But I must shop around because I do this thing regularly, and since it's my job I hope you'll think of me less as a playdate slut and more as a playdate ho. So this week I decided to commit a sin in my playdateration. I'm trying to chomp on someone else's piece. I'm draping myself all over someone else's mommy blogger and pushing my cleavage in her face. (Colorful expressions, thanks.)

This week's hot playdate action is with Boobs, Injuries, and Dr. Pepper. For god's sake, she tells a story about a man running with penis in hand. What's not to like? And she says in her blurby blurb, "This is not a mommy blog. My kids aren't perfect & I cuss a lot." (To which I say, "Oh darlin', then you should see my fitness blog, cuz my ass ain't perfect and oh, the f-bombs...")

But the sleaziness of my dating comes from the fact that I sort of found her via Mommybloggers, where she was sort of already doing a playdate thing. But I don't let a little thing like having a blog date already stop me from going, "Hey, honey, what's your url?" You can say I'm a sleaze and a hater and a tramp, but you'll have to get in line, because when someone has a previous date it just makes them that much hotter to me. I like the hard-to-get ones. Besides, it's not like she wrote anything for me, I'm just talking to her, okay? So back off, jealous.

Strollerderby Playdate: Chi-Town, Represent!

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 11:02:00 GMT

Yes, we've covered some amazing Chicago mamas before and yes, we will do it again if only because I said so. After all, these world wide webs are ever-changing and we want y'all to keep up as much as you can in between Price is Right hosts. Now, I'm in search of some riotously funny dad bloggers from the Second City. If you know any of those papis, send them my way. Until then, have a margarita like they make 'em in Logan Square, an Italian ice like they scoop 'em up on Taylor Street, a falafel like they roll 'em up at Kimball and Lawrence, a cold pint like they serve 'em up in Wrigleyville, a soft serve like they swirl 'em near the HIP and say cheers to these Chi-town mamis:

Viva La Feminista - Cause yous love yous some activism.

Marketing Mommy - Cause yous needs brand development.

The View From Here - Cause yous need to see this.

A Mom's Life - Cause yous gotsta keep it real.

I Want a Little Sugar in My Bowl - Cause yous gotsta get you some sweetness.

Hormone-Colored Days - Cause yous had 'em too, right?

Strollerderby Playdate: Chores and Wars

Kelly Mills — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 11:02:00 GMT

People sometimes accuse blogs of covering only the most mundane stuff, like, "Then I went to the laundromat and I ran out of quarters" and of course, some of them are really like that. But power parent bloggers know there's funnies in the laundry. And the plumbing. And the power struggles over chores. Play with these folks and see.

White Trash Mom has a nine-year old's guide to blaming your sister for a mess.

Wiping Up Snot had plans for the splash park--and then got her own, right at home!

Adventures in Babywearing knows sometimes calling the yarn store constitutes an emergency.

The Queen of Shake-Shake uses laundry as an opportunity to teach her husband about the difference between boys and girls.

Three Kid Circus lives for grocery day.

Strollerderby Playdate: Mommy Blogger Power

Kelly Mills — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 11:05:00 GMT

Hey, did you know some of us went to BlogHer? Are you soooo sick of hearing about it? Do you put on your best Jan Brady voice and say, "BlogHer, BlogHer, BlogHer, why is everyone always talking about BlogHer?"

Well, I went, and liked it. There was a panel on mommybloggers (I haaate that term, too cutesy) and the panelists were smart and great and said sage things. Meanwhile these two yucksters kept me entertained with running commentary. So here's the next best thing to being there.

Her Bad Mother has a giant brain, and I love her now. And don't touch the scrunchie.

Cheeky Lotus answered all these, and reminded us that we blog and surf to combat our post partum depression.

Notes From the Trenches is always great, and her rundown is superb. Hmmm, doesn't she look familiar?

Can't wait till next year.

Strollerderby Playdate: Just Say No

Kelly Mills — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 11:05:00 GMT

Because everyone in my family has an obsessive, addictive personality--generations of us, folks--I fully expected the kid to be sniffing magic markers and sneaking chocolate by this point. So far, however, her natural fickleness appears to have saved her from being the kind of person who shouldn't touch heroin and who takes down an entire cake in two days. The blogosphere? Not so. Some people clearly have kids like me. Perhaps there was some mix-up at the hospital.

At Blonde Mom Blog, there's a little trouble with strawberry milk. Rehab was mentioned. Gawd, I love an intervention. We had 'em as often as Christmases.

Rockstar Mommy's angel may be drawn to bad men. Join the club, honey.

A Homer book is causing some drama at the Institutional Mouthpiece of Kjel. There's suspicions that bigger issues may be contributing. At least the li'l one still loves his bro.

Not That I Don't Love My Kids is taking a good, hard, funny look at some codependency. One day at a time, sister! I've been there too.

Strollerderby Playdate: Spring Cleaning

Kelly Mills — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 11:02:00 GMT

Uh, yeah, it's actually summer, but you know, we parents are generally running a little bit behind schedule. So July seems to be the month of spring cleaning, of purging and packing and reusing all kinds of crap. If you are so inclined to say "out with the old, in with the new," find solidarity amongst the bloggers.

If you are all for a big cleanse, join Tied Down With Battleship Chains for a full overhaul in Glad bags.

Or hit the closet with Mom to the Screaming Masses and get yourself some replacement clothes too.

Suburban Turmoil is staying with the in-laws, who need to replace old pillows with the new, or by god, they'll be forcibly replaced.

The Cheeky Lotus has new uses for old stuff, making Mom Camp rival Grandma Camp.

Giving Mom a Break on Father's Day

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Wed, 30 May 2007 15:33:00 GMT

Embezzlement. Stripping. Sodomy. Now there's a stress relief plan I can follow -- even if it wasn't meant for me at all. Tired of all those crappy "Take 5 for Mom" articles in every parenting magazine known to mom, Baby on Bored's Stephanie Wilder-Taylor offers a few alternatives.

Embezzle and go on vacation. Get a tattoo. Offer TV newsman Anderson Cooper a tip ... so to speak. And my personal favorite:

2. Punch Elisabeth Hasselbeck in the teeth.

Ahh, now there's the pause that refreshes. Well done, Stephanie. But I'm sure there's plenty more where that came from, right moms? What's your formerly unspoken stress relief?

Just please, oh please, don't let it involve singing "Wind Beneath My Wings."

Strollerderby Playdate: No Ordinary Laughs

Kelly Mills — Fri, 25 May 2007 11:01:00 GMT

Hey, being a parent isn't all fighting off 'razzi at red carpet premieres and bungee jumping out of a hot air balloon over the Grand Canyon in the middle of the night. Sometimes we write about the little things in day-to-day life that irk us or excite us or just feel bloggable. Here's some examples of how to funny-up the mundane.

The Institutional Mouthpiece of Kjell is all prepped to get himself into double trouble with coldness.

I am doing the best I can discovers what happened to all that mail.

The Hygiene Chronicles gets it on with Verizon. Bloggers relate.

Mothergoosemouse teaches some basic phone etiquette.

I don't know if A Little Chaos and Tied Down With Battleship Chains have kids on the same t-ball team, but boy, they both are making me real excited for the beginning of the season. And the latter is my new favorite angry person.

Strollerderby Playdate: Free Associate, Folks

Kelly Mills — Fri, 18 May 2007 11:01:00 GMT

I hate those free association tests and crap like that. I don't care how many reassurances I get that there's no "wrong" answer, I always feel like some secret psychotic side is going to be exposed, marking me as the next Dahmer. But I'm trying to be less Type-A and uptight, plus I'm short on themes right now, so let's take a rambling little journey through the parents blogs, making one carefree leap here, another one there... No, I'm not crazy!

Finslippy is going nuts over the kid-no-eat thing. I'm telling you, kids are either good eaters or good sleepers, but you rarely get both.

Speaking of eating turmoil, Paper Napkin knows that when it comes to weight loss, there's some seriously unequal stuff in the man-woman dynamic. I can relate.

All that food talk made me think of L.A. Daddy's super-cool recipe for octopus and seaweed. Hey, this isn't rambling at all! It's all food! I told you I suck at this.

But speaking of sealife, A Little Chaos lies about jellyfish. Therapy might be required. Now that was a good free association, wasn't it?

And while we are on the subject of therapy, the Sarcastic Journalist did not just hang herself. But she does mention popsicles, which brings us full circle to food and proves I'm about as one-note as they come. And I might have food issues. Sigh.

Honor Thy Mother: Mother's Day Blog Round-Up

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Sun, 13 May 2007 14:37:00 GMT

Happy Mother's Day!! The blogosphere is honoring mamas today with many fabulous outpourings and ruminations on the condition and experience of motherhood.

Her Bad Mother honors her mother with a touching remembrance of a time when her mama helped her overcome a terrible mistake and sorrow.

Sweetney is happy to have an entire weekend to celebrate herself and her loved ones.

Kristen's Real Mom Truths contest wraps up today (to see the winner go here) with a fabulous line-up of women being honest about motherhood.

Troll Baby comes clean about feeling motherless.

Redneck Mommy offers her usual blend of tenderness and humorous reflection

Stroller Derby's own Jessica Ashley with a sweet Sassafrass Mother's Day tribute

May each of you find peace and love today.

[Photo Credit: Her Bad Mother]